Emotional Abuse - Understanding the Power and Control Wheel

Summary

Emotional abuse, as discussed in this video by TheDuluthModel, is a prevalent form of control where the abuser convinces the victim of their inferiority and need for dependency. This abuse often manifests through constant criticism, belittling, and name-calling, which diminishes the victim's self-worth and independence. The transcript highlights a case where a woman believed, initially, that she couldn't manage without her abuser, despite being the primary caretaker and breadwinner. Over time, she realized her capabilities in his absence. The conversation reveals the severe impact of emotional abuse, with victims often losing their sense of identity and self-respect, exacerbated by the abuser's refusal to use their given name, signifying a lack of respect.

Highlights

• Emotional abuse is used to make women feel inferior and dependent on their abuser. 🎭
• Criticism, belittling, and name-calling are common tactics. 🙅‍♀️
• Victims can lose their identity and sense of self-respect under emotional abuse. 🚨
• Recognition of one's capabilities can occur when abusers are absent. 🌟
• Refusing to use a partner's name signifies lack of respect and acknowledgment. 💢

Key Takeaways

• Emotional abuse is more common than physical violence and serves as a means of control. 💔
• Abusers convince victims of their inferiority, making them feel dependent. 🧠
• Constant criticism and name-calling diminish the victim’s self-worth. 📉
• Victims often eventually realize their strength and independence. 💪
• Using given names is a basic respect often denied by abusers. 🚫

Overview

Emotional abuse is a tactic of control that is often more prevalent than physical violence. It’s designed to belittle the victim, making her feel worthless and entirely dependent on her abuser. This coercive control is achieved by constant criticism and lowering of her self-esteem, ensuring she doubts her capabilities and sense of independence.

Through storytelling, TheDuluthModel shares a revealing account of a woman who escaped the mental chains of her abuser. Despite raising children and being the household's main provider, she was manipulated into believing she was incapable without her abuser. Only after his absence did she realize her true strength and ability to thrive independently.

The insidious nature of emotional abuse is further highlighted by the refusal of abusers to use their partner's given name. This act underscores their deep-seated entitlement and lack of respect. Emotional wounds from such behavior are deep and can take longer to heal than physical ones, as victims must work to rediscover their identity and self-worth.

Emotional Abuse - Understanding the Power and Control Wheel Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 emotional abuse is another tactic on the power and control wheel this particular form of abuse is something that happens usually more often than the physical violence does because it's his way of getting her to understand that she's less than he believes in his head that he has a right to dominate her he believes that he's superior to her he wants her to believe the same thing and part of how he gets her to believe he's
• 00:30 - 01:00 superior is by constantly putting her down so the kitchens never clean enough the dishes are never done the right way the kids are never disciplined correctly you don't even go to the store they're on the right Road you don't it takes you too long to get to to the kids school and back again I mean there's literally nothing that she does writing these constantly emotion using emotional abuse as a way to get her to believe that not
• 01:00 - 01:30 only is she isn't she worthy but literally she couldn't survive on her own without him that that she needs his superior thinking abilities in order to even survive this has come to me many times when working with men who were violent and then talking to their partners and you know an example would be a woman who raised six children on
• 01:30 - 02:00 her own he literally didn't do anything to help raise these kids he didn't even work she held the job she made the money and when he first was put in jail and she was alone with these kids her response was I don't think I can possibly make it without him he contributes so much now as advocates you know the advocates knew that that wasn't the case they knew that she was you know
• 02:00 - 02:30 running this house and keeping it together and he was really detracting from all of it but she didn't know that because he had so convinced her so diminished her that she didn't believe in herself now eight months later when he's still in jail she comes into the building and says you know I don't think I actually need him in the house I make the money I've raised my
• 02:30 - 03:00 kids I attend to all their needs I'm not sure what he's actually done in the last 10 years to contribute to this home she came to that understanding once she had the space to actually prove to herself that she could make it so this emotional abuse takes the form of a lot of name-calling not just putting her down and her and her choices down but also name-calling so I've I've read police
• 03:00 - 03:30 reports for for years and years and years hundreds of police reports I've yet to come across a police report where an officer is interviewing a man who has beaten his partner and he refers to her by her given name he refers to her as a a a a all these different names but never her name and when we work with men in class and a rehabilitation effort one of the group
• 03:30 - 04:00 rules is that they have to call their partners by their name there are men in class who refuse to participate because they will not use her given name because it's a point of respect and they can't extend that to their partners because they don't believe that she's actually equal to them this is the depth of that entitlement that dominance that they
• 04:00 - 04:30 carry into the home and into their relationships with women so although the women say that they you know the hitting causes a great deal of fear and a great deal of pain it's the emotional abuse that constant diminishment of who they are as women and the name-calling that gets associated it that is some of the hardest for the
• 04:30 - 05:00 women to overcome because it they literally lose themselves in this in this notion that they they are something other than who they believe they were before they met him