The Life DVD Series Session 2

Summary

Session 2 of 'The Life DVD Series' by Lifetime Guarantee Ministries, featuring Bill and Annabel Gilliam, dives into the transformative lessons from Galatians 2:20. The session highlights how embracing Christ's presence within can lead to true freedom and fulfillment. It shares personal journeys and challenges, focusing on breaking free from self-imposed chains like performance-based acceptance and the pursuit of validation through fleshly means. Annabel reveals her struggles with depression and perfectionism, ultimately finding liberation through a deep spiritual epiphany, showcasing the power of internalizing Christ's teachings and cultivating a life driven by faith and divine love.

Highlights

• Bill and Annabel Gilliam reveal their struggles with self-acceptance and the search for love. ❤️
• Performance-based acceptance is a common chain that binds many, leading to anxiety and depression. 🔗
• Finding true love and self-worth comes not from others, but from accepting Jesus into one's life. 🌟
• Annabel's transformation through recognizing her spiritual worth changes her marriage and family life. 💪
• The teachings of Christ in Galatians 2:20 are highlighted as a path to transformative living. ✨
• A unique call to action encourages viewers to insert their name into God's promise, fostering personal connection and belief in divine support. 🙏

Key Takeaways

• Embrace the inner Christ to find freedom and purpose. 🌟
• Performance-based acceptance can lead to emotional chains. 🔗
• Discovering true love and validation comes from within, not external approval. ❤️
• Divine love is personal, and available to everyone when genuinely sought. 🙏
• Struggles with self-worth and validation are common, but surmountable with faith. 💪
• Real change starts with admitting 'I can't' and allowing space for divine intervention. 🌈

Overview

In this eye-opening session, Bill and Annabel Gilliam encourage us to look beyond mere religious teachings and into the heart of spiritual living. The couple shares deeply personal anecdotes, illustrating how misaligned life patterns and external validations can form invisible chains that stifle spiritual growth and true happiness.

The session underscores a profound truth: letting go of performance-based love and embracing the spiritual teachings of Jesus Christ can bring transformative peace and fulfillment. Annabel’s journey from depression and the relentless need for perfection to a joyful acceptance of divine love highlights the power of faith to reshape not just the individual but entire relationships and families.

Ultimately, the Gilliams invite viewers to personalize God's promise of support and transformation, grounding their message in an encouraging activity that stresses the personal nature of divine love and assistance. They wrap up with a call to internalize the idea that through faith, divine support is not only possible but assured, fostering a new lease on life driven by love and spirituality.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Opening and Introduction The chapter titled 'Opening and Introduction' lays the groundwork for the readers, providing a comprehensive overview of the ideas and themes that will be explored in the following chapters.
• 01:00 - 10:00: Galatians 2:20 and Personal Testimonies The chapter focuses on Galatians 2:20 and personal testimonies related to this verse. It opens with a reference to the Apostle Paul's message in his letter to the Galatians, where he speaks about being crucified with Christ and no longer living for oneself but for Christ who lives within us. The chapter highlights how this profound spiritual transformation is reflected in the lives of believers. It mentions Bill and Annabel Gilliam as examples of individuals who have dedicated more than twenty years to aiding others in their spiritual journeys, demonstrating the impact of living by faith in the Son of God.
• 10:00 - 18:00: Bill Gilliam's Story: Marriage and Personal Struggles The chapter focuses on the teachings of Dr. Bill and Annabel Gilliam, specifically their interpretation of Galatians 2:20. The Gilliams offer resources such as tapes, books, seminars, and a radio program to help individuals find spiritual freedom and fulfillment. Their message emphasizes allowing Christ to live through individuals in various aspects of life, including family and work. The chapter invites readers to consider how Jesus Christ can guide and transform their daily lives.
• 18:00 - 35:00: Annabel Gilliam's Story: Performance-Based Acceptance In this chapter, Annabel Gilliam shares her perspective on performance-based acceptance. She alongside the narrator expresses their reliance on truth and the Holy Spirit in conveying their messages. They hope to guide and teach their audience, while emphasizing that the responsibility lies with a higher power rather than themselves. They acknowledge their intentions to put forth their best efforts despite the challenges.
• 35:00 - 50:00: Marital Challenges and Realizations The chapter titled 'Marital Challenges and Realizations' seems to explore the personal experiences and challenges faced in marriage from a spiritual perspective. The transcript hints at a discussion about trust and faith, presumably in the context of marriage, by referencing doing things 'in Jesus' name.' The speaker appears to intend to share personal stories or experiences to shed light on the unique ways individuals deal with their personal shortcomings or 'the flesh' in a marital relationship. The emphasis seems to be on understanding one's own weaknesses and how they manifest, using personal life choreography as a metaphor for these challenges.
• 50:00 - 63:00: Breakthrough and Acceptance of Christ The chapter discusses the narrator's relationship with their parents, acknowledging the love and respect they hold for them despite past mistakes. The parents, likened to 'Lord of the Ring players,' apparently made significant errors in the past. The narrator expresses a desire for understanding and reconciliation, hoping for a future meeting with their parents. The chapter implies a theme of forgiveness and acceptance, attributing human fallibility to their parents' actions.
• 63:00 - 65:00: Personalizing God's Message The chapter discusses the dynamics within a family where traditional roles as prescribed by religious or societal standards have been reversed. The mother assumes the primary authority traditionally meant for the husband, while the father takes on the role traditionally meant for the wife. The text clarifies that this does not imply weakness in the father, but rather a swap in their assumed responsibilities.

The Life DVD Series Session 2 Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30
• 00:30 - 01:00 [Music] in his letter to the Galatians the Apostle Paul wrote I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and delivered himself up for me for more than twenty years God has used bill and Annabel gilliam to help people
• 01:00 - 01:30 understand and appropriate the truths of Galatians 2:20 through their tapes books seminars a nationwide radio program thousands of people have found freedom and fulfillment as they have learned how to let Christ live in and through them now just imagine allowing God himself to express his life through you in your family your work and everywhere you go join dr. bill and Annabel Gill and discover why Jesus Christ is the way the
• 01:30 - 02:00 truth and the life well their holy spirit we're really trusting in answer to teach through Annabelle and me and Annabelle and I are trusting that you're doing it as well so we thank you and this is all over that the burden is yours not ours we're going to give it our best shot
• 02:00 - 02:30 but we're trusting that you're going to do it in Jesus name Amen now any male and I want to share with you what our unique version of the flesh is like if some of you will identify with it but many of you will not but it just will give you some better handle on how the flesh is choreographed if you hear I think about how mine was choreographed and how Annabelle's was now I'm going to have to talk about my
• 02:30 - 03:00 mom and dad and I apologize to them for this I love them but they were Lord of the Ring players just like we all have been and they blew some things and so anyway I hope you'll understand that that I I love them I'd rather have him in years all right so they're they're neat people you'll get to meet in one of these days and my mom and dad made a major mistake when they said to Mary Jo they set it up upside down according to the
• 03:00 - 03:30 manufacturer's instructions here in that mom set herself up in the role that's designed in the book here for husband and that she was the primary authority figure in the home pop on the other hand set himself up in the role that is designed by God for the wife I don't mean he's a pansy but I mean that he set himself up to
• 03:30 - 04:00 totally submit to the authority of his wife over him now gang that's a hundred and eighty degrees out of sync with what God says right and we're free to set up a marriage like that but don't you see it's very much like the guy diving off the building here and hitting on the driveway something's going to go splat if you set your marriage up like that and you're looking at one of the things that went splat it their marriage because when I showed up
• 04:00 - 04:30 I was in a little bit email earth suit two feet long and as a male God designed me to need to feel like a male so we're back to that thing of needing love in other words I needed to be able to accept myself ie love myself as a male now what do you mean by that well when I'm five years old I need to be able to do masculine daring things I need to be a dragon slayer with the five-year-old women I need to feel like
• 04:30 - 05:00 I can throw a rock better than they can do daring things like handle snakes and toad frogs and they wet on your hand you know just slap it off keep going might even eat lunch without washing you know now that's a male right and now here I am in the terminal age group and I still really haven't changed much I mean I'm
• 05:00 - 05:30 not into toads and stuff but as I live with Annabelle and interact with Annabelle I need to feel like she sees me as wise that she's proud of me proud of what I do that she thinks I make good decisions I need this girl's now don't hear me saying that I qualify but do hear me saying that I need to feel like I've got her snowed it's a need that I've got
• 05:30 - 06:00 it's like it's like I'm thirsty and she's got the only cup of cool water in town I need her to treat me this way so as a little boy now I'm supposed to learn how to interact with the female by interacting with my mom she's my woman during my formative years she passes the physical right and so the way it's supposed to work I'm supposed to be
• 06:00 - 06:30 helping her with her chair and when I'm in preschool you know and then in junior high I see her struggling trying to get up on a ladder to change the light bulb in the kitchen I said mom get out off of that ladder you're gonna fall I get up there and I put the light bulb in and she brags on you know and I love that kind of stuff and I get back down off the ladder in high school she's struggling with trying to unscrew a fruit jar lid bro and I said mom gave me
• 06:30 - 07:00 that yeah I'm a football player and pumping iron I rinse that lid off their hand it bacteria she's liable to reach over and feel my muscle you know what I'm doing there and she says Billy I'll tell you're getting up so strong you're just you're just gonna make some woman to find this husband one of these days I swell up like a toad I'm enjoying this and I'm supposed to see myself then gaining on mom passing her up moving right on into my own relationship with my woman and they lived happily ever
• 07:00 - 07:30 after now that's where it's supposed to work but back in my house now do you see that for me as a little bitty boy interacting with my mother you're not gonna help my mom unscrew fruit jar lid you're not gonna help her with their chair she's very self-reliant and self-sufficient and strong behind her back we called her strong as an acre of garlic okay and so it looks like
• 07:30 - 08:00 climbing Mount Everest meant to me to get stronger than mom and understand now I've got to get stronger than mom before I can bestow masculine acceptance upon myself we're back brother - the need for love now yes no I'm saying it's a substitute for Who I am in Christ ultimately when I get saved but I don't know that so I strive to solve this
• 08:00 - 08:30 problem as the lord of the ring player now some little boys are so intimidated by an environment like this that this is one of the ways that they go homosexual with a big push for the devil they just give up on ever being male they quit and they go homosexual that didn't happen to me but do you see that if I had a I would be trying to get it perfectly godly good need satisfied but
• 08:30 - 09:00 I'd be doing it in the wrong way I playing Lord of the Ring three homosexual practices you see there if I get saved now get the devil the devil is constantly going to be trying to pull me back into that lifestyle to get my needs met these dear people are not being driven by their need for sex they're being driven by their need for love every one of them that I've ever counseled has told me that they're
• 09:00 - 09:30 driven by the need for love in it in that heartbreaking all right now that didn't happen to me the second way a little boy can go is he can just semi give up on being a real man your men lemon and and just go passive and he as we say back home he becomes anybody's dog little hunt with him he just gives in to every power figure that comes into his life now his his the reason for this behavior is his
• 09:30 - 10:00 need for love and if he if you disagree with him he can't stand that because he reads it as rejection so he'll give up his way and go with your way to try to buy love from your store you see how that works all right now the third way you can go is the way that I can identify with mostly and that is you try to prove to yourself that your men lemon and back in
• 10:00 - 10:30 my day the man the man was who John Wayne Wright and every culture has its own John Wayne I don't mean Big John himself but the the image that he portrayed and so I set out to try to be like that that's the key to esteem for me that's the key to him being able to accept myself so you see what I did was I saddled myself with a big log chain
• 10:30 - 11:00 now this chain represents my basic flesh pattern which is I can't accept myself because not manually I've got to be a macho man and gang I'm never going to make it because see my feelers already stuck by now and I can never get that thing to go back down using the techniques that I'm going to use playing the Lord of the Ring now my whole lord of the ring
• 11:00 - 11:30 patterning is going to revolve around trying to solve this problem now what why was this such an intense problem because it's based on my need for love I can't love myself because I'm not manly enough all right so what am I going to do well I can become profane which I was as a preschooler I can remember the older boys saying listen to that preacher boy
• 11:30 - 12:00 cuss and I loved it because it was it was it symbolized to me that I was really becoming more male it worked great but it wouldn't work today cause women are foul-mouthed now what else can I do well as I get older I'm in high school now and so I can become a football player now in the school where I went to school you had to be a football player if this is back in Oklahoma and that was
• 12:00 - 12:30 the key to it so I became a football player now I have to play that football do you understand what I'm saying when I was a junior if I had thought that you thought that I play in the band or that I'm on the debate team it would have killed me man I have to play football you see why now I was a driven kid now what else can I do well I can
• 12:30 - 13:00 seduce the high school women because the better I can do that the better that will build me up and and solve my problem for me I'll feel more male more like a manly man you see by conquering them when I wait a minute remember what we learned in the flesh lecture a little kid learns about himself from the feedback he gets from others well in my home there was never any hugging no
• 13:00 - 13:30 kissing the l word was never spoken mom didn't let the dog lick us brother all right so at age 15 you're looking at virgin lips on the kid never been touched by a living soul so bill did you get into sex in high school are you kidding me man I couldn't get in to kiss C I felt unkissed unlovely who would want to kiss me I wouldn't want to
• 13:30 - 14:00 kissed on me if I were in her shoes and so it was extremely difficult for me to break through that barrier to begin to kiss girls let alone the sex routine so Tommy I said I did all my sexual conquests up here in my head now I developed an eight-lane green highway for sexual conquest up here in my head now then after I get saved all this junk is going to become my unique version of
• 14:00 - 14:30 the what the flesh see that now then there's a group of people who are my nemesis because they constantly are reminding me of how unmasked Yulin I am now who are these folks assertive aggressive who females not linebackers females see there it throws me right back into my old stuck feeler that's
• 14:30 - 15:00 been there ever since I was a little bitty kid and so I have got to solve this problem I have got to do something to put these people out of my life and get them under control I think most guys try to seduce them I can't do that I've just explained why but what I do is I destroy him with my tongue with sarcasm criticism i humiliated in a public setting I might see a news it coming on
• 15:00 - 15:30 their neck and they've got it covered up with their hair you know and I might uncover that and see it and to give him a nickname like city do it in the class they saw that the whole class is laughing and calling them city and they can't fight that way they cease to be strong that way they crumble under such an attack as that now I took this mess of garbage into my marriage now who do you think I should marry somebody to take the heat off obviously right but I
• 15:30 - 16:00 marry somebody that's strong as garlic and you say well Delbert done why did you do that man as I understand it with the inside I believe God has given me is I'm married because I married strength because I felt like a boy entering into a man's relationship and I felt very threatened Alan you see how that would work so I married somebody that really
• 16:00 - 16:30 had her act together it isn't an impediment was not domineering but it's just that she is so talented and so high-energy and able to do things perfectly and right so when the smoke clears from the honeymoon here she is a singh her role as wife and I'm struggling along over here and I'm messing up the checkbook so she takes that over and so I don't get the lawn done on time so she takes that over and I never aged the the sidewalks and
• 16:30 - 17:00 that's in the day before they had power injures I guess and they were ours was a pusher deal she takes that puppy over and she is life and out about it one and a half roles in our marriage and I'm playing catch-up ball brother now what do I do with with women who come on that strong I destroy them with this sarcasm and so that's the kind of marriage that we had I'm a destroyer in my own home
• 17:00 - 17:30 and I absolutely reduced her to a point of suicide I get saved and I keep right on doing it but now I want to overcome it but I don't know how to do it we got four boys would they have to be football players is there can Texas well of course they have to be football players because what if one um had turned out to be a violin player or a cheerleader I'd have shot
• 17:30 - 18:00 him told God he died there there is no way man that I could that a Gilliam can be a violin player mine I don't my son when I spent my whole life trying to trying to solve my problem brother I didn't have a clue as to what was driving me at a doctor's degree in counseling from Oklahoma State University they didn't they didn't know anything about what I stopped and I don't mean be critical then they couldn't teach you what they didn't know but but God showed me this God showed
• 18:00 - 18:30 these things to me over the years as I was working with hurting Christians he began to unsure me what I've just shared with you in here today so what is the answer gang the answer is for us to understand that Jesus Christ accomplished far more at the cross than the forgiveness of our sins now praise God that he accomplished that right but gang Anabelle needs more
• 18:30 - 19:00 than knowing that I'm forgiven of my sins wouldn't you agree with that she needs a husband that'll get off her back and my boys need a dad that'll get off their cases and begin to encourage him and love him and be the kind of dad that he's supposed to be but I've got to understand Who I am in Christ and how to let Christ live through me before I can begin to make some headway on overcoming this stuff let me ask this whole group
• 19:00 - 19:30 this question gang how are you getting your needs met on this planet what is your source is it Jesus Christ or are you your own source now you chew on there I hope that you understand the reason why bill and I are sharing this for
• 19:30 - 20:00 credibility maybe but also to get you thinking what kind of chains do I have around my neck what's controlling me now then many of you will relate to me because this is our culture performance-based acceptance and from my earliest childhood recollection I was performing I was always the teacher's pet I was the one that knocked out the erasers and I performed all those years
• 20:00 - 20:30 so I did exactly what Bill did at the very onset in order to get love do you understand that all of us come into the world of that need every one of us and we build patterns to get those needs met now bill has given you a definition of flesh let me give you another one techniques that I develop in my private world to get my need for love meant now
• 20:30 - 21:00 some of us have developed techniques that were successful bill calls that USDA choice flesh okay some of us lived in a world where there never was any love and maybe there still isn't any love and you didn't develop techniques for feeling loved and performing that way you developed techniques for existing in a world where nobody ever said I love you and those
• 21:00 - 21:30 are your patterns well now then I decided that this was the way I was going to get you to love me I was going to perform for you and I don't mean a song and dance routine I mean that anything that I do I am going to do it well you will look at me and you will say Annabel did that well I like Annabel and see your acceptance of me is built on whether I'm married your approval or
• 21:30 - 22:00 not and so this was my pattern now like I say men of us start with this who knows why I started this way my mom and dad were both workaholics and I guess I just decided well if I want them to love me I've got to perform the way they perform and so I began performing and like I say from my earliest childhood recollection I did this now then if you have this chain right here and if we had some
• 22:00 - 22:30 ultraviolet lights a lot of us would have it if you have this chain nine chances out of ten you have another chain that's also very this asterisk and that is performance-based self acceptance because you see it becomes very important to me what you think of my performance but it's got to pass my scrutiny before it gets to you performance based self acceptance okay and so there's this constant self
• 22:30 - 23:00 introspection why did I wear my hair up I'm sure it would look better why did I wear that green jacket why was she not watching why was he yawning why didn't she sit by me in choir why didn't they invite us over for pizza constantly valuing what did I do wrong if I had done it right this wouldn't be happening to me performance based self acceptance and always evaluating what I've done and
• 23:00 - 23:30 like I say it's got to pass my scrutiny for instance I have a chocolate sheet cake recipe it's delicious and so every time we have separate Church you know on Wednesday night I bake my chocolate sheet cake and take it and people will see it Annabelle's here there's your chocolate sheet cake they may not know that I baked four of them that day three of them kind of fell the neighbors get those the one that's gone never the dog
• 23:30 - 24:00 the one that's nice and smooth that's the one that goes to the church Supper okay listen I was a driven very insecure you wouldn't know it you wouldn't know I was insecure I looked very poised to the world looking in but there's this constant need for perfection for instance I majored in art in high school and in college and so when I get in the church I decide that
• 24:00 - 24:30 this is one way that I can be a part of my church I can make posters and things like that and so we're having a study on Joshua and the pastor asked me to make a poster and say as for me in my house I've got a huge piece of tag board moms and lavenders it was beautiful I was supposed to have it down at the church on Friday I finished it Thursday night and it was very lovely only thing is there was one small mistake on it so I go down I get a
• 24:30 - 25:00 new piece of tag board and I'd do it all over again you see what I have done is this I've decided that if you accept me when I perform well what would you do if I performed perfectly and I'll put a real pretty chain on because that's such a nice one isn't it and Here I am now everything I do must be done perfectly no one ever sees Annabel when she's not performing perfectly no one sees ever
• 25:00 - 25:30 sees Annabel when every hair isn't in place hey I never went to the grocery store the drugstore with my hair in curlers nobody ever saw me I looked good mowing the lawn I have to look good always because this is my patterning alright now if you have these chains right here nine chances out of 10 you have another one that is so debilitating and that is being super sensitive to any
• 25:30 - 26:00 kind of constructive evaluation any kind of evaluation don't tell me I did it wrong I didn't do it wrong I did it perfect I stayed up past midnight to be sure it was done perfectly so don't tell me I did it wrong so I have that this is my flesh here these are my main flesh patterns controlled by this one for performance based acceptance but hey it
• 26:00 - 26:30 worked I have what bill calls USDA choice flesh now then it worked and I have the ribbons and I have the scrapbooks and I have all of the certificates that say Annabel Hoyle first prize to prove that it worked the only thing is that I was a very unhappy insecure person and a very controlled person because if there was a party and I didn't feel up I wouldn't go
• 26:30 - 27:00 to the party better to not go than to destroy this image that I've built now this is what I taken to my marriage okay I didn't pray about the man I was going to marry and you say that's where you blew at Annabel maybe so but bill and I dated what I call steady for five years surely you know somebody after you've been constant companions for five years bill was just mr. wonderful and gals if
• 27:00 - 27:30 we could come up with four or five things that all of us would want in the men in our lives it would be things like thoughtful kind considerate gentle tender things like that he was wonderful okay now I had some unique standards for instance I didn't want anybody any man in my life who was profane why because of dad oh I had a wonderful daddy and he
• 27:30 - 28:00 never uttered a profane word in fact he almost got in a fight one time at a football game because two men behind us who'd had too much to drink for being very for being very vulgar and dad challenged both of them said you're not going to talk that way in front of my daughter so I wanted somebody like Gerald dad well never did a profane word come out of these lily pure lips here parenthetically in my presence no vulgar
• 28:00 - 28:30 stories if ever the men were together and exchange some sort of a vulgar even an innuendo no more dates I didn't want that well bill was everything that I needed and then we got married and this this thoughtful kind considerate pure young man changed drastically now I'm not telling you anything that bill wouldn't tell you of course but I remember for instance the the night that
• 28:30 - 29:00 he had some of his cronies out to the house for card game little bitty house I was in the bedroom sewing so I could hear everything going on in the kitchen and this stream of profanity and vulgarity came out of my husband I remember just throwing myself across the bed and crying and saying my god what have I gotten myself into but that wasn't the most destructive thing it happened on a Saturday morning in our
• 29:00 - 29:30 first little honeymoon apartment bill said honey I'd like to talk with you and I said okay now look what kind of a wife am i I'm a perfect wife do I do things well hey yet I can do it I've learned two things very well in my life that I can learn and I can perform you show me how to do it and I can do it and so I'm going to be a perfect wife I'm doing the
• 29:30 - 30:00 very best that I know how to do so bill says honey I would like to talk with you and I say okay so he took me by the hand and led me into the living room we sat down in our little flowered settee which I had just recovered and it looked very nice thank you and he said to me very gently he said you know honey I wish that you would learn to do at
• 30:00 - 30:30 least one thing well now am i doing well oh yeah I'm doing well and if bill thought that he was going to destroy me the way he had destroyed the high school girls with the hair routine and the high school teachers he's mistaken I'm much too strong for that besides you see this is my lifeblood praise is what I've learned to live on I don't spell love ACX and I don't spell love FL o wer is our bracelets or
• 30:30 - 31:00 bangles I spell love pra i se and if you don't praise me it's not that you disapprove of my performance it's that you don't love me and so this this is our marriage this is what's going on in our marriage when Bill found that he couldn't destroy me by pointing out the flaws in my performance he's got to
• 31:00 - 31:30 destroy me I'm too strong we're mutually destroying each other he decided to use a different tactic which was very effective he began pointing out things about me that I couldn't change the way I looked my personality I remember going to a square dance one night and he said you know I can't imagine anyone wanting to square dance with you which kind of took the polish off the evening just at an hour we'd be going to someone's house and just as we opened
• 31:30 - 32:00 the door to go in he'd say no honey wait a minute don't laugh so much tonight it's just nervous laughter and you make people uncomfortable with that are the next time we'd be going in and he'd say hey honey wait try to talk a little bit more tonight you're just too quiet that was very effective and so this woman who was the performer who could do everything right
• 32:00 - 32:30 as bill said changed drastically now listen carefully when your techniques for getting love met cease to function you develop what we call coping mechanism hey I'm not being loved now how do I know it because he's not praising me oh he still got a nice sex life but that's not the way I spell up okay so I develop a coping mechanism a very destructive coping mechanism depression and it when
• 32:30 - 33:00 my circumstances didn't change the depression went from a week to two weeks two weeks to three weeks until finally there's more down time than up time and then when it didn't change I developed another very distressed pattern and that was for suicidal thoughts hey I just went out of my world I can't remember anything nice happening
• 33:00 - 33:30 yesterday and nothing nice can possibly happened tomorrow and I can't meet today this man has convinced me of that so I just went out and the only way out for a performer is suicide because then you don't have to answer to anyone for your performance now then these are my chains now listen I want to make a statement here that's really heavy so listen carefully I didn't know bill had those
• 33:30 - 34:00 chains around his neck when we got married and he didn't know I had these chains around my neck we would have run like crazy probably cherry but do you know what happens when you get married you start rattling each other's chains bill would reach out and pull on one of mine and it would hurt so I'd reach out and pull on one of his and it would hurt and he would retaliate and pull on one
• 34:00 - 34:30 of mine and do you know what we do oh listen do you know what we do we wind up going to a divorce court and we say we have irreconcilable differences we are totally incompatible we should never have gotten married in the first place and do you know what we're actually saying we're saying our flesh just won't mesh
• 34:30 - 35:00 and my dear brothers and my dear sisters God never intended flesh to mesh he wants us to become so disillusioned with trying he wants us to become so aware that we can't do it that we realize Christ you're the only thing you see I had to come to that awareness this strong performer and I remember very well the night that I came to that
• 35:00 - 35:30 awareness I had gone to bed ready for another big round of depression and I was praying I wasn't just crying I was sobbing and I was talking to the Lord I said God I don't understand what has happened in my marriage it's so far from what I dreamed it would be and what I longed for it to be and what I know you intended for it to be and God my kids
• 35:30 - 36:00 aren't turning out the way I wanted them to turn it and God I'm tired I'm weary I've given and given and given I don't think I can give any more and that night I said words that I guess in all my 40 some-odd years of living I had never said before I said god I can't for me to say I can't but I said god I can't if
• 36:00 - 36:30 anything is going to come of this marriage you're going to have to do it I can't well God said something to me that night and I don't mean that a voice came out of my ceiling I mean that a thought just a thought came into my thinking processes here that changed my life completely I said god I can't you're going to have to and he said thank you Anabelle I'll do it all for you for me
• 36:30 - 37:00 that night I began learning the beautiful truth of Galatians 2:20 hey I taught Sunday School lessons on it it was one of my memory verses I have been crucified with Christ and I myself no longer live Christ lives in me I just wasn't walking in it but that night I accepted the beautiful truth of
• 37:00 - 37:30 Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I myself no longer live Christ lives in me and the life that I now live every day as the wife of bill Gilliam as a mother of pres mace will and Wade whether I'm baking a banana cream pie are digging in the miracles or vacuuming are cleaning the commode cherry I by faith have come to a beautiful realization and that is the Christ is my
• 37:30 - 38:00 life and what a wonderful in that a beautiful story can you imagine the God of the universe being so tender-hearted that he would reach down and minister to Annabel that way with such beautiful words but you
• 38:00 - 38:30 know those words are not just for Annabel God is such a personal God those words are for every one of us for me for you and I want to encourage you to do something it's been so much to me we're gonna repeat that statement that God made to Annabel I will do it all for you Annabel only we're gonna personalize it and you plug your name in there instead of Annabelle's name and we're
• 38:30 - 39:00 gonna emphasize a different word each time I will do it all for you I will do it all for you and so forth you ready here we go out loud now here we go I will do it all for you bill I will do it all for you bill I will do it all for you bill I will do it all for you bill I will do it all for you bill I will do it all for you bill
• 39:00 - 39:30 that's my favorite one I will do it all for you bill he'll do it gang he'll do it for you