Healing from Your Spouse’s Pornography Addiction | My Story | How I Can Help You

Summary

In the video, Shaken Baby Mom shares her personal journey of healing from her husband's pornography addiction, offering hope and practical advice. Her story unfolds from discovering the addiction during dating, naively believing their marriage would solve it, to encountering challenging relapses. The turning point involved seeking help from their church and resources like Doug Weiss, emphasizing the importance of support and accountability. The creator stresses the significance of personal healing, independent of the spouse's recovery, and invites viewers to join her on a path towards emotional and spiritual well-being. Through prayer, dedication, and utilizing accountability tools, she illustrates how they navigated the tumultuous journey, posing her experience as a source of inspiration for others facing similar struggles.

Highlights

• Starting the journey with denial and naive optimism about the addiction 😟
• Realizing the addiction's profound impact on mental pathways 🧠
• Facing a challenging relapse during a hospital visit 😞
• Discovering support through church resources and accountability apps ⛪📱
• Emphasizing independent personal healing and spiritual growth 🧘‍♀️
• Daily commitment to prayer and communication in marriage 🙏❤️

Key Takeaways

• Healing requires both spiritual support and practical actions 🙏
• Accountability apps can provide needed structure 📱
• Personal healing is a journey separate from your partner's actions 🌱
• Community support amplifies recovery efforts 👥
• Daily dedication to prayer and intentional actions strengthens marriage 👫

Overview

Shaken Baby Mom opens up about the complex journey of confronting her husband's pornography addiction. Initially, she lived in denial during their dating phase, hoping marriage would magically end the struggle. However, the addiction revealed its grip, leading to significant challenges in their relationship, especially when a relapse occurred during a stressful hospital visit.

The couple's path to healing pivoted when they sought help beyond themselves. Church groups and accountability apps like Covenant Eyes became crucial. They embraced spiritual resources such as Doug Weiss's materials, which played a pivotal role in understanding and addressing the addiction. Through these tools, they built a supportive framework that required both accountability and community involvement.

Central to the healing process was recognizing the need for personal growth and spiritual grounding. Shaken Baby Mom realized that her well-being was independent of her husband's actions, prompting a focus on self-care and prayer. This daily commitment to both her personal journey and their marriage underscored the broader theme of resilience and faith-driven transformation.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction & Personal Story In the Introduction & Personal Story chapter, the author addresses women who are dealing with a spouse's addiction to pornography. The speaker refers to it as 'PE' to avoid explicit language, considering listeners who might have children around. The narrative begins with the personal experience of discovering a partner viewing inappropriate content, and sets the stage for sharing a personal story related to this issue.
• 00:30 - 01:00: Denial & Revelation The story begins with a woman sharing her journey with her husband, focusing on healing and growth with the aid of God. Before their marriage, she felt God revealed a word or message to her.
• 01:00 - 01:30: Struggles & Realization The protagonist reflects on their relationship with their husband during the dating phase, where they were in denial about his issues. Despite seeing him as a godly man, they realize later that many good men could have similar struggles. They attempted to manage the issue together, hopeful that he would quit on his own.
• 01:30 - 02:30: Relapse & Turning Point This chapter discusses the misconception of being able to easily overcome brain-related issues that require significant time and effort to address. It highlights how these issues affect neural pathways in the brain, complicating recovery. The characters initially believed that personal changes, such as marriage, would solve their problems, but they realize this assumption was misguided. The chapter serves as a turning point in understanding the complexity and persistence of their challenges.
• 02:30 - 03:00: Seeking Help & Resources The chapter titled 'Seeking Help & Resources' discusses a period in the narrator's life where they and their partner decided to address an issue, presumably related to pornography ('P issue'), by quitting cold turkey. However, they lacked any structured approach or external support, such as software for accountability, routines for prayer or devotion, or discussions with others for guidance. This unilateral approach without additional resources continued for about a year, during which they attempted to manage the situation independently.
• 03:00 - 04:00: Accountability & Overcoming Temptation The chapter focuses on the themes of accountability and overcoming temptation. It discusses struggles with addiction, particularly how hidden struggles can persist even if the visible issues seem resolved. The chapter touches upon the mental battles related to addiction and the emotional healing required for both the person struggling and their loved ones. The narrative involves a personal story of relapse, highlighting the ongoing challenges despite the desire to grow and heal.
• 04:00 - 05:00: Personal Growth & Healing In this chapter titled 'Personal Growth & Healing', the narrator shares a poignant story from their life, focusing on a significant and challenging event that marked their personal journey. They recount a difficult experience on their first wedding anniversary involving their daughter who suffered from severe disabilities due to shaken baby syndrome. During an overnight hospital visit with their daughter, the narrator's partner relapsed, though the specific triggers for the relapse remain unknown. The chapter likely delves into themes of dealing with trauma, understanding relapse, and the ongoing path of healing and personal growth amidst such trials.
• 05:00 - 06:00: Commitment & Continued Effort The chapter titled 'Commitment & Continued Effort' explores the challenges of dealing with stress and maintaining commitments, particularly in familial relationships. During a visit to the hospital, possibly due to stress, a relapse occurs, coinciding with a significant date – a one-year wedding anniversary. This personal turmoil is compounded by another emotional blow: the discovery that the narrator's daughter was placed on hospice care during the hospital visit. The narrator finds out about these two significant events in a deeply personal way, highlighting the emotional toll on the family and the continued effort needed to navigate such challenges.
• 06:00 - 07:00: Mission to Help Others The chapter titled 'Mission to Help Others' involves an account of unexpected discovery and reflection. The narrator talks about intending to make changes in a room to make it more comfortable. In the process, they come across unexpected findings on someone's phone, which were not sought after purposely. The person involved was remorseful and lacked an explanation for their behavior, affirming it was not intended to cause harm. The chapter delves into the need to work through these revelations.

Healing from Your Spouse’s Pornography Addiction | My Story | How I Can Help You Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 if you are a woman who is going through P addiction with your spouse you have discovered that they are viewing p and I call it PE for short as an abbreviation in case you have little ones around who are listening to this and I don't want them to pick up on that word so you've caught them viewing things you've caught them you know maybe doing things because they are viewing that and I want to share my story about that with my
• 00:30 - 01:00 husband and walking through that with him and with God in hopes of encouraging you and you know motivating you and inspiring you um to work on your own healing and to get through this with God's help so my story starts back with my husband and I um before we got married God revealed to me that he was doing that God put that word on my mind
• 01:00 - 01:30 whenever I was dating my now husband and I was in denial at that time I did not want to accept that that was something he might be doing because he was such a great godly man and I just didn't want to accept it and it wasn't until later on that I found out a lot of Godly men who are good men do have this issue um but I discussed that with my now husband when we were only dating and we thought that we could manage it on our own and everything would be fine and he would just quit and that would be the
• 01:30 - 02:00 end of it but what we didn't realize then was it truly affects your brain and all of the neural Pathways you know they get all messed up and you know it's not it does something to your brain it is not just something that can just be stopped and you know never have an issue with again and so at that time we didn't know that um we thought we could just do it on our own and it'd be fun so um that we would get married and everything would be fixed and that's not
• 02:00 - 02:30 how it happened so we got married and he we had been doing nothing about the P issue except he had decided to just stop to quit we didn't have any softwares on our phones or computers we didn't have you know any kind of routine that we were doing as far as prayer or devotions or talking to anyone about it there was nothing we were doing so that lasted for about a year and during that time we were just doing things on our own then I didn't know
• 02:30 - 03:00 that he had all these things going on in his head and he's okay with me sharing these things but he had struggles even though he wasn't viewing this there were still struggles of the mind that he had that he did not realize came from the addiction to that and that those needed to be worked through and there was a lot of healing on my part that had not happened because it hurt to know that someone that you love or care for would do something like that so um we he did Relapse and
• 03:00 - 03:30 I'll tell the story real quickly at that I don't want this to be too long in the video but on our year anniversary of being married I had a daughter who was severely disabled due to shaking baby syndrome and she had to go to the hospital so he went to the hospital with her for an overnight visit and during that overnight visit is when he relapsed um we don't know exactly you know what could have triggered that there are different triggers for different people
• 03:30 - 04:00 that could trigger someone to relapse like that um it could have possibly been just the stress of going to the hospital being away from his family all of those things and so that happened and it happened to be our one year wedding anniversary and so of course when I found out about that I was crushed and it wasn't the way I found out about it was my daughter was actually put on hospice care during that visit and so when he arrived home with her I asked him to see his phone because
• 04:00 - 04:30 I was going to look up some different things to do to her room to make it more you know comfortable and as soon as I opened up his phone phone you know I was able to see some different things that were going on so it wasn't like I was snooping for this I was totally not expecting this and you know he was very remorseful for that and he couldn't understand at the time why he would do that he just he had no explanation of what would have caused him to do that and it wasn't to hurt me and so we had to go through this whole
• 04:30 - 05:00 new journey of figuring out like okay this is not something that we can do on our own for one we have to completely surrender it to God even though that was very hard it's very hard to accept that you have to give up full control that you have no control in a situation like that I as his wife as much as I wanted to be in control of the situation and to do something about it I did not have control over what he did and I had to learn and accept that over time but that was one of the things that we had to
• 05:00 - 05:30 start with was I had no control over his actions no matter what I did no matter how I dressed how I looked how I acted you know whatever I did I didn't have control over what he decided to do and so that was the first step of like releasing um that control and moving forward in all of this and so um we then decided to start looking into you know can our church help and at the time we had a very you know it was a
• 05:30 - 06:00 very large church that had a ton of resources and this was something that they did help with on the men's side they had a group that would meet and um it was a p addiction group who would all walk through that together you know iron sharpens iron type of thing and so he decided to start you know getting involved with a group and then we found a man named Doug Weiss who is incredible all of our healing everything our marriage I just like give him credit for
• 06:00 - 06:30 in some way because he has so many resources on P addiction and a lot of what I have learned of coping mechanisms and techniques comes from him um so we dug into all the information that's out there that most people aren't just talking about this is something that can be embarrassing to people it can be you know people don't want to be condemned for it and it's hard to just ask for help because you're not just going to go usually out and say hey I struggle with this and you know share all that information
• 06:30 - 07:00 um but I am sharing the information because I have went through the healing process where on the other side of this now and it's time for assistant to helping others with this so um after the relapse we decided that we were going to involve God a lot more in the process we also installed accountability apps there's one accountable to you there's one called Covenant eyes there's there's more than that but those send daily updates and keep you
• 07:00 - 07:30 accountable because there is an enemy out there the devil and he does want to tempt our husbands and tempt us and that is his number one job really is to break up families he hates families he hates marriages good marriages Godly marriages he hates them and so you know why would we trust ourselves to be on something like like the internet the phone where we know there are so many temptations that are just a one second click away so it made sense at that point to install
• 07:30 - 08:00 these um um accountability apps and it wasn't to take away my husband's Freedom completely you know it wasn't out of an intention in a heart of I want to control everything you do I'm going to look every single day at everything you're looking at no it is just to help him to be accountable to what he wants to be which is a husband who you know follows God's principles that he gives us and to
• 08:00 - 08:30 be fully committed to me in our marriage and not have these sins in our marriage and sin against his own body and things like that so the things that we decided to do weren't you know manipulative or controlling or anything like that they were things that were helpful and healthy for a marriage who wanted who wants to go through the healing process and to overcome something like pee addiction and so it took a lot of time and a lot of
• 08:30 - 09:00 Heartache so if you are a woman who is dealing with this maybe you just discovered it or you've been dealing with it or you're just now wanting to start doing something you have to realize that you have to work on you and you have to work on healing yourself regardless of whether your husband does anything or not and you know I had a husband who really wanted to change and wanted to make it better and you know we
• 09:00 - 09:30 still work on this daily this is a daily thing there's a daily enemy there's a daily Temptations out there um but regardless of whether your husband realizes this is wrong or not or something that he needs to work on you still have to work on you you're responsible for your own happiness and your own healing he can't heal you no matter how good he does my husband has done so well and he has made me feel so you know loved and cared for throughout
• 09:30 - 10:00 this process but he could not heal me only I could heal myself and God could heal my heart and so that's something that that's one of the first steps is to accept the fact that no matter what he does you are going to choose healing and in the process you're going to learn how to take better care of yourself than you've ever taken care of yourself before because it's a time to really focus on you and what you desire for yourself and your life and your marriage and you know it's a blessing and
• 10:00 - 10:30 disguise in some ways even though this is a very difficult very hard very heartbreaking thing to walk through but it can be a blessing in disguise if you choose to see it that way because I I am better because of what has happened because I allowed the process to shape me and transform me and I worked hard to get to that point and you can do the same um and so my husband and I now that has been two years ago since he had a
• 10:30 - 11:00 relapse and this is things that we have you know we have done these things day in and day out this is not something that you just forget it and you don't do anything else about it you don't pray about it we pray about it every single day we ask for protection from Temptation from you know anything that could harm our marriage for our healing for God to renew his mind we pray about that every single day that never goes without you know that is a priority because our marriage is one of our top
• 11:00 - 11:30 other outside of God our marriage is our top priority and to make that work it takes you know work daily such as praying for your marriage and there are a lot of things that I want to share with you um through this social media to help you on your journey the things that I've learned I've learned a lot of coping mechanisms techniques I can share more stories with you of how I went through anger you know depression over this some of the thoughts that I've had in the process you know different things like
• 11:30 - 12:00 that I want to share with you because I want to help you through this and I want to help you get better through the process and um so I'm going to do that by sharing more about this topic and you know if you're not following me if you're not subscribed then go ahead and do that that way you can see when I do have new videos because I'm going to release them I'm really going to start focusing in on this because I want to help as many women as I can this is my mission this is what God has put on my heart to help
• 12:00 - 12:30 other women with and it's time that I step in to that you know mentorship of helping women to get through this and to do it you know to get to to jump start your healing and to just teach you these techniques that don't just come naturally to us