Choose Your Mask Carefully | John Ortberg

Summary

Highlights

• Discover the difference between public and private heroes, and why we cherish everyday mentors. 🌟
• Understand how true virtue is more than just consistent good behavior; it's about genuine, altruistic motivation. 💡
• Explore the idea of the 'happy hypocrite'—pretending not for deceit, but as an aspiration for real change. 🎭
• Acknowledge that full character change is miraculous, often a result of both effort and spiritual grace. 🙏
• Insights from Christian Miller's 'The Character Gap' kick-start a deeper look into our own motives. 🔍

Key Takeaways

• We wear masks not just for show, but as part of a journey toward genuine change. 😷
• Hypocrisy is about intent; aim to genuinely embody the virtues you display. 🌟
• Character growth is a blend of personal effort and divine help. 🌱
• True virtue requires consistency across different contexts and motives. 🔍
• Our real heroes often lie in quiet, everyday encounters, not just in public figures. 🦸‍♀️

Overview

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Introduction to Hypocrisy and Character Change The chapter discusses the concept of hypocrisy, particularly highlighting the distinction between pretending and actual intention to change. It explores the idea of how genuine change involves a surrendered will and a sincere desire to become an honest person, rather than merely deceiving others. The notion is that by living with true intent, one can genuinely change their character. The chapter hints at the promise of transformation through honest intentions.
• 01:00 - 03:00: Heroes and Personal Influence This chapter delves into the concept of inevitable personal transformation, emphasizing that every day brings about change in individuals both externally and internally, regardless of their intentions or awareness. It highlights the irrevocable nature of time, encouraging readers to make the most of each day, as each day is unique and once passed, cannot be relived.
• 03:00 - 06:00: The Nature of Virtue and Motives The chapter discusses the concept of virtue and motives, emphasizing the importance of one's character as a gift to oneself, others, and the divine. It highlights the idea of 'choosing your mask carefully,' suggesting a reflective approach to the roles we play in life. The narrator references a conversation with friends about heroes, specifically mentioning 'Murph,' a long-time college friend, who speaks of only having two heroes in his life.
• 06:00 - 11:30: Acting "As If" and Transformation In this chapter, the author discusses the impact of key figures in their life who have influenced them through their actions and personal sacrifices. One of these figures is the author's grandmother, who is depicted as a hero for her role in keeping the family united during challenging times, including dealing with a divorce. Her efforts exemplify commitment to family and selflessness.
• 11:30 - 12:30: Conclusion and Call to Action The chapter reflects on the impact of personal role models and the distinction between public heroes and private individuals who have significant influence in our lives. It highlights how an unnamed influential person deeply affected the lives of the narrator and others, drawing attention to the meaningful connections formed with those we personally know compared to the admiration for famous personalities.

Choose Your Mask Carefully | John Ortberg Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 a hypocrite has no intention of becoming what he's pretending to be but when I act as if I have a different posture of the will my goal now is not to fool other people and make them think I'm different than I actually am I I genuinely I'm living with a surrendered will I want to become an honest person [Music] today I promise you an amazing thing is
• 00:30 - 01:00 going to happen the most important process in the world you a human being are going to change whether you like it or not whether you want to or not for better or Force can't help it on the outside but more importantly on the inside by accident or on purpose when you go to bed tonight you're going to be one day different than you were when you got started and by the way you will never get the chance to do this day again so let's make it count
• 01:00 - 01:30 let's ask for God's help we're talking about our character which is the great gift that you will give with your life to God to the world to other people as well as to yourself and the invitation today is choose your mask carefully I'll get to what that means when I was with a group of friends quite recently I mentioned this to you we were talking about heroes and my friend Murph I've known him since we were in college together said I've only had two Heroes
• 01:30 - 02:00 my whole life long one is my grandma she's my hero because she kept us kids together ref went through real difficult painful situation with his family and a divorce and there was a grandmother who sacrificed a great deal to keep those kids connected with each other and in a sense of family and then the other one was this quite obscure Greek New Testament professor um who all of us were on the table had been marked by when Murph looked around he saw four of
• 02:00 - 02:30 us are teaching like our hero taught three others of us were pastors and pastors are kind of a form of teacher so we had all been one guy's a doctor you can't win them all but all of us have been marked so deeply by this person and it struck me when Murph was talking that there's a difference often between uh public Heroes people who are famous that we all admire versus private uh people that we actually really know
• 02:30 - 03:00 well public heroes are often folks that are marked by big accomplishments and big lives and lots of grit and we see outwardly what they have done but we don't know them there's a difference often with that Grandma that teacher and I want to get to what that is the a book that I think I mentioned if I have it it's called The Character Gap by a philosopher Christian Miller the character Gap how good are we now that's an intriguing question that
• 03:00 - 03:30 we will come back to but he talks in there about what qualifies a trait in our life to be a virtue he says it's an inner disposition that leads to a good action generosity or so um so if there's a woman he says named Matthew hears about some refugees who are suffering and she goes to try to help them out that's a good thing to do can we determine then that she has the virtue of compassion well not yet he says because what if she goes there and
• 03:30 - 04:00 she's kind of braggy and Superior and taking selfies of herself being so wonderful to these people so no it has to be a good action that's carried out in an appropriate way now if that happens can we determine that she has the virtue of compassion no he says because uh she might at the same time actually be quite uncaring towards her fellow classmates if she's in school or towards a brother who is struggling or ignore even participate in bullying online so this has to be a trait that is
• 04:00 - 04:30 demonstrated across different situations different relationships in quite a stable way that lasts over time so now if that condition is satisfied can we determine that she has the verge of compassion no he says because of one other reason uh the mere Behavior no matter how admirable and consistent it might be is Never Enough by itself to qualify us as compassion as compassionate people if Beth for example only did these things
• 04:30 - 05:00 with the goal of benefiting herself if she were to say to these refugees I'm doing this because it'll look really good on my resume or because I want to get into a really good school if it's motivated by egoism then then it's not virtue it's not a character that we would admire it has to be altruistic it has to be done for another person Christian Miller has this little recurring series of pictures somebody writing out a check to give money to charity checks a little piece of paper people used to use to give away money but we don't have time for that
• 05:00 - 05:30 and with each one of these four pictures there's a thought bubble in the person's mind when they're writing out this check one is impress others another is relieve guilt a third is tax deduction fourth one is stop starvation only that fourth one would be a genuine virtue because it's motivated by the desire to do something good this gets deeply to what it means to be a person we don't care about that with
• 05:30 - 06:00 other beings other creatures with my dog Baxter if uh I train him to roll over or sit up I don't say Baxter I'm not going to reward you because you're just doing this for the food you're not really doing it out of love but with a person the motive matters deeply now part of what that means is it's very difficult for us to ever know if somebody is truly virtuous if they're going to Great Character and that's one of the reasons why I think our private Heroes often tend to be quite humble
• 06:00 - 06:30 people because we're looking at we get to know them well because we watch them and we know what's going on inside them what's motivating them in a way with famous people we never know an additional difficulty is it's hard for me to know what's motivating my own self one question you might ask yourself is what disappoints you because when you're disappointed then you'll know that probably some motivating force in your life got blocked
• 06:30 - 07:00 a motive is the desire that energizes my heart so early on I went into church ministry and I thought well one advantage of that is at least I will be given great spiritually mature character didn't quite work out that way I found early on when I was working at a church there was somebody else on staff unbelievably charismatic very gifted person and there was an event going on at the church where this person was giftedness and Charisma were being celebrated in a raucous Wild Way and
• 07:00 - 07:30 instead of my entering into that great joy I found myself thinking well I wish that was coming to me not to him and so I discovered a good deal of my motivation generally motivation for us is quite mixed I discovered when I saw that I was disappointed and envious because Applause I was going to somebody else even though I'm talking to people about the humble self-sacrificing self-giving love of Jesus apparently a good chunk of my motivation is to get them to applaud for me
• 07:30 - 08:00 so a place to begin in this journey is to uh be quite open don't deny when I run into impure motives of myself don't indulge them don't dwell on them overly long just simply be curious about them be aware of them and then and then and then because I can't choose my motives I can choose my action I can't choose my motive because my motive is an emotional reality here's what I can do I can act as if
• 08:00 - 08:30 I was a person of good character I can act as if I was somebody who was humble I can act as if I was somebody who was generous um Frederick Peter wrote a wonderful book called telling the truth and here's part of what he writes in the happy Hypocrites a short story Max Biermann tells about a rake name Lords George Hall man there's a bug here
• 08:30 - 09:00 debauched and profligate Who falls in love with a saintly girl and in order to win her love covers his bloated features with the mask of a saint the girl is deceived and becomes his bride they live together happily until a wicked lady from Lords George hell's Wicked past turns up to expose him for the scoundrel she knows him to be and challenges him to take off his mask so sadly having no choice he takes it off
• 09:00 - 09:30 and lo and behold beneath the Saints mask is the face of the saint he has become by wearing it in love so choose your mask carefully today live as if you had the virtue of humility or the virtue of generosity or the virtue of honesty what would somebody do if they had a good character
• 09:30 - 10:00 and I can choose to enter into that act now this is called happy hypocrite you might wonder what's the difference between hypocrisy versus acting as if that's a good question rather than I read some time ago said the difference is this a hypocrite has no intention of becoming what he's pretending to be but when I act as if I have a different posture of the will my goal now is not to fool other people and make them think I'm different than I actually am I I genuinely I'm living with a surrendered
• 10:00 - 10:30 will I want to become an honest person or a humble person or a non-envious person or a patient person and so I ask for God's help and here's the other key we're not able to change our character it's always a miracle when it happens Lord George hell takes off the mask and a Miracle of Miracles he has become
• 10:30 - 11:00 what it is that he was trying to live as though he were one of those um always God does it we grow we learn we develop by pretending little children pretend until they grow into it C.S Lewis writes about this when a parent's teaching a child to speak it does that by pretending that the child is able to understand until one day the child can God looks at us and he sees in US speaks
• 11:00 - 11:30 to that higher person that we are not yet but we might One Day become and when we humbly act as if and ask for God's help a change happens I can't you can't I think I'll let him go be changed [Music]
• 11:30 - 12:00 [Music] hey I'm Tim thanks for joining us before you leave you can subscribe to this Channel or like this video or comment on the video we love to read those comments we read them every day so we'd love to hear from you there if you'd like to receive the emails that go along with each video you can let us know at become new.com subscribe or if you have a
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