The Big Mistakes That End Relationships

Summary

Highlights

• Men's straightforward nature can be both a strength and a blind spot. 🤷‍♂️
• Modern 'hunting' for partners should focus on why, not just how. 🏹
• The biggest mistake? Men often skip asking why they're pursuing a relationship. 🤦‍♂️
• Youthful approaches to relationships often result in misunderstandings as stakes increase with age. 🎣
• Many men seek external validation, which isn't needed to prove one's worth. 💪
• True love is freely given, not a transaction expecting something in return. 🌹
• Holding any resentment or strings attached to relationship actions is detrimental. 🚫
• The rarity of emotionally mature, reciprocating long-term relationships. 💔
• High divorce rates highlight the lack of maturity and unrealistic expectations in many marriages. 📉

Key Takeaways

• Understand why you're entering a relationship. Is it for genuine connection or external validation? 🤔
• Love should be given freely; expecting something in return is a recipe for disaster. 💞
• The transition from being a hunter to nurturing a relationship requires maturity and self-awareness. 🧠
• Relationships offer a learning platform about oneself but need maturity to truly thrive. 📚
• High-risk singles need to understand the stakes before jumping into long-term commitments. ⚖️

Overview

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction The chapter 'Introduction' explores the concept that a person's greatest strength can also be their greatest weakness. The discussion emphasizes that men, in particular, may excel in areas they are familiar with but are often unaware of their shortcomings in areas they are not knowledgeable about. The straightforwardness that serves as a strength in familiar contexts becomes a blind spot in unfamiliar ones.
• 00:30 - 01:00: The Hunting Metaphor The chapter titled 'The Hunting Metaphor' begins by discussing the historical division of labor between men and women, where men were primarily hunters and women were gatherers. It then draws a parallel to modern times, noting that most 'hunting' men do today is in pursuit of women, which highlights an irony when compared to our ancestors. It also suggests that unlike our ancestors, contemporary society does not gain much learning from this kind of 'hunting.'
• 01:00 - 01:30: Learning to Hunt This chapter, "Learning to Hunt," reflects on the evolution of hunting practices over time. It contrasts historical approaches to hunting with modern societal dynamics, especially focusing on the learning process involved in becoming a skilled hunter. In the past, novice hunters would start by hunting smaller, less dangerous animals like squirrels. They were discouraged from attempting to hunt larger, more formidable prey, like lions, initially. The narrative draws a parallel to modern interactions, notably clarifying that contemporary 'hunting' among humans (particularly in a social interaction context) doesn't involve literal survival tactics like eating each other.
• 01:30 - 02:00: Biggest Mistake: Not Knowing Why The speaker discusses the 'biggest mistake' many men make, which is not knowing why they are doing something, specifically in the context of relationships. The speaker uses a metaphor of hunting a tiger to illustrate the difference between winning someone over and actually living with them. The emphasis is on the importance of introspection and understanding one's own motives and reasons before embarking on a relationship journey.
• 02:00 - 02:30: The Importance of Clarity The chapter titled "The Importance of Clarity" discusses setting clear objectives and strategies, akin to a hunting metaphor. It suggests deciding what you want to "hunt" or achieve, when and where you are going to do so, emphasizing the need for clarity in planning and execution to make efforts meaningful and successful.
• 02:30 - 03:00: Hunting and Relationships The chapter explores the concept of 'hunting' in the context of pursuing relationships. It raises the important question of why individuals seek out relationships, emphasizing that a lack of clarity about this motive can lead to significant mistakes and challenges in forming healthy relationships. The chapter encourages introspection about one's intentions and goals before engaging in the pursuit of a relationship.
• 03:00 - 03:30: Youthful Hunting The chapter titled 'Youthful Hunting' delves into the common mistakes men make, particularly those the speaker has personally experienced. It prompts self-reflection on the motivations behind pursuing romantic interests. The speaker emphasizes that capturing the attention of a woman is just the beginning; understanding the purpose behind this pursuit and the challenges of sustaining a relationship are crucial, especially from the perspective of a young man.
• 03:30 - 04:00: Luring with Lies In the chapter titled 'Luring with Lies,' the text discusses the dynamics of pursuing young women, emphasizing that the stakes in such pursuits are generally low. While there is always the chance of pregnancy, the likelihood of these interactions leading to long-term commitments is considered low. The intense nature of the 'hunt' is acknowledged, and much of the driving force is attributed to hormonal influences, making the process a primarily physiological experience.
• 04:00 - 04:30: Sales Analogy This chapter uses an analogy of hunting to describe the tactics some people use in sales and relationships. It reflects on how individuals might manipulate or deceive others to achieve their goals. By drawing parallels between hunting and trying to win over someone, it highlights the strategies employed, such as lying or showcasing favorable traits, to make oneself appear more appealing or desirable. The chapter explores the underlying motives and tactics that may drive such behavior.
• 04:30 - 05:00: Lessons from Young Hunting The chapter 'Lessons from Young Hunting' discusses strategies for capturing and engaging with a target or prey. It relates techniques from hunting to business sales, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's inner potential. The speaker reflects on advice from a former sales manager who taught that success in sales is akin to 'eating what you kill,' suggesting that personal achievement is directly tied to one's ability to engage and capture interest. The narrative conveys a blend of hunting metaphors with business acumen to illustrate successful outcomes.
• 05:00 - 05:30: The Stakes Are Higher The chapter discusses the concept of 'eating what you kill' in the context of sales and life lessons. The author reflects on receiving a hunting knife as a reward for being a great salesman, which symbolizes the idea of self-reliance and earning one's rewards. However, the author notes that while this mentality can be fun and harmless when young, it does not necessarily help in understanding or questioning the more significant or important aspects of life.
• 05:30 - 06:00: Playing the Game as Grown Men In this chapter titled 'Playing the Game as Grown Men,' the text discusses the fundamental question of why humans hunt. It suggests that hunting is driven by physiological and hormonal instincts linked to the need to procreate. Historically, it was a necessary activity by a certain young age, as life expectancies were short, pushing individuals to accomplish these basic survival tasks early.
• 06:00 - 06:30: The Need for External Validation The chapter titled 'The Need for External Validation' addresses the transitional phase from adolescence to adulthood, particularly focusing on the shift in social and romantic dynamics. During teenage years, pursuing romantic interests feels instinctively natural and uncomplicated. However, as one matures and life becomes more complex, the simplicity of these interactions evolves. The chapter highlights how many men fail to realize and adapt to these changes, which can impact their understanding and interactions in relationships.
• 06:30 - 07:00: The Nurturing Instinct The chapter "The Nurturing Instinct" underscores the evolution of a man's life from adolescence to adulthood, drawing a parallel to the world of hunting. It suggests that as men transition from their teenage years to their 20s and 30s, they must refine their life skills and reevaluate their motivations. No longer are they playing "the game" of life like a 17-year-old. Instead, they need to cultivate sophisticated abilities and address the crucial question of why they're pursuing what they're pursuing or 'hunting.' It's about understanding deeper purposes rather than merely going through the motions.
• 07:00 - 07:30: Friendship and Loyalty The chapter explores the themes of friendship and loyalty, emphasizing the importance of adapting to changes. It highlights that if one fails to adapt to the evolving methods and expectations, roles can quickly reverse, turning a predator into prey. The discussion suggests a survival scenario where the tables can turn swiftly, emphasizing the need to stay alert and adaptive. God's mercy is invoked as a form of protection for those who falter in adapting to these changes, pointing to the physiological and intrinsic need for survival.
• 07:30 - 08:00: Correct Reason for Long-term Relationships The chapter discusses reasons for seeking long-term relationships beyond physiological needs. It suggests that motivations for relationships should evolve as people grow older because the stakes are higher compared to teenage years. The author reflects on the inadequacy of pursuing relationships solely based on physical attraction or needs, implying the necessity for deeper reasons for forming long-term relationships.
• 08:00 - 08:30: Giving in Relationships The chapter discusses potential outcomes of unintended pregnancies in relationships, highlighting that pregnancy does not necessarily lead to a long-term commitment. It mentions alternatives such as adoption and emphasizes understanding one's intentions and goals in relationships. The conversation touches on mature perspectives where both partners have specific objectives in relationships, suggesting the importance of knowing one's purpose in seeking a partner.
• 08:30 - 09:00: Women's Perspective This chapter explores the psychological motivations among men when seeking relationships. It highlights two primary issues: first, men's struggle with physical desires, and second, their pursuit of external validation from women. This validation is perceived as a way to feel socially accepted and reinforce their identity as men. The chapter discusses how these internal challenges shape their interactions and perceptions.
• 09:00 - 09:30: Love is a Gift The chapter 'Love is a Gift' emphasizes the idea that men often struggle with insecurity and the desire for external validation regarding their worth as men. It challenges the notion that a man's value or success is determined by his ability to maintain a long-term romantic relationship or marriage. Instead, it suggests that there are more meaningful and healthier ways to measure one's worth and that men should strive to be self-aware and reject the need for validation from women or societal norms.
• 09:30 - 10:00: Father-Daughter Relationship Example The chapter explores the dynamics of father-daughter relationships, focusing on the nurturing aspect. It discusses the innate need for nurturing, a sensation often sought due to its absence during childhood. The conversation emphasizes that while everyone desires affection and love, it cannot be forced, especially in relationships. The chapter advises being conscious of these needs, acknowledging that love and nurturing are forms of energy that naturally exist and cannot be demanded.
• 10:00 - 10:30: Approach to Marriage The chapter "Approach to Marriage" discusses the differing expectations and understandings men and women often have regarding marriage, particularly focusing on friendship and loyalty. It highlights that men typically seek a trusting, long-term friendship within a marital relationship, but notes that women may perceive this relationship differently. The chapter also touches upon the theme of loyalty, which is seen as an important aspect of marriage from the male perspective.
• 10:30 - 11:00: Common Relationship Issues The chapter explores common relationship issues, specifically focusing on gender differences in attitudes towards self-preservation and sacrifice. It discusses how men and women have different approaches rooted in their natural roles and societal expectations. Men are often depicted as willing to sacrifice themselves quickly, reflecting a historical context of battlefield heroics and camaraderie, whereas women are described as more self-preserving, a trait linked to their traditional roles as caretakers and the 'weaker sex'. This difference in behavior is tied to evolutionary survival strategies, where women prioritize positioning themselves in the best possible situation for survival.
• 11:00 - 11:30: The Importance of Maturity The chapter discusses the role of maturity in relationships and friendships, emphasizing the benefits of male friendships over female ones due to a perceived lack of maturity in women. The narrative questions the reasons behind seeking women for long-term relationships, suggesting that women may not fulfill roles such as being a 'best friend' effectively. The chapter prompts readers to introspect on their motives for seeking relationships with women, hinting at an ideal of choosing relationships based on shared maturity.
• 11:30 - 12:00: Conclusion The chapter concludes by emphasizing the importance of selflessness and personal growth in marriage. It highlights the desire to give oneself to another person and be a loving partner. The narrator stresses that women in long-term relationships often prioritize self-giving and reciprocity, underlining that mutual giving and personal development are crucial in sustaining a fulfilling partnership.

The Big Mistakes That End Relationships Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 sometimes your greatest strength can be your greatest blind spot or your weakness for men we're very simple and straightforward and we're really good at what we're good at and that's our strength however we're very simple and straightforward and what we're not good at we're completely oblivious to and that's our weakness men have always been
• 00:30 - 01:00 hunters going back to the beginning of time the division of labor was pretty straightforward men generally did the hunting and women did the gathering fast forward thousands and thousands of years and here we are in the modern age and the most hunting men do for the most part is for women which is ironic but unlike the hunters of our past our ancestors we don't learn much about
• 01:00 - 01:30 hunting instead we just go for the biggest prey the best prey we can find right away while you know 10,000 or 20,000 years ago the older hunters probably would have relegated you to hunting something a little more meaningful you know like a squirrel don't go after the lion on your very first one but today obviously with women it's not hunt and kill you're not You're not going to eat her no no i'm going to leave that
• 01:30 - 02:00 alone but uh you're going to bring her home with you so hunting a tiger or learning to hunt a tiger is one thing but learning to live with a tiger is something completely different and what's interesting is the biggest mistake we make is before that even begins is we don't ask ourselves one simple question and that's what I'm going to talk about with you guys today is the biggest mistake that men make in
• 02:00 - 02:30 their desire approach to need for whatever women and hopefully this will be funny and meaningful so let's get into it so just to take our little hunting metaphor a little bit further you've got to decide what you're going to hunt then you're going to decide when are you going to hunt where are you going to
• 02:30 - 03:00 hunt when are you going to hunt but the one question that most men never ask themselves when it comes to women is why are you hunting in the first place and this is the single most common mistake and the one that leads to the most disasters in relationships is we never get clarity about why we're hunting before we even start the process so let's talk a little bit about the
• 03:00 - 03:30 most common errors that men are making and certainly the mistakes that I've made in the past because I think that once you see these things you begin to understand wait a second why am I hunting in the first place what do I really hope to achieve with this and once I do find this elusive woman I've captured her what am I going to do with her i mean hunting her is one thing but living with her is something completely different when you're a young man and you're
• 03:30 - 04:00 hunting young women the uh the stakes are low relatively speaking i mean certainly there is the chance of pregnancy but relatively speaking the likelihood of you getting trapped in a long-term relationship that goes on for decades or the rest of your life is relatively low now it's very intense and the hunting seems very real and we uh we certainly play it up as much as we can but we do it really because we're driven by our hormones more than anything it's a physiological hormonal thing i mean
• 04:00 - 04:30 we've got that tingly sensation down below and so we want to do something about that and so we go out and we're going to hunt ourselves some women and we learn the ins and outs of hunting we learn how to lie to women that's the first thing so you learn how to lie to them because we lure them in with our lies so that we can convince them that we are the man that they're looking for that we may not be the best looking or the most athletic but oh we've got some characteristics and we're going to tell you all about them and we see the true
• 04:30 - 05:00 you we know what's truly inside you so that makes us special but anyway so we use our our techniques to lure them in and the transaction from that point forward once you've captured her once you have engaged with your prey is fairly straightforward i remember when I was in sales the first sales manager who hired me to be in commission sales told me that um you you eat what you kill and I remember uh after being successful
• 05:00 - 05:30 with that for a while he gave me this huge ass knife this hunting knife you know because I it was as an award for being a great salesman again reinforcing the concept that I'm going to eat what I kill well when you're young that's what you do you eat what you kill and um and it's fun and it's relatively harmless hopefully for the most part um but it doesn't teach us the real important questions or the how to ask
• 05:30 - 06:00 the really important questions and that is why why are we hunting to begin with because that question has already been given to us and we already know the answer to that one it's because physiologically hormonally we're driven to do it it's out of some instinctual need to procreate and of course you know many many generations to go you know by the time you were 15 or 16 years old you bet better be out there doing your thing because you're going to be dead by the time you were 20 and if you didn't get it done then you weren't getting it done
• 06:00 - 06:30 so yeah when you're a teenager you're sort of approaching your your peak you're you're aiming for it you know and grabbing a woman or a girl your age just seems like the absolute most natural thing in the world to do and in a way it is no questions asked no answers needed it's very straightforward and very beautiful in that way but as you get older and the stakes get higher that changes that all changes and most men don't recognize that that has changed
• 06:30 - 07:00 most men keep playing the game just like they were when they were 17 and yeah the game doesn't work like that anymore so when you get into your 20s and 30s now we're playing in the big leagues and you had better have honed not only your um your hunting skills but you had better come up with the answer to that allimportant question as to why are you hunting now to begin with um and are you
• 07:00 - 07:30 prepared for the prey because they've changed a great deal since then and if you haven't changed to adapt to their methods and what they're looking for then um you can very easily go from being hunter to hunted in a in a heartbeat and and if that happens to you God God save you because you're in trouble you definitely still have some remnants of that physiological need that
• 07:30 - 08:00 little tingly sensation is still there so you know that that's at least one of the answers to the question but is that answer good enough why why are you out here looking for a woman what do you hope to achieve if you're just following your physiological needs like you were when you were 17 it's not going to work out the same because the stakes are higher you see when you're when you're playing in little league you know when you're a teenager you know the the worst thing
• 08:00 - 08:30 that's going to happen to you is um you know you're going to get some girl pregnant you know that's that's the worst possible thing but that doesn't necessarily tie you to a long-term relationship i mean there's all kinds of ways that can work out it can be adoption you know there's any number of ways that can be worked out but um yeah when you're when you're a grown man and she's a grown woman she has something in her mind she's hunting too and you had better know exactly why you're out there looking for what you're
• 08:30 - 09:00 looking for the problem with most men is number one they're still trying to deal with that tingly feeling from down below but then they're also looking for something else that is completely irrational they're looking for some form of external validation they want some woman to tell them that they're okay that they are acceptable to society they want to find some woman to validate them externally that they are a man now that they are part of society and all that is and that's just an internal
• 09:00 - 09:30 insecurity that men just carry with them for whatever reason and I think you got to be aware of that inside yourself and recognize that it's you don't need that you absolutely do not need any kind of external validation in terms of whether you are good enough as a man to society you don't need a woman for that there's lots of other ways to measure that and um your ability to maintain a long-term relationship or be married is not a good one that's just not a good way to do it another one that men often
• 09:30 - 10:00 times do is they want nurturing they want to feel that nurturing um sensation that maybe they didn't get when they were younger you know maybe they missed it from their mother i don't know but there is a sensation of needing to be nurtured and that is another thing that I think you got to be conscious of i mean certainly everybody likes you know to have affection and and and all that stuff and to feel loved but um you can't force a woman to do that for you you know love is a is a um energy that can
• 10:00 - 10:30 only be given so you can't expect that she's going to do that um another one that men are always looking for is the uh friendship you know that you're going to have a long-term trusting relationship with another human being and unfortunately women don't always see that relationship the same way that we do i talked about this in a video earlier this week about loyalty and um loyalty is completely
• 10:30 - 11:00 different meaning to women than it is to men i mean men will carry each other off the damn battlefield under fire you know but uh women they're self-preserving they are looking for ways to keep themselves um in the best possible situation because it's in their nature cuz they always had to carry for for children they were always the weaker sex so putting themselves in the best position for survival was critical while men will definitely sacrifice themselves very very quickly if they think it's in
• 11:00 - 11:30 the best interest of the whole and um that's just not a characteristic that we find in women very often so if you're looking for someone to be your best friend well you're better off having a best friend that's a guy um women are not going to fill that role for you very well there really is just one correct answer to this question and that question is why are you seeking out a woman for a long-term relationship or a
• 11:30 - 12:00 marriage and the answer to that question is that you want to give of yourself to another human being that you want to be a loving person that your desire to grow and to be a um a better version of yourself is a high priority for you women in long-term relationships are all about giving of yourself now reciprocity
• 12:00 - 12:30 does work when you are giving of yourself and you are always in that giving frame of mind you are much more likely to receive love in return the problem that most people experience men and women is they go into relationships thinking that they're going to get something from the other and the reason why most relationships break down is because each person doesn't feel like they're getting enough from their partner and that belief that you're not getting enough is the poison that kills
• 12:30 - 13:00 almost every relationship women feel this sensation first women often times feel like they are giving a lot of themselves to a relationship in the way of chores or taking care of children or cleaning up trash or cleaning the kitchen or making meals or whatever they they just feel like they're always giving so they they have this sensation that they are um being put upon and um they want you as a man to give to them
• 13:00 - 13:30 emotionally financially psychologically whatever they think they need that as reciprocity from you and if you are not aware that they have that need and you don't give them that then they are going to be upset with you they are not going to um be quick to forgive in many cases um women like men don't understand that love can only be given and it cannot be taken so if you're doing a lot of chores
• 13:30 - 14:00 or you're doing a lot of things on behalf of your partner you need to see that as acts of love that you are giving and through that act of love you cannot expect anything in return if you believe or you expect that you're deserving of something in return for whatever you're doing then you're not doing it from a loving place as simple as that if you approach a marriage or relationship or anything else from a very loving place and you are free of to give you're cleaning with love in your heart like you know my daughter Lesie lives in the
• 14:00 - 14:30 basement and God knows she is a pig she is a mess um and I get to clean up after her quite a bit but I do it from a loving place you know I think it's a privilege that I have this opportunity to spend this time of her life with her and I know that if I make our relationship all about her being a pig then I am going to lose the opportunity to really enjoy our relationship because she's going to be angry and resentful and she's going to there's going to be a chip on her
• 14:30 - 15:00 shoulder you know the way it goes with kids so I choose not to do that i choose to clean up after her and take care of her and do the things that she needs of me as a father to keep our relationship on the up and up and by me giving love to her she reciprocates in other ways now she doesn't do a good job of cleaning up after herself but she does come to me with her questions and problems and she does talk to me about her boyfriends and her social life and all of that stuff so I'm in the loop in her life and having the opportunity to
• 15:00 - 15:30 be in the loop in her life is about as close as a father can get to a you know a 20-year-old young woman you know what I mean and um if the price I'm paying for that is to empty the dishwasher a couple times a week or to um you know do her laundry or whatever you know it's well worth it well in marriage it's the same thing it's just up a notch you know because there's always something that needs to be done there's always a chore that needs to be done whether it's you know mowing grass or changing babies or preparing meals or whatever it is
• 15:30 - 16:00 earning a living if you're not doing that from a place from a loving place if you're not giving that freely you're not offering that up to the relationship as a uh as a gift that you're giving freely and you are holding anything in reserve any kind of resentment any kind of a string attached to that then you are missing the point because that's not what relationships are about if you're holding anything in reserve or you're holding that string then you are literally blowing up the relationship
• 16:00 - 16:30 you're literally creating the um the groundwork for the divorce that is going to happen now the trick to this is to have a healthy relationship is that both people need to be on the same page and this is extremely rare extremely rare that's why I would guess that only maybe one or two out of 10 marriages are legitimately happy and the longer people stay together the um the lower those numbers get you know I would say you've
• 16:30 - 17:00 been together for 20 or 30 years there's a large percentage of those people who are just putting up with each other you know they they've they hold those resentments and that anger or maybe they've just learned to deal with it i don't know but that romantic I love you um thing is uh very very uncommon in those long-term relationships and that's why the great divorce rate is so high um so I guess the point of this whole video is that if you're out there
• 17:00 - 17:30 thinking that you want to have a long-term relationship with someone you need to be looking at um maturity as a key component in this person's um availability to you as a partner because unless they have that emotional maturity to understand the way relationships work and how love is a commodity that can only be given and it must be given it can only be given but it must be given and it must be given freely without
• 17:30 - 18:00 anger resentment or anything else if it's not then the whole you know deck of cards or the whole house of cards comes collapsing down on itself um the minute somebody holds resentment because they didn't feel like they got something in return for something that they gave the minute that happens you know it's like the um you know the Jenga tower you just keep pulling the bricks out and eventually the whole thing comes down anyway I hope this video has been
• 18:00 - 18:30 uh interesting enjoyable um educational if it has please let me know what you think in the comments um if you know somebody who's out there looking for a relationship or maybe if you've got a girl that you got lined up and you're thinking that maybe she might be the one send this to her see how that conversation goes be very interesting be very very interesting indeed all right you guys now when I say stay healthy stay single I really am talking to my people which
• 18:30 - 19:00 are you old guys who have already been through it once you need to stay single for you young guys another reason why you need to get married is because you learn more during the course of a relationship with a woman about your life about yourself about the world about who you are as a man than you will in any other endeavor it is high risk high reward guaranteed the risks are ridiculously high hopefully this video will help you lower your risk exposure
• 19:00 - 19:30 but in the meantime stay healthy and if you can stay single