10 Signs You're Masking Autism

Summary

In the video, Orion Kelly, known as 'That Autistic Guy', discusses the concept of masking in autism—a coping mechanism where autistic individuals alter their behavior to fit into neurotypical conventions. He explores ten signs of masking, such as scripting conversations, social mimicry, and overthinking every social interaction. These coping mechanisms, while helping autistic people navigate social situations, lead to stress and identity issues. Through humorous anecdotes and insights, Orion sheds light on the mental toll of constantly camouflaging one's true autistic self in a world designed for neurotypicals.

Highlights

• Orion explains the anxiety of scripting conversations to avoid sounding 'too autistic' 😬.
• Discusses social mimicry, or copying others to fit in, and its emotional toll 🤖.
• Describes the excessive self-monitoring in digital communication to avoid misunderstandings ✉️.
• Illustrates the challenges of forced eye contact and its discomfort 😣.
• The video ends with the emotional cost of always playing a character instead of being oneself 🎭.

Key Takeaways

• Masking helps autistic individuals reduce anxiety in social interactions 🧩.
• Scripted conversations and social mimicry are common signs of masking 🗣️.
• Overthinking messages to avoid misunderstanding is a typical behavior for masking 📧.
• Forcing eye contact and ignoring sensory discomfort are part of masking strategies 👀.
• Autistic people mask to fit in and avoid negative judgments 🤫.

Overview

Orion Kelly, a content creator on autism, delves deeply into the intricate world of 'masking'—a common phenomenon among autistic individuals where they camouflage their true selves to align with societal norms. Throughout his video, he humorfully yet profoundly narrates personal experiences and signs that suggest one might be masking their autism, bringing both awareness and understanding to his audience.

Highlighting everyday situations such as rehearsing conversations, adjusting one's voice, and mimicking others, Orion sheds light on the constant mental gymnastics autistic people may engage in to feel accepted. He emphasizes that these compensatory strategies, while offering temporary social acceptance, often result in increased anxiety, burnout, and a puzzling sense of identity.

Through his engaging storytelling and relatable humor, Orion not only validates the experiences of autistic people but also educates viewers on the hidden challenges they face. His insights encourage self-awareness and acceptance, providing a supportive space for individuals to explore their authentic selves without the pressure of masking.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction to Masking Autism The chapter introduces the concept of 'masking autism,' which involves autistic individuals modifying their behavior and expressions to fit in with neurotypical standards. This masking is often an unconscious action. The transcript opens with a relatable scenario where someone smiles through a conversation while feeling distress internally, or carefully plans their speech to avoid negative perceptions from neurotypicals. The chapter promises to discuss various signs of masking, with a suggestion that one particularly significant sign will be revealed towards the end of the discussion.
• 00:30 - 33:00: Signs of Masking Autism The chapter discusses the concept of 'masking' in autism, where autistic individuals might hide their natural responses to fit into social norms better. The speaker, Orion Kelly, aims to provide validation and support for autistic people and their families. A key aspect of masking discussed is the tendency of autistic individuals to script conversations in their head prior to having them, mentally rehearsing what they intend to say to navigate social interactions more comfortably.
• 33:00 - 32:00: Conclusion The chapter 'Conclusion' addresses the challenge of communication, particularly focusing on how non-neurotypical individuals might view neurotypical small talk as unnecessary or trivial. It discusses the feeling of awkwardness and how small talk about topics like weather may seem inconsequential. The chapter highlights the differing perceptions between neurotypical and non-neurotypical individuals towards everyday conversation.

10 Signs You're Masking Autism Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 have you ever smiled through a conversation while internally screaming or carefully planned every word you say so you don't sound bad to neurotypicals you might be masking autism something many autistic people do without even realizing it so let's talk about the signs and trust me number 10 hits hard welcome my stars of Orion thank you so
• 00:30 - 01:00 much for watching I'm Orion Kelly that autistic guy I'm all about providing validation and support for autistic people and their loved ones 10 signs you're masking autism number one do you script conversations in your head before even speaking or having those conversations do you mentally rehearse what you think you're going to say because
• 01:00 - 01:30 you don't want to sound how do we put this awkward weird bad rude arrogant or what else autistic for example the small talk the neurotypical small talk don't they love talking about the weather oh how about this weather right what I want to say is who gives a crap about this weather what are you saying it's hot it's summer what is the difference tick
• 01:30 - 02:00 yeah man this this summer heat is hot who would have thought it'd be so hot in summer wait I shouldn't have used that one let's try again how about that heat huh it's hot out there right absolutely hot as hell out there you'd think it was summer I did it again and then even after you've casually rehearsed them or casually responded you're like hang on a second was that too casual or was I too robotic too autistic why is life so hard
• 02:00 - 02:30 but why does this happen scripting well it helps predict social interactions and therefore reduces our anxiety although in saying that all the things are prepared for virtually never come true and the conversations aren't anything like I thought they would be who would have thought that was the case autistic people often struggle with spontaneous conversation well obviously now why well we have differences in executive
• 02:30 - 03:00 functioning so realtime decision making planning conversations that change are impacted that's an issue real time processing as autistic people I can be saying something and then they've started talking I hadn't finished my sentence I finished my sentence and they say I interrupted them I interrupted you I was still talking yes AR would you stop talking for 5 minutes it doesn't I was still talking and another way to
• 03:00 - 03:30 explain this is as autistic people we have different and varying speeds of processing okay so delayed processing speeds whatever it may be we have it now that's going to impact interpreting social cues by the time we've got to the bottom of that it's no longer relevant the conversation's moved on preparing scripts in advance can help us feel like we're more in control
• 03:30 - 04:00 although it very rarely turns out to be the brain's social prediction system used to anticipate how a conversation will go is clearly very different in autistic people oh why is that we've got an autistic brain Einstein making social interactions feel unpredictable in fact anticipate how conversations will go there's a system for that we never got
• 04:00 - 04:30 that download or that upgrade I can tell you they don't ever go the way they're supposed to go so what happens social interactions for us in fact seem unpredictable sign number two you're masking autism do you copy other people's expressions and reactions are you like a chameleon do you mimic I think that's referred to as social mimicry I could be wrong do you notice how other people
• 04:30 - 05:00 laugh how they react they may nod do you mimic those particular expressions and reactions to fit in in other words you look at how neurotypical people are behaving and acting and you try to do the same thing to come across neurotypical to fit in to be normal you're mimicking it now the issue with that is we can see it but it doesn't mean what we give back is even remotely
• 05:00 - 05:30 the same or even appropriate in the situation like you're in a situation there's a group of people they all start laughing the first thing you're thinking of is did I miss a joke should I have laughed I better laugh that was a big laugh I think I've gone over the top what do I do now just pretend nothing nothing happened good one Jeff yeah I'm totally natural okay so why does this happen autistic people
• 05:30 - 06:00 have a thing called Alexia maybe we all don't but it's certainly General amongst autistic people this is a difficulty identifying our own emotions in fact Alexia is a difficulty in not only identifying but processing the emotions of others or processing identifying and then reciprocating or explaining it back oh okay empathizing so we aren't lacking empathy
• 06:00 - 06:30 we're lacking an ability to identify the emotions we need to empathize with if you just told us what they were we'd go oh I totally feel that deeply right we mimic others to fit in how about this one mirror neurons mirror neurons brain cells involved in imitating Behavior May well function differently in autistic people again why is that Orion we've got a godamn different brain autistic brain
• 06:30 - 07:00 do you think do you think okay so it's going to function differently in autistic people what's going to happen well it's probably going to lead to difficulties in the natural picking up of expressions in naturally easily organically just as a matter of course picking up the expressions of others this doesn't mean we don't feel deeply or empathized for People based on their feelings and experiences it just means we often struggle to realize that's what
• 07:00 - 07:30 you're going through if you explain to us your feelings and thoughts or experiences and then it connected with us we'd feel it deeply so social mimicry although I'd rather say social mimic cry it's so much funner that's not a word it's so much more fun to say social mimic cry okay social mimicry is an Adaptive survival strategy used to avoid negative judgment well well judgment in
• 07:30 - 08:00 general I guess and this perception that autistic people are just plain weird are bad are rude a standoffish arrogant too cool for school whatever you want to call it we're doing this as a survival strategy it's life or death for autistic people to be accepted to fit in all right sign number three that you are masking autism is a big one to me overthinking every message you send do you overthink every text every email
• 08:00 - 08:30 before you send it do you reread your messages your emails I don't know 10 20 times just to make sure they sound right before you hit send this for me is a big one and email is even worse my process with emails is not only do I write the email but then I have to rewrite it and judge it myself and second guess it 50,000 times but then
• 08:30 - 09:00 when I finally send it I'm automatically filled with a sense of dread I don't think I've ever sent a good email but then what I like to do I like to go to the sent folder that's right sent folder and I like to read the email I sent to someone as if I was that someone I don't know what I don't I I'm not that someone I I can't put myself in their shoes but I still want to pretend to be them receiving the email from me so now I read an email that I've written before
• 09:00 - 09:30 sending it but now I'm reading an email as if I was the person I sent the email to do you understand what I'm talking about and don't stop me on the texts oh is this where I put an emoji can I just put an emoji what emoji do I get how do you even find the right Emoji what is it supposed to mean what are the words is this text going to be too serious too funny is this text good or bad I don't know wait stop un un send it who can
• 09:30 - 10:00 unsend it deleting rewriting starting messages emails over and over and over again is like the bane of my existence now why does this happen overthinking is a way we avoid misunderstandings we avoid overthinking to navigate rejection think about it you see what I did there cuz I'm doing my overthinking okay so if you're overthinking in a way you're ironing out anxiety no you're not a you're you're creating it okay whatever
• 10:00 - 10:30 doctor what are you Dr Pepper if you are I want some overthinking is a way to help you avoid misunderstandings and rejection in our minds at least autistic people you know we can often have very literal thinking Minds okay concrete rigid black and white right or wrong that's just one way of explaining it as a rule that's going to create quite a challenge for us to navigate the unspoken the conventions
• 10:30 - 11:00 the rules the things everyone apparently knows about sending texts messages emails whatever that I never got the rules to there's rules to digital communication sorry there's rules in how you should text people these days there's there's rules to emails what do you mean there's rules to emails oh it's got to be a certain way is this person not a human and that one is what do you mean a certain way well you write
• 11:00 - 11:30 an email the same way you write an email to everyone no you don't right it's got to be this way to this person this way to that person why that what do you what are you talking about it's it's a strange and I just don't want to talk about it anymore now look we are more likely to be misunderstood in conversations so our tone our words our Expressions can be misunderstood can you imagine taking that off the imperson table and putting it on the text or the email not good so this idea that were're always going to be misunderstood people are going to take the text or the email
• 11:30 - 12:00 badly or or in the wrong way misunderstand it is fiercely fiercely powering this excessive self-monitoring another example on why this happens is the double empathy problem so miscommunications they don't happen just because we're autistic they happen because autistic people and neurotypical people both interpret the world differently neither one is wrong neither
• 12:00 - 12:30 one is right I've got an autistic brain you've got a neurotypical brain we are going to experience the world around us differently that is one of the reasons why this happens hang on but then wouldn't they be struggling no because neurotypical people don't care about the double empathy problem they just care that we're different so it's our fault autistic people are twice as likely to experience text based misunderstandings
• 12:30 - 13:00 compared to neurotypical people now what happens that is clearly clearly a manifestation of this excessive checking we don't ever have an experience of texting or messaging people apart from potentially safe people without this excessive checking revising deleting starting again going back of all messages all emails notes of any kind
• 13:00 - 13:30 any kind of telephony activities a reference to the the Constitution at least our one sign number four forcing eye contact even when it feels downright horrible now of course forcing yourself to do any neurot typically pleasing gestures is masking if of course it's not something you feel comfortable doing or works for you eyee
• 13:30 - 14:00 contact is an odd thing in some cultures it's actually kind of an autistic equivalent that eye contact is bad or disrespectful or not required but in many cultures eye contact shows a sign of respect people go look me in the eye when you're talking to me right or you what are you what are you looking over there for I'm trying to talk to you show some respect have listen right so if you're forcing eye contact when you know it feels yuck it feels wrong it feels
• 14:00 - 14:30 downright painful but you do it because you know the people around you want it they expect it what are you going to do even if this feels completely unnatural even if it feels like I'm auditioning for the role of a psychopath in some sort of crime movie yes oh great tell us more about your day yeah okay ah right M see I got to stop I got to
• 14:30 - 15:00 stop maintaining eye contact just to make other people happy well for starters that's staring look at me in the eye when I'm talking to you do you mean stare at you yeah cuz I'm looking away naturally or you got to look at them but you got to look away but going to look back so how do I do that naturally
• 15:00 - 15:30 you see what I'm saying my eyes hurt what's wrong with you people why does this happen the igula fear center of the brain is overactive in autistic people frankly the stress response is overactive in most autistic people just as a matter of course as a matter of waking up in the morning but did you know there's research to say that it's actually overactive in autistic people when they make eye contact that's right
• 15:30 - 16:00 the igula is overactive in autistic people while making eye contact many learn to force eye contact to Simply avoid being labeled rude what's wrong with you disrespectful look me in the eye show me some respect I'm talking to you here autistic people look away by the way to process what you're saying you may need to look at them but me looking away and listening to you intently is my way of respecting you
• 16:00 - 16:30 listening to you processing it having a meaningful conversation so autistic people we we learn to force ey contact because we don't want to be rude this is linked to camouflaging behaviors so we use neurotypical reactions even if they don't feel authentic to us to be accepted to fit in does that make sense we're doing things that do not feel authentic or natural to us looking the eye smile these types of crap to make
• 16:30 - 17:00 neurotypical people feel better while putting ourselves through discomfort potentially pain yes this is what we do for the neurotypical world autistic people can often have difficulties expressing emotions in ways that others can understand so we have to default to whatever we found you guys do like smiling smiling is a neutral response apparently so if you're smiling all good
• 17:00 - 17:30 here smiling is not a neutral response by the way in my head in fact my default look is a neutral response yet people still go what's wrong with you okay neutral number five laughing even smiling when you feel uncomfortable so you smile when you don't really mean to smile or laugh you might be unsure of how to respond or you simply may be uncomfortable you may be experiencing
• 17:30 - 18:00 discomfort or distress and a smile a giggle a laugh is the only thing that comes out laughing or smiling when we're uncomfortable now can I just dig into this okay like for example I just told you something sad that's a sad story but you're laughing what What's Happening Here Right that okay oh no no sorry I'm not I don't find it funny I wasn't laughing I just didn't the story was like just Panic laugh maybe I don't know but a
• 18:00 - 18:30 sign of discomfort absolutely here's another example okay so this cut to me Ned quite unwell I believe I've I need lots of uh fluid and liquid and and Medicine stat that's what they said like it was legit I was legit I'm will and need this is not not today like a few years back okay and they said oh we're going to have to get the biggest thing you can get right they need to get in there fast I'm like what they meant was needle okay so we're
• 18:30 - 19:00 talking about like they're putting something in me and then so they can attach it to a really big ass thing to get really pumping in there yeah great okay this wasn't just a scratch it was this was far from a scratch by the way when a doctor says when they're about to give you a needle just a scratch just a sharp scratch I often say to myself all right so it's going to be like this this is a scratch hi today's lesson is what a scratch is
• 19:00 - 19:30 here's a scratch what's a needle it's a stab you're getting something sharp and you you're inserting it just a sharp insert you see what I'm saying just going to stab you for a sex standby you know what I mean just a sharp scratch shut up anyway this was happening and guess what my reaction was I giggled I started laughing uncontrollably they'd never seen that reaction in their life and they were they started laughing it was completely but amusing they they didn't know what
• 19:30 - 20:00 to do it just made them laugh so I'm getting the world's biggest needle stuck in my arm and I start laughing giggling uncontrollably and then I realized sometimes for me pain equals laughter it's discomfort smiling or laughing is linked to discomfort for me autistic people often mask distress or discomfort with smiles and laughter one to avoid conflict but also because again this is
• 20:00 - 20:30 not something we're doing on purpose this is the reaction our body throws up see autistic people are copying neurotypical reactions even if they don't feel right to us but more importantly even if they don't feel in context for neurotypical people right so this is a there's all these people big knel in my arm the whole thing's very awkward I'm very uncomfortable and disregulated and distressed but all I can give you is like an uncontrollable giggle I can't tell you how honestly how
• 20:30 - 21:00 this is me I don't know if I'm the only person that relates to this but in pain in discomfort of any kind you know smiling laughing giggling seems to be like this weird automatic response to me and because we can have difficulty expressing emotions in a way that neurotypical people understand it I'm saying we default to these types of natural or neutral neurotypical responses again the idea that a laugh or a smile is a neutral response is just blows my mind but it is what it is
• 21:00 - 21:30 because research on autistic camouflaging which is masking suppressing your true autistic self found that many autistic people develop default facial expressions yeah default facial expressions to avoid these types of social misunderstandings sign number six your masking autism is adjusting your voice to sound normal so your consciously changing the way you
• 21:30 - 22:00 sound your tone your pace inflections to match whatever situation or whatever person you're talking to right you may need a professional work voice you may need a casual friend voice you may need an excited voice why well if I if I put on an excited voice they won't realize that I'm bored as hell right now talking is in effect masking for autistic people why well around about 70% of autistic
• 22:00 - 22:30 people have atypical speech patterns so autistic people can speak in so many different forms some as monotone some overly formal some unusually rhythmic now this can lead to really horrible things bullying social exclusion unemployment the end of relationships what happens well over time we learn pretty quickly we better modify our voice we better add things fake enthusiasm or Pace or more ups and
• 22:30 - 23:00 downs we have to match the expectations of neurotypical people we also have differences in procity is that right the Rhythm and Melody of speech difficulties are common in autistic people so it doesn't matter we're all different but one way or another I bet whether it's you talk too loud you talk too fast you talk too slow you talk robotic you sound like everything is boring to you you sound like you're rapping a song
• 23:00 - 23:30 Whatever you've heard I guarantee you've made changes despite that to fix that number seven is ignoring sensory discomfort you're ignoring your sensory sensitivities to avoid being labeled dramatic or over the top or too much so bright lights no worries itchy clothes not a problem loud noises I'm all good when really it's like something's on fire no be lights are not fine in fact I've
• 23:30 - 24:00 got a headache no this uniform is not good this school uniform this work uniform horrible I'm itching all over I'm somehow stopping that wanting to itch just to be here this is a common sign of masking if you are masking autism I guarantee one of the things you're masking is you have no sensory sensitivities sensory sensitivities not here here no sensory sensitivities of
• 24:00 - 24:30 course though sensory sensitivities are part of being an autistic person so why does this happen well for one autistic people clearly have sensory sensitivities we have sensory processing differences where the senses pick up stimuli lights textures feelings sounds the smells tastes that to us are unbearable but if
• 24:30 - 25:00 we're told man that's an overreaction it wasn't actually that loud Orion you shouldn't be so scared or yell and scream you're too sensitive what's wrong with you what's going to happen we are going to try to suppress our discomfort in those situations not that I can do that very well so masking sensory distress leads to sensory burnout leads to shutdowns and meltdowns and ultimately autistic burn out the sensory processing sensitivity model actually
• 25:00 - 25:30 suggests that autistic people process sensory input more deeply making masking necessary in overstimulating environments sign number eight you're masking autism do you say yes to social plans and invitations but then instantly regret it you're agreeing to plans because you feel like you have to but soon as you do it you realize and the dread sets in no
• 25:30 - 26:00 worries yeah let's catch up let's go get a coffee let's get some lunch oh yeah I could come to that party for a bit yeah not a problem what have I done you know what I mean you're just dreading it from the minute you said yes the only option now best case scenario is that it gets cancelled you maybe someone will hopefully they won't die but maybe someone I'll get really sick you know why autistic people we can
• 26:00 - 26:30 struggle being assertive because we're rejected all the time we can struggle putting our needs first because we have to put ourselves last to fit in we have difficulty predicting future emotions so we can commit to plans without realizing oh that's going to really drain me that's going to be a horrible environment to be in because we're just looking it appeasing a person not oh hang on a second I've said yes to going to that place or with that person we can feel for canceling because we feel like
• 26:30 - 27:00 we're going to disappoint people disappoint people that are already disappointed in us because we're not normal like them a study found autistic people often agree to social plans out of mere obligation but later as a result the cost they pay is pure exhaustion social exhaustion you may feel this around the holidays number nine do you hold in or suppress natural reactions to avoid the Judgment you've always got so you're stopping yourself from actually
• 27:00 - 27:30 reacting honestly because you've been told all your life hey whoo overreaction mate too much tone it down okay you may be excited and you want to sim you may be using echolalia you may start to really Sim hard with your fingers or or fidgeting with things and this is something no no no no me no likey likey right so you're actually trying to hold back those reactions hold back the natural way
• 27:30 - 28:00 you're dealing with the world around you just so everyone else is everyone else is happy here he goes again Mr dramatic Mr oh everything's a problem autistic people are actually being forced to stop reacting honestly yeah to somehow stop a a natural honest reaction before it happens really you think that's okay neurotypical people think it's okay to get someone with a medically diagnosed
• 28:00 - 28:30 neurodevelopmental condition disability and tell them before you react to anything in life I want you to identify it for it happens and stop it don't like how you react you react badly now why does this happen many autistic people naturally steem we stim steem is a core part of regulating ourselves it helps us regulate Focus find peace you know it's it's just daytoday just it's matter of course for autistic people except we're often told can you stop that I don't
• 28:30 - 29:00 know what you're doing but it's looks weird it's it's not good I don't like it it's too noisy it's too weird you just look odd you look like a crazy person stop doing that so we suppress it suppressing stimming will increase anxiety it'll reduce our regulation in focus it will create disregulation we will be in distress now some Studies have found autistic people who suppress stemming actually report higher stress levels and emotional exhaustion than those who don't suppress stiming now I
• 29:00 - 29:30 told you sign 10 will hit hard so listen to this sign number 10 you're masking autism do you feel like you're playing a character instead of being yourself do you feel like you're playing a role on the set of a movie except they never yell cut masking is in effect performing instead of just existing instead of just being you must perform pretend be someone else I'm at work I must be a
• 29:30 - 30:00 neurotypical professional what does that mean I don't know HR made it up it doesn't mean anything right with other people friends family what I must be who they think I should be this role of well number one I'm not autistic cuz I don't like that kind of those kind of labels and words got to I'm going to play this role we're talking about autistic people autistic kids autistic adults autistic people waking up and feeling forced to
• 30:00 - 30:30 act to play a character that everyone wants except them and forcing this upon them until they die do you feel like as a rule you're playing a character you aren't ever your natural unique normal self you are actually playing a role number one I'm really sorry to hear that I know how you're feeling but this is absolute core masking of autism and the worst part about this is it results in
• 30:30 - 31:00 who is the real me people can ask that but forget about them think about you do you ever asked that who is me who who who is the real me who am I I don't know who I am and being and who I am why does this happen well many autistic people have to construct a Persona because from virtual birth we've been criticized for being too everything too much too awkward too we weird too rude too arrogant too different now this is going
• 31:00 - 31:30 to lead to this chronic hatred of our own identity we therefore basically have to adapt forget who we are be who they need us to be now unmasking later in life can be very liberating but it can also be incredibly overwhelming it's an identity crisis long-term masking has been linked to higher rates of autistic burnout depression and
• 31:30 - 32:00 dissociation these are all hardcore results of Simply feeling like you must play a character for every day of your life until you die so which of those signs really hit home for you let me know in the comments and for even more check out my playlist autistic traits