Should You WAIT For Her To Choose You? @AustinDunhamDating

Summary

In this video, Austin Dunham, a familiar face on the internet, and the host delve into the nuances of dating strategies and whether men should wait for women to choose them. The discussion covers personal experiences, the importance of self-improvement, and how different strategies align with one's personality and goals. They touch on the benefits and drawbacks of both waiting for women to show interest and actively pursuing them. Both hosts agree that self-improvement and finding what suits your lifestyle are essential elements of successful dating.

Highlights

• Austin Dunham shares his personal journey from self-improvement to mastering dating. 💪
• The debate between waiting for women to choose you versus actively pursuing them. 🔍
• Importance of aligning dating strategies with your lifestyle and personality. 🌟
• How practicing rejection can build confidence and social abilities. 👍
• The significance of experiencing genuine desire from women for fulfilling relationships. ❤️

Key Takeaways

• Self-improvement plays a crucial role in attracting women and developing confidence. 💪
• Waiting for women to choose you can work if self-improvement aligns with this strategy. 🌟
• Actively pursuing women can build social skills but requires managing rejection. 👍
• Finding a dating approach that complements your personality and lifestyle is vital. 🔍
• Different strategies work for different people; understanding your strengths is key. 📊

Overview

Austin Dunham and the host delve into the age-old question of whether men should wait for women to choose them. Through personal anecdotes, they explore how self-improvement and strategically aligned dating efforts can impact romantic success. Austin shares insights from his journey, highlighting how dedication to personal growth has influenced his dating life and overall confidence.

The conversation pivots around the pros and cons of different dating strategies. Austin argues in favor of letting women choose due to the time and effort constraints he perceives from pursuing different methods. The host pushes for an active approach to improve social skills and build resilience against rejection—elements he sees as beneficial in all aspects of life.

Ultimately, the duo emphasizes tailoring dating strategies to individual needs and lifestyles. By sharing their experiences, they underline how understanding one’s strengths and personality traits can lead to more satisfying interactions in the dating world. They encourage viewers to experiment with different strategies to find what works best for them.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction: Should You Wait for Her to Choose You? The chapter introduces the concept of whether men should wait for women to choose them in relationships. It discusses the hypothetical scenario of ten men in a room waiting for a woman to choose them, and suggests that most would not end up with the woman they desire. The author expresses skepticism about this passive approach and suggests that men should actively pursue situations where women choose them, rather than just waiting.
• 00:30 - 01:30: Self-Improvement and the Long Game The chapter discusses the concept of self-improvement over a long period, highlighting the idea that substantial changes in one's appearance and self-perception can take years of consistent effort. It mentions Austin as an example, noting how his transformation from an average-looking 18-year-old to his current impressive appearance was achieved through years of self-improvement. This transformation process is described as positive narcissism, where one continuously seeks areas for improvement and acts on them to enhance their overall persona.
• 01:30 - 02:30: Effort and Self-Improvement This chapter discusses the importance of self-improvement and effort, particularly in the context of personal appearance and style. It highlights a common reluctance among men to put effort into improving themselves, with the author noting that many men dismiss actions like upgrading their wardrobe or hairstyle as unnecessary. The chapter includes an example of making a video to demonstrate how to take good photos, highlighting that many perceive such actions as requiring too much effort. The author challenges this perception, advocating for putting effort into self-improvement as a means of enhancing one's life.
• 02:30 - 03:30: Choosing the Right Strategy The chapter, titled 'Choosing the Right Strategy,' discusses the effort involved in various self-improvement strategies. It suggests that improving personal attributes like charisma and confidence requires considerable effort, akin to approaches men use to attract women. The narrative suggests those who dismiss self-improvement as too much effort likely don't care enough or aren't destined to see results regardless. It advises choosing a strategy that aligns with one's strengths and accepting the effort required for growth.
• 03:30 - 05:00: Introduction of Austin and His Background The chapter titled 'Introduction of Austin and His Background' sets the stage for the discussion around personal dating strategies. The narrative begins by emphasizing that one's dating strategy should align with their lifestyle, personality, and personal goals. It introduces Austin, who adopts a unique dating approach where he lets women choose him, as opposed to actively pursuing them. This strategy is a result of his past experiences which led to frustration and wasted time when he tried the traditional method of courting women. The chapter hints at a deeper exploration into Austin's dating philosophy and background.
• 05:00 - 06:30: Analyzing Different Dating Strategies Austin Dunham, known for his presence on the internet over the past decade, initially gained recognition through his content on bodyweight strength training and fitness. After achieving his fitness goals, he shifted his focus to mastering dating strategies. Now, he shares insights on fashion, fitness, and dating, offering advice and strategies related to these areas.
• 06:30 - 07:30: Ego and Dating Preferences The chapter discusses the concept of waiting for women to choose men in the context of dating. It features a discussion led by a person who has been advocating this approach for several years. The chapter aims to address whether this strategy is effective or not, emphasizing that while it might work for some, it might not be successful for the majority of men. The speaker intends to cover the advantages and disadvantages of their dating approach.
• 07:30 - 09:00: The Importance of Genuine Desire The chapter titled 'The Importance of Genuine Desire' explores the speaker's perspective on dating, emphasizing personal experiences and perspectives. The speaker admits to having a large ego and discusses how this affects his choices in relationships. He mentions feeling the need for validation by dating women he perceives as the best he can attract, indicating that his desire in relationships is significantly influenced by ego and self-perception.
• 09:00 - 10:30: Social Skills and Experiences The chapter discusses social interactions, particularly focusing on how individuals perceive and approach others based on physical attractiveness. It portrays a scenario where the speaker evaluates the interest shown by girls in a social setting, interpreting their cues like hair twirling as signs of flirtation. However, he internally debates settling for someone he deems 'average' versus holding out for someone he considers more attractive. The narrative reveals underlying themes of self-esteem, social standards of beauty, and personal choices in social experiences.
• 10:30 - 12:00: Introverts vs. Extroverts in Dating The chapter explores the dynamics between introverts and extroverts in the dating world, highlighting the role of ego. It discusses personal experiences related to ego and dating, particularly focusing on how one's ego affects their approach to dating. The conversation reflects on past experiences, such as attempting to engage with 'the prettiest girls,' and how these experiences shaped one's dating strategy and self-perception.
• 12:00 - 13:30: Burnout and Pursuing Women The chapter discusses personal experiences and reflections on social interactions and relationships. The narrator shares a specific instance of delayed communication in a potential romantic engagement, highlighting the dynamics and self-awareness in such situations. The narrator expresses a sense of belonging and confidence through interactions with highly attractive women. This sense of accomplishment feeds into the narrator's ego, reinforcing their self-worth and identity in social and romantic contexts. The chapter delves into themes of self-validation and personal growth through social experiences.
• 13:30 - 15:00: Challenges and the Numbers Game The chapter discusses the complexities of dating preferences and self-esteem. The speakers explore the idea of balancing ego and settling for less when choosing partners. They suggest that while it's possible to pursue attractive partners, it's not always wise to let ego dictate choices, emphasizing the importance of making balanced decisions in relationships.
• 15:00 - 16:00: Conclusion: Choosing the Right Dating Strategy The chapter discusses the importance of practicality and logic in choosing a dating strategy. It contrasts chasing physically attractive partners to finding someone who may not be as attractive but offers stability and fulfillment. The narrator emphasizes being results-driven and the value of consistent outcomes in the choice of a partner.

Should You WAIT For Her To Choose You? @AustinDunhamDating Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 so you read the title of this video should you wait for girls to choose you I agree I really think that they should but when I think of that term waiting for girls to choose you I think about it at a grand scale if we put 10 men put him in a room would they land the girl they wanted if they had to wait for her to choose him I say no I say no so that's why I always push back a bit where if you want to get to a point where the girls are choosing you
• 00:30 - 01:00 it's going to take some some I'm going to say years of self-improvement now I'm going to say an assumption about Austin real quick before you introduces himself Austin if you saw him my 18 years old okay you know handsome guy but you know nothing too crazy but you see him now it's like whoa so it's like it took what five six seven years yeah of constantly looking yourself like I can improve that okay I can improve this hair I can get lean it's it was constant in a way what I call positive narcissism
• 01:00 - 01:30 like constantly looking at yourself I can improve I can get a better outfit I can get better shoes I can try a different hairstyle most dudes will never do that but why not I say why not because men are lazy for example I'm I'm Legit going to make a video on this after this video I made a video you know how we're at that restaurant taking pictures pict pictures right yeah I made a video breaking down how to do that people said too much effort men really do this much to get take photos but it's
• 01:30 - 02:00 also a lot of it's a lot of effort not improving at the same time too so what's vice versa you increase your uh Charisma confidence you approach a lot of women that's even more effort true like so like either way it's it's a lot of effort so the guys who are saying it's too much effort to self-improve are the guys who either don't care or wouldn't get results either way that's the way I look at it so you pick pick your degree of effort and then pick the one that falls more in line with the things that you have strengths for and the
• 02:00 - 02:30 your sort of strategy which we're going to talk about our dating strategies and your dating strategy Falls in line with your lifestyle your um personality and what you personally want to accomplish and that's why I conceived my personal dating strategy of allowing the woman to choose me because I tried the other way and it just led to more so increasing frustration and time wasted but we can get into that so I'm sorry Austin didn't even I can't speak Austin didn't even introduce himself Austin go ahead and
• 02:30 - 03:00 some people who don't know yeah what's up everybody my name is Austin Dunham uh you guys have probably seen my face somewhere on the internet over the past 10 years uh started off first doing callousness content teaching how to get strong with your body weight because my goal is to maximize my strength and overall uh my looks in terms of fitness and so I mastered that area of my life U my next challenge was mastering the art of women and dating um and so mastered that then I started talking about that and you know now I talk about fashion Fitness dating topics related to um you
• 03:00 - 03:30 know getting women more so to choose you as Chad talked about and I've been doing that for a few years now beautiful so today's video the topic is should you wait for girls to choose you like I said the answer is yes right but when I think about it on a grand scale cuz see I teach this to people I teach it and I think for most men if they waited they won't get anything so my whole thing is this we're going to talk about pros of my dating Style and cons of it and pros
• 03:30 - 04:00 of his dating style and the cons of it so I'll go first with my first pro for me personally I I'm I'm GNA do this like a from a subjective standpoint where it's personal I have a big ego I think Austin can confirm some of the girls I've not I've said ah I don't really like her I don't find her attractive she's like what he's like why right so I guess my ego wants to look at a girl and go yes that's probably the best I can do right so that's my ego right so when
• 04:00 - 04:30 girls like yesterday approach us and approach you know me and Austin I'm like okay you girls are cute you're a four or a five you're just you're just that average but I'm looking around at girls make that make me do this oh [ __ ] so I feel personally like I'd be settling if I were to go with this girl in front of me who's twirling her hair and looking up at me and like looking away looking back when there's girls walking around who are better than what I see so that's
• 04:30 - 05:00 the first thing about me about I like about my dating strategy my ego gets stroked what is your I guess confliction or even I get it like what's your thing with that yeah so so how do you identify your ego like what do you mean like is it that you see yourself with somebody who like what do you mean your your ego like what does ego mean for you got you so when I say my ego is ever since I was a kid right I never had access to the prettiest girls at school i' I'd shoot my shot at them I tried talking to him
• 05:00 - 05:30 but the second I hit him with that we should hang out sometime it was like 8 hours later oh I just saw this like I'm so sorry yeah so now the fact that I can play up there with the most attractive girls and I've done it I have done it it's like okay I belong here now and since I've been talking to the to these types of girls in my life and they're you know we're having relationships and we're having you know doing the nasty and stuff like that my ego is saying yes you belong here now right
• 05:30 - 06:00 so now if I were to go back to girls who yes choose me but I'm like I was out with a girl who was 10 times B better than you last week my ego is like bro you're settling don't do that gotcha yeah so from that perspective like it's really not really black and white like oh you know you can do you can actually do both but true I do understand dealing with women who you're highly physically attracted to and some in some cases if you're waiting for the girls to choose you that you're not always going to be like the most excited about them from a
• 06:00 - 06:30 physically attractive standpoint but um with me at least I I'm really results driven like I'm very practical logical so yes I can satisfy my ego in certain ways and I have been with very attractive women who you chose me or the woman who I had to get to but my thing is what works on the most consistent basis like do I really want to waste my time chasing after this girl or would I go down a few points for a girl who's gon to give me the world and do
• 06:30 - 07:00 everything I want towards me that's the way I look at it and so you know if you do have an ego like Chad like I said it comes out to your personality you're going to fall more in line uh with that with that personal dating strategy me myself I do have an ego but my ego is more so based around why don't you like me it's not it's not that I have to be with the absolute baddest of the the baddest you know but um a lot of that could be because you're you're conditioning too um you know living in La there's plenty of attractive women to
• 07:00 - 07:30 go around also your location plays a factor that does but also like um what you engage with on social media if you're if you've been like constantly just seeing very attractive women I'm not saying you do this but a lot of guys will sort of tell themselves like this is what I deserve but you know I I see through all the fakeness though like a lot of those IG models and really attractive girls like if you remove layers from them like they're actually just cute they're more so just enhanced they have lip fillers surgeries makeup
• 07:30 - 08:00 take the perfect angle picture hair done you know and sometimes the difference between those cute girls who chose you and the really bad attractive ones is that the really bad attractive ones have more money to get surgery have sugar daddies and just overall put more effort into their looks so absolutely so what is a a pro from your dating strategy that you like yeah so my dating strategy is based around finding women who like you which gives you the highest degree of what they call burning desire or Genuine burning desire and genuine burning desire if it start off from the
• 08:00 - 08:30 beginning overall it leads to a happier and more fulfilling time with the woman who you with so me I was asking myself how can I get more of this genuine burden desire like why do why does this girl I had to like double text she fled and then she eventually showed up but when she got on the date feels like I was pulling teeth versus this other girl you know she made it effortless uh she hit me up drove two hours yeah like and the clear difference there was how
• 08:30 - 09:00 the interaction started and I've done a lot of you know my own experimentation of seeing how this works in real time cuz I traced back to the girls I had the best time with and it always started from either of them showing initial interest in me uh messaged me first uh came up to me first like they showed some degree of Interest through indicators of Interest or whatever it may be right and so so yeah you just get the highest degree of burning genuine desire and I I feel like after dealing
• 09:00 - 09:30 with a a woman who actually likes you I can't necessarily go back to the whole chasing what I want even though they really don't like me to the fullest I can't do it personally got you so one thing I will say about Austin is he's really good at okay let's just let's just go back let's go back a month and go figure out what was working the best personally I never heard of anyone doing that so met Austin right so I'm like wait a minute he's he's like listen like the girls you slept with if you go backwards how did start who Meed who
• 09:30 - 10:00 first did did she come to was it a choosing signal was it a cold approach if you were to look at your list if you keep one of girls in your phone that you've been romantically into or Not Sorry romantically been with sorry and you would to Trac back you may see that most of the time it was either a right time right place or B they did some of the lifting for you like they were like hey well well we can go back to your place you know they did some of the heavy lifting to assist the process so so that's very important but I guess
• 10:00 - 10:30 with me though I guess I'm willing to put in effort to an extent right so for example if I meet her go a bar club and I'd shoot her a follow on Instagram and she doesn't follow back well that's done next girl so there's no let's DM her let's let's do another DM on on her story reply I'm very I'll put one foot in you're not putting one foot back all right next so that's one thing is if you're going to pursue you have to have a a more and a code of like yo I'm
• 10:30 - 11:00 willing to pursue but there has to the second she shows like this like energy about it you got to pull out the second Pro of my dating strategy it really optimizes you to have amazing social skills the amount of times I've approached groups of three four five six women even dinner tables where I approach their whole dinner table and work the room that it takes a different level so what that does is that translates to your dates so if you can
• 11:00 - 11:30 walk up to a group of four or five girls oh how you guys know each other you guys are co-workers oh let me guess she work at a med spa oh I just know you three you got if you can get to a point where you're just that socially on it that just translates to your dates right um so I feel like with not all guys but let's just say a guy's main way of getting women is status he doesn't leave the house he just open opens up his DMS I've heard girls say yeah I went to his house he was sat in the corner he was on his phone playing video games like he
• 11:30 - 12:00 was awkward to be around yeah like he was not a pleasure yes the girl was in awe holy [ __ ] this is a famous actor but other than that he was boring yeah so it's like when you're able to P you know approach women at bars and clubs grocery stores events and you're able to you know to charm and Charisma that allows you to be more fun to be around what's your kind of take or SP on that yeah so my I I do agree like there could be some correlation between having having the ability to speak to strangers especially
• 12:00 - 12:30 groups of women who you might be attracted to how that translates to dates but in my opinion those are two different two completely different types of social skills one is like um in almost like a I want to say dance and monkey but it's like bantering being entertaining U working the crowd sort of like a a standup comedian style you know if I had to relate it to something versus oneon-one interpersonal social skills is completely different from approaching like a group or even a singular person and the reason why I
• 12:30 - 13:00 know that is because I've seen in congruencies between social skills where somebody might struggle to approach a woman but they can have great one-on-one conversations with a person they know or who knows that they're attracted to them so that's my only challenge with that I believe there even though there could be like a correlation they're kind of two completely different social skills you know so um for example there's people who have great relationships and friendships with their close friends but put them in a group setting with
• 13:00 - 13:30 strangers of people they don't know they're all of a sudden they're quiet they don't know how to engage a group because once again those are two completely different social skills they they're used to engaging with people oneon-one but they're not used to engaging people that they don't know or outside outside of a group of course it it works to works best to have those both social skills maximized to the fullest but you can be good at one without necessarily having the greatest strength in the other oh absolutely so my high school friends they're the most
• 13:30 - 14:00 charismatic outgoing people ever but when they go to a bar they sit at a table and talk all night I'm like dog like look at all this ass we're going to sit here and have a circle jerk but the second I approach a girl they get up and they all run over CU thank God Chad saved the day he approached the the first girl of the night so we can get some action with them right so they're great in a one-on-one setting they're they're very charismatic but like put tell them to go approach that chick and they're like H I don't know what to say exactly right and it's a skill like social skill is something you have to
• 14:00 - 14:30 work on so if you're if you want to get better at that skill you have to effectively practice it but um you really have to want it like you have have to have a desire to want to improve that like if you're a guy where you um I mean your dating strategy you would say is still onl dating but like in terms of the the code approach like you yourself you go out almost every week right yeah least once Friday and Saturday gotcha so most guys like they go out occasionally and so they don't train that social skill hard enough or long enough to fully be able to maximize it even though
• 14:30 - 15:00 they're probably still getting dates from online dating or from work or social groups or whatever they just don't have the fullest almost confidence to like approach a stranger you know I agree so I think with with that is it sucks because as you know from doing this you know for a while most guys pitches suck so they may get one or two matches a week then they don't go out so they're basically their dating life is in the hands of an algorithm and their pictures suck so it's it's like all right most guys may not want to have the
• 15:00 - 15:30 balls to take a photo and look good and go shopping they don't want to approach girls so they're just like well what do I do you know what I mean so it's like with being able to go out and be social it allows you to kind of you know what I like her she's my type this may not go anywhere but I'm getting better in strengthening the skill of being social but um yeah I totally gave her saying some guys just like just there's no desire for it just talk to a stranger exactly I mean people who are actually charismatic confident and very social
• 15:30 - 16:00 people these are people who lean more extrovert in terms of their brain chemistry and all that stuff they tend to they tend to be more rewarded from society like as an introvert you're going to be punished cuz people you know humans are social creatures and I'm going to do a video of that like literally the title is introverts are punished extroverts are rewarded you go into like the nuances of like how your personality can affect the things you get in life so some guys even though they want to be social charismatic
• 16:00 - 16:30 extroverted I truly believe in this might be a blackpill take of mind like you can't outwork your brain chemistry you know you can train yourself to be confident in environment and force yourself to do something but you can't train yourself to be extroverted and Thrive off social energy like me myself I get the example of course is uh like I can't I can but I don't want to I don't want to be yapping for no reason like everything for me is practical strategic I have to do everything with purpose so if I'm a approaching somebody is to get
• 16:30 - 17:00 a number to get an Instagram um for example I feel like you're more likely to approach a group and talk just to talk yeah yeah I agree because it's like for me it's like we're at this event like me and you it's like why go to an event just as just people watch I much rather engage with the people at this event than sit there and just that's true that's true but but if you look if you look at everybody else in the event it seems like that's that's not what most people are doing most people go to
• 17:00 - 17:30 events to uh to not meet people I'm not saying this is right but they they stay within their groups the circles and they speak amongst the people that they came with like it's rare that it's rare that um people go outside their groups to purposely meet people I feel like that's mostly guys obviously doing it to to meet mostly guys women right yeah yeah girls can go out to a bar and not speak to anybody else but they know we're going to this most popping bar in town because there's a POS that they might see that they might
• 17:30 - 18:00 see somebody cuz if not just go just turn on Bad Bunny and sit in the kitchen like but they put on the tight dresses and the and the makeup and the B you know the BBL just to be also I think you mentioned sometimes sometimes it's cool to be be enamored by if you walk by a group of girls and they're just like oh [ __ ] know little little validation boost nothing wrong with that yeah nothing wrong with that all now moving on to the pros I'll talk about my next Pro second Pro yeah and that is it forces you to
• 18:00 - 18:30 work on yourself yes much so as we talked about before most guys don't want to self-improve make themselves more attractive whatever but since the da strategy is uh not necessarily waiting but allowing you to attract whoever you attract at the end of the day you are what you attract and when it comes to dating you might not even attract the woman on your on your I mean it kind of depends if you're in an environment where there's more attractive women you're more likely to do so but you're going to notice like sometimes you're not going to fully be your type especially if they're
• 18:30 - 19:00 really not your type then you're going to have to look in the mirror and be like okay what can I work on myself exactly you know it's not all about just talk game and even then I I'll have this debate too like even the guys who don't work on themselves but they have the highest degree of confidence and social skills and Charisma I believe those guys just get friend onone they're able to like meet a lot of girls but on the back end it doesn't lead anywhere except for an Instagram follower or like being able to they get it you know they friends they get invited out to stuff or whatever or what happens is it takes
• 19:00 - 19:30 them 6 months to build attraction time yeah exactly time and mere exposure effect familiarity princip exactly it take a while exactly right so um with that being said it since it forces you to work on yourself you know it really forces you to just improve which is a positive aspect overall you know making yourself more attractive um increasing your sex appeal even when it comes to communication that's an aspect of it too right so if for example if I started if I was
• 19:30 - 20:00 getting girls like like high quality attractive women before I self improve I wouldn't have had the motivation to like really work on my physique work on my like hairstyle work on my image my looks things like that so so one thing we talked about already too is whatever starts working for somebody that's what they think the king is right so for example take a guy who was broke he moved to Miami made money started tricking on girls well that's it I just
• 20:00 - 20:30 needed money the whole time like that's his mating strategy I never got girls I got money then I got girls in actuality that's just that's that's just what worked for him meanwhile there's a a bartender who makes 40K a year getting way more ass and not spending any money yeah so it's like everyone has their strategy that think is that thinks that works the best cuz that's what worked for them from the start yeah and the strategy usually Falls in line with the attraction trigger in terms of uh what women find about them so going back to a
• 20:30 - 21:00 guy sexual market value looks money status money muscles game um we can add Charisma and confidence in there too abolutely so a guy who improves his looks and starts attracting wom based on his looks oh looks is King guy who makes for money oh money is a guy who gets famous oh yeah just just become rich and famous exactly so or the guy who gets uh really good social skills and builds a social group in the city oh Social Circle game bro so like anything can work but it's based on the attraction trigger that you
• 21:00 - 21:30 can leverage once again going based on the things that you want to put effort into and the things that fall more in line towards your personality and environment right so but I believe once again going back to the Gen genuine desire principle is nothing like when a woman views you as like a A+ from a physical standpoint bro absolutely and one thing to add to Austin's point is a lot of guys don't really want to self-improve so they're only going to attract girls that are like just average like when I go W I at least get one girl
• 21:30 - 22:00 to walk up to me but again I'm like you're cute I'll give you a conversation cuz I'm I I I admire your confidence I know I took a lot of work I'm going to give you a conversation follow you on IG if you make me and then follow you later yeah got you now move on to my uh my third Pro which is it helps you get over the fear of rejection so I'm not going to lie whenever I approach a girl is there nerves possible rejection absolutely I just do it anyway because
• 22:00 - 22:30 for a lot of people rejection is King I should start a business rejection I should go approach that girl rejection I should go maybe a try a different job what if I don't to get accepted rejection is King in their life they never do anything because of that what if now my mindset is I much rather get rejected than go home and go what if I'll be honest last night he was there we on the couch two beautiful Latino girls you know what I much rather go up to him say say something and get rejected then go and have them just walk
• 22:30 - 23:00 right out and go damn bro you're you're a [ __ ] for that so for me I work with people I say bro you're your fear of missing out has to be greater than fear of rejection which I've gotten a lot better at yeah um regret is almost in every case um higher than uh the fear of rejection and most guys will experience that multiple times like in the moment for example they have high anxiety they don't appr personally grow but they home thinking about it thinking about it like
• 23:00 - 23:30 what if what what if I should have exactly and oddly enough the my first ever long-term girlfriend of two and a half years when I was 18 I met off a quote Approach at a party what the wait what yeah oh dude what oh damn I didn't know that okay all right yeah okay so quick story yeah Quick St side know I would see her around campus and I remember I was already talking to this one girl who I I met through our College Facebook group I would go through finally CUO send them messages nice and I end up meeting this one girl we connected H it off lightskin cute girl
• 23:30 - 24:00 and um but we were in the washroom and I remember seeing this this Filipino chick long slick straight back hair looked like Pocahontas in the face but I was with the other girl I was like oh my God she looks good and then I was constantly see her then probably 8 months later we were at a party months damn we were at a party um and I remember seeing her kind of like on her phone by herself like oh [ __ ] that's that girl and I was literally in my head for about 5 minutes almost H in approach her bro and I end up walking up to her I was like has
• 24:00 - 24:30 anybody ever told you you look like Pocahontas and you're like get that L blah blah and we started talking and then a few months later that led into a relationship bro so that that is true like after having that experience and this is before I got into game of course 18 old dawstin wasn't end this year yeah like I definitely understand how regret is a lot worse than rejection and in a lot of cases if you knew that you were not going to get rejected like let's say you had oh damn yeah exactly you're
• 24:30 - 25:00 delusional in your brain like this will never happen to me no like on like not even from that perspective let's say you can like read into the future and you can like already know how the interaction is going to go and you knew you weren't going to get rejected I promise you you approach it a lot more women so all approach anxiety or in not approaching women really does come down to the fear of rejection or U not wanting to waste time through rejection and that's kind of on me for my dating strategy too is not the fact that I'm afraid of rejection it's the fact he'll
• 25:00 - 25:30 talk he'll do I've seen it he'll talk yeah it's the fact that I understand that I possibly could get rejected and do I want to potentially waste that time when I could be dealing with the woman who I already know is not going to reject me so it's kind of a double- Ed sword right there so do you want to give another Pro or want to go to your cons cons yeah okay I got cons too now yeah all right so the cons for me is kind of going into the same U field is that you kind of leave things up to chance and and for that reason you might not
• 25:30 - 26:00 necessarily get the things you exactly exactly want but at the same time this is where there's like a gray area yeah there is like um I don't necessarily only always wait for choosing signals or only always wait for a woman to mess with me first for the girls who just do it for me and I know when a girl does it for me exactly like it's a particular type it's a particular look like that's when I would not leave that up to chance and I'll take the the risk but there if there's anything in between that to you know then it's like h i I personally
• 26:00 - 26:30 just don't have the desire or motivation maybe because I've been with a lot of girls like if I've only been with like two girls in my life and I was hungry and new to this offense a lot it would be different right but I'm I'm at a different sort of stage and phase of my life so that's a definitely a downside to mine is that you kind of leave things um up to chance and for that reason you might not get exactly what you're looking for and I think that's a fair thing to say too because um I'm not sure how much I can say but this is not that bad you said Austin that you've been at
• 26:30 - 27:00 the gym a girl won't look at you won't walk by you like you don't exist all of a sudden she's lacking you first and messes you first on a dating app like girl like we've been in the same space over and over and over again and now we're on a dating app you're showing High interest but like IM M but again like like you said what if you were just to approach her why would have went fine it would have went fine yeah and that's where sometimes I I get in my head too cuz it's almost like um you know I've been in multiple instances is as Chad said where I've been in in real life
• 27:00 - 27:30 scenarios with girls who I end up later hooking up with or having like some sort of relationship with but like that connection was never made cuz I didn't approach her and she didn't make any chooses signals towards me so how would I ever know I would have to take that risk for chance but I just didn't so I left it up the chance and chance still fell back to me still fell still fell back in my way but um but you know I could have cut that time frame in half you know absolutely so I guess a for me cuz there's definitely cons of this
• 27:30 - 28:00 lifestyle is number one I'll do two to speed this up we're already yapping think it's like 20 something minutes already burnout burnout and money time I'll kind of bundle that so first things burnout okay for me I'm I have a very resilient mindset on everything I can post a 100 videos they could all flop guess what next day I'm posting some more I'm just very resilient to where it's like I don't care as long as I show up and do the work the result is coming that's my mindset but for some guys
• 28:00 - 28:30 let's say they go on four dates in one month so one per week they do the right thing they bring flowers they do the nice dinner they pull the chair oh it's so nice seeing you I'll see you again next day nothing they're like what the and then say that happens four times in a row without changing any strategies it's the same thing they'll get burned out with so first their mindset is burned out like is this even worth it is dating for me then the the money burn out like dude I'm 500 in the hole with these four dates and it came nothing
• 28:30 - 29:00 like not a kiss not a l nothing and then you throw in time cuz some guys believe the way to keep a girl interested is by giving her more time makes sense right makes sense right I have to text you good morning text you throughout the day text you at night cuz I want I want to show you I'm interested so I guess the burnout of time money and your mindset can really hurt from um pursuing women oppos to just waiting for women to choose you yeah and burnout overall will lead to resentment yeah yeah that's
• 29:00 - 29:30 that's that's that's a fact yeah resentment towards women towards dating as a whole towards it's definitely that sort of dating strategy and um you know leading to another con about that D strategy is that you kind of a lot of cases deal with women who have interest but just not high interest like there some they're intrigued they're interested maybe if the experience is right if he takes me out on enough dates if he uh wears the right outfit like you
• 29:30 - 30:00 never know the variable right and so for that reason like you're kind of it's it's more so Less in your control like the reason why you know choose the signals or whatever is that I'm pre-qualifying their High interest in me I'm not trying to see if they have high interest I already know based on how they're acting towards me but if you're like chasing or approaching or going after it you could be dealing with a woman who sort of kind of likes you who is a little intrigued by you but it's up to you to like fully increase that
• 30:00 - 30:30 attraction you know you can increase attraction through time through giving her experiences through like even even tricking some guys do you know and I never want to position myself in a outside of where I'm having to raise attraction I still raise attraction on high interest cuz believe it or not high interest could get even to like higher interest to where they're like obsessed with you right but but that gap between taking a low interest woman to like high interest could be like five six dates
• 30:30 - 31:00 $500 and even then a lot of the time it might it might get right here before it Fizzles out so so I I'll say this what helps me counteract that is volume abundance abundance right so for example like when I paid for hinge right now that's a whole side note but when I paid for hinge three to five matches per day so it got to a point where it's like okay if this date doesn't go exactly on to go next there wasn't no further
• 31:00 - 31:30 investment no further explanation just next thing them but again if you're a guy and you're not quite in that position you're going to have to have higher standards because I don't want girls like Austin said they show up on dates don't show up they'll be be look nice for you they'll smile they'll be fun to be around oh it's back to my place I don't really do that type of stuff you know or like let's say you do three dates at a nice venue you spent $400 hey let's cook dinner tonight o I don't really like cooking dinner could
• 31:30 - 32:00 we go back out like you're like girl what the hell right now mind you I don't deal with that cuz I'm sees it in the game but a guy out there is like yeah she's showing up yeah she's not doing bedroom stuff but she's showing up that was Austin's point of like she's kind of interested or there's a guy she really likes and just uses you in the middle you know what I mean you know that's that's that's super shitty as well exactly um uh what's another uh con if you have another one uh if not have another con okay I've
• 32:00 - 32:30 realized this with myself I think Austin brought up earlier the con of my dating strategy as well it can make you a bit more antsy and I'll explain the thing with the thing with me is if we're going to go to a pop inside of town where there's a bunch of people I'm sorry sitting around just just hey she's bad yeah the song is good yeah bro just just doing that for 2 3 hours is boring I want action if I want to sit around
• 32:30 - 33:00 and go yeah bro yeah bro we can sit on this couch you know what I mean all these girls rock around pushup bras and bbls and look good as hell I'm trying to I'm trying to have this life be interesting let's be real women make life interesting you know if you go work five days a week no dates on the weekends or just work and Netflix life is kind of boring women had a nice spice to your life so what with my dating strategy is since I go after the baddest one I can see or find it makes you more antsy versus here's the thing though if
• 33:00 - 33:30 I had 20 girls a day dming me I'd go out to a venue and just be like this I don't care like there's oh another one like I don't care yeah because there's so much so many so much inbound attention towards me like if I if I had a like a what I call a male gaze Tik Tok account where I'm cleaning my place in a tank top and I'm cutting up steak my no veins are popping out oh i' be inbounding leads all day right which would make me like why potentially
• 33:30 - 34:00 get rejected or why even give my energy to a girl who may not like me when I have a phone full of girls who do were hitting me up here's the thing it's just not general advice cuz most guys aren't content creators most guys have a photos their Instagram looks like this 2018 photo 2020 photo so it's like most guys aren't optimized for this inbound lifestyle to where I teach guys look your average everywhere Instagram picks looks physique yes you can go and try
• 34:00 - 34:30 running Austin's game it may take you two three years of self-improving to get there but when you get there it's sweet it really is sweet cuz I've seen it we walk the streets you're handsome we're at the gas station wow bro you you're nice muscles like I've seen it so I know I know that that what can happen if you get to his level but I've only seen it once I've only seen it once I mean going back to your point about being antie when when you go out that's why in my opinion you have to have a purpose or Reason of going out if your goal is to
• 34:30 - 35:00 go out to meet women then you have to go with that objective and maybe tell yourself I'm going to approach 10 two to five girls tonight or get 10 approaches tonight right you can't just go out just to go out you know what does that mean go out just to go out like oh I I get what you're saying so for example we went out I'm like okay if I get one to two off purchase off that's great that's like again I'm just here having a good time one to two is usually my goto I don't I don't usually do four five six
• 35:00 - 35:30 unless my homie is on the same time because if he approaches four I got to approach five to one up yeah but if I'm with a guy it's like hey you know I'm cool just you know we'll we'll wait for girls to come to us I adapt that mindset for the most part and only do like one or two approaches oh okay that's fine yeah yeah mhm yeah but uh yeah man uh so I guess any uh closing opinions or um closing things to talk about yeah so closing thing for me is that you got to understand that dating is a numbers game
• 35:30 - 36:00 so obviously if we put this into analogy of basketball right yeah my dating strategy allows me to optimize for a layup it's more likely to go in or to the least a free throw and if you practice free throws you can get like a what 80 90% yeah free throw percentage but you know you're still going to get more results if you shoot a th000 full court shots versus going for 10 10 to 50 layups right like from a numbers
• 36:00 - 36:30 percentage you're still going to get more results doing the harder thing and so my day strategy isn't necessarily optimized get to get the most amount of women is what I'm trying to say is optimized for you to work on other areas of your life improve yourself and then Woman as a a side benefit or a byproduct of your self-improvement whereas Chaz more so is optimized to like fully max out the numbers game and go after with what you want and depending on where you're at in your life that may be a
• 36:30 - 37:00 better strategy for you like some of you guys might start off with that strategy and then come over to M or some of you guys might might be OB you start off with mine but you realize you want hotter uh women in more of an abundance and you want you know four or five dates a week then you're going to put more effort into shooting your shot everywhere you go right so it kind of depends on where your mindset is at your age your experience level what you really want but just know that M isn't necessarily optimized to get the most amount of women and have like extreme
• 37:00 - 37:30 abundance you know got you my closing thing is this Albert like I said in the very beginning Austin self-improvement Journey has been long okay so if right now you're struggling you're not sure where to go if you're willing to get down to 10 sometimes even 9% body fat constantly changing your look and testing which one which look is the best grow hair out grow hair short waves what whatever it is and you're willing to you know constantly be shopping for new fits and
• 37:30 - 38:00 new new style see what's best for you you're taking pictures um good ones for Instagram and hinge so you can always attract know hot women that's it's going to it probably will work for you it probably will but most guys already think taking a photo in public is cringe so they're not going to put in like this much effort so me and Austin took a dating approach like okay if I give effort either to the dating game or yourself or both hopefully you'll get a better result so for me my result is
• 38:00 - 38:30 okay the masses most people are average so I'm going to give you the dating strateg that what best for that if everyone is walking around with a full headful of hair at 9% body fat no bro let the host choose you what the hell but since most guys are just average all around as in looks physique income like everything's average you're better off in my personal opinion shooting shots opposed to waiting to see who comes up to you yeah yeah you're
• 38:30 - 39:00 definitely better off in terms of shooting your shot I definitely agree but once again I still have the debate where they can shoot their shot but the results are still going to be setar for them until they self-improve you know you approach a 100 women and and three turn out to dates and then two show up and one goes to a second date and she flakes on the next one maybe that's a pessimistic mindset though you know you go you got to go out there and test for yourself like there's so many
• 39:00 - 39:30 variables at play like a lot of the stuff we talk about too is from our own experience but a a lot of theories uh play into this too based on our own experience and what we' seen and the guys we help so at the end of the day you got to experiment and see what works best for you and once again it falls in line with your environment your personality and what you want to accomplish but yeah man I appreciate you guys watching this video Austin let people know where they can find you yeah you can find me YouTube Instagram Austin Dunham Instagram is based Austin Dam um check out the content talk a lot about
• 39:30 - 40:00 social media strategies presentation online dating and um making the ability to attract higher interest women easier for you so check me out guys have a good one peace peace