Trump Reveals First Trade Agreement, MAGA Nuts Lose Minds Over New Pope & MTG’s Dumb-assery

Summary

In this packed episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy humorously tackles a range of topics including the surprise election of an American pope, reactions from the Catholic community and right-wing figures, Trump's new trade deal with the UK, and the ongoing controversies surrounding political figures like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Pete Buttigieg. Jimmy also adds humor to Mother's Day, highlighting comical yet relatable family moments. With a mix of sarcasm and wit, the episode provides a comedic take on current events and personal anecdotes.

Highlights

• Jimmy jokes about the American Pope's ride being a Ford F250 with truck nuts, stirring church tradition with humor. 🚗
• Commentary on Trump's trade agreement with the UK pokes fun at tariff reductions on luxury cars, like Rolls-Royce. 😂
• Marjorie Taylor Greene's hearing antics are highlighted, showing political drama and humor intermixed. 🎭
• A Mother's Day segment humorously discusses the universal issue of husbands taking bad photos of their wives. 📷
• Jimmy humorously shares how subscribers' growth on YouTube is celebrated with quirky personal stories and eyewear. 🕶️

Key Takeaways

• An American has become Pope, causing excitement among Catholics and backlash among right-wing commentators. 🇻🇦
• Trump announces a new trade deal with the UK, providing comic relief related to luxury cars and tariffs. 🚗
• Marjorie Taylor Greene continues to entertain with her political antics, including misrepresentations at a hearing. 🤦‍♀️
• Mother's Day is humorously critiqued with anecdotes about common photography mishaps by husbands. 📸
• The increasing count of subscribers on YouTube is celebrated humorously, blending personal stories with global news. 🎉

Overview

Jimmy Kimmel kicks off with great excitement about a new American Pope, teasing both religious and nationalistic sentiments. His anecdotes about nuns' reactions and right-wing outrage make for a delightful opening full of satire and laughter. The absurdity of the situation escalates with remarks about Trump's trade deal, offering viewers comedic insight into political and social currents.

Continuing with political humor, the show delves into antics by Marjorie Taylor Greene and Pete Buttigieg, sparing no mercy on their missteps and controversies. Jimmy deftly employs sarcasm to expose the comical and often ludicrous aspects of political theater, entertaining viewers while subtly critiquing public figures.

As the episode draws to a close, Jimmy shifts the focus to a lighter note with Mother's Day approaching. The comedy emerges as he and his wife, Molly, discuss common yet amusing grievances about how husbands take photos. This relatable humor concludes the show on a warm, engaging note, leaving audiences with smiles and chuckles.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 03:00: Introduction and New American Pope The host, Jimmy, welcomes everyone to the show and acknowledges the excitement of the day due to the appointment of a new pope, who is notably an American. This marks a significant moment for both Catholics and Americans, as it is unusual for a pope to be from the United States. The host humorously mentions the Pope mobile being a Ford F250 with truck nuts, expressing his own surprise and excitement about having an American pope who grew up watching American culture.
• 03:00 - 07:00: Trump and the Vatican The chapter 'Trump and the Vatican' humorously describes a significant event at the Vatican involving the emergence of white smoke from the chimney, indicating the selection of a new Pope. The author light-heartedly compares this event to the opening of the first Olive Garden, highlighting the blend of cultural and religious elements between Italy and America. The scene is set in a lively manner, with thousands of worshippers gathering in St. Peter's Square, creating an atmosphere of excitement and reverence. The mention of the fire department adds a comedic touch to the narrative.
• 07:00 - 11:00: New Trade Agreement and Political Commentary The chapter focuses on the new trade agreement and its implications, alongside some political commentary. It vividly describes the scene at St. Peter’s Square during the welcoming of the new Holy Father, highlighting the enthusiasm among the nuns. Their excitement is compared to that of fans at a boy band concert, emphasizing the emotional and festive atmosphere during this significant religious event.
• 11:00 - 15:00: Air Safety and Pete Hegsath The chapter recounts a humorous and exaggerated tale of attending a mass at the Vatican. The narrator describes an encounter with a group of nuns, humorously portraying them as overly enthusiastic and attracted to Pope John Paul. The story continues with the anticipated appearance of the new American Pope, named Pope Pompus 18th, expressed as a comically exciting event.
• 15:00 - 18:00: Marjorie Taylor Green's Committee Hearing The chapter discusses a controversial committee hearing involving Marjorie Taylor Green. During the hearing, the conversation takes an unexpected turn towards a fictional religious narrative involving a character called the Archbishop of Rantbury and an election allegedly rigged against Trump. There is mention of a 'new Chicago Pope' and reactions from right-wing social media, which is displeased with the pope's humanitarian stance. The chapter highlights the polarized perceptions of religious figures among political factions.
• 18:00 - 21:00: Mother's Day Commentary In the chapter titled 'Mother's Day Commentary', the discussion revolves around the newly selected Pope who is criticized for his political stances. The Pope is described as endorsing illegal immigration, honoring George Floyd, and supporting gun control, which sparks backlash from certain individuals. One person mentions reconsidering their decision to become a Catholic due to the Pope's actions. The chapter touches on the tension between religious leadership and political views, particularly regarding the Pope's criticism of Trump, making it a loss for the faith according to the speaker.
• 21:00 - 25:00: Mother's Day Gift Suggestions The chapter humorously discusses the ascendancy of a new Pope named Cardinal Robert Provost, a Chicago native and Villanova University graduate who whimsically 'majored in poping.' Upon his papal election, he chose the name Leo I 14th, joining a long line of papal Leos. The narrative lightheartedly critiques the missed opportunity for a more unique papal name like Pope Bob and questions the unusual frequency of Leos in papal history.
• 25:00 - 27:00: Conclusion and YouTube Subscribers In this chapter, the focus is on a comedic take on recent political events. The speaker humorously remarks on the names and actions of prominent figures such as the Pope and President Trump. The joke about the Pope's name suggests he sounds more like a mischievous alter boy, while acknowledging the significance of having an American Pope and a Russian president. The chapter also touches on Trump's announcement of a new trade deal with the UK, with the jest that he still has many more countries to negotiate with. Overall, the summary highlights the humorous perspective on current international affairs and the personalities involved.

Trump Reveals First Trade Agreement, MAGA Nuts Lose Minds Over New Pope & MTG’s Dumb-assery Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 Jimmy, I am the host of the show. Thanks for watch Thanks for coming. Relax, please. It's uh I know it's an exciting day. It is an exciting day for Catholics and for America. We have a new pope. And against all odds, he is one of us, an American pope. The Pope mobile is now a Ford F250 with truck nuts. I'm actually surprised about how excited I am when I heard this. an American who grew up here, watched all
• 00:30 - 01:00 the shows we watched, rooted for teams, is now in Rome at the head of the church, Italy in America. This must have been what it felt like when they opened the first olive garden. You know, it's kind of this morning at the Vatican, the famous white smoke emerged from the holy chimney, as I don't think they call it, but I do. minute. I will say it seems like someone should have alerted the fire department because they they brought the hoses out. They wet the whole thing down. Thousands of worshippers gathered in St. Peter's
• 01:00 - 01:30 Square today to welcome the new Holy Father. And no one was more fired up than the nuns. This is one of the most exciting moments certainly for people here in Rome. Look at people are hugging. We're on the top of a convent. The nuns are screaming in excitement. I I I've seen that firsthand. No joke, nuns go nuts for the pope. Like full on BTS, One Direction, 1990 New Kids on the Block. Now they do. I went to I was in college.
• 01:30 - 02:00 I went to a mass at the Vatican. I almost got trampled by a line of crazed, horny nuns who had their ar Oh, they were horny. Make no mistake about it. All those years of chastity erupted when they got a look at John Paul in that skimpy little yarmuka he'd wear. And then uh it was time for the new American Pope to make his first public appearance. And uh it was very kind of exciting. Here he is, the Pope Pompus 18th,
• 02:00 - 02:30 the Archbishop of Rantbury. No, no, no, no. Trump was not elected by the conclave. Another election was rigged against him, but he did say he looks forward to meeting the new Chicago Pope. Wait till he finds out how many times this new pope has criticized him. Right-wing social media is losing its collective mind because the new pope cares for the poor and the sick and the plight of immigrants, and they don't like that at all. Looney Laura Loomer says Catholics don't have anything good
• 02:30 - 03:00 to look forward to. Just another Marxist puppet in the Vatican. This guy says, "The newly selected Pope trashed Trump, trashed Vance, trashed border enforcement, endorsed streamer style illegal immigration, repeatedly praised and honored George Floyd, and endorsed a Democrat senator's call for more gun control." To which Cat Turner 2 said, "This is so bad." And another guy, I was considering becoming a Catholic. Not anymore. What a loss for the faith. Trump Trump just hit the Vatican with an
• 03:00 - 03:30 80% tariff on pointy hats. But this is the new pope is Cardinal Robert Provost. He is a native of Chicago. He went to Villanova University where he majored in poping. He, you know, they make him pick a name. He chose the name Leo I 14th, which is a shame because there have been 13 other Leos. We've never had even one Pope Bob, which would have been pretty great. How have there been so many popes named Leo? Leo doesn't even sound like a
• 03:30 - 04:00 Pope name. Sounds more like the alter boy who got high and ate all the communion wafers, Leo. So, congratulations to him. This is an historic era we are live. We have an American pope and a Russian president. Isn't it incredible? President Trump finally announced that um he finally announced his first new trade deal today. He made a deal with the UK. So, only 180 countries to go. I guess he is very proud of himself for making a
• 04:00 - 04:30 trade agreement with a country we were trading with just fine until he screwed it all up. This is funny. One of the companies that's getting a break from this deal is Rolls-Royce. So, rest easy MP paw MAGA hat. You're still going to lose the farm, but you'll only have to pay 10% extra on that Rolls-Royce you've had your eye on. On cars, we took it from 25 to 10 on Rolls-Royce because Rolls-Royce is not going to be built here. Uh, I wouldn't even ask them to do that. You know, it's a very special car. And unless somebody shows me that
• 04:30 - 05:00 there's another kind of a car that's comparable to a Rolls-Royce, then there aren't too many. There's a good commercial for Rolls-Royce. But you're going to order a lot of Mr. President. I wonder whether you'd like to buy. You know, the last time that happened, I ended up buying a Tesla. You know, he's still pronouncing it Tesla. And where where is that Tesla? you allegedly he gave the Tesla to Melania and so still no deal with China but we
• 05:00 - 05:30 got England when your daughter asked for a Barbie for Christmas this year just say we can't afford that honey but maybe you'd like some John Smmedley knitwear this trade agreement is the biggest deal Trump has made with Britain since the time he convinced them to make his stunt double their prime minister today the current British prime minister Kier Starmer was not able to be at the White House but He did call in to kiss some ass via speaker phone. Uh, Donald, thank you so much. It's really
• 05:30 - 06:00 good to have this deal over the line. Uh, tribute to both teams, tribute to our countries, and tribute to your leadership, Kier. Thank you very much. Thanks, Donald. And we'll speak again soon. Very good. So long. Bye. Why don't I do this? Why don't I What a wanker. What a
• 06:00 - 06:30 killer. Raers the moon. Anyway, thanks. Well, a matter of time. Meanwhile, there have been a a lot of close calls in the air since the new administration gutted everything. The airport in Newark still hasn't recovered from the power outage that resulted in control towers briefly losing communication with planes last week. And that you will find hard to
• 06:30 - 07:00 believe isn't Trump's fault. He puts the blame on Pete Budajedge. when they took over Buddha who has no clue you know he drives to work on his bicycle with his with his in all fairness with his husband on the back which is a nice loving relationship but uh he didn't have a clue this guy didn't have a clue I see I it's because he's gay that we're and not just regular gay bicycle gay the um the very not gay secretary of defense Pete Hegsath so far has been
• 07:00 - 07:30 spending more time defending himself than the country Every day there's something new with him. You know how he's using his phone to conduct top secret business? Well, now we have news that several of his personal passwords have been compromised by cyber attack. Like many Americans, HGsth reuses passwords so he can remember them. But unlike any other Americans, he is the Secretary of Defense. Pete Hex's phone shouldn't even have password. It should have one of those tubes you blow in to start your car after you get a DUI. And
• 07:30 - 08:00 at this point, I'm pretty sure even Pete Hagsth is wondering how he still has a job. And the saddest part of it is that it takes focus away from the magnificent display of dumbasserie being put on by Marjorie Taylor Green right now. She is at the top of her game. Clan Mom is now chairwoman of the Doge subcommittee, which is supposed to cut costs. They had an important hearing titled Keeping Men Out of Women's Sports. That would be a big money saver. They had a meeting yesterday in which she used a clearly
• 08:00 - 08:30 doctorred photo that makes it seem like this guy who's in charge of US fencing was giving the middle finger when in fact he was holding up two fingers. Here displayed behind me is the uh post that Mr. Lefelt put up. Mr. Lefelt came in here today saying that this is game day. One moment. A point of order, please. You're not you're not Madam Chair. I I have a point of order. Um the the document that you have up behind you is a misrepresentation of the actual post.
• 08:30 - 09:00 It appears that you're trying to misrepresent a witness here who you uh use subpoena powers against. This is not Miss Stansbury. Miss Stanbury, this is not a point of order. An actual picture. Miss Stansbury, you're not recognized. Miss Stansbury, you're not recognized. Miss Stanbury. One of those day these days that gavvel is going to hit her in the head and she'll be smarter for it. She will be better off. You are not right. This is not a point of order. Miss Stanbury.
• 09:00 - 09:30 This is not a point of ordering what this committee does. You are misrepresenting the witnesses. You are misrepresenting policy. You are misrep. You're not recognized. Did you feel you were in a safe environment free from abuse when you were told you must compete against a man? Peace be with you, too. Thank you, Miss Stanbury. A literal photo bomb. Sunday, I hope you know, is Mother's Day. Who's
• 09:30 - 10:00 Who is more stressed out about Mother's Day right now, Nick Cannon or Elon Musk? Mother's Day was started by a woman named Anna Jarvis in 1908, though she would later denounce the commercialization of the holiday, and she spent the latter part of her life trying to get it removed from the calendar. Which, if you think about it, is there anything more Mother's Day than the mother of Mother's Day being disappointed by how Mother's Day turned out? It's important to honor thy mother on this special day. And no one, I will
• 10:00 - 10:30 say, does it better than this guy, one of the biggest mother lovers of them all. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers. Some say moms or mamas, mommies, mamasittas if you're MS13. So many great mothers like Mother Teresa. Not a great beauty, but she loved lepers. Lepers. Couldn't get enough of them. But Mother Teresa never had kids of her own because, well, let's face it, she's a four at best. How about
• 10:30 - 11:00 the Octoom? She had a lot of kids. Like Elon, a lot of kids. Her womb is like a pinata. So big, so nasty. A nasty womb. And look at this. I love this big mama. Big mama's house. Maybe it's not the right thing to say, but much hotter than media, who media is saying is trans. Not in my bathroom. Medadia. Oh, Mama June from Honey Boo
• 11:00 - 11:30 Boo. Boo Boo looks like a thumb, but we love you for Oh, Mother Hubard. She lived in a cupboard. What a loser. And finally, a cult classic, Mother Jugs and Speed. I love Mother. I love Jugs. Starring Bill Cosby, America's dad. Stay strong, Bill. They say he's done some things. Has he? Good luck and happy Mother's Day to Dr. Bill Cosby and to uh what what's your name? Melania. Yeah,
• 11:30 - 12:00 her too. That's right. Forget about all the haters and make sure you make an effort this year. I'm never exactly sure of what to get my wife or Mother's Day. Flowers, you know, are fine. brunch is okay, but they're kind of boring. So, I asked my wife, I asked her directly, what's what's the best gift for Mother's Day? And she had some thoughts that I then asked her to share with those who might want them. So, with that, I will turn it over to Molly, who has some helpful hints for Mother's Day.
• 12:00 - 12:30 Hi, I'm Jimmy's wife. Where do you want me? Do you want me to stand right here? I want you over there. I'm Jimmy's wife, Molly, and I have the perfect gift idea for your wife. Something every mom will appreciate. And it's free. Dads are great at a lot of things like taking out the trash and singing yacht rock on the toilet and whatever HDMI is, but for most of you, taking good photos of us is really not your area of strength. Here are some examples. This is from our producer, Hara. This is how she took a
• 12:30 - 13:00 photo of her husband with her daughter on her first day of school. And this is how he took hers. No head, headless hair up. Here's the thing. We're good on candles and slippers and robes. We're good. What we really want for Mother's Day is for you to take a not terrible photo of us with the kids. This is one from Jamie, one of our writers. Jamie and her family went to Nantucket for a whole week. Her husband took exactly one photo of her. This is the photo. Looks
• 13:00 - 13:30 like she got Looks like she got hit by a mallet. And this is how she photographed him. Beautiful. Put that on a mug. Now, this is one of our writer Josh. What a perfect photo his wife Sarah took of him and their kids. Want to see how he returned the favor? There you go. It's like they got rescued by the Coast Guard. Josh, you're fired. This is
• 13:30 - 14:00 Maggie from our social media department. Kid looks cute. Maggie looks like she's about to throw up, but at least he got her face in the picture. Unlike this, or this or this. Come on. How is it possible? You can shoot everyone in Fortnite and not your wife. I mean, why are you even taking these to remember the pandemic? Try to take photos of us the way we take photos of you. Like this. That's going to go in a frame. Not this. That's going right in
• 14:00 - 14:30 the trash. Do you know why these photos and this and this one and these all look so good? Because those are the photos she took herself. This Mother's Day, give your wife the gift she's been giving you. Every time you cook with the kids, read to the kids, fish for the kids, hug the kids, hug inside, hug outside, or walk
• 14:30 - 15:00 upstairs with the kids. I took all of these. I'm exhausted. This Mother's Day, give your hardworking wife a nice photo, preferably in good lighting, at a good angle with her kids, not whatever the this is. Thank you in advance and happy Mother's Day genuinely to all of you, all the great moms out there. I see you even if your husband's iPhone
• 15:00 - 15:30 somehow doesn't. Happy Mother's Day. All right. You're welcome. You earned nothing. All right, GMO, do you know how many subscribers we have on YouTube now? Uh, 20 millions. That's right. Yeah, that's why we're wearing these glasses. Thanks for being a subscriber. If you're not, help us get to 20 million in one.