I didn't want this - how I became a Black atheist

Estimated read time: 1:20

Summary

In a thought-provoking video, Bri the Womannequin shares her journey to becoming a Black atheist, a path marked by her upbringing in a mixed-religious household and a life filled with deep questions about faith. She candidly discusses the internal conflict she felt growing up in a predominantly religious Black community and how her inquisitive mind gradually led her to question the tenets of Christianity. This video offers solidarity to others on similar journeys and invites viewers to consider the sometimes unrecognized cognitive dissonance between cultural and religious affiliations. Bri emphasizes the importance of open-mindedness while acknowledging the challenges of confronting long-held beliefs.

Highlights

Bri expresses initial fears about sharing her story, mindful of religious backlash. 😬
Raised in a diverse religious background, her story questions the alignment of faith and upbringing. 🔄
Intellectual exploration and life experiences, including deep-seated nightmares, shaped her atheistic views. 🌌
Discusses the historical manipulation of religious texts and its impact on her beliefs. 📜
Atheistic beliefs strengthened by unanswered prayers and perceived injustices in the world. 🙏

Key Takeaways

Bri shares her unusual journey of becoming a Black atheist, which is intriguingly rare. 🖤
She opens up about the internal battle with her early religious beliefs and eventual questioning of faith. 😇
Her experiences highlight the societal and familial pressures of conforming to religious norms. 💭
Bri illustrates how critical life events and intellectual curiosity led her to atheism. 📚
She encourages people to explore their beliefs without fear, focusing on truth over fear of retribution. 💪

Overview

In her candid vlog, Bri the Womannequin delves into her extraordinary journey of becoming a Black atheist—a rarity that she navigates with courage and reflective insight. Growing up in a rich tapestry of religious traditions, Bri questions the nature of divinity and the weight of religious conformity. As she unravels the complexities of her faith and identity, she invites viewers to ponder similar reflections and embrace their truths without fear of societal or familial judgment.

Bri’s story is as much about her personal evolution as it is a commentary on the broader issues of faith within cultures. She reflects on her childhood experiences filled with terrifying dreams of hell, juxtaposed against the societal pressures to adhere to Christian norms. Her narrative is a testament to the struggle many face when questioning deeply ingrained beliefs, especially within communities tied closely to religious practices.

Through intellectual curiosity and significant life events, Bri forges her path towards atheism, highlighting how critical thinking and personal truth-seeking lead her away from her early beliefs. Her story resonates with those who may feel isolated in similar journeys, offering a message of openness and encouragement to explore one’s faith and beliefs without the shackles of fear or retribution.

Chapters

00:00 - 01:30: Introduction and Topic Introduction In this introduction chapter, Bri from 'the W mannequin' starts by expressing her nervousness about the video topic. She acknowledges the potential controversial nature of the content, given that it might touch on subjects perceived as demonic or satanic. Understanding the sensitivity of the topic, especially among black Christians, she considers how the title of the video might deter certain viewers. Bri seems prepared to dive into complex and possibly contentious topics, while being cautious of her audience's beliefs and reactions.
01:30 - 05:00: Personal Religious Background The narrator explains their motivation for creating a video to share their personal story as a black atheist, acknowledging the rarity of such an identity. They express a desire to provide solidarity and reassurance to others with similar experiences, while admitting to previous hesitation due to fear of alienating viewers.
05:00 - 09:00: Early Struggles with Faith The protagonist recounts an eye-opening experience one morning when YouTube recommended videos related to black atheists. Surprised by this revelation, they began watching several videos that resonated with them and inspired introspection. The chapter delves into the protagonist's personal journey of defining atheism for themselves and navigating their path towards becoming a black atheist—a journey marked by overcoming numerous societal and cultural odds, thus becoming a minority within a minority.
09:00 - 15:00: College Experience and Doubts The chapter titled 'College Experience and Doubts' delves into the author's diverse religious background and family dynamics. The author introduces their family history, explaining that their birth father was a Muslim, while different parts of their maternal family belonged to various denominations like Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholicism, and Methodism. This eclectic mix of religious influences sets the stage for discussing the author's personal experiences and doubts, although specifics on those experiences are not covered in the provided text.
15:00 - 20:00: Family Tragedy and Questioning God's Justice The narrator discusses their religious upbringing and church experiences. They were raised in a non-denominational Christian household and were familiar with a particular church. As a child, the family attended church regularly, but over time, they ceased regular attendance due to the distance of their home church, which was quite far from their residence. As a result, the family didn't find a closer church to continue regular worship, leading to a decrease in their religious activities.
20:00 - 25:00: Exploration of Atheism and Doubt In this chapter, the speaker reflects on their religious upbringing, particularly focusing on the influence of Jehovah's Witness beliefs during early childhood. Despite their family's departure from the denomination to adopt a non-denominational Christian stance, they later returned to it in the speaker's twenties. This religious background did not heavily influence the speaker due to their family still celebrating birthdays, holidays, and other non-Jehovah's Witness traditions. The speaker was familiar with Bible stories, thanks to a children's Bible, and developed an early fascination with religious stories and mythology.
25:00 - 30:00: Confronting the Reality of Religion The chapter 'Confronting the Reality of Religion' begins with the speaker contemplating the intended audience of their message. They highlight the importance of understanding who the message is for, acknowledging that certain language, such as referring to Christianity as mythology, can be offensive to believers if the goal is to reach them. The speaker reflects on their past belief that Christianity was the only true religion, while all other religions were considered myths, comparable to Greco-Roman myths, Hinduism, and Buddhism.
30:00 - 40:00: Post-Faith Life and Morality Reflecting on past beliefs, the narrator discusses the notion of being born into the 'right' religion while viewing others, such as Egyptians and Native Americans, as less fortunate for their circumstances. This viewpoint, prevalent during their upbringing, is seen as arrogant now that they have distanced themselves from those beliefs. Childhood memories, such as a first nightmare at the age of four during nap time in pre-kindergarten, anchor the narrative in personal experience while examining how perceptions of morality and faith evolve over time.
40:00 - 39:59: Reflections and Closing Remarks In this chapter, the speaker reflects on a childhood memory of having an intense and vivid dream at the age of four. In the dream, the speaker falls through a grate and into the depths of hell. As an adult, the speaker contemplates the appropriateness of teaching young children about the concept of hell, pondering the differing perspectives between religious beliefs and atheistic views. The speaker uses this experience to reflect on broader themes about religious upbringing and its impact on children.

I didn't want this - how I became a Black atheist Transcription

00:00 - 00:30 what's up welcome to Bri the W mannequin I am Bri so happy to have you with me today I hope the title didn't scare you off whatever I decided to title it I'm still not quite sure but I do have a lot of reservations about making this video I know a lot of black people are religious in the sense where they don't even want to entertain anything remotely demonic or satanic so I am worried about scaring off some black Christians here and if that's the case if you're still at that point in your chrisan Christianity then you probably wouldn't even have even clicked on this video
00:30 - 01:00 but you might have clicked on it because you're curious to know about my story so the purpose of this video is I wanted to share my story with anyone who had a similar journey to me being a black atheist is incredibly rare being an atheist in general is rare I'm all about providing the solidarity and letting people know that they're not alone I recorded this video 6 months ago and I was like no I can't do it I don't want to scare people off and I just wasn't confident about about
01:00 - 01:30 it but I woke up this morning and my homepage on YouTube I was just getting recommended a lot of black atheists and I was like they're are black atheists I didn't know that and I just was binge watching their videos and they inspired me so here we go so in this video I just wanted to go over what is my definition of atheism and how did I become a black atheist when really all the odds were stacked against me somehow I managed to become a minority within a minority
01:30 - 02:00 I don't want this video to be too long but I will start off with my background and my history I came from a mixed denominational background in the sense really everybody was all over the place my birth father was not in my life but I always grew up knowing that he was a Muslim his whole family was Muslim my maternal grandmother's side were Jehovah's Witness my stepfather's side I believe they were catholic he went to Catholic school he gets down on the side of the bed every night and does this so I'm pretty sure there Catholic my mother's Father's Side they were methodists and
02:00 - 02:30 that was the church that I was the most familiar with but how I was raised in my household was we were pretty much non-denominational Christian I knew the basics and stuff we went to church a lot more when I was younger but as I got older we stopped going primarily because the home church that we used to go to was way on the other side of town it was like a 45 minute to an hour long drive to get there and my family just never really found a church that was closer to us
02:30 - 03:00 as for the Jehovah's Witness side during my Early Childhood my family had decided to depart from it and just become non-denominational Christian when I got into my 20s my family got back into it but I didn't really know much about the Jehovah's Witnesses or anything like that that wasn't a big influence growing up we still celebrated birthdays and holidays and all of those things I knew the Bible stories I was given a a little kids Bible that I used to read that had pictures which I loved you know I had a fascination with religious stories and mythology in general I
03:00 - 03:30 probably should get clear on who this video is for cuz if it's for other atheists I can say things like comparing Christianity to mythology and some of the other examples I'll use later on but if I'm trying to get through to Christians then referring to their religion as mythology would be offensive that depends on who the audience for this video is so we'll see how I feel about it as I continue I believed that Christianity was the one true religion and all the other religions were mythology right Greco Roman myths Hinduism Buddhism I thought that was just all mythology and
03:30 - 04:00 I was just lucky to be born in the right religion all the other ones Egyptians and Native Americans just sucks for them they were born at the wrong place and at the wrong time and that's how I felt about it when I was growing up until my 20s such an arrogant way to think now that I'm like separate from it but that's how I felt at the time the first nightmare I ever had as a child I was 4 years old I was in prek and we had just laid down to take a nap and my pallet that I was
04:00 - 04:30 sleeping on just so happened to be near a grate on the floor the grate for an air vent and I went to sleep and I had a dream that I fell through that great and down into the depths of hell that's a very intense dream for a 4-year-old to have adult me thinks it's entirely inappropriate to teach a child about hell but if you're a religious person if you believe in the Divinity of the Bible then you think that you're doing your child a favor by doing that atheist me thinks that's really [ __ ]
04:30 - 05:00 up it's super [ __ ] up to do but it started the relationship that I would come to have with God for the rest of my belief which was he was always watching me waiting for me to [ __ ] up so that he could cast me down to Hell I was scared of him when people say God-fearing is a positive attribute for a person to have [ __ ] I was scared I was terrified of God it's so weird to see the version of God that is portrayed as like loving and he cares about you and he's looking out for
05:00 - 05:30 you and he wants to forgive you and things like that when that was not the version of God that I was aware of I knew about Jesus and how Jesus died for our sins but there was Heavy emphasis on you should do the right thing or you're going to go to hell so when I got to high school during all that time I was definitely Christian I definitely believed in God if anything remotely magical
05:30 - 06:00 happened I thought it was God I was like oh my God that feather just blew across the table and perfectly landed on the back of my hand that was God I don't know what he's trying to tell me but he's trying to tell me something I thought everything was God and I felt like God was just always watching me but something happened when I got to high school I actually made a video about this but I took it down because I was getting a lot of creepy responses I was okay with with it at first I was like I'll be the sacrificial lamb because I want to talk about this and I want other
06:00 - 06:30 people to know about it maybe I'll un private it one day but when I got to high school I became very much interested in sex honestly I was always interested in sex there wasn't like a time before I was interested in sex honestly but when I got to high school I started masturbating all the time every day I thought about sex all the time every day and I thought about gay sex all the time every
06:30 - 07:00 day I'm by hi but I thought about women and women I thought about men and I was like I'm going to go to hell because obviously I'm not supposed to be doing this stuff because of that I would have dreams where I was going to hell again just like when I was 4 years old and I fell through the grade and I got scared I stopped masturbating as much as I could control I tried my best to stop my dirty thoughts as much as I could control and obviously I was a teenager my body was becoming
07:00 - 07:30 more and more interested in sex as is natural I told my mom that I wanted to start going to church like regularly and we started on a journey of going to church and we would go to different churches and we tried out different churches and none of them ever really felt right and then I went to college and while I was in college I joined Bible study ended up having a crush on the girl who was teaching the Bible study which was funny but I went to church with her and her mom her mom was a pastor so she was like very much in it I remember specifically there was a time
07:30 - 08:00 where I went with them to church and they played some worship music this was a church they that they had like a a kind of Youth like a youth group and me and the rest of the youths which I wasn't technically a youth I would have been 19 but I guess whatever that's close enough they played a gospel song and people were let's just say people were feeling the spirit they were crying they were on their knees they had their eyes closed their hands up to the sky with their heads back and I
08:00 - 08:30 was just like I am not feeling what she's feeling or he's feeling I'm not feeling it am I broken is something wrong I told the girl I was like I just wish I could be like you guys and I wish I could feel the spirit like that you guys just seem so devout and she was like yeah you're fine you know it's fine it's a journey I just was getting like cult Vibes I was getting culty Vibes like she was just too happy everybody else was just too happy happy she just was like always smiling and she was
08:30 - 09:00 black her whole church was black and the other thing too was when we were doing Bible studies she wanted me to start with Jesus and I was like I want to read the Bible all the way through so I know the whole book but she was like oh I know you really want to read it from the beginning and I think you should really just start with Jesus and start with these parts and I didn't understand that it's clear to me now that's the problem I don't think people are are reading it from the beginning like I did because if you start it from the beginning you probably wouldn't have
09:00 - 09:30 gotten to Jesus after that I had a little break from her because she got busy and she couldn't do Bible study with me anymore and I had actually drug some of my friends to do Bible study with me too that's how in it I was and how much I really didn't want to go to hell while I was still in college I took some classes that were not directly about mythology but they were mythology adjacent so I being a black person you always hear about the wonders of Egypt and Nubia so I took a class on Egypt and and I remember sitting in the class and of course we were learning about their gods
09:30 - 10:00 because that's what every ancient culture cares about and talks about is their gods mostly I just remember thinking like man I'm so lucky that I was born when and where I am because they had it wrong raw Horus Isis Anubis those aren't real Gods but then in the back of my head I was also thinking like why would God not just go to the Egyptians and tell them that he was the real God and then I was like at what point would would he have had to have done that because Egyptians is old that's
10:00 - 10:30 like a 7,000 year old culture why did he wait for Moses why did he waste so much time I'm like doesn't he want to save the Egyptians too like why wouldn't he just go to the Egyptians and do a burning bush thing with one of the Egyptians like he did with Moses why didn't he send Jesus back to the Egyptians time I was never like a young Earth creationist type of person that never appealed to me I was always a kid who was in love with science and was in love with space and and stuff like that
10:30 - 11:00 my belief was I thought that God made the big bang when God said let there be light I was like that's the big bang obviously that's in there it didn't conflict with my belief I was able to just look at Genesis as being a bunch of fables I'm like oh these are just examples these are just Parables so that we can understand and all that stuff I never really took any of it literally so I really struggled with if humans have been around for tens of thousands of years why did God wait until just
11:00 - 11:30 2,000 years to go to send his son why did he wait so long I was thinking like what about all those humans who existed before that time do they go to hell cuz they didn't know Jesus or were the rules different I took other classes as well I remember specifically this was in high school I learned about Native Americans and what they believed and I remember thinking why didn't God send Jesus over to the Americas to talk to the Native Americans now if you are a Mormon you'll be like actually he did do that that unfortunately there's no evidence that that actually happened there are
11:30 - 12:00 no Native American cultures that exist today that can be like yeah Jesus definitely came over here and we knew about him the whole time definitely before the white dudes got here and forced it on us I had some troubles with cognitive dissonance with those things why didn't God send Jesus to the Aborigines to tell them about the good news I just I couldn't reconcile the idea that so many people were suffering and dying without ever having known about Jesus and thinking about how inefficient
12:00 - 12:30 it seemed that God was kind of doing like this trickle down type of effect I'm just going to tell the people in this area and then I'm just going to let them slowly take over the world and yeah then that's how everybody will be Christian I just had a real big problem with that and that was like one of the chinks and the armor that I had in terms of my religiosity but I was too afraid to like pick it apart because I didn't want to go to hell I was so afraid of going to hell I didn't even want
12:30 - 13:00 to entertain any thoughts the way that I did lose my faith was really sneaky and I can't imagine it happening any other way other than me just being like okay I'm just going to do it I'm going to look up atheist stuff I would never have watched a video like this 10 years ago when I was still a Christian was I a Christian 10 years ago yes I was I was on the way out 10 years ago I don't think I was fully I would never have said atheist that word even that word now I am an atheist but here in that word out loud is scary another [ __ ] in the armor for me and my religiosity was when
13:00 - 13:30 I learned that the Bible had been altered like things had been removed and edited and I also learned that the church used to use it to control people like they would specifically give them certain sermons based on what they wanted them to believe and I was just like why would God do that why would God let the church corrupt his word and some of these people were illiterate they had no way of knowing KN the word and I'm like why would God let people alter the Bible and
13:30 - 14:00 once I found out the Bible could be altered that really just killed it for me honestly I definitely was at least agnostic and I remember I said it to my mom in passing I don't know why I think it was just on my mind and I am a person who likes to talk things out obviously that's why I have this YouTube channel but I think I just like to talk out the things that I'm thinking and feeling and I just was like you know what I think that I'm an agnostic and you could just see the fear and shock in her eyes and I said it and then I kept walking cuz I was I I just said it in passing and I just
14:00 - 14:30 I think I just wanted to get it off my chest and then we she didn't mention it we didn't talk about it but a couple weeks passed by and I've been back scared of Hell probably had a nightmare that scared me and I was terrified of hell and so I went back to God and back to Christianity and I just took all of my doubts and confusion and I just stuffed them in my armpit or something when you're consistently having nightmares that can really [ __ ] up your psyche and that's what was
14:30 - 15:00 happening to me I was having nightmares about hell and demons all the time I think what was probably causing that I'm sure a Christian is going to have their own beliefs for while I was having dreams about hell but I think the reason why I was dreaming so much about hell was because I was starting to question my faith which was causing internal conflicts within the deepest levels of my psyche it was going up against what I had always only ever known and it was scary so it only makes
15:00 - 15:30 sense that's where my mind would go after that I continued to read the Bible I was having a really hard time with it so I read a chapter of the Bible every night for the most part I found it to be incredibly boring so many measurements so many descriptions of wars and army stuff that I was like what does this have to do with anything how is this supposed to help me be a better person and then some of that very logical very analytical type of stuff was interwoven with what was
15:30 - 16:00 obviously mythology like Lot's wife getting turned into a pillar of salt and Noah's flood things that in my head I was like these are Parables I believed in a more realistic version of God and I think what happened first was I stopped believing directly in the Bible I started thinking like okay the Bible is full of all these stories that I'm not really sure if these are real they sound like crazy baloney to me I'm not going to stop believing in God but I had reached a point where
16:00 - 16:30 I was like the Bible was written by man and man is not God and I kept my belief in God but I was able to let go of the Bible I was like I'm just going to let go of the Bible it's confusing me it it sounds like mythology it doesn't sound like Divine wisdom and at this point too like I was like just learning about other stuff like I mentioned I was learning about other cultures I mentioned
16:30 - 17:00 how I was learning about like I had some adjacent classes that weren't directly about religion but I would had an art class where we were learning about all the different art pieces that were being made and of course all these ancient cultures were making art pieces based on their gods and I would be in art class thinking like man look at these giant ass statues that they've made to their gods and goddesses and they're not even real according to my Bible these gods and goddesses that these people were leaving in for thousands of years aren't even real why would God just not
17:00 - 17:30 go to them and talk to them in a burning bush and say hey that shit's not real I'm the one true God why wouldn't he just do that seems like he was too busy hardening hearts and causing confusion intentionally in the Bible from what I read I don't want to sound judgmental I don't I'm going to be honest I don't like the god of the Bible I think he doesn't seem like a good moral person but maybe I'll get into that later an incident happened I think this was my last year of college
17:30 - 18:00 I ran into one of my cousins while I was on campus now I went to Georgia State that's a it's like in the heart of downtown Atlanta and I feel like downtown Atlanta is really a mishmash of what you're going to get you're going to get homeless people down there it's Hood in some places but then it's like nice in some places there's lots of college students down there cuz there's lots of college campuses down there and I was in one of the hood areas and um I heard somebody calling to me from off in the distance and I look and uh he was he was sitting in a baby stroller and he had
18:00 - 18:30 tattoos all over his face and I was like who is this talking to me I found out it was one of my cousins and I hadn't seen him in years I had only heard about him through family members and how terrible his life had been he had been m*lested he had been r*ped in foster care his father was in and out of prison his entire life his mother dealt with mental health issues his entire life his mother had physically abused him his father had left him with friends that had physically and sexually abused him and I saw him before me and I was just like I couldn't believe how different he
18:30 - 19:00 looked he was such a cute little boy and there were a couple times where people in my family tried to get him but he had such strong behavioral issues that the the average person just couldn't deal with and I just couldn't believe how much he had changed from being in foster care all that time as a child to the point where he made a sexual Advance on me his first cousin and I was horrified and forever changed I will never forget that I don't want to cry but when that happened
19:00 - 19:30 I was like how could God let that happen to my cousin how could he let this little boy who was 7 years old at the time get r*ped how could he let that happen how could he let him be born to two awful parents where he would end up in foster care for years how could he do that what's so different between my cousin and me we were born with the same type of Innocence he hasn't sinned anymore more than I've sinned why is it fair I'm really trying not to cry why is it fair that I'm here at
19:30 - 20:00 college and he's here sitting in a baby stroller with tattoos all over his face suggesting that we go get a hotel somewhere that cousin right now is in prison he's going to be in prison for a long time he's got at least 10 more years obviously he's not sinless anymore but he was definitely sinless when he was m*lested as a child and I just had a really difficult time and the Christian excuses just were not doing it God works inist mysterious ways all of that I was like that's not
20:00 - 20:30 doing it for me I didn't lose my faith right then and there but it was a huge [ __ ] in the armor I've been forever changed from that experience after that happened I graduated college and I started watching Cosmos I was always the person who had a thirst for knowledge I'm still that type of person where in my spare time I like to watch videos from kurts skazat or videos from Hank Green or I used to watch sa show which is Hank Green but I started watching Cosmos and I loved it I [ __ ]
20:30 - 21:00 love Neil degrass Tyson okay I went to go see him at the Fox Theater here in Atlanta and I just I I love him I absolutely love him on one particular episode he said something like for centuries humans have looked to the sky for answers to their world humans have a really good ability to detect patterns and so when humans would look up in the sky and they would see certain things happening they would try to attribute patterns that were happening in the sky with
21:00 - 21:30 what was happening down here on the earth they would use it to predict when they should plant crops or when it was going to rain or anything he just implied that humans we have a knack for creating Gods we are intelligent curious beings we want to understand the world around us and there are certain things that are very difficult for us to understand things like death things like suffering and when he said that I was like yeah that makes sense and it would explain why so many of us believe in so many different gods it would explain why everybody's coming up with their
21:30 - 22:00 own Gods and why we can't all agree on one God cuz like I said I always had this issue where if there is one singular God why is he not telling all of his children the same thing I also had a big issue in the Bible with God having a chosen people that really bothered me I'm like so what if I was born in aborigin I can't help that can't help if I was born in aborigin and during the time of Jesus and
22:00 - 22:30 I had to wait for the white men to get here and take my religion away from me and force another religion on me or if I was a Native American or if I was Inuit I can't control that that just doesn't really seem fair so I ended up getting to a point where I started watching YouTube videos like dark matter 2525 and his videos are like comical they're definitely sacriligious he would present the lot story or the story with Samson and Delilah he would present it in a way where it wasn't
22:30 - 23:00 wrapped up in the Christian rapper of reverence he told it like doesn't this sound ridiculous do you really believe this and I would come out of those videos thinking like he's right that is ridiculous like why was lot going to let those guys r*pe his daughters for the Angels why was he okay with that I don't think I like that that was it the spell was broken I think once you take the scary out of God and you see other people that are making these videos that are considered sacriligious
23:00 - 23:30 and God hasn't struck them down it made me more comfortable in exploring how I felt about my beliefs and once I saw that I was able to think about these questions and I was able to ask these questions and God wasn't striking me down with lightning just for having these thoughts which is what I felt God was giving me very much thought crime Vibes and once I realized that wasn't happening I was free to actually just explore how do I feel and ultimately I rationalized my
23:30 - 24:00 way out of God and I just kind of got to a point where I was like I think this is made up I think this is all made up yeah but that's pretty much my history with it hopefully I was able to cut that down enough it's not crazy long so as far as my biblical concerns mostly they centered around historical alterations in human authorship and also human censorship of the Bible I didn't know why God would allow that to happen use of the Bible as a control mechan mechanism had moral
24:00 - 24:30 issues over slavery and the treatment of women when I learned that the African slaves that were stolen from Africa had their own cultures their own Gods that were taken from them and replaced with Jesus I don't understand how black people can learn that and that doesn't bother them and it's like Jesus is Untouchable for black people like they're they hate all the other things that white people put on them and they'll call them the white devil but yet they still believe in
24:30 - 25:00 the white man's God and I'm like cognitive dissonance bro you don't feel that you don't feel the cognitive dissonance I did learning about the Egyptians and their own Gods I'm like H those Gods weren't real but when I learned about how the Africans had their own gods and goddesses and the Europeans stripped them of their gods and forced them into Christianity I'm like I don't think I like that I don't think I like that I also didn't like the idea like I said I read the Bible I read
25:00 - 25:30 as much as I could there's a lot of slavery in there there's child marriage there's r*pe and there's a lot of moral justification had an issue with the cognitive dissonance when people would say things like that was a different time that was the culture of the time and I'm like but this is supposed to be a God in a book that is timeless why would God tell these specific people to write down this book during a time period where they were were allowed to have slaves why would God
25:30 - 26:00 do that why wouldn't God come and tell humans hey slavery is wrong here's the better way to do it also women have brains and you shouldn't treat them like their objects also maybe don't [ __ ] children just the thought maybe put that stuff in there he seemed to care a lot about whether or not we ate shrimp and whether we mixed cloths but he didn't seem like he cared as much when it came to slavery unless it was his chosen people which once again like I said was very problematic
26:00 - 26:30 for me another issue I had with my faith was all the unanswered prayers that I had I don't think God ever answered a single one of my prayers and I don't say that in a bitter way I say that in like a strengthening my disbelief due to a lack of evidence I used to pray for a lot of different things okay so God did answer my prayers if you're counting all the times where I prayed that there wasn't arsenic in my food or something like that or all the times that I prayed I Wouldn't Die in my sleep I used to pray that every night cuz obviously I was terrified of that so I guess he
26:30 - 27:00 did that but any like unique prayers that I had like he didn't answer any of those prayers and I just kind of was like I can't tell if he hears me because I feel like I'm talking to myself the whole issue of I'm over here praying that I get into this specific College Meanwhile my cousin's getting m*lested in foster care stuff like that bothered me and I was just like I don't like it I don't like to believe that God can help somebody find their car keys but he's allowing my little cousin to get m*lested in foster care I just had a hard time with that ELO Igbo the agnostic
27:00 - 27:30 I watched she's one of the people that was recommended to me today and I watched a lot of her videos and she mentions in one of her videos that she felt like becoming an atheist felt like she was a part of The Truman Show I would say for me it was more like and please don't take this the wrong way if you are still a Christian or questioning but I just want to be honest I I would say it's more like when you're a kid and you realize that Santa Claus isn't real it felt
27:30 - 28:00 exactly like that when you just are like oh my God it's my parents my parents are obviously the one why did I think that a guy with flying reindeer and a sled could go to Every Kid's house in a single night you know what my issue was with Santa Claus honestly it was not that he was going to every kid's house my issue with Santa Claus was like what about the kids who aren't Christian is he going to their house I used to think that as a kid I'm like are is he not going to the non-r I'm like that doesn't seem fair that only the Christian kids cuz I was like what does
28:00 - 28:30 Santa Claus have to do with Christianity anyway he's just leaving out on Jesus's birthday that's just the day that he fat out pretty sure Santa ain't up there riding with Jesus but I don't know I think I was thinking about it a lot but that's how I felt like really I can't think of a better example and as an adult when I see other people who believe still it's I can't believe that people believe in something that to me is so obviously not real and I feel feel called to prze
28:30 - 29:00 my atheism just Atheism in general uh do I think the world would be better if it was atheist not necessarily I'm not trying to go that deep in this video how do I feel about Christians now I I don't love the cognitive dissonance that most Christians have I guess I would have to say most Christians have to have if you want to live in a modern moral Society you have to have cognitive dissonance I think that makes you a good person but I don't think that makes you a good Christian my feelings on it honestly are unsettled I think especially because I'm coming to realize that most
29:00 - 29:30 Christians haven't read the Bible a lot of them are just going to church and parting things that they've heard from church or growing up or things that they've heard in their family I don't think Christians are sitting down and studying the Bible and saying oh man I got to stop eating shrimp I got to stop mixing cloths I just feel like people aren't doing that a lot of Christians obviously fornicate and they make excuses for it and it just Waters down the message of Christianity to
29:30 - 30:00 me and makes it harder for me to dedicate my life to something when it seems like they're not really all in it I guess because asking me to give up the one life that I have for a maybe life that you can't prove to me exists that's a big ask that you want me to do and the burden of proof is on the Christian because the Christian is the one that's making the claim I know Christians want to hit people with the well how do you know there's not a God I'm like the burden of proof isn't on me you're asserting that there is a God we don't have any empirical tangible evidence that
30:00 - 30:30 there is a God so I don't have to prove that there's not a God because we don't have any evidence for there being a God in the first place you have to prove that there is one that's like if you tell me there's an invisible horse standing over there I don't believe that there's a horse standing there and that's like you saying you have to prove why there's not a horse standing there and I'm like the burden of proof isn't on me the burden of proof is on you because you're making the claim that you have to provide evidence for the claim so not you specifically I'm talking
30:30 - 31:00 to an imaginary Christian really just I'm an imaginary religious person in general but I was a Christian that's why I'm talking to Christians so am I atheist or agnostic or something else the definition of an atheist is a person who disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of God or Gods an agnostic let me read the definition for that too an agnostic is a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God God or of anything beyond material phenomena a person who claims neither Faith nor disbelief in God uh Neil degrass
31:00 - 31:30 Tyson my lover describes himself as an agnostic atheist which is basically you're a person who believes that we do not have enough evidence to prove that there is a God yeah that's pretty much it it is very straightforward so I wanted to I think lastly probably hit on how does my morality work now that I no longer believe in a God first off let me just tell you cuz some people do not know atheist does not mean I'm a devil worshipper it literally means that I don't believe the devil
31:30 - 32:00 exists I know that have you ever seen that episode of American Dad where Stan the dad prays to God for a best friend he's a Christian he prays to God for a best friend and God sends him I don't know if God sends him but he gets a best friend and the best friend turns out to be an atheist and he tells the best friend we can only be friends if you believe in God the best friend can commits suicide and then the best friend comes back to life because he made a deal with the devil now
32:00 - 32:30 he believes in God but through believing in God he also now believes in the devil so I just tell that story so that you can see that people who are devil worshippers believe in God okay devil worshippers are I guess technically theists I am not that so do I think that you need religion in order to have morality obviously not just look at all the harmful religions that exist that promote human sacrifice and genocide including the Bible I personally do not think that there is an objective
32:30 - 33:00 shared morality I think that's why certain religions think that it's okay to force women to live certain lives and that there are inherently different from Men in ways that limit their freedoms and other religions look at that religion and think that's immoral right the lack of shared objective morality really only strengthened my disbelief in God God I think that's why when it comes to looking back on the past in any context people always say things like it was a different
33:00 - 33:30 time right hey just 10 years ago it was okay to make trans jokes 10 years before that it was okay to make gay jokes 10 years before that it was okay to make black jokes and people will always be like it was a different time so the fact that our Collective morality as a culture is evolving means that there is no objective morality that we are just all born with right or that we just
33:30 - 34:00 all know we're all figuring this out day by day that's why people keep getting cancelled left and right for things that they thought were okay back whenever they were doing it so one reason for why humans have any type of morality at all could be is in large part due to evolutionary development right so our capacity for empathy cooperation love and some basic moral intuitions likely evolved as
34:00 - 34:30 survival advantages for our species right so we would have developed pro-social behaviors because working together and understanding others feelings helped our ancestors Survive and Thrive and that explains why we see basic moral behaviors like caring for young or helping injured people or helping people when they need assistance even in other animals right animals have the capacity to care for their young and the capacity to love as well it's not unique to humans if we didn't do
34:30 - 35:00 those things then we might not have progressed as a species there's also rational self-interest in social contract theory philosophers like Hobbs and rouso argued that humans developed moral systems through an implicit social contract meaning we agree to certain rules and behavior standards because they benefit everyone so don't steal don't kill are Universal not because a deity commanded them but because Society ities couldn't function without them also philosophers like David Hume
35:00 - 35:30 argued that our moral sense comes from our natural capacity for empathy and reason we understand others suffering and figure out Fair solutions to conflicts without Supernatural guidance and we see that in many cultures across the world ultimately the key point is that just as we developed language and Art and Science through natural processes we developed moral systems through our inherent capabilities for empathy reason and social cooperation that were brought
35:30 - 36:00 about through Evolution right we wouldn't be here if we weren't pro-social one of the mistakes that I made as an atheist was assuming other people were atheists based on their personality types and saying disparaging things about God or religion in front of them I don't want to do that I think it's easy for those of us who don't believe in God and view God as s Santa Claus to talk down
36:00 - 36:30 on religious people because to us it looks like the emperor is wearing no clothes right it's it that's what that's another good example for how I feel about religion and Christianity and more specifically is I was told that the emperor was wearing clothes I don't see the emperor wearing clothes but everybody else around me is is saying that the emperor is wearing clothes so I'm going to go along with it too because I don't want to be the odd person out and that's very isolating which is why I wanted to make this video and I can't I don't really have room to judge because
36:30 - 37:00 even though I don't believe in God or gods or Christianity or any of those other mainstream religions I have seen some [ __ ] I can't explain I definitely have prophetic dreams and I can't explain that my dog is so annoying she's just so agitated can you see her back there being annoying astrology works for me and I hate telling people that because I hate feeling like there is some
37:00 - 37:30 type of Supernatural superstitious thing that I believe in that has no basis in reality but that's also why I try to be a lot more respectful to religious people now I try to understand them I actually do a lot of research trying to understand why people are religious in the first place what would I say to anyone watching this video maybe you're questioning do I want everybody to become an atheist I can't make people see the world like I do but what I would tell someone would just be
37:30 - 38:00 insert clip of Morty saying open your mind and I think that the reality of how I became an atheist is I had to let go of the fear that the truth would lead me away from God I had to choose the truth whether God was at the end of that Journey or not so that's pretty much what I wanted to talk about in this video I am worried about the reception I'm not worried about it I just don't want to scare anybody off because that's not my aim I'm not trying to scare anybody I just want
38:00 - 38:30 you to insert Morty saying open your mind again that's all and if you're not willing to do that but you're still here for my other content yo yeah I'm down with that too I will say I was super respectful in this video because I hardly said [ __ ] that's that's a big deal for me you know but I thank you for watching and before you know for anyone who's thinking about saying I'm going to pray for you good luck with that honestly if you pray for me and I become a Christian again you might be a witch okay that just might be the case all right anyway I thank you for watching
38:30 - 39:00 this video if you made it all the way here I don't know if I was helpful or not hopefully I was able to get my point across and hopefully I wasn't too disrespectful I know that comparing God to Santa Claus and the Emperor who was wearing no clothes is probably not going to go over well with some people but I don't know how else to say it I just want to be very candid but I really did try definitely give this video a like if you liked it you can dislike it if you don't like it as well
39:00 - 39:30 any engagement is good engagement leave me a comment what are your religious affiliations what's your religious history how do you feel about the existence of God I know a lot of people who will say I don't believe in a religion but I do believe in God what's your religious Journey how do you feel are you questioning I would love to know if there are any more people of color out there specifically who are questioning I think for a lot of us we come from conservative families and conservative backgrounds and that can be really tough so I want this to be
39:30 - 40:00 a safe space for those of you and if you don't believe and you want to tell me that I'm going to hell cool tell me that too I I like any and all engagement I keep saying that but it's true anyways thank you for watching I hope you're having a wonderful day or night wherever you are and I will see you next time I don't know where this accent's coming from anyway [Music] o [Music]