Infuriating Things Avoidants Say! 😤🫣😭

Summary

In this video, Corri T discusses the infuriating things people with avoidant attachment styles often say, which can be incredibly frustrating for their partners. These remarks can make partners feel unseen and unappreciated, as they face emotional blocks that limit their relationship's growth. Corri emphasizes the importance of addressing these issues constructively and offers spaces in her Conscious Creators Masters Academy for those wanting to embark on a transformational healing process to better deal with such challenges.

Highlights

• Avoidants often say things that can be perceived as gaslighting, such as 'you're just overthinking it.' 😡
• Statements like 'nothing I ever do is good enough for you' often reflect the avoidant's own internal struggles. 😢
• Avoidants may avoid accountability by dismissing issues or comments made by their partners. 🙅‍♂️
• The idea that life's too short for too many problems can be a way for avoidants to escape working through issues. 🏃‍♀️
• While frustrating, it's important to realize avoidants don't intentionally cause harm; they struggle with emotional expression. 🤔

Key Takeaways

• People with avoidant attachment styles often inadvertently frustrate their partners with dismissive comments. 😤
• Effective communication is crucial in dealing with avoidant partners to prevent feeling unseen and unappreciated. 💬
• Corri T offers guidance through her 12-week Conscious Creators Masters Academy, aimed at personal growth and healing. 🌱
• Avoidant behaviors aren't set in stone; change is possible with effort and the right support. 🔄
• Understanding your own attachment style and working to change it can significantly improve your relationships. ❤️

Overview

Navigating relationships with someone who has an avoidant attachment style can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Corri T explores the common phrases such individuals use, which often leave their partners feeling frustrated and unseen. Recognizing these patterns can help partners understand that the issue isn't personal but a result of the avoidant's internal struggles.

While these comments can hurt, they don't reflect an avoidant's incapability of change. Corri T highlights that with constructive communication and understanding, individuals with avoidant attachments can work towards healthier emotional expressions. She advocates for patience and the strategic choosing of moments to discuss relationship hurdles.

Corri T's Conscious Creators Masters Academy offers a 12-week program tailored to those seeking personal growth and healing from such relational dynamics. She emphasizes letting go of limiting narratives, understanding emotional responses, and creating new, positive patterns for a more fulfilling relationship experience.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Introduction Introduction: The video discusses common statements made by individuals with avoidant attachment styles, which can be frustrating and triggering for others. The list serves to validate the feelings of those who experience these interactions, emphasizing the stress and misunderstanding that often accompany them.
• 01:30 - 05:00: Things Avoidants Say - Part 1 The chapter discusses the importance of being truly understood by a loved one in a relationship. It explores the emotional limitation one might feel when faced with avoidant behaviors, leading to frustration. This sets the stage for further discussion on the impacts of such dynamics in a relationship.
• 05:30 - 09:00: Things Avoidants Say - Part 2 This chapter continues discussing the themes introduced in 'Things Avoidants Say - Part 1'. It emphasizes the importance of healing and transformation through structured programs such as the Conscious Creators Masters Academy. The speaker highlights the benefits of being part of a community and participating in weekly sharing circles led by themselves, which they describe as transformative and ‘where the magic happens’. The chapter also invites interested individuals to explore joining the program through a Discovery call.
• 09:30 - 13:00: Reflection and Advice The chapter 'Reflection and Advice' discusses the tendency of avoidant people in relationships to perceive conflict resolution and emotional discussions as unnecessary hassles. Avoidants often wish to have an uncomplicated life where they don't need to confront their feelings or relationship issues, believing this would lead to easier living. However, the avoidance strategy inadvertently complicates their lives by not addressing issues that could resolve tensions and foster healthier relationships.

Infuriating Things Avoidants Say! 😤🫣😭 Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 so in this video we are going to talk about 20 things that you might have heard someone who has an avoidant attachment Style say and oh my god I've written this list and I'm going to go through it but they're so infuriating it's uh a triggering list guys and I'm sure that you guys will be able to relate so if um you have experienced these things know that it is stressful when you're on the other side of this because you feel really unseen really not stood and you don't feel like
• 00:30 - 01:00 the person that you're with that you love is really getting you which is so important in a relationship because you want to be able to express your full self and the thing is that when you feel like you can't and you're met with this block of these comments like an avoidant will say you feel like you can only go so far emotionally in the relationship and it feels very very frustrating so before I get into this video I'd like to let you know that I have got six spaces
• 01:00 - 01:30 left on my conscious creators Masters Academy if you would like to heal go on an incredible transformational process over 12 weeks there's 24 sessions incredible guest speakers and you get to speak to me every week in a sharing Circle which is where the magic happens it's really incredible the community that's formed in this really special small group so if you would like to talk to me about what of these spaces then let me know there's a 30 minute Discovery call that we can do okay so
• 01:30 - 02:00 these annoying things that avoidance say so relationships shouldn't be this hard so often avoidance um just they would they just want to have an easy life where they don't have to um think about their feelings and their uh things that are coming up conflict in the relationship and they think that life would be easier if um they didn't have to talk about it but the thing is that they actually make life a lot harder for themselves by not talking about things
• 02:00 - 02:30 so you're just overthinking it this is so incredibly gasy isn't it you're just overthinking no I'm not I have a feeling and I want to express it and I want you to be able to listen to me so that's very avoidant why are you always looking for a problem we didn't have any problems before you started making them up this isn't very nice either is it it's again gaslighting it's um trying to
• 02:30 - 03:00 find a way out of taking accountability I never asked you to do that this is a horrible one to be on the receiving end of because you've put loads of effort into something and they've uh dismissed it or gone quiet and you wanted um you know some kind of appreciation and they said well I didn't ask you to do that anyway horrible um nothing I ever do is good enough for you this one is interesting
• 03:00 - 03:30 because it's basically the way they feel about themselves um and they're feeling like that because they literally don't know how to um understand how to have these conversations how to meet you emotionally where you are so they feel like they're not good enough and it makes them uh feel that feeling that they might have felt for a long time that yeah they just don't feel good enough and until they face that feeling that's there whether you're there or not um they're always to feel like that and
• 03:30 - 04:00 it's just coming out in this relationship as nothing I ever do is good enough for you because you're bringing um you know things that have come up in the relationship that are not really big problems they're just maybe conversations that you need to have and it's really really hard for someone who's got an avoidant attachment style to sit with that discomfort you've been watching too many videos on Instagram again this is like saying I don't believe that you have your own
• 04:00 - 04:30 mind I don't believe that you've got your own thoughts and opinions about things and I'm just going to brush it off to a video that you watched on Instagram I know I definitely don't want to watch that video that you're trying to show me because I'm not interested in any of this stuff you know you're into those videos and I'm not um that's a very frustrating one um yeah I'm not good enough for you um that's one that um people avoidant people will often say
• 04:30 - 05:00 um or people who have an avoidant attachment style at this time will say I'm not good enough for you because they just feel overwhelmed with the person that they need to become in order to meet you where you are or they perceive that you are cuz you're not perfect either they just can't they can't see it like that they're seeing like um I need to be everything I need to be a certain way I need to be this I need to be that I need to have enough money I need to have a career I need to and like often
• 05:00 - 05:30 um people who are avoidant feel like they're never in the right place to be good enough for a relationship and that might be due to you know the way they grew up and their parents often putting demands on them or them feeling that they had to perform or do something to get approval why do we have to talk about this again how frustrating is this one it's I mean often when you've you've brought something up it's you want wanting to
• 05:30 - 06:00 talk about it because it's not being resolved it's not being resolved and you want to have that okay I feel seen we've got to the bottom of this and you what you want is someone to go right I can see that there's a problem and it's me and you versus the problem not me versus you and so someone who has an avoidant attachment style will automatically feel threatened they'll automatically feel like okay I've done something wrong so they feel attacked
• 06:00 - 06:30 um so that's why talking about things can feel so uncomfortable Life's too short to have too many problems or so many problems again this is just trying to find any way of getting out of accountability I've had a really busy day and now you're giving me all this to deal with horrible to be on the receiving end of that I mean okay the thing is that you have got to pick your moments when you bring up these things if someone see like they're really
• 06:30 - 07:00 stressed they're really tired then it's not the right moment to bring up something you want to choose the moments that feel um like they're appropriate to bring up something that you know might be a difficult conversation and not going in all guns blazing because that will inevitably cause more problems and then that's your part in this right choose your moments and they and you know what I found in the past is that there never seems to be a right moment
• 07:00 - 07:30 because there's always a reason with someone who has an avoidant attachment style why they can't talk about something that you need to work through um I don't do emotions they do do emotions they're just behind their fear basically they've got a deep well of emotions what should we watch on Netflix okay what should we watch on Netflix as in let's do something that doesn't involve too much interaction
• 07:30 - 08:00 I just need space they do need space and time and sometimes it's a lot of time um and you have to ask yourself if you're willing if it was going to be like this forever will you be would you be willing to give them all this space you're the love of my life but I just can't be with you right now that's a really frustrating one isn't it because it's like I know this person loves me I know this person loves me more than they've ever loved
• 08:00 - 08:30 anyone yet they will not be with me what the hell is that about and it makes you think well what do I need to do again it's not your problem and they also haven't learned to love themselves so until they do that it's very difficult for them to give you the love that they know that you would need and that you that you deserve um I can't give you what you want kind of a similar thing I just want a peace peaceful life I don't want all of these problems you're too sensitive it's not
• 08:30 - 09:00 that big of a deal again gaslighting not nice to be on the receiving end of I don't see the point in bringing up the past again avoiding accountability one day one day we'll be together just not now uh there's many more but I mean if you listen to that list and you you think okay my friend just told me that her partner or someone she seeing said
• 09:00 - 09:30 all these things what would you say you'd say no that's not right you've got to do you can do better than that and this person is clearly not in the right place to have a relationship and waiting and wondering and trying to show them content isn't going to help you've got to basically let go and let God yeah because when someone's like this it is like having a relationship
• 09:30 - 10:00 with with a brick wall and you feel like you're just being ignored and it's very re-triggering and re-traumatizing because it brings up your wounds in your past and that's not nice and the the reflection is what's making you stay what's making you stay that's the bigger question yeah no it's not a nice question so it's time to take your power back it's time to raise your standards with immediate effect
• 10:00 - 10:30 from right now without any warning and live that way okay and you might need to understand some parts of yourself you might need to learn and have the support to create new behavioral um responses to things like this that happen in your life because inevitably there will be a lot of feelings that come up when someone says these things to you when you're in a relationship or you want to be close to someone who is basically pushing you away they don't mean any
• 10:30 - 11:00 harm they're not bad people they just don't know how to handle their own emotions and it's not for you to fix avoidance can change that's why I don't like to say they're avoidant and that's that you know it's more like people who have an avoidant attachment style can change you might identify with an anxious attachment style the anxious attachment Style again is not you it's just what you've been doing and I would
• 11:00 - 11:30 say one of the best ways to start healing it is to stop identifying with it stop telling everybody that you've got an an anxious attachment style because that reinforces the story and makes you look for that evidence and then you think oh no I'm not healed yeah and and then it perpetuates the story so it's one of the things I talk about in the conscious Creator Masters Academy um which helps you to let go of the old narrative and create a new one so I hope you found this video
• 11:30 - 12:00 useful if you'd like any more information about the conscious creators Masters Academy if you'd like to take one of those last six spaces we start on the 21st of February it's going to be incredible 12 weeks and I would love to see you there and if not I'll see you in the next video bye