How to Be Busy and Deeply Rested with Lori Cangilla | Ep 6

Summary

In this episode of Deeply Rested, Maegan Megginson speaks with her friend, colleague, and former client, Lori Cangilla, about the paradox of being both busy and deeply rested. Lori, an author, coach, and licensed psychologist, shares her paradigm-shifting ideas on how intentional busyness can lead to a vibrant and meaningful life. Through a blend of personal experience and professional insight, they explore the distinctions between 'good' and 'bad' busyness, emphasizing that authentic self-expression and alignment with one's values are crucial to feeling truly rested amidst a busy life.

Highlights

• Lori shares how it's possible to be busy and deeply rested if your busyness aligns with your values. 🧘‍♀️
• The episode challenges the common idea that we need to do less to feel better, explaining how intentional busyness can be fulfilling. 🌟
• They discuss common misconceptions about busyness, and how it’s often unfairly linked to negative capitalist and productivity narratives. 🤔
• Lori explains how personal choices about managing time and being busy can reflect deeper values and lead to a more balanced life. ⚖️
• Listeners are encouraged to examine their life choices and query if their busyness is life-affirming or simply reactive. 🔍

Key Takeaways

• Intentional busyness that's aligned with personal values can lead to a more vibrant and fulfilling life. 🎯
• Busyness gets a bad rap from anti-hustle culture, but it doesn't always have to be negative. It’s essential to know when busyness is a symptom of deeper issues. 🚦
• A deeply personalized approach to determining what makes you busy—as in alignment with your values or a reaction to external pressures—is critical. 💡
• The importance of small, intentional changes to align your life with your values and to develop a sense of peace amidst a busy schedule. 🍃
• Lori's journey to authentic self-expression through intentional busyness is inspiring, illustrating that sometimes the right kind of busy can be just what we need. 🚀

Overview

In this insightful episode, Maegan Megginson converses with Lori Cangilla, exploring Lori’s transformative perspective on busyness. With a focus on intentionality, Lori discusses how being busy, in alignment with one’s deeper values, is not only possible but also beneficial. This episode unravels the nuanced perceptions of busyness in modern culture, shedding light on how it doesn't have to be inherently negative.

Lori outlines that busyness, when aligned with one's true values, can lead to a more enriched and vibrant life. By differentiating between 'good' and 'bad' busyness, she offers listeners a new perspective on how to balance ambitions with well-being. Their discussion encourages reflection on daily choices and how they can better align with personal values to achieve a sense of fulfillment.

The conversation also highlights Lori's personal journey from a traditional psychology career to a more expansive role of self-expression and coaching. By prioritizing values and authenticity, Lori showcases how intentional busyness has rejuvenated her life. The episode encourages listeners to consider their practices, emphasizing small intentional changes as the starting path towards peace and productivity.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 02:00: Introduction and Guest Introduction The chapter begins with a welcoming music for the podcast 'Deeply Rested.' The host introduces the guest for this episode, Lori Killa, who is a friend, colleague, and former private mentorship client. Lori holds transformative ideas about the concept of being 'busy.' She believes it's possible to feel deeply rested while leading a chaotic and busy life, as long as one is busy with the right things in the right way. This intriguing perspective on managing busyness and rest sets the tone for the conversation to follow.
• 02:00 - 03:30: Guest Background and Career The chapter delves into the insights shared by Lori, an author, coach, and licensed psychologist, on the topic of busyness. Through the conversation, Lori provides guidance on becoming more aligned with one's values and intentional about time management. She helps individuals realize that they can accomplish their goals while taking care of their well-being. Her background and expertise in psychology and coaching underpin the advice and strategies shared in this discussion.
• 03:30 - 07:30: Conversation on Busyness In the chapter titled 'Conversation on Busyness,' the text introduces an individual who specializes in assisting sensitive, bright, and creative idealists. The goal is to help these individuals change the world without compromising their values or experiencing burnout. The expert holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and a Master's degree in Community Counseling. She has developed a unique approach called 'Singularly Sensitive,' which is informed by her work with clients in her private practice located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In addition, her book 'Wander and Delve' has reached audiences across six continents, providing empowerment through its insights. This individual is also noted for being a frequent contributor to media outlets and podcasts.
• 07:30 - 13:00: When Busyness Can Be Bad The chapter explores the negative impacts of busyness on individuals, emphasizing the importance of taking time to rest and recharge. It introduces a conversation with Lori, who discusses her perspectives on busyness and its effects. The content also recommends checking out Lori's writings on her newsletter for more insights into managing busyness.
• 13:00 - 19:00: The Positive Side of Busyness In this chapter, the host, Megan, a retired therapist and disillusioned business coach, discusses the importance of taking good care of oneself. Megan aims to assist individuals in abandoning rules that lead to self-doubt, thus enabling them to recover from burnout and achieve deep rest. The host encourages listeners to subscribe to the podcast and newsletter for more insights.
• 19:00 - 22:00: Personal Examples of Intentional Busyness In this chapter, the podcast host welcomes Lori as a guest to discuss the concept of 'intentional busyness.' Lori is introduced as bringing valuable insights to the conversation about how people often engage in activities that keep them busy, but with a purposeful approach. The discussion aims to explore what it means to be intentionally busy and how this can affect one’s life.
• 22:00 - 27:00: Balancing Busyness and Rest In the chapter titled 'Balancing Busyness and Rest,' the speaker discusses the concept of being deeply rested while also being busy. They express excitement about sharing this idea, highlighting how being busy in the right ways can itself be restful. Before delving into the main topic of busyness, the speaker briefly reflects on how they and Lori arrived at this conversation, hinting at their collaborative work journey.
• 27:00 - 34:00: Steps to Find Intentional Busyness The chapter explores Lori's journey as a licensed psychologist trying to break free from the restrictive professional boundaries. It highlights her desire for a platform where she can share her ideas more authentically and freely. Lori's mentorship sessions are discussed, focusing on finding ways to overcome the constraints she felt in her professional environment.
• 34:00 - 37:00: Lori's Transition to Authenticity Lori expresses her struggle with the constraints of being a psychologist, particularly in maintaining a neutral and narrow voice crucial for clinical work. She finds it difficult to separate this from her personal identity and seeks to transition into a writing career for greater authenticity and personal fulfillment.
• 37:00 - 43:00: Consequences of Being Authentic The chapter 'Consequences of Being Authentic' discusses the bold and independent step taken by a psychologist to start a Substack blog, separate from their professional role. This blog allows them to express and share personal ideas, highlighting the risks and fear involved in such a venture. Despite the challenges, it offers a platform for authentic self-expression.
• 43:00 - 47:00: Advice for Embracing Authenticity Lori began her journey with a bang, capturing the attention of her audience immediately. Upon subscribing to her content, readers received impactful insights right from her second or third post on Substack. This particular post was a provocative take on the concept of busyness, grabbing the reader's attention with its boldness and strength. Lori's arrival in the digital space was marked by the sharing of profound and powerful ideas, indicative of her unique voice and perspective.
• 47:00 - 49:00: Closing Remarks and Farewell The chapter 'Closing Remarks and Farewell' reflects on the power of authentic self-expression and the boldness required to share true ideas, particularly on platforms like Substack. The speaker expresses gratitude for positive feedback about their work, acknowledging the risks involved in publishing personal thoughts and ideas, and admitting to moments of hesitation before making them public. This insight is presented as part of the speaker's closing remarks, emphasizing the significance of courage and authenticity in creative expression.

How to Be Busy and Deeply Rested with Lori Cangilla | Ep 6 Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 [Music] welcome back to the deeply rested podcast today I am talking to my friend colleague and previous Private mentorship Client Lori Killa Lori has some Paradigm shifting ideas about busy and in particular she believes that it is absolutely possible to be deeply rested and chaotically busy if you're busy in the right way for the right things if that makes sense Lord ideas on
• 00:30 - 01:00 the topic of busyness have really helped me shift the way I think about my to-do list in my own life she's helped me become more values aligned and intentional about the way that I use my time and she's helped me see that it is possible to do everything that I want to do while still taking really good care of myself so I'm very excited to share this conversation with you today and just to give you a little more information about Lori she is an author coach and licensed psychologist who
• 01:00 - 01:30 helps sensitive bright creative idealists figure out how to change the world without selling out or burning out she has a PHD in counseling psychology and a master's degree in Community Counseling and she based her proprietary approach singularly sensitive on her work with clients and her private practice based out of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania Lor's book wander and delve has empowered readers on six different continents and she is a frequent media contributor and podcast guest also she
• 01:30 - 02:00 publishes her writing on the singularly sensitive newsletter on substack which I highly recommend checking out okay if you're ready to listen to a fantastic conversation about busyness this is for you sit back relax and enjoy my conversation with Lori [Applause] [Music] Killa welcome to deeply rested the podcast that helps people doing good work in the world World take incredibly
• 02:00 - 02:30 good care of themselves I'm your host retired therapist and disillusioned business coach Megan meganon I'm on a mission to help people like you unlearn the rules that keep you trapped in self-doubt so that you can recover from burnout and finally become deeply rested if you enjoyed Today's Show be sure to subscribe to this podcast and join our Weekly Newsletter at deeply reed.com slne newsletter now it's time for the show
• 02:30 - 03:00 hi Lori welcome to the podcast it's so good to be here thank you for having me I am thrilled to have you it's such an honor and I'm very excited for a juicy conversation today about being busy and specifically what you're bringing to the conversation is this idea that we can
• 03:00 - 03:30 actually be deeply rested and busy at the same time I cannot wait to share with you because I think that has been revolutionary for me to be busy in the right ways is is restful and and of itself to be busy in the right ways okay okay I'm very excited but before we dive in to busyness I want to talk for just a moment about how you and I found our way to this particular conversation so for those of you listening Lori and I worked
• 03:30 - 04:00 together earlier this year Lori was a mentorship client of mine and a big part of what we explored in our work together was how you Lori could kind of shake free from the really restrictive you know parameters that you had to operate inside of as a licensed psychologist so you were feeling like really constricted and you really wanted a platform a place to share your ideas more authentically more freely can you just tell us a little bit about that
• 04:00 - 04:30 struggle yeah I mean for good reason psychologists are really constrained to certain kinds of activities and we have to keep a really neutral narrow voice in what we talk about and I think that's all really important for clinical work but I think it's hard for me to live in that space it's hard for me to just parcel out that part of my identity and so I was really looking to work with you to help me look for ways to Branch out into a writing career and
• 04:30 - 05:00 do those other kinds of things that as a psychologist I'm not really doing oh my gosh and you've done it like just in the last few months you took the Bold step of starting a substack that is very clearly not connected to your role as psychologist this is a substack where you write your ideas you you share your ideas it was scary it was risky but listeners like let me tell you what like
• 05:00 - 05:30 Lori came out of the gate swinging I subscribed obviously right away started getting email updates and I think it was only like your second or third post on substack that came into my inbox about busyness it was this hot take on busyness and I was just like whoa get out of the way Lori is here she has arrived and these are some really powerful ideas that you're sharing on this platform Lori I mean for of all
• 05:30 - 06:00 thank you for modeling for all of us the power of authentic self-expression and like really boldly sharing what you believe how has it felt for you so far expressing more of your true ideas on substack well thank you for that compliment it really means a lot to me because I think there is a riskiness to doing that and there have been times where I've been ready to hit publish on a post and thought oo can I do this but I think consistently what I
• 06:00 - 06:30 found is that subsec is the right place for me it's the right community and so it doesn't feel as scary even as when I send my newsletter out to my my psychology practice which is a newsletter filled with other therapists and other people in the industry but substack feels like the right place and that's made such a difference it really speaks to the power of when we're in the right place on the
• 06:30 - 07:00 right platform with the right people that it's so much easier to share our bold ideas because we know there's going to be a little bit of safety and having those ideas received absolutely and I think the reception on substack has been really warm I'm finding my community there in a way that I certainly didn't on any other kind of social media or even other writing platforms you know there's something about the mix of people who are out there they're my people I'm one of them and so it's very easy to share my voice with
• 07:00 - 07:30 them well thank you for your service sharing your voice with the world and for sharing your voice with us today so may we bring the spirit of authenticity and bold opinions into this conversation about busyness are you ready to dive in I am ready okay great so busyness Lori gets a really bad rap right especially especially in the more like anti- hustle culture burnout recovery community
• 07:30 - 08:00 it's like we've overcorrected around business and now there's this sort of it's in the Zeitgeist of like don't be busy be less busy so the prevailing belief is that busyness is problematic I'm wondering if you can expand on that for us like tell us about some of the most common justifications about why busyness is bad right well I think like you said there's a lot of reaction to the hustle culture to
• 08:00 - 08:30 the standards that capitalism holds people to which is basically be busy until you're burned out and you collapse and we're not Expendable our energy isn't Expendable and so when I put out the message that busyness isn't bad it has been met with some push back that this is just a new way of of justifying hustle culture and and that capitalism preoccupation with productivity and that's not at all what I'm talking about MH and people have
• 08:30 - 09:00 really rigid beliefs about what it means when you're busy let's talk a little bit about that right like to be if I see you and you're really busy then I can I can't but my default judgments are that like I can make some assumptions about you right that oh you're busy so that means what yeah you're a good person you're living up that Protestant work ethic where you just keep being productive and doing the things and you pull yourself up by your boot straps you know all those myths that are foundational in
• 09:00 - 09:30 American culture get activated and we assume that busy people are more successful or more accomplished or even just more satisfied with their lives yeah that is so interesting sometimes that's true right sometimes it's true that busyness is bad that like we are busy because we're kind of sucked into the byproduct of capitalism or hustle culture tell tell me a little bit about
• 09:30 - 10:00 like when busyness is bad and then after that let's talk about when busyness really isn't that bad so I think busyness is a bad thing if it's coming out of difficulties with managing our lives so that could be being in a work environment that is putting really high demands on us and we don't know how to set boundaries or communicate our limits about what we're going to do or if we're really busy
• 10:00 - 10:30 because we're struggling with a lack of skills around managing our time managing a condition like anxiety or ADHD then the busyness is a symptom of that other problem that's going on I would say the busyness itself is not the disease it's not what needs to be cured if there's even such a thing as cure but in in these situations where it's something where we're lacking skills or we're lacking some kind of information that
• 10:30 - 11:00 would be helpful to us that's the piece that people need to address and if they do that then the business sorts itself out okay and we're going to come back to that in a minute like when busyness is not a bad thing but I really appreciate what you just said about busyness being a symptom of a larger problem in Life or a larger challenge that we're going through in life and what I'm really picking up on is that you know really I'm having this conversation with you and reading your
• 11:00 - 11:30 post and I'm trying to feel into my own body like how can I create a barometer in myself to know when I'm bad busy versus when I'm good busy I mean I know that's too simplistic a way to think about it but I I want my body to learn to like read the signal so that I can kind of clue myself into moments when my busyness is a byproduct of something else and I think about times when when the busyness that I feel it's there's an
• 11:30 - 12:00 urgency behind it and it's like fueled by fear and scarcity right like I'm busy because I'm trying to make more money because I'm really afraid that you know I'm not going to make enough or I'm busy because I'm maybe I'm like going through some really hard stuff in in life and I'm trying to outrun my grief like I'm staying busy to like avoid feeling hard feelings or I'm staying busy because I don't know like I think my dad will be prouder of me if he sees me like accomplish in all of these things versus
• 12:00 - 12:30 you know living life at in a different pace am I getting this right is this kind of what you mean about like busyness being a symptom of something else absolutely I mean I think those examples that you shared are are great because I think it's the way that busyness can be sort of sneaky it seems to offer us that solution to the problem so if we're feeling bad about ourselves I'll just do more and then I get more praise for that if I'm feeling bad about myself I'm
• 12:30 - 13:00 going to do more yeah that's pretty big if I'm feeling bad about myself I'm going to do more why why do we do that Lori because we get the appreciation and the attaboys and you know and sometimes it's the financial Rewards or the promotion or the pride that somebody else takes in our accomplishments and all of that feels good it's really reinforcing so instead of doing something about the fact that I feel stuck in my life or I'm not feeling
• 13:00 - 13:30 really confident or I don't have the skills I need to handle a challenge I just stay busy because it seems to work it seems to give me what I need and want but it's it's that false process right it's like is my busyness helping me outrun a truth that I don't want to face or that I'm afraid to face and if so it's like the busyness I I feel like a victim too I think maybe that's another feeling I get in my body when I'm bad busy it's like I feel like
• 13:30 - 14:00 I'm just a victim to my circumstances right I feel like I don't have the ability to say no I don't have the ability to set boundaries and that can be a cue for me that I need to go to the root don't solve the symptom because if I just do less nothing's actually going to change about the root struggle that's propelling me into these cycles of busyness and burnout in the first place
• 14:00 - 14:30 am I getting that right yeah so when we have that sense of urgency or we have that sense of I have to try to outrun this problem I think those are great signs the same with that trapped feeling that victimized feeling that we have the Frantic energy that we can have like I can't let myself not be busy because everything's going to collapse around me that kind of vulnerability too those are all signs that the busyness is becoming problematic and what we need is really a
• 14:30 - 15:00 deeper way of looking at our lives and taking stock oof okay I'm sure we're going to circle back to this more in this conversation like how again how do we discern when we're good busy or bad busy that's a really important question but I want to flip the coin to the other side now and talk about the good side of being busy because you say and your post that busyness doesn't have to be bad and in fact that sometimes choosing busyness
• 15:00 - 15:30 can be a sign of a vibrant and complex life tell me more I think for many of us we are sensitive thoughtful people who care a lot about our relationships about our place in the world about what our Legacy is and what we're building for our communities and when we are choosing to be busy in support of those things that we value so deeply that can be a really
• 15:30 - 16:00 healthy authentic life affirming choice that we're making that it really is a matter of understanding what we value and being able to make choices that reflect that and sometimes that means being busy to support all of those things that we care about okay this is where this conversation gets really interesting right that busyness as a byproduct of decisions that are deeply aligned with
• 16:00 - 16:30 my values with the way that I want to experience the world that busyness can be delicious and Rich and juicy you talk in your article about how the common advice that we get is just to again just do less just do less you know just like say no no is a complete sentence I'm saying that in Jess I actually I love that advice because it's true but you know we're spoonfed this idea that if we just stop doing things will start feeling
• 16:30 - 17:00 better and you say that isn't true and in fact you've experienced in your own life and with your clients that sometimes when people systematically start removing things from their life and doing less things can feel worse tell us about what can happen if you are just removing things from your to-do list because you were told to be less busy I think that pressure to do less and be less busy is another obligation that is not always
• 17:00 - 17:30 authentic for us and when it's an obligation to show spaciousness in our schedule look at my calendar I only see people three days a week and I have all this time free that's not necessarily doing anything for my sense of self my belief and what the values are in my life so I think we need to be really careful about
• 17:30 - 18:00 asking ourselves what am I creating this time for yes what am I creating this time for if it's to just show everybody that look I created time okay like you're not going to feel different in your life just because you can show people your amazingly spacious calendar in fact like this whole practice that we you and I are talking about is deeply personal no one else needs to know you know this isn't something that we need to publicize at all so let's take it a
• 18:00 - 18:30 step further then Lori and say okay so like let's say someone does systematically remove things from their to-do list and now all of a sudden they have this spaciousness what should they do next I think there's a need to check in with their values around rest and spaciousness because those can be values that we make choices around too but I think then the followup is if you're creating this spaciousness and rest and presumably you're feeling energized to do something
• 18:30 - 19:00 afterwards then what aligns with your values what really lights you up where's your passion where are your desires what would you do if it gave you that boost to feel better about yourself and allowed you to understand your life as being more true to who you are okay this is great can you give us some examples in your own life Lori of like choices you make that make you busy but are so
• 19:00 - 19:30 intentional and and deeply aligned with your values yeah so one of the values that I really have is around family and around being a mom in a certain way and so it's really important for me to support the things that my son is interested in and I happen to have a son who through no planning of his parents is really successful as a taekwan doist it is really cool it's really strange for me because holds no inherent appeal
• 19:30 - 20:00 to me but he loves it and he's very accomplished he was our the state champion this past season for his age group so we spend a lot of time at the studio we spent a lot of time driving him back and forth to camps and meets and these things are important to him and they're important to me because I want him to have these opportunities to do this and explore and develop himself in this way and you could look at my
• 20:00 - 20:30 life and say why are you and your husband doing this why are you taking so much time so many family resources for this and ultimately it's our value system it's it's what's right for us and so while I don't always love having to get up every evening and take my kid to some it's okay to be busy in that way because it matters to me because it matters to you that intentional busyness it fuels you in some way it gives you
• 20:30 - 21:00 something yes because it gives me that sense of like I am living the the vision of motherhood that I have the motherhood that is supportive and invested in my child and I would rather be doing that than having every evening to sit on my couch and do what scroll around on my phone that's not that that wouldn't be right for me now if that's right for somebody else that's fine because this is so personal it is so
• 21:00 - 21:30 personal and I do think there's something really helpful for me at least in thinking about like bad busyness depletes me intentional busyness recharges me and maybe it's fatiguing and I have to you know all things in balance of course you can have too much of a good thing but there is something about like the Taekwondo it really it recharges you you know it fuels something deeply meaningful inside of you and I'm sure that there are times
• 21:30 - 22:00 when you're also totally beat and fatigued I I wonder if you can speak to that a little bit you know how do you know when you are getting to the precipice of like too much of a good thing I think it really is about tuning into my body and I've gotten better at it over the years of just really paying attention to when is my body saying it's heavy it's tired I when I when I wake up in the morning and I feel still tired
• 22:00 - 22:30 and almost almost that same way that when you're coming down with the flu you might feel sort of just achy and worn those are signs that even though the kind of busyness that I'm choosing is Meaningful to me I need to also value my physical health I need to EV value my maybe my mental health or my emotional health and do something else so it's really this ongoing process of weighing
• 22:30 - 23:00 all and balancing all of these different pieces and that takes a lot of effort it takes a lot of space time intentionality it really does like living an intentional life is effortful it is effortful it consumes time it consumes time exactly and this is where I feel like when we're at the very beginning of this process we have to kind of reckon with a renegotiation of time in our life and and maybe it just starts with like 5
• 23:00 - 23:30 minutes a day you know like five minutes of really intentionally looking at your calendar looking at your to-do list and and asking yourself like what here fills me up and what depletes me and is there a balance and how can I if not how can I create more balance we have to start small I started really small back in you know 26ish when I first started exploring this these ideas for myself I just started in little tiny chunks and and
• 23:30 - 24:00 now my life looks completely different and I do have the spaciousness and the time to be deeply intentional about how I live my life but it didn't start that way so I guess I want to say that for people listening who like what we're talking about sounds like a pipe dream like that'll never be me I mean if I would have listened to this conversation 10 years ago I guarantee you I probably would have stopped listening already and I would have rolled my eyes and I would have said well must be nice to be you
• 24:00 - 24:30 because I don't have that luxury in my life I don't have that privilege in my life Lori what do you want to say to people listening right now who are having that really resistant kind of combative reaction to this conversation I think that combative resistant reaction is a sign that this is probably something that those people really want that you know I really wanted it 10 years ago too and it's taken a long time to get here so I think first acknowledging that yes you want
• 24:30 - 25:00 this and it feels very far off it feels like it maybe it's impossible maybe you don't think you have a job that you could do in a more flexible way or maybe your values seem to conflict and how do you do both things or how do you do a handful of things that are really important to you but seem to conflict but I think allowing yourself to start right where you're at with these small intentional decisions around where are places that I have some control what can I do that serves my needs my
• 25:00 - 25:30 values my desires for what busyness or rest could look like and then start there and allow yourself some time to unfold I want to see if I know we're like really putting ourselves on the spot here but I want to see if we can brainstorm some really specific examples Lori because sometimes these conversations are too philosophical and like I can't grip it when I'm listening
• 25:30 - 26:00 I I want people listening to this right now to really be able to see themselves in this process so you want to play a game with me sure okay let's play a game so let's say that there's a single mom listening to this episode and let's just say like she has a private practice and she's also working part-time on the side at a group practice because she needs to pay the bills so she is like maxed out she's working I don't know she's seeing like 30 35 clients a week kind of like
• 26:00 - 26:30 juggling private practice and the group practice expectations she's you know raising this kid solo trying to be the best mom she can be where can she start I think she can start with just some self-compassion for all of the demands that are on her I grew up in a single mom household my mom raised my brother and I by herself and it's a tremendous amount of work anytime my husband goes out of town I'm like wow I forgot how hard this is to have it all
• 26:30 - 27:00 on myself and I'm lucky I don't have that all the time so starting with huge amounts of self-compassion and then some grounded look at what the realities are so maybe it's not about changing anything about how many hours she's working and maybe it's not about making any changes to how she parents or what she's doing but maybe it's looking at what is she doing with the rest of her time and is there
• 27:00 - 27:30 something that she might want to do differently or might want to change so maybe she has a habit of doing something around the house that she's just done always and maybe doesn't want to continue to do the way that she's done for me it was very liberating years ago to sort of realize I don't care all that much about what my yard looks like lucky I don't live in an HOA so you know we're under external pressure to
• 27:30 - 28:00 make our yard look a certain way so I don't have it as fancy as some other people might have the plants that I have are all low maintenance things I love that and that was intentional and it took time to but that might be the kind of thing that even that you know multi jobed single mom might be able to consider doing is there some kind of trick like that so that's like the first step right I mean the first step is self-compassion because and if you're listening to this and you're not a single mom but you are
• 28:00 - 28:30 burdened by life in some other way like fill in the blank how are you burdened by life okay listen to this advice from Lori through that lens and the first step is meet yourself with so much love and compassion because life is hard and you are struggling and that is real and we will never record a podcast and be like well I mean just like let life be easy you know just like Let It Be Easy no it's not easy it's really hard so meet yourself with self compassion and then step two if you will
• 28:30 - 29:00 look at what you're giving time and attention to in your life right now that could be less complicated or less time consuming so this is one of those places where we are trying to remove something from the busyness list so let's say that this mom does that my sister is a school teacher she does live in an HOA and a couple years ago she replaced all of the land the Mand quote mandatory Landscaping in her front yard with arti official plants because she just did not
• 29:00 - 29:30 it was just like what you're saying she was like this is something I don't want to give my time to so she filled it all in with artificial plants so let's say that the mom in this example does that she fills in the yard with artificial plants she doesn't have to worry about that anymore let's move on to step three what could she replace she now has an empty kind of time slot on her weekly schedule what questions would you ask to help guide her around how to use that time now I would start with questions
• 29:30 - 30:00 of what makes you feel lighter what allows you to be curious or what connects you to something you used to enjoy when your life was lustful maybe it was when you were a kid or you weren't working weren't working this way but I think starting to explore a little bit of that idea of what might be pleasurable what might be exciting and you could start with as
• 30:00 - 30:30 little as a couple minutes you know just if you free up 5 minutes in your schedule maybe you're not doing the thing but maybe you're just allowing yourself to connect with those emotions around boy I used to really like doing this hobby or I really want to travel and I'm going to look at a travel blog and read one article for that five minutes whatever it is this is such great guidance and I believe this with every ounce of my body Lori like look to
• 30:30 - 31:00 what gives you pleasure you know look to what sparks your curiosity your imagination your energy I love these reflective questions you're offering about like think about yourself as a kid what did you love to do how did you play right for me rest is anything I do that regulates me and recharges my batteries and often it requires adding something to the calendar adding something to the to-do list this is a really great example of where busyness becomes a
• 31:00 - 31:30 superpower right choosing busyness being intentionally you know thoughtful about how you're spending your time instead of spending that five minutes doing yard maintenance on a Tuesday I'm going to take a extra five minutes in a steaming hot shower right or I'm going to take that five minutes to create a playlist and dance in the living room whatever you can do to connect to yourself to energize you be busy do as much of that as you
• 31:30 - 32:00 possibly can because it's going to lead to as you say a more vibrant and complex life which is is what most of us really want am I getting that right yeah absolutely and I think when we do that experiment when we take that five minutes and we use it differently if we take 15 seconds afterwards and check in with ourselves how was that do I feel more of what I want do I feel rested energized curious satisfied fulfilled eager for more then we know we're on the
• 32:00 - 32:30 right track with what we've replaced it yes the compass is pointing North at that point right and like follow the breadcrumbs in that direction and let it take as much time as it takes okay so there's something personal coming up for me right now that I want to share with you it's like really just crystallizing in my mind so it maybe it's not a great idea to share it in a podcast interview but whatever we're going to go for it I realized the other day so I used to to do theater and it brought me so much joy
• 32:30 - 33:00 so much joy so much connection Creative Energy fill in the blank and I realized the other day thanks to a Facebook memory that it's been 10 years this summer since I did my last show first of all that blew my mind cuz it feels like it was like five days ago you know what I mean and I was like whoa wow it's been 10 years that's crazy and so I've been reflecting a little bit about why cuz through throughout those 10 years there have definitely been times when I've
• 33:00 - 33:30 been like I really miss doing theater I want to go back to that I want to find a place to you know to go do a show and every time I shut myself down because I say I'm just too busy you know doing shows is takes a lot it's a lot it's very timec consuming for a short amount of time like say like two months you know it's like takes all your time all your free time and I've said to myself like uh it's just too much time you know I'm I'm already busy I would be too busy it would overwhelm me I can't do it but
• 33:30 - 34:00 right now having this conversation with you it's just making me slow that down a little bit and go well wait a minute would the more values aligned life choice right now be for me to say no to a couple other things that take up time on my list so that I can say yes to this really timec consuming activity that would make me really busy for a couple of months like oh I need to think about this
• 34:00 - 34:30 because I have been just default saying no through this conditioning that being busy is bad or even through the conditioning that whatever we've chosen to be busy with we we have to continue choosing to be busy with so you know you've been out of theater for 10 years you've filled that time it can be hard to say I want to uproot that I want to do something different but it it doesn't have to be an impossible obstacle to
• 34:30 - 35:00 overcome and it really it's like the reframe of this conversation about choosing busyness being intentionally busy in ways that are value aligned that is shaking that up for me a little bit so thanks Lori I'm GNA keep you posted I recommend everyone start a podcast so you can get free therapy from your friends okay great thanks for witnessing that that personal process I think we could all stand to take a big pause in
• 35:00 - 35:30 our day in our life and our week and our quarter like however it makes sense to you and really do some honest self-evaluation around like where is my time going where is my energy going am I choosing it am I not choosing it is it energizing me is it depleting me what's within my control what can I shift and how can I start really small and let this be a process C that expands and unfolds in my life over
• 35:30 - 36:00 time such beautiful wisdom Lori I have one more question for you about busyness it's really easy to compare right we' talked about this a little bit earlier like it's really easy to be like well how much free time do you have and then to judge myself and comparison to you or to my business partner or my client cents or my mom or whatever fill in the blank we've talked
• 36:00 - 36:30 today about how this is a deeply personal process and I really can't measure my life my busyness my schedule against anyone else's I want to know what advice you have for people who are really stuck in the comparison trap comparing my life to someone else's life what do you want to say to me about that Lori well first I will say I am very
• 36:30 - 37:00 very good at putting myself in the comparison trap it comes really easily to me and that tendency plus perfectionism are a real real prescription for feeling uncomfortable but all that being said when we can set those things aside my busyness is none of your business and your business is none of mine it is way too personal it involves
• 37:00 - 37:30 things that even your therapist may not fully know about you and understand about your calculations my business is none of your business and your busyness is none of my business that's a bold statement how do people tend to react when you share that idea with them sometimes people get offended because I think we live in a culture
• 37:30 - 38:00 where we've become really comfortable commenting about everything about other people you know and so it's just an extension of that sense that we can comment on somebody's body or income or Life Choices or diet or whatever but I think it's also the kind of statement that I use because it's so fundamentally true that it shakes us when we hear it it is truly none of my business it's truly none of your
• 38:00 - 38:30 business and listen I'm guilty of making it my business in the past for sure I mean especially when I first started coaching business owners I would say that I was really quick to kind of look at their life and say well you're too busy you know you got to back off you got to do less and now I can really see that for what it was which was an overly simplistic way of trying to make sense
• 38:30 - 39:00 of our lives in late stage capitalism you know like oh if only it were that simple to be like oh I I can just look at what's on your schedule and tell you exactly why you're burnt out or exactly why you're struggling you're too busy it's overly simplistic and it's none of my business how you're spending your time how you're living your life the better question is are you happy do you feel in alignment with your purpose is your business prospering like these
• 39:00 - 39:30 are the questions I want to know the answer to because they can help Point me as a guide in in the direction of you know supporting you and course correcting as a friend maybe the only question is like how can I bring more joy and love to your life and I can just stay out of it altogether if I think someone is too busy or doing too much I mean this it's a really it's a big idea and it's a it's a a gentle and loving slap in the face that I think we all
• 39:30 - 40:00 need yeah and like I said I am definitely guilty of needing that myself as well your business is none of my business and my busyness is none of your business and let's all stop comparing and really take the time to assess through inquiry am I spending my time in a way that aligns with my values is it making me feel better or is it making me feel worse proceed from there wow Lori thank you for sharing
• 40:00 - 40:30 these incredible thoughts and ideas with us here on the deeply rested podcast I want to end this conversation circling back to where we started right so here you are Lori a psychologist who is breaking the mold and you are stepping out of your comfort zone you're stepping into a new more expansive platform so that you can say all of this without any concern for what the The Lure board might say or think and you've done it I
• 40:30 - 41:00 mean you posted go to Lor's substack and read this post about I think it's actually called my business is none of your business read it Lori what I want to know now is what's what's it been like for you these last few months as you've been really showing up in the world in a more authentic way it's been wonderful you know I really think it's been so personally and professionally beneficial to me to give
• 41:00 - 41:30 more space to these ideas to be able to have a more full voice and explore the parts of myself that are increasingly important it's not that being a psychologist isn't important to me it's that there are other things that I'm curious about and passionate about and want to give voice to and so having that ability to balance both of those things right now is good objectively I am way busier than I was six months ago
• 41:30 - 42:00 you know I am working more and it doesn't feel like work because it's it's what I want to be doing and it gives me energy it's excites me I I feel enthusiasm for getting to talk with people like you about this and really give myself to these opportunities to build this other business Lori this is so incredible I'm so proud of you first of all I want to ask you in a second putting a pin in
• 42:00 - 42:30 this about have there been any consequences right have you gotten any Kickback as you've been doing this but before I just want to highlight what you just said you're actually working more now than you were before and years ago when I first started business coaching every coach I was working with said Megan the only way you're going to make money in this business is if you sell people the solution to work less and earn more and I ran with that for several years it was one of my core marketing messages you know work less
• 42:30 - 43:00 earn more and the deeper I got into the work into my own work into work with clients I the more I realize that's a lie that's a lie and I have to stop spreading that lie because actually what's happening is that as we become more aligned with our Purpose with our true selves we start working more than ever before but in a completely different way right just like what you're saying like whoa all of a sudden like I am working Saturday mornings and I love it you know and I feel so fired
• 43:00 - 43:30 up and it's like the work is Flowing out of me and there's so much ease and there's so much creativity and I'm putting so much more into it including time and that's that's a really beautiful thing that I think totally aligns with intentional busyness you know a life that is vibrantly busy thank you for saying that Lori yeah it's so different than times in my life where maybe I've
• 43:30 - 44:00 worked you know multiple jobs just for financial survival or I've worked in Community Mental Health and had a case load of 100 people and worked 50 60 hours a week that is not the kind of busyness I want to have again in my life that is busyness for someone else's goals or desires or values this busyness is fine because I'm enjoying it it's vibrant and sometimes it's is just fine sometimes it's just the things that come
• 44:00 - 44:30 up in life I've had to take my car into the garage three times in four weeks it wasn't fun and I would have rather be doing something else scrolling my phone mindlessly instead of running to the garage would have been fine but I think when we make choices for ourselves and on the whole we are doing the kinds of things that our values align then it's easier to sort of absorb the energy of those new anes absorbing the energy of the
• 44:30 - 45:00 nuisances to have the capacity to absorb the energy of the nuisances okay we'll have to save that for a whole other conversation later quickly because I I want to make sure we're being so like brutally honest about every angle of this conversation has there been Kickback Fallout consequences as you've shared more of yourself yeah I I think one of the big consequences is that there are people who just don't agree with me that they have very different political beliefs or
• 45:00 - 45:30 economic beliefs and they have self- selected to move on from my suback or from my my professional orbit and that's okay it hasn't caused any damaging riffs in my personal relationships because I think I show up pretty honestly there but I think there are consequences to this there are people in my life who don't agree with the choices that I'm making or want to see me work in a certain way you know in
• 45:30 - 46:00 a very narrowly prescribed this is what psychologists do that aligns with their values and not mine Lori what do you want to say to all of the people listening who are really afraid to do this like they are afraid to break the mold they are afraid to show up more authentically in the world what do you want to say to them start small that for me has been the big key I've been starting small for years
• 46:00 - 46:30 like I've been growing in this direction for years much like you know you plant a seed and sometimes it looks like it's never going to flower and then suddenly you wake up one morning it has a bud and then the next morning that flower is open I'm at that stage with you where the bud was already set it was ready to open and so you got to come into this process Megan where I was so ready to go but behind that was all the years of the
• 46:30 - 47:00 small stady progress but every time I look back on it all of those little steps that I made they felt good in my body they gave me energy they they brighten my life how could I not follow them Lori that's such beautiful advice and I agree with you so deeply I think about it in my own life it's like follow the breadcrumbs and often it is just a breadcrumb right and you just pick it up you put it in your
• 47:00 - 47:30 mouth you can barely taste it it feels so tiny and small but then there's another and another and another and then something happens and the floodgates open and whoosh transformation washes in and it happens in a flourish and it's a little bit dramatic and maybe some things have to burn down around us to make space for the emerging parts of our self and that's a beautiful process and lau's been such an honor to be with you
• 47:30 - 48:00 in your process and to witness you stepping so fully into authenticity and self-expression and the world is a better place because of this conversation because of your ideas about busyness and intentionality and I am so grateful to you for sharing them with us here on this podcast I am so grateful for all you've done and been in my life so far and I'm glad to be part of this
• 48:00 - 48:30 audience can you Lori please tell the people where they can go to follow your work yes you can follow me on substack my the name of my substack is singularly sensitive so you can go to substack docomo subscribe to nory's newsletter I highly recommend that you do it because her stuff is incredible Lori thank you for being here let's get
• 48:30 - 49:00 off this call and go be busy all right sounds great Megan thank you so much for having [Applause] [Music] me thank you so much for listening to today's episode of deeply rested if you enjoyed this conversation I would love to invite you to join the deeply rested Weekly Newsletter you can sign up at deeply rested. comom newsletter I hope to meet you in my inbox very soon