SHOULD [You actually can't make people feel things]

Summary

In this thought-provoking discussion led by hoe_math, the focus is on how past relationships and behaviors influence current ones, specifically from a male perspective. The creator delves into the controversial topic of body counts, cultural standards, and why these topics elicit strong reactions. The narrative explores the idea of "icks," emotional judgments that can shift perceptions without conscious reasoning. Ultimately, the message suggests that these perceptions are deeply embedded and challenging to reform.

Highlights

• hoe_math dives into why body counts are a big deal for some men. 🎯
• The concept of 'icks' reveals how past actions influence present feelings. 😬
• A discussion unfolds on the dichotomy of expectations between genders. 👫
• Real-life anecdotes underscore the significance of past romantic history. 📚
• Examining societal norms around dating uncovers deeper emotional truths. 🔍

Key Takeaways

• Body counts matter to many men, impacting perceptions in relationships. 🤔
• Past behaviors can create 'icks' that affect future romantic possibilities. 📉
• Understanding the male perspective can illuminate common dating dynamics. 🔍
• Judgment based on past actions is more about emotional reaction than rational thought. 💭
• The social construction of feelings is questioned, emphasizing inherent emotional responses. 🔄

Overview

hoe_math tackles the contentious issue of dating history, particularly focusing on why body counts matter to some men. This video is a roller-coaster through societal norms and emotional truths, where the creator dissects why certain past behaviors elicit strong reactions from men.

By introducing the concept of 'icks,' hoe_math highlights how unnoticed feelings and judgments arise from past actions. These 'icks' aren't just analytical judgments but more profound, almost involuntary emotional reactions that can shift entire perspectives.

With candid discussions and real-life examples, the video drives home the idea that past romantic choices follow us like shadows. From personal anecdotes to broader societal critiques, hoe_math emphasizes that what we consider trivial might be significant to others in ways we don't fully understand.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Introduction and Thoughts on Dating History The chapter titled 'Introduction and Thoughts on Dating History' explores the complexities of how past dating experiences or 'body counts' affect current dating perceptions. The discussion reveals that while people might claim indifference towards a partner's past, these histories often matter significantly to individuals in different ways. The narrator expresses a willingness to listen to a partner's past without judgment and emphasizes the importance of understanding that everyone's previous relationships can carry weight in new ones.
• 01:00 - 02:00: Judgment and Standards in Relationships The chapter discusses how judgment plays a role in relationships, emphasizing how past actions can have lasting impacts on current perceptions. The speaker talks about judging someone's past actions, specifically related to high school experiences, and how these judgments affect their decision on whether to pursue a deeper relationship or not. The speaker uses a metaphor of a contract to describe the relationship terms, indicating limited trust and unwillingness to invest further. The chapter reflects on how such judgments might lead to setting boundaries or limits in a relationship.
• 02:00 - 03:00: The 'Ick' Factor The 'Ick' Factor explores the nuances of why women might get 'the ick' in dating situations. The transcript discusses the 'ick indicator' as a hypothetical tool to comprehend the reasons behind women losing interest when a man shows weakness. It categorizes the 'ick' into two types: one for being 'not manly enough' and the other for being 'too girly or feminine.' The chapter challenges the notion that past dating history should influence present judgment, suggesting that current interactions are more significant.
• 03:00 - 04:00: Personal Experience with Relationship Disgust This chapter explores personal experiences of relationship disgust, often referred to as 'ick.' It discusses how certain behaviors, such as being unprepared or overprepared for situations, can trigger disgust in relationships. The narrative highlights a specific example where a man's effort to stay safe by carrying bear spray is met with disdain rather than appreciation by his partner. The chapter emphasizes that 'ick' is an emotional reaction rather than a rational judgment of one's partner.
• 04:00 - 05:00: Social Construction of Feelings The chapter discusses how feelings are often not a result of rational thought processes but are socially constructed and experienced instantaneously. It highlights the idea of 'ick,' a concept describing a sudden feeling of disgust or distaste that can occur without conscious decision-making. An example given is the potential change in perception of someone based on discovering something unappealing from their past. The chapter also hints at using resources like short summaries from Shortform to quickly understand general attitudes towards men and women.
• 05:00 - 06:00: Men's True Feelings and Relationship Prospects The chapter discusses how men's feelings can be influenced by a partner's past dating history. The narrator describes a situation involving a woman who has dated several of his friends, which leads to feelings of disgust and discomfort. This scenario emphasizes the potential impact of past relationships on current prospects, particularly in a close-knit group like a fraternity. The narrator expresses that knowing a prospective partner's history with friends can be unsettling, portraying a candid insight into how such dynamics can affect men's perception of relationships.
• 06:00 - 07:00: Importance of Careful Streaming in Relationships The chapter discusses the complexities of forming relationships when past actions interfere with the liking process. The speaker reflects on personal experiences where initial attraction is thwarted upon learning about a partner's past actions, which conflicts with his feelings and leads to the need to find reasons to end the relationship. The narrative highlights the importance of understanding and coming to terms with a partner's history while navigating personal emotions.
• 07:00 - 08:00: Discussion on Wedding Ring Expectations The chapter explores perceptions and expectations surrounding wedding rings, delving into societal norms and personal feelings. It questions the notion of preferences being socially constructed and highlights individual emotional responses. Additionally, it touches on personal anecdotes, such as letting someone stay over during difficult times and encountering unexpected personal belongings, like stripper clothes.
• 08:00 - 09:00: Final Thoughts on Relationship Standards The chapter discusses the unexpected discovery of someone making items for strippers, leading to revelations about her past work in a strip club. It reflects on the theme of skepticism and trust in relationships, emphasizing caution around letting people into personal spaces. The speaker suggests that while discussions about how men should feel are prevalent, men may choose to hide their true feelings, highlighting issues of honesty and communication in relationships.

SHOULD [You actually can't make people feel things] Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 and I don't feel like people should care about your your past dating history if I'm on a date with you now why do you think guys care so much about body counts it's a good question I don't have a clue me neither yeah he does we all do all of these things matter in different ways to everybody but they all matter and this one matters a lot and too many women don't get that if we get to talking and your past comes up you know I promise you I will listen and I won't say nothing to you but I swear to God
• 00:30 - 01:00 I'm judging oh I'm judging I can't look past you telling me that you got in high school I'm sorry I can't I I won't say anything to you and we can continue the date but but as far as you getting cuffed oh you're cooked baby that's it no there's no way the fact that I know it happened now I still think that it can happen again you can still come over like I'm telling you but that's that's your max contract you're not getting a signing bonus you're not getting extension that's it I'm judging and I'm judging every word like what that's probably what I would do too some women
• 01:00 - 01:30 seem to think we shouldn't do this it's just a weird thing to ask and I don't feel like people should care about your your past dating history if I'm on a date with you now here's why that's really really really really dumb this is the ick indicator it's a tool for understanding why women get the ick which is when you do something that shows weakness and then she doesn't like you anymore there are two types of X type one is not manly enough and type two is too girly too feminine too
• 01:30 - 02:00 affected by your environment for example not spending enough on a date is not enough of a man and too cold is all poor baby is the environment hurting you they're arranged in order of these are your fault and these are her fault she's unsalvageable get rid of her I saw this one happen in real life a guy clipped bear spray to his belt and his girlfriend said you're such a baby and there were Bears I saw four of them the reason I bring it up is that an ick is not a judgment it's a feeling women
• 02:00 - 02:30 don't get out a pen and paper and go should I feel gross right now they just do and when you are lacking Purity that is a male ick we don't think about it we just feel it the same way that you do we might think of you as a keeper and then we go oh you did what in college by the way if you want to learn about men or women fast you should try short form it's just the best parts of books Link in the comments so this attitude and I don't feel like people
• 02:30 - 03:00 should care about your your past dating history if doesn't matter let this poor bastard explain it to you I'm in a predicament here I'm talking to this chick I'm talking with her three of them in the room were like oh we already hit that's brutal you know and I'm the fraternity I know these guys they aren't the nicest dude and it's not three bro she's [ __ ] seven of my friends every time I look at her I just get this doing of like otal disgust and I immediately just got like oh seven of the Bros have been in there which is not chill she's
• 03:00 - 03:30 literally like everything I want in a woman and I would probably marry her if she hadn't seven of my Bros did you hear that he wants to like her but when he knows what she did he can't just like you can't like a guy when he does something icky this has happened to me several times I will meet a girl she waits a while for me to get attached and then she says by the way I did all this and I go a now I need a reason to end it and then I do oh I just don't know where
• 03:30 - 04:00 I'm going to be in 3 weeks you know it's crazy it's not a conscious process it's just a feeling I just don't want that you may have been lied to probably by someone who looks like this about these feelings being a social construction but this is what that sounds like to us you don't actually like this guy instead of me that's a social construction doesn't change your mind does it I once let a girl stay with me cuz she was having a hard time and I found stripper clothes
• 04:00 - 04:30 laying around and I said what is this and she said oh I make those for strippers and I said why do you know so many strippers and she said I used to work at a strip club not as a dancer just selling drinks and I was like H H so just the probability that she was lying was enough don't just let people move in with you by the way so you can Yap and Yap all you want about what you think men should feel but we're not going to stop feeling it we're just going to lie to you I I won't say
• 04:30 - 05:00 anything to you and we can continue the date you can still come over like I'm telling you but that's that's your max contract you're not getting a signing bonus you're not getting extension that's it maybe you'd rather hear it from a woman listen to her so as women we need to be very careful about who we entertain trust and believe if you meet a respectable man and he finds out that you linked dated entertained a Fu boy he is going to silently judge you there are a lot of men who will meet you think you're beautiful think you're smart
• 05:00 - 05:30 think you have a lot going for yourself and that they will find out that you entertained that guy and it's an immediate turnoff he is not going to respect you at the time it's all fun and games but these things do follow us in our dating history no man wants to be walking around hand inand with a girl and other men are talking about her laughing at her fun is fun but you still have to use brain when you're entertaining men because don't let today's enjoyment mess up tomorrow's prospects guess who never learned that lesson let's let her talk a little more
• 05:30 - 06:00 the lowest amount of money a guy should spend on a wedding ring for you oh it should be like for sure 30 40K with standards here would you be would you have been a little upset if it was 10K yeah probably how do you come to that number well I was like trying to be polite and you know how there's the typical supposed to be like 3 months of their salary like did what 3 months of his was and then I lowered it a bit and left some left some cushions so I was like this this would be to be sufficient what's the worst question you can get asked on a first date what's your number like body count yeah just a weird thing
• 06:00 - 06:30 to ask why do you think guys care so much about body counts it's a good question I don't have a clue I find videos to react to when people recommend them they're usually pretty popular do you understand why this one was popular This girl wants a $4,000 ring but you're not allowed to ask about her past we have standards here and by we she means just her no standards for men especially this one not allowed except that we're going to have them anyway we just won't
• 06:30 - 07:00 tell you about them and then you'll never figure out the reason that the answer to what are we is always oh we're just friends