How To Hack Networking | David Burkus | TEDxUniversityofNevada
Estimated read time: 1:20
Summary
David Burkus' TEDx talk challenges traditional views on networking, emphasizing the value of understanding and leveraging existing connections rather than obsessing over meeting strangers. Through research-backed insights, Burkus reveals that reconnecting with dormant ties and using friends of friends as gateways to new opportunities can lead to greater success and happiness. He highlights inspiring real-life stories, such as the reconnection that spurred the UFC's growth and a unique networking dinner party concept, to illustrate the power of existing networks. The core message underscores how relationships significantly impact both professional success and personal happiness, urging a redefinition of networking towards recognizing and nurturing current connections.
Highlights
Networking is about understanding your current network and acting accordingly. 🌳
Dormant ties can offer new opportunities as they are familiar friends in different circles. 🌍
The story of Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta illustrates the power of reconnecting with old friends. 🥋
Big network opportunities can be generated through friends of friends, as shown in Michelle Mckenna-Doyle's journey to the NFL. 🏈
Non-work interests can deepen relationships faster, as seen in John Levy's unique dinner parties. 🍽️
Key Takeaways
Networking doesn't mean meeting strangers; it's about understanding and leveraging your existing connections. 🤝
Reconnect with old friends, known as dormant ties, to unlock new opportunities and ideas. 🌟
Use your friends' networks to expand your professional circle in a more organic and comfortable way. 🌐
True networking integrates personal passions and interests to forge deeper connections. ❤️
The influence of friends, even up to three degrees removed, significantly impacts happiness and success. 😊
Overview
David Burkus flips the script on traditional networking strategies, suggesting that success doesn't come from constantly meeting new people, but rather from nurturing and understanding the network you already have. He uses research to highlight how tapping into these existing connections can not only make networking less awkward but also more effective. 🌱
One captivating story is that of Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta, who reconnected at a wedding and transformed their dormant high school acquaintance into a billion-dollar UFC enterprise. Such stories underline the importance of keeping in touch with old friends, or 'dormant ties', as they can sometimes offer unexpected opportunities. 👊
Burkus also explores the profound impact our social circles have on us, from our happiness to our career success, illustrating that who we know truly shapes who we become. He challenges us to redefine networking by fostering deeper, more personal connections, even suggesting hobbies as conversation starters instead of typical work-related questions. 😄
Chapters
00:00 - 02:30: Introduction to Networking The concept of networking is introduced by likening it to someone who is exceptionally well-connected in social contexts. This person is described as someone who has honed skills such as crafting an impactful elevator pitch, effectively working the room, and continuously building relationships and influence. The chapter sets the stage for exploring the importance and techniques of networking.
02:30 - 05:00: The Importance of Social Capital The chapter introduces the concept of social capital, focusing on networking and building connections. It acknowledges the common perception of some individuals as natural networkers and highlights the discomfort others may feel when trying to network, often seeing themselves as awkward or out of place. Through humor and relatable experiences, it delves into the challenges of networking events and the feeling of being overwhelmed when trying to connect with others.
05:00 - 07:30: Redefining Networking The chapter 'Redefining Networking' discusses the common discomfort people feel when attending networking events, such as figuring out how long to stay and how to leave unnoticed. It emphasizes the significant role of networking and professional connections in advancing one's career and life. Highlighting a study, it reveals that executives who learned to identify 'social capital,' which refers to the value found in existing networks and the potential value in creating new connections, were more successful in gaining promotions and raises.
07:30 - 10:00: Connecting with Dormant Ties The chapter discusses the importance of connecting with dormant ties for career fulfillment and company success. It identifies that employees rich in social capital tend to dramatically outperform their competitors. However, the act of networking is perceived negatively by individuals, to the point of generating subconscious associations with feeling 'dirty' or needing to get clean. The study mentioned highlights the social awkwardness and discomfort that often accompanies efforts to make new professional connections.
10:00 - 12:30: The Power of Friends of Friends In the chapter titled 'The Power of Friends of Friends', the transcript discusses the concept of networking and how it can often feel awkward. It suggests that a robust network is important, but challenges the traditional notion of networking. Rather than seeing it as a task of meeting strangers, it proposes a redefinition of networking. The chapter leans on studies that highlight the significance of a social network, advocating for a fresh perspective on how we form and view our connections.
12:30 - 15:00: Building Non-Work Connections The chapter 'Building Non-Work Connections' explores understanding the social network already around us and acting accordingly. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing who are friends and friends of friends. By adopting this mindset, there are three implications derived from research that can potentially benefit everyone, without involving awkwardness. One key takeaway is that some significant opportunities in networking come from unexpected or overlooked sources.
15:00 - 17:30: The Impact of Friends on Happiness Reconnecting with old friends, referred to as 'weak ties' or 'dormant ties,' can bring happiness. These are people you once were close to but haven't spoken to in a while. Although they are in different social circles, industries, or geographies now, they can offer new information and opportunities akin to what's offered by strangers. However, building rapport with them is easier compared to strangers.
17:30 - 19:30: Conclusion The chapter 'Conclusion' discusses the concept of dormant ties—friends or acquaintances one hasn't interacted with in a while but who can potentially unlock meaningful and powerful connections. An illustrative example given is the story of Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta, former owners of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Despite having been high school acquaintances, their renewed connection proved pivotal in a significant business venture involving the Ultimate Fighting Championship, which was sold for four billion dollars.
How To Hack Networking | David Burkus | TEDxUniversityofNevada Transcription
00:00 - 00:30 Translator: Madison Shirley
Reviewer: Peter van de Ven So, we all have that person in our lives
who seems to be connected to everyone. You know, that person
with the perfect elevator pitch, that person who knows how to work a room, that person who keeps winning friends
and influencing people,
00:30 - 01:00 that person who never eats alone, that person who is
the quintessential networker. Don't you just hate them? (Laughter) I mean, you don't hate them outright, but you probably hate that somehow
networking and making connections, it seems so easy to them,
and every time you try, you just feel like that sleazy weirdo pushing business cards
in everyone's hand. Or you make a conscious effort
to go to that networking event, and then you end up standing
in the corner of the room
01:00 - 01:30 next to someone you already knew, trying to figure out how long
you have to stay and how to leave without being noticed. I'm right there with you, most of us are. And we know that networking
and professional connections are hugely important
to our careers and our lives. In one study, executives who were taught to see
what sociologists call "social capital" - this is the value in an existing network and the potential value
in new network connections - the executives who were trained
to see social capital were more likely to get promotions,
more likely to get raises,
01:30 - 02:00 they had more fulfilling careers overall, and we know that companies whose employees
are rich in social capital dramatically outperform their competitors. But, working makes us feel awkward. In one study, participants were asked about a time
where they had to reach out and make a new professional connection, and the participants who had to do that were more likely to experience
subconscious thoughts of getting clean. So, to translate,
networking makes us feel dirty.
02:00 - 02:30 (Laughter) So, how do we reconcile these two ideas? We know we need a robust network, but we know we feel really awkward
every time we try. Well, the good news
is that the same studies that demonstrate the power
of a social network also offer a totally different
and refreshing way to look at it. In fact, they suggest that we need
to redefine networking. Networking's not really something you do. A network's not something you have,
it's not about meeting strangers.
02:30 - 03:00 In fact, the best definition is probably
that it's about understanding the network that's already around you
and acting accordingly. I mean, I like to think of it
as it's about knowing who's a friend, and who's a friend of a friend. And when you adopt that mentality,
and you look at the research, you're left with three implications
that almost anyone can do, hopefully without feeling awkward. The first is that contrary
to popular belief, some of the biggest wins, the low-hanging fruit
in networking, if you will,
03:00 - 03:30 comes not from meeting total strangers, but actually from reaching out
to old friends. Sociologists call these
weak ties, or dormant ties. Dormant ties are those friends
that you used to be close with, but for whatever reason,
you don't talk to as much anymore. And because those people
are in different social circles now, or different industries,
sometimes different geographies, they provide the same new information
and new opportunities than total strangers would, but it's easier to build rapport
with them because they're ...
03:30 - 04:00 Well, they're not strangers; they're literally your friends. You just haven't talked
to them in a while. One of my favorite examples
of dormant ties unlocking a powerful connection is the story of Dana White
and Lorenzo Fertitta. You might recognize those names. Those are two of the three former owners
of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, which was just sold
for four billion dollars. I'm paying attention. The story goes that Dana and Lorenzo
were high school acquaintances.
04:00 - 04:30 They went to high school together
until Dana got kicked out, which is the ultimate way
to become a dormant tie, and about ten years later, the two reconnected
at a high school friend's wedding. They found out that they shared
a mutual love of prize fighting. Dana was managing
a few early UFC fighters. Lorenzo was working
in his family's casino business, serving on the boxing commission. They reconnected
over the love of prize fighting, and they did what most of us do
when we meet an old friend.
04:30 - 05:00 We go, "Well, that was great,
we should do it again sometime soon." But unlike us, they actually did. (Laughter) A couple weeks later, Dana found out that the original owners
of the UFC were losing money and were looking
to get rid of the franchise. So, he calls his new old friend,
Lorenzo, and he says, "Hey, I think the UFC is for sale,
and I think you should buy it." And they do, and they give Dana
ten percent, which is awesome.
05:00 - 05:30 The combination of Dana's
knowledge of the sport, Lorenzo's connections
with the athletic commission, makes for a powerful connection
that would have never happened had two friends not reconnected
at a high school wedding. Now I know what you're thinking,
if your take away is, "Go to more high school
weddings and reunions,” that doesn't solve
the awkwardness problem. So try this. Make a list of four or five people
you haven't talked to in a while. Scroll all the way down to the bottom
of your friend list on Facebook and reach back out to those people. You don't have to have an agenda,
in fact, that's what makes it awkward.
05:30 - 06:00 Just reach out and see
where the conversation goes. You'd be amazed. But there are times where you have to
step outside of your circle, and when you do, the best way to do that
is actually to go through your circle. When you have to meet new connections, the best way to do it
is through friends of friends. Maybe you've heard the term
"six degrees of separation," or maybe you've played the game
"Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"? The truth is, in study after study,
almost the entire world
06:00 - 06:30 really is connected
by five or six introductions. And the majority
of your professional world is probably connected by one or two. So, when you need to meet a new person,
start asking current friends, "Who do you know in 'blank'?" With 'blank' being whatever industry
or region or sector that you're trying to meet new people in,
and then ask for the introduction. Go through the friend of a friend. You would be amazed
at the breadth of the network, just one degree
of separation out from you.
06:30 - 07:00 That breadth certainly surprised
Michelle Mckenna-Doyle when she was looking for a new job. Michelle grew up in the south,
all of her brothers played football, they were a football family. Her father believed that one day,
one of his kids would make it in the NFL. And Michelle took a different path,
she didn't play football, she studied accounting. She actually transitioned
mid-career to IT. Eventually, she became
the chief information officer of companies like Walt Disney World
and Universal Studios. And one day she found herself
on the NFL website - she was checking
her fantasy football league -
07:00 - 07:30 she scrolls down,
notices in the career tab that there's a job
that sounds an awful lot like her, but it wasn't listed as CIO
and she had no connections to the NFL. So she started feeling out
her network through friends. She found a dormant tie, an old colleague
who worked with her at a prior company and now worked
at an executive search firm. But that firm wasn't handling the search,
but he knew who was. So he makes the introduction. So, if you're keeping track, we've got one weak tie
and one introduction,
07:30 - 08:00 and now Michelle is interviewing
in front of the executives at the NFL. She's convincing them
that they need a CIO, and she's convincing them
that it needs to be her. She gets the offer, she accepts the job,
and on the day she starts, she becomes the highest level
female executive in the NFL ever, up to that point. And her father finally gets to see
one of his kids make it in the NFL. (Laughter) There are those times
where you meet random strangers, and when you do,
08:00 - 08:30 the research suggests that maybe
you should try a little different tactic than that question we all love: "So, what do you do?" Instead, ask about hobbies, ask about passions, find shared non-work interests. The research suggests that the more and more diverse ways
that we connect with another person, the deeper the relationship
that we build faster. It's not really a work-friends
versus real-friends thing, we're all just friends,
so find a non-work reason to connect.
08:30 - 09:00 One of my favorite examples of this
is a friend and fellow writer, John Levy, and John is known for throwing
some of the most amazing dinner parties with some of the world's
most influential people. The reason they're so effective
is that when guests arrive, John asks them to refrain from saying
their name and occupation, pairs two people together,
and then he assigns them tasks. And so now you have two strangers
that can't use their usual script and just learned they have to cook
their own dinner,
09:00 - 09:30 (Laughter) and they have to find non-work reasons
to get to know each other. As a result, when the dinner's over, they leave better connected
to each other and to their host. And what started as a simple dinner
among a few strangers has compounded over the years,
to where John is entertaining best-selling authors,
award-winning musicians, Nobel Prize Laureates,
one time even royalty. And to say that this has had
a positive effect on John's career is like the understatement of the day.
09:30 - 10:00 But it's also provided some amazing
opportunities for adventure and for deep, close relationships. Okay, I know what you might be thinking. "I don't know how to host
a dinner party for royalty." I don't either, and that high school weddings thing
still makes me feel awkward. I've skipped every one
of my high school reunions. But when we look at the research
and when we redefine networking, these three ideas are something
that we can make our own without feeling all that awkward. Reconnect with our old friends,
turn work friends into real friends,
10:00 - 10:30 and connect through friends of friends. But there's a deeper reason for taking
a science approach to networking, and that's that your network
has a massive effect on you. Maybe you've heard the phrase, "Show me your friends,
and I'll show you your future?" You probably haven't heard it
since you were a teenager, because we usually tell it to teenagers
to get them to stop hanging out with that scruffy kid
from down the street.
10:30 - 11:00 (Laughter) But the truth is, your friends affect you
more than you know, and so do their friends. About ten years ago, two researchers,
Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, conducted one of the largest
social network studies ever. They used health data
from the Framingham heart study, which was the largest
and longest-running health study ever, and they found, well, they found
that your friends make you fat. (Laughter) They found out
that if you have obese friends,
11:00 - 11:30 you are more likely yourself to be obese. So your friends make you fat,
but so do their friends, and so do their friends' friends. They found that your friend
of a friend of a friend, even if you've never met them, has a statistically significant
influence on your weight. And the truth is, we don't know why. We don't know why it's so strong,
three degrees of influence out, but that hasn't stopped Christakis
and Fowler from looking, conducted similar studies,
one of smoking rates, and found the same level of influence
three degrees of separation out.
11:30 - 12:00 And then, the most fascinating study
was of happiness. The two found out
that your friends make you happy. I mean, it's no surprise, right? If you have a bunch of friends
who are happy with their life, you're more likely to be happy with yours. But so do their friends,
and again, so do their friends' friends. If your friend of a friend
of a friend is happy with her life, then you have a six percent greater
likelihood of being happy with yours.
12:00 - 12:30 All right, six percent, big deal, right? But consider, that if I gave you
a $10,000 raise, that would only increase
your happiness two percent. So your friend of a friend of a friend,
even if you've never met, has a greater influence on your life
happiness than your salary. That is perhaps why this is so important. That's why we need
this approach to networking. That's why we need to redefine it, not as meeting total strangers
at cocktail parties, but as knowing who's a friend
and who's a friend of a friend.
12:30 - 13:00 Because it's about more
than just getting promoted more. It's about more
than just making more money. It's about how happy you are
with your life. I mean, it really is, "Show me your friends,
and I'll show you your future," but it's also, "Show me your friend of a friend,
and I'll show you your future." Thank you all so much for having me. (Applause)