I didn't want this - how I became a Black atheist

Summary

In a thought-provoking video, Bri the Womannequin shares her journey to becoming a Black atheist, a path marked by her upbringing in a mixed-religious household and a life filled with deep questions about faith. She candidly discusses the internal conflict she felt growing up in a predominantly religious Black community and how her inquisitive mind gradually led her to question the tenets of Christianity. This video offers solidarity to others on similar journeys and invites viewers to consider the sometimes unrecognized cognitive dissonance between cultural and religious affiliations. Bri emphasizes the importance of open-mindedness while acknowledging the challenges of confronting long-held beliefs.

Highlights

• Bri expresses initial fears about sharing her story, mindful of religious backlash. 😬
• Raised in a diverse religious background, her story questions the alignment of faith and upbringing. 🔄
• Intellectual exploration and life experiences, including deep-seated nightmares, shaped her atheistic views. 🌌
• Discusses the historical manipulation of religious texts and its impact on her beliefs. 📜
• Atheistic beliefs strengthened by unanswered prayers and perceived injustices in the world. 🙏

Key Takeaways

• Bri shares her unusual journey of becoming a Black atheist, which is intriguingly rare. 🖤
• She opens up about the internal battle with her early religious beliefs and eventual questioning of faith. 😇
• Her experiences highlight the societal and familial pressures of conforming to religious norms. 💭
• Bri illustrates how critical life events and intellectual curiosity led her to atheism. 📚
• She encourages people to explore their beliefs without fear, focusing on truth over fear of retribution. 💪

Overview

In her candid vlog, Bri the Womannequin delves into her extraordinary journey of becoming a Black atheist—a rarity that she navigates with courage and reflective insight. Growing up in a rich tapestry of religious traditions, Bri questions the nature of divinity and the weight of religious conformity. As she unravels the complexities of her faith and identity, she invites viewers to ponder similar reflections and embrace their truths without fear of societal or familial judgment.

Bri’s story is as much about her personal evolution as it is a commentary on the broader issues of faith within cultures. She reflects on her childhood experiences filled with terrifying dreams of hell, juxtaposed against the societal pressures to adhere to Christian norms. Her narrative is a testament to the struggle many face when questioning deeply ingrained beliefs, especially within communities tied closely to religious practices.

Through intellectual curiosity and significant life events, Bri forges her path towards atheism, highlighting how critical thinking and personal truth-seeking lead her away from her early beliefs. Her story resonates with those who may feel isolated in similar journeys, offering a message of openness and encouragement to explore one’s faith and beliefs without the shackles of fear or retribution.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:30: Introduction and Topic Introduction In this introduction chapter, Bri from 'the W mannequin' starts by expressing her nervousness about the video topic. She acknowledges the potential controversial nature of the content, given that it might touch on subjects perceived as demonic or satanic. Understanding the sensitivity of the topic, especially among black Christians, she considers how the title of the video might deter certain viewers. Bri seems prepared to dive into complex and possibly contentious topics, while being cautious of her audience's beliefs and reactions.
• 01:30 - 05:00: Personal Religious Background The narrator explains their motivation for creating a video to share their personal story as a black atheist, acknowledging the rarity of such an identity. They express a desire to provide solidarity and reassurance to others with similar experiences, while admitting to previous hesitation due to fear of alienating viewers.
• 05:00 - 09:00: Early Struggles with Faith The protagonist recounts an eye-opening experience one morning when YouTube recommended videos related to black atheists. Surprised by this revelation, they began watching several videos that resonated with them and inspired introspection. The chapter delves into the protagonist's personal journey of defining atheism for themselves and navigating their path towards becoming a black atheist—a journey marked by overcoming numerous societal and cultural odds, thus becoming a minority within a minority.
• 09:00 - 15:00: College Experience and Doubts The chapter titled 'College Experience and Doubts' delves into the author's diverse religious background and family dynamics. The author introduces their family history, explaining that their birth father was a Muslim, while different parts of their maternal family belonged to various denominations like Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholicism, and Methodism. This eclectic mix of religious influences sets the stage for discussing the author's personal experiences and doubts, although specifics on those experiences are not covered in the provided text.
• 15:00 - 20:00: Family Tragedy and Questioning God's Justice The narrator discusses their religious upbringing and church experiences. They were raised in a non-denominational Christian household and were familiar with a particular church. As a child, the family attended church regularly, but over time, they ceased regular attendance due to the distance of their home church, which was quite far from their residence. As a result, the family didn't find a closer church to continue regular worship, leading to a decrease in their religious activities.
• 20:00 - 25:00: Exploration of Atheism and Doubt In this chapter, the speaker reflects on their religious upbringing, particularly focusing on the influence of Jehovah's Witness beliefs during early childhood. Despite their family's departure from the denomination to adopt a non-denominational Christian stance, they later returned to it in the speaker's twenties. This religious background did not heavily influence the speaker due to their family still celebrating birthdays, holidays, and other non-Jehovah's Witness traditions. The speaker was familiar with Bible stories, thanks to a children's Bible, and developed an early fascination with religious stories and mythology.
• 25:00 - 30:00: Confronting the Reality of Religion The chapter 'Confronting the Reality of Religion' begins with the speaker contemplating the intended audience of their message. They highlight the importance of understanding who the message is for, acknowledging that certain language, such as referring to Christianity as mythology, can be offensive to believers if the goal is to reach them. The speaker reflects on their past belief that Christianity was the only true religion, while all other religions were considered myths, comparable to Greco-Roman myths, Hinduism, and Buddhism.
• 30:00 - 40:00: Post-Faith Life and Morality Reflecting on past beliefs, the narrator discusses the notion of being born into the 'right' religion while viewing others, such as Egyptians and Native Americans, as less fortunate for their circumstances. This viewpoint, prevalent during their upbringing, is seen as arrogant now that they have distanced themselves from those beliefs. Childhood memories, such as a first nightmare at the age of four during nap time in pre-kindergarten, anchor the narrative in personal experience while examining how perceptions of morality and faith evolve over time.
• 40:00 - 39:59: Reflections and Closing Remarks In this chapter, the speaker reflects on a childhood memory of having an intense and vivid dream at the age of four. In the dream, the speaker falls through a grate and into the depths of hell. As an adult, the speaker contemplates the appropriateness of teaching young children about the concept of hell, pondering the differing perspectives between religious beliefs and atheistic views. The speaker uses this experience to reflect on broader themes about religious upbringing and its impact on children.

I didn't want this - how I became a Black atheist Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 what's up welcome to Bri the W mannequin I am  Bri so happy to have you with me today I hope the   title didn't scare you off whatever I decided to  title it I'm still not quite sure but I do have a   lot of reservations about making this video I know  a lot of black people are religious in the sense   where they don't even want to entertain anything  remotely demonic or satanic so I am worried about   scaring off some black Christians here and if  that's the case if you're still at that point   in your chrisan Christianity then you probably  wouldn't even have even clicked on this video
• 00:30 - 01:00 but you might have clicked on it because you're  curious to know about my story so the purpose of   this video is I wanted to share my story with  anyone who had a similar journey to me being a   black atheist is incredibly rare being an atheist  in general is rare I'm all about providing the   solidarity and letting people know that they're  not alone I recorded this video 6 months ago and   I was like no I can't do it I don't want to scare  people off and I just wasn't confident about about
• 01:00 - 01:30 it but I woke up this morning and my homepage  on YouTube I was just getting recommended a   lot of black atheists and I was like they're are  black atheists I didn't know that and I just was   binge watching their videos and they inspired me  so here we go so in this video I just wanted to   go over what is my definition of atheism and  how did I become a black atheist when really   all the odds were stacked against me somehow I  managed to become a minority within a minority
• 01:30 - 02:00 I don't want this video to be too long but I will  start off with my background and my history I came   from a mixed denominational background in the  sense really everybody was all over the place my   birth father was not in my life but I always grew  up knowing that he was a Muslim his whole family   was Muslim my maternal grandmother's side were  Jehovah's Witness my stepfather's side I believe   they were catholic he went to Catholic school he  gets down on the side of the bed every night and   does this so I'm pretty sure there Catholic my  mother's Father's Side they were methodists and
• 02:00 - 02:30 that was the church that I was the most familiar  with but how I was raised in my household was we   were pretty much non-denominational Christian  I knew the basics and stuff we went to church   a lot more when I was younger but as I got older  we stopped going primarily because the home church   that we used to go to was way on the other side  of town it was like a 45 minute to an hour long   drive to get there and my family just never  really found a church that was closer to us
• 02:30 - 03:00 as for the Jehovah's Witness side during my Early  Childhood my family had decided to depart from it   and just become non-denominational Christian when  I got into my 20s my family got back into it but   I didn't really know much about the Jehovah's  Witnesses or anything like that that wasn't   a big influence growing up we still celebrated  birthdays and holidays and all of those things   I knew the Bible stories I was given a a little  kids Bible that I used to read that had pictures   which I loved you know I had a fascination with  religious stories and mythology in general I
• 03:00 - 03:30 probably should get clear on who this video is for  cuz if it's for other atheists I can say things   like comparing Christianity to mythology and some  of the other examples I'll use later on but if   I'm trying to get through to Christians then  referring to their religion as mythology would   be offensive that depends on who the audience  for this video is so we'll see how I feel about   it as I continue I believed that Christianity was  the one true religion and all the other religions   were mythology right Greco Roman myths Hinduism  Buddhism I thought that was just all mythology and
• 03:30 - 04:00 I was just lucky to be born in the right religion  all the other ones Egyptians and Native Americans   just sucks for them they were born at the wrong  place and at the wrong time and that's how I   felt about it when I was growing up until my 20s  such an arrogant way to think now that I'm like   separate from it but that's how I felt at the  time the first nightmare I ever had as a child   I was 4 years old I was in prek and we had just  laid down to take a nap and my pallet that I was
• 04:00 - 04:30 sleeping on just so happened to be near a grate on  the floor the grate for an air vent and I went to   sleep and I had a dream that I fell through that  great and down into the depths of hell that's a   very intense dream for a 4-year-old to have adult  me thinks it's entirely inappropriate to teach a   child about hell but if you're a religious person  if you believe in the Divinity of the Bible then   you think that you're doing your child a favor by  doing that atheist me thinks that's really [ __ ]
• 04:30 - 05:00 up it's super [ __ ] up to do but it started the  relationship that I would come to have with God   for the rest of my belief which was he was always  watching me waiting for me to [ __ ] up so that   he could cast me down to Hell I was scared of  him when people say God-fearing is a positive   attribute for a person to have [ __ ] I was scared  I was terrified of God it's so weird to see the   version of God that is portrayed as like loving  and he cares about you and he's looking out for
• 05:00 - 05:30 you and he wants to forgive you and things like  that when that was not the version of God that I   was aware of I knew about Jesus and how Jesus died  for our sins but there was Heavy emphasis on you   should do the right thing or you're going to go to  hell so when I got to high school during all that   time I was definitely Christian I definitely  believed in God if anything remotely magical
• 05:30 - 06:00 happened I thought it was God I was like oh my  God that feather just blew across the table and   perfectly landed on the back of my hand that  was God I don't know what he's trying to tell   me but he's trying to tell me something I thought  everything was God and I felt like God was just   always watching me but something happened when I  got to high school I actually made a video about   this but I took it down because I was getting a  lot of creepy responses I was okay with with it   at first I was like I'll be the sacrificial lamb  because I want to talk about this and I want other
• 06:00 - 06:30 people to know about it maybe I'll un private it  one day but when I got to high school I became   very much interested in sex honestly I was always  interested in sex there wasn't like a time before   I was interested in sex honestly but when I got  to high school I started masturbating all the time   every day I thought about sex all the time every  day and I thought about gay sex all the time every
• 06:30 - 07:00 day I'm by hi but I thought about women and women  I thought about men and I was like I'm going to   go to hell because obviously I'm not supposed  to be doing this stuff because of that I would   have dreams where I was going to hell again just  like when I was 4 years old and I fell through the   grade and I got scared I stopped masturbating as  much as I could control I tried my best to stop   my dirty thoughts as much as I could control and  obviously I was a teenager my body was becoming
• 07:00 - 07:30 more and more interested in sex as is natural  I told my mom that I wanted to start going to   church like regularly and we started on a journey  of going to church and we would go to different   churches and we tried out different churches and  none of them ever really felt right and then I   went to college and while I was in college I  joined Bible study ended up having a crush on   the girl who was teaching the Bible study which  was funny but I went to church with her and her   mom her mom was a pastor so she was like very much  in it I remember specifically there was a time
• 07:30 - 08:00 where I went with them to church and they played  some worship music this was a church they that   they had like a a kind of Youth like a youth group  and me and the rest of the youths which I wasn't   technically a youth I would have been 19 but I  guess whatever that's close enough they played a   gospel song and people were let's just say people  were feeling the spirit they were crying they were   on their knees they had their eyes closed their  hands up to the sky with their heads back and I
• 08:00 - 08:30 was just like I am not feeling what she's feeling  or he's feeling I'm not feeling it am I broken is   something wrong I told the girl I was like I just  wish I could be like you guys and I wish I could   feel the spirit like that you guys just seem so  devout and she was like yeah you're fine you know   it's fine it's a journey I just was getting like  cult Vibes I was getting culty Vibes like she was   just too happy everybody else was just too happy  happy she just was like always smiling and she was
• 08:30 - 09:00 black her whole church was black and the other  thing too was when we were doing Bible studies   she wanted me to start with Jesus and I was like  I want to read the Bible all the way through so I   know the whole book but she was like oh I know  you really want to read it from the beginning   and I think you should really just start with  Jesus and start with these parts and I didn't   understand that it's clear to me now that's the  problem I don't think people are are reading it   from the beginning like I did because if you start  it from the beginning you probably wouldn't have
• 09:00 - 09:30 gotten to Jesus after that I had a little break  from her because she got busy and she couldn't   do Bible study with me anymore and I had actually  drug some of my friends to do Bible study with me   too that's how in it I was and how much I really  didn't want to go to hell while I was still in   college I took some classes that were not directly  about mythology but they were mythology adjacent   so I being a black person you always hear about  the wonders of Egypt and Nubia so I took a class   on Egypt and and I remember sitting in the class  and of course we were learning about their gods
• 09:30 - 10:00 because that's what every ancient culture cares  about and talks about is their gods mostly I just   remember thinking like man I'm so lucky that I was  born when and where I am because they had it wrong   raw Horus Isis Anubis those aren't real Gods but  then in the back of my head I was also thinking   like why would God not just go to the Egyptians  and tell them that he was the real God and then   I was like at what point would would he have had  to have done that because Egyptians is old that's
• 10:00 - 10:30 like a 7,000 year old culture why did he wait  for Moses why did he waste so much time I'm like   doesn't he want to save the Egyptians too like  why wouldn't he just go to the Egyptians and do a   burning bush thing with one of the Egyptians like  he did with Moses why didn't he send Jesus back to   the Egyptians time I was never like a young Earth  creationist type of person that never appealed to   me I was always a kid who was in love with science  and was in love with space and and stuff like that
• 10:30 - 11:00 my belief was I thought that God made the big bang  when God said let there be light I was like that's   the big bang obviously that's in there it didn't  conflict with my belief I was able to just look   at Genesis as being a bunch of fables I'm like oh  these are just examples these are just Parables   so that we can understand and all that stuff I  never really took any of it literally so I really   struggled with if humans have been around for tens  of thousands of years why did God wait until just
• 11:00 - 11:30 2,000 years to go to send his son why did he wait  so long I was thinking like what about all those   humans who existed before that time do they go to  hell cuz they didn't know Jesus or were the rules   different I took other classes as well I remember  specifically this was in high school I learned   about Native Americans and what they believed and  I remember thinking why didn't God send Jesus over   to the Americas to talk to the Native Americans  now if you are a Mormon you'll be like actually   he did do that that unfortunately there's no  evidence that that actually happened there are
• 11:30 - 12:00 no Native American cultures that exist today that  can be like yeah Jesus definitely came over here   and we knew about him the whole time definitely  before the white dudes got here and forced it on   us I had some troubles with cognitive dissonance  with those things why didn't God send Jesus to the   Aborigines to tell them about the good news I just  I couldn't reconcile the idea that so many people   were suffering and dying without ever having known  about Jesus and thinking about how inefficient
• 12:00 - 12:30 it seemed that God was kind of doing like this  trickle down type of effect I'm just going to tell   the people in this area and then I'm just going to  let them slowly take over the world and yeah then   that's how everybody will be Christian I just had  a real big problem with that and that was like one   of the chinks and the armor that I had in terms of  my religiosity but I was too afraid to like pick   it apart because I didn't want to go to hell I  was so afraid of going to hell I didn't even want
• 12:30 - 13:00 to entertain any thoughts the way that I did lose  my faith was really sneaky and I can't imagine it   happening any other way other than me just being  like okay I'm just going to do it I'm going to   look up atheist stuff I would never have watched  a video like this 10 years ago when I was still a   Christian was I a Christian 10 years ago yes I was  I was on the way out 10 years ago I don't think   I was fully I would never have said atheist that  word even that word now I am an atheist but here   in that word out loud is scary another [ __ ]  in the armor for me and my religiosity was when
• 13:00 - 13:30 I learned that the Bible had been altered like  things had been removed and edited and I also   learned that the church used to use it to control  people like they would specifically give them   certain sermons based on what they wanted them to  believe and I was just like why would God do that   why would God let the church corrupt his word  and some of these people were illiterate they   had no way of knowing KN the word and I'm like  why would God let people alter the Bible and
• 13:30 - 14:00 once I found out the Bible could be altered that  really just killed it for me honestly I definitely   was at least agnostic and I remember I said it to  my mom in passing I don't know why I think it was   just on my mind and I am a person who likes to  talk things out obviously that's why I have this   YouTube channel but I think I just like to talk  out the things that I'm thinking and feeling and   I just was like you know what I think that I'm an  agnostic and you could just see the fear and shock   in her eyes and I said it and then I kept walking  cuz I was I I just said it in passing and I just
• 14:00 - 14:30 I think I just wanted to get it off my chest and  then we she didn't mention it we didn't talk about   it but a couple weeks passed by and I've been  back scared of Hell probably had a nightmare   that scared me and I was terrified of hell and so  I went back to God and back to Christianity and   I just took all of my doubts and confusion and I  just stuffed them in my armpit or something when   you're consistently having nightmares that can  really [ __ ] up your psyche and that's what was
• 14:30 - 15:00 happening to me I was having nightmares about hell  and demons all the time I think what was probably   causing that I'm sure a Christian is going to  have their own beliefs for while I was having   dreams about hell but I think the reason why I  was dreaming so much about hell was because I was   starting to question my faith which was causing  internal conflicts within the deepest levels of my   psyche it was going up against what I had always  only ever known and it was scary so it only makes
• 15:00 - 15:30 sense that's where my mind would go after that I  continued to read the Bible I was having a really   hard time with it so I read a chapter of the Bible  every night for the most part I found it to be   incredibly boring so many measurements so many  descriptions of wars and army stuff that I was   like what does this have to do with anything how  is this supposed to help me be a better person and   then some of that very logical very analytical  type of stuff was interwoven with what was
• 15:30 - 16:00 obviously mythology like Lot's wife getting turned  into a pillar of salt and Noah's flood things   that in my head I was like these are Parables I  believed in a more realistic version of God and I   think what happened first was I stopped believing  directly in the Bible I started thinking like   okay the Bible is full of all these stories that  I'm not really sure if these are real they sound   like crazy baloney to me I'm not going to stop  believing in God but I had reached a point where
• 16:00 - 16:30 I was like the Bible was written by man and man is  not God and I kept my belief in God but I was able   to let go of the Bible I was like I'm just going  to let go of the Bible it's confusing me it it   sounds like mythology it doesn't sound like Divine  wisdom and at this point too like I was like just   learning about other stuff like I mentioned I  was learning about other cultures I mentioned
• 16:30 - 17:00 how I was learning about like I had some adjacent  classes that weren't directly about religion but   I would had an art class where we were learning  about all the different art pieces that were being   made and of course all these ancient cultures  were making art pieces based on their gods and   I would be in art class thinking like man look at  these giant ass statues that they've made to their   gods and goddesses and they're not even real  according to my Bible these gods and goddesses   that these people were leaving in for thousands  of years aren't even real why would God just not
• 17:00 - 17:30 go to them and talk to them in a burning bush and  say hey that shit's not real I'm the one true God   why wouldn't he just do that seems like he was  too busy hardening hearts and causing confusion   intentionally in the Bible from what I read I  don't want to sound judgmental I don't I'm going   to be honest I don't like the god of the Bible  I think he doesn't seem like a good moral person   but maybe I'll get into that later an incident  happened I think this was my last year of college
• 17:30 - 18:00 I ran into one of my cousins while I was on campus  now I went to Georgia State that's a it's like in   the heart of downtown Atlanta and I feel like  downtown Atlanta is really a mishmash of what   you're going to get you're going to get homeless  people down there it's Hood in some places but   then it's like nice in some places there's lots  of college students down there cuz there's lots   of college campuses down there and I was in one of  the hood areas and um I heard somebody calling to   me from off in the distance and I look and uh he  was he was sitting in a baby stroller and he had
• 18:00 - 18:30 tattoos all over his face and I was like who is  this talking to me I found out it was one of my   cousins and I hadn't seen him in years I had only  heard about him through family members and how   terrible his life had been he had been m*lested  he had been r*ped in foster care his father was   in and out of prison his entire life his mother  dealt with mental health issues his entire life   his mother had physically abused him his father  had left him with friends that had physically and   sexually abused him and I saw him before me and I  was just like I couldn't believe how different he
• 18:30 - 19:00 looked he was such a cute little boy and there  were a couple times where people in my family   tried to get him but he had such strong behavioral  issues that the the average person just couldn't   deal with and I just couldn't believe how much  he had changed from being in foster care all   that time as a child to the point where he made  a sexual Advance on me his first cousin and I was   horrified and forever changed I will never forget  that I don't want to cry but when that happened
• 19:00 - 19:30 I was like how could God let that happen to my  cousin how could he let this little boy who was 7   years old at the time get r*ped how could he let  that happen how could he let him be born to two   awful parents where he would end up in foster care  for years how could he do that what's so different   between my cousin and me we were born with the  same type of Innocence he hasn't sinned anymore   more than I've sinned why is it fair I'm really  trying not to cry why is it fair that I'm here at
• 19:30 - 20:00 college and he's here sitting in a baby stroller  with tattoos all over his face suggesting that we   go get a hotel somewhere that cousin right now is  in prison he's going to be in prison for a long   time he's got at least 10 more years obviously  he's not sinless anymore but he was definitely   sinless when he was m*lested as a child and I  just had a really difficult time and the Christian   excuses just were not doing it God works inist  mysterious ways all of that I was like that's not
• 20:00 - 20:30 doing it for me I didn't lose my faith right then  and there but it was a huge [ __ ] in the armor   I've been forever changed from that experience  after that happened I graduated college and I   started watching Cosmos I was always the person  who had a thirst for knowledge I'm still that type   of person where in my spare time I like to watch  videos from kurts skazat or videos from Hank Green   or I used to watch sa show which is Hank Green but  I started watching Cosmos and I loved it I [ __ ]
• 20:30 - 21:00 love Neil degrass Tyson okay I went to go see him  at the Fox Theater here in Atlanta and I just I I   love him I absolutely love him on one particular  episode he said something like for centuries   humans have looked to the sky for answers to  their world humans have a really good ability   to detect patterns and so when humans would  look up in the sky and they would see certain   things happening they would try to attribute  patterns that were happening in the sky with
• 21:00 - 21:30 what was happening down here on the earth they  would use it to predict when they should plant   crops or when it was going to rain or anything  he just implied that humans we have a knack for   creating Gods we are intelligent curious beings  we want to understand the world around us and   there are certain things that are very difficult  for us to understand things like death things   like suffering and when he said that I was like  yeah that makes sense and it would explain why   so many of us believe in so many different gods it  would explain why everybody's coming up with their
• 21:30 - 22:00 own Gods and why we can't all agree on one God cuz  like I said I always had this issue where if there   is one singular God why is he not telling all of  his children the same thing I also had a big issue   in the Bible with God having a chosen people that  really bothered me I'm like so what if I was born   in aborigin I can't help that can't help if I was  born in aborigin and during the time of Jesus and
• 22:00 - 22:30 I had to wait for the white men to get here and  take my religion away from me and force another   religion on me or if I was a Native American or if  I was Inuit I can't control that that just doesn't   really seem fair so I ended up getting to a point  where I started watching YouTube videos like   dark matter 2525 and his videos are like comical  they're definitely sacriligious he would present   the lot story or the story with Samson and Delilah  he would present it in a way where it wasn't
• 22:30 - 23:00 wrapped up in the Christian rapper of reverence he  told it like doesn't this sound ridiculous do you   really believe this and I would come out of those  videos thinking like he's right that is ridiculous   like why was lot going to let those guys r*pe his  daughters for the Angels why was he okay with that   I don't think I like that that was it the spell  was broken I think once you take the scary out of   God and you see other people that are making  these videos that are considered sacriligious
• 23:00 - 23:30 and God hasn't struck them down it made me more  comfortable in exploring how I felt about my   beliefs and once I saw that I was able to think  about these questions and I was able to ask these   questions and God wasn't striking me down with  lightning just for having these thoughts which is   what I felt God was giving me very much thought  crime Vibes and once I realized that wasn't   happening I was free to actually just explore  how do I feel and ultimately I rationalized my
• 23:30 - 24:00 way out of God and I just kind of got to a point  where I was like I think this is made up I think   this is all made up yeah but that's pretty much  my history with it hopefully I was able to cut   that down enough it's not crazy long so as far as  my biblical concerns mostly they centered around   historical alterations in human authorship and  also human censorship of the Bible I didn't know   why God would allow that to happen use of the  Bible as a control mechan mechanism had moral
• 24:00 - 24:30 issues over slavery and the treatment of women  when I learned that the African slaves that were   stolen from Africa had their own cultures their  own Gods that were taken from them and replaced   with Jesus I don't understand how black people  can learn that and that doesn't bother them and   it's like Jesus is Untouchable for black people  like they're they hate all the other things that   white people put on them and they'll call them  the white devil but yet they still believe in
• 24:30 - 25:00 the white man's God and I'm like cognitive  dissonance bro you don't feel that you don't   feel the cognitive dissonance I did learning about  the Egyptians and their own Gods I'm like H those   Gods weren't real but when I learned about how the  Africans had their own gods and goddesses and the   Europeans stripped them of their gods and forced  them into Christianity I'm like I don't think I   like that I don't think I like that I also didn't  like the idea like I said I read the Bible I read
• 25:00 - 25:30 as much as I could there's a lot of slavery in  there there's child marriage there's r*pe and   there's a lot of moral justification had an issue  with the cognitive dissonance when people would   say things like that was a different time that was  the culture of the time and I'm like but this is   supposed to be a God in a book that is timeless  why would God tell these specific people to write   down this book during a time period where they  were were allowed to have slaves why would God
• 25:30 - 26:00 do that why wouldn't God come and tell humans hey  slavery is wrong here's the better way to do it   also women have brains and you shouldn't treat  them like their objects also maybe don't [ __ ]   children just the thought maybe put that stuff  in there he seemed to care a lot about whether   or not we ate shrimp and whether we mixed cloths  but he didn't seem like he cared as much when it   came to slavery unless it was his chosen people  which once again like I said was very problematic
• 26:00 - 26:30 for me another issue I had with my faith was all  the unanswered prayers that I had I don't think   God ever answered a single one of my prayers and  I don't say that in a bitter way I say that in   like a strengthening my disbelief due to a lack  of evidence I used to pray for a lot of different   things okay so God did answer my prayers if you're  counting all the times where I prayed that there   wasn't arsenic in my food or something like that  or all the times that I prayed I Wouldn't Die   in my sleep I used to pray that every night cuz  obviously I was terrified of that so I guess he
• 26:30 - 27:00 did that but any like unique prayers that I had  like he didn't answer any of those prayers and   I just kind of was like I can't tell if he hears  me because I feel like I'm talking to myself the   whole issue of I'm over here praying that I get  into this specific College Meanwhile my cousin's   getting m*lested in foster care stuff like that  bothered me and I was just like I don't like it I   don't like to believe that God can help somebody  find their car keys but he's allowing my little   cousin to get m*lested in foster care I just  had a hard time with that ELO Igbo the agnostic
• 27:00 - 27:30 I watched she's one of the people that was  recommended to me today and I watched a lot of   her videos and she mentions in one of her videos  that she felt like becoming an atheist felt like   she was a part of The Truman Show I would say  for me it was more like and please don't take   this the wrong way if you are still a Christian  or questioning but I just want to be honest I I   would say it's more like when you're a kid and  you realize that Santa Claus isn't real it felt
• 27:30 - 28:00 exactly like that when you just are like oh my God  it's my parents my parents are obviously the one   why did I think that a guy with flying reindeer  and a sled could go to Every Kid's house in a   single night you know what my issue was with  Santa Claus honestly it was not that he was   going to every kid's house my issue with Santa  Claus was like what about the kids who aren't   Christian is he going to their house I used to  think that as a kid I'm like are is he not going   to the non-r I'm like that doesn't seem fair that  only the Christian kids cuz I was like what does
• 28:00 - 28:30 Santa Claus have to do with Christianity anyway  he's just leaving out on Jesus's birthday that's   just the day that he fat out pretty sure Santa  ain't up there riding with Jesus but I don't   know I think I was thinking about it a lot but  that's how I felt like really I can't think of a   better example and as an adult when I see other  people who believe still it's I can't believe   that people believe in something that to me is so  obviously not real and I feel feel called to prze
• 28:30 - 29:00 my atheism just Atheism in general uh do I think  the world would be better if it was atheist not   necessarily I'm not trying to go that deep in  this video how do I feel about Christians now   I I don't love the cognitive dissonance that most  Christians have I guess I would have to say most   Christians have to have if you want to live in a  modern moral Society you have to have cognitive   dissonance I think that makes you a good person  but I don't think that makes you a good Christian   my feelings on it honestly are unsettled I think  especially because I'm coming to realize that most
• 29:00 - 29:30 Christians haven't read the Bible a lot of them  are just going to church and parting things that   they've heard from church or growing up or things  that they've heard in their family I don't think   Christians are sitting down and studying the Bible  and saying oh man I got to stop eating shrimp I   got to stop mixing cloths I just feel like people  aren't doing that a lot of Christians obviously   fornicate and they make excuses for it and it  just Waters down the message of Christianity to
• 29:30 - 30:00 me and makes it harder for me to dedicate my  life to something when it seems like they're   not really all in it I guess because asking me to  give up the one life that I have for a maybe life   that you can't prove to me exists that's a big ask  that you want me to do and the burden of proof is   on the Christian because the Christian is the  one that's making the claim I know Christians   want to hit people with the well how do you know  there's not a God I'm like the burden of proof   isn't on me you're asserting that there is a God  we don't have any empirical tangible evidence that
• 30:00 - 30:30 there is a God so I don't have to prove that  there's not a God because we don't have any   evidence for there being a God in the first place  you have to prove that there is one that's like if   you tell me there's an invisible horse standing  over there I don't believe that there's a horse   standing there and that's like you saying you  have to prove why there's not a horse standing   there and I'm like the burden of proof isn't on  me the burden of proof is on you because you're   making the claim that you have to provide evidence  for the claim so not you specifically I'm talking
• 30:30 - 31:00 to an imaginary Christian really just I'm an  imaginary religious person in general but I was   a Christian that's why I'm talking to Christians  so am I atheist or agnostic or something else   the definition of an atheist is a person who  disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of   God or Gods an agnostic let me read the definition  for that too an agnostic is a person who believes   that nothing is known or can be known of the  existence or nature of God God or of anything   beyond material phenomena a person who claims  neither Faith nor disbelief in God uh Neil degrass
• 31:00 - 31:30 Tyson my lover describes himself as an agnostic  atheist which is basically you're a person who   believes that we do not have enough evidence to  prove that there is a God yeah that's pretty much   it it is very straightforward so I wanted to I  think lastly probably hit on how does my morality   work now that I no longer believe in a God first  off let me just tell you cuz some people do not   know atheist does not mean I'm a devil worshipper  it literally means that I don't believe the devil
• 31:30 - 32:00 exists I know that have you ever seen that episode  of American Dad where Stan the dad prays to God   for a best friend he's a Christian he prays to God  for a best friend and God sends him I don't know   if God sends him but he gets a best friend and  the best friend turns out to be an atheist and   he tells the best friend we can only be friends  if you believe in God the best friend can commits   suicide and then the best friend comes back to  life because he made a deal with the devil now
• 32:00 - 32:30 he believes in God but through believing in God  he also now believes in the devil so I just tell   that story so that you can see that people who  are devil worshippers believe in God okay devil   worshippers are I guess technically theists I am  not that so do I think that you need religion in   order to have morality obviously not just look at  all the harmful religions that exist that promote   human sacrifice and genocide including the Bible I  personally do not think that there is an objective
• 32:30 - 33:00 shared morality I think that's why certain  religions think that it's okay to force women to   live certain lives and that there are inherently  different from Men in ways that limit their   freedoms and other religions look at that religion  and think that's immoral right the lack of shared   objective morality really only strengthened my  disbelief in God God I think that's why when it   comes to looking back on the past in any context  people always say things like it was a different
• 33:00 - 33:30 time right hey just 10 years ago it was okay to  make trans jokes 10 years before that it was okay   to make gay jokes 10 years before that it was  okay to make black jokes and people will always   be like it was a different time so the fact that  our Collective morality as a culture is evolving   means that there is no objective morality that  we are just all born with right or that we just
• 33:30 - 34:00 all know we're all figuring this out day by day  that's why people keep getting cancelled left and   right for things that they thought were okay back  whenever they were doing it so one reason for why   humans have any type of morality at all could be  is in large part due to evolutionary development   right so our capacity for empathy cooperation love  and some basic moral intuitions likely evolved as
• 34:00 - 34:30 survival advantages for our species right so  we would have developed pro-social behaviors   because working together and understanding others  feelings helped our ancestors Survive and Thrive   and that explains why we see basic moral behaviors  like caring for young or helping injured people or   helping people when they need assistance even in  other animals right animals have the capacity to   care for their young and the capacity to love as  well it's not unique to humans if we didn't do
• 34:30 - 35:00 those things then we might not have progressed as  a species there's also rational self-interest in   social contract theory philosophers like Hobbs and  rouso argued that humans developed moral systems   through an implicit social contract meaning we  agree to certain rules and behavior standards   because they benefit everyone so don't steal don't  kill are Universal not because a deity commanded   them but because Society ities couldn't function  without them also philosophers like David Hume
• 35:00 - 35:30 argued that our moral sense comes from our natural  capacity for empathy and reason we understand   others suffering and figure out Fair solutions  to conflicts without Supernatural guidance and   we see that in many cultures across the world  ultimately the key point is that just as we   developed language and Art and Science through  natural processes we developed moral systems   through our inherent capabilities for empathy  reason and social cooperation that were brought
• 35:30 - 36:00 about through Evolution right we wouldn't be here  if we weren't pro-social one of the mistakes that   I made as an atheist was assuming other people  were atheists based on their personality types and   saying disparaging things about God or religion  in front of them I don't want to do that I think   it's easy for those of us who don't believe in  God and view God as s Santa Claus to talk down
• 36:00 - 36:30 on religious people because to us it looks like  the emperor is wearing no clothes right it's it   that's what that's another good example for how  I feel about religion and Christianity and more   specifically is I was told that the emperor was  wearing clothes I don't see the emperor wearing   clothes but everybody else around me is is saying  that the emperor is wearing clothes so I'm going   to go along with it too because I don't want to  be the odd person out and that's very isolating   which is why I wanted to make this video and I  can't I don't really have room to judge because
• 36:30 - 37:00 even though I don't believe in God or gods or  Christianity or any of those other mainstream   religions I have seen some [ __ ] I can't explain  I definitely have prophetic dreams and I can't   explain that my dog is so annoying she's just so  agitated can you see her back there being annoying   astrology works for me and I hate telling people  that because I hate feeling like there is some
• 37:00 - 37:30 type of Supernatural superstitious thing that  I believe in that has no basis in reality but   that's also why I try to be a lot more respectful  to religious people now I try to understand them I   actually do a lot of research trying to understand  why people are religious in the first place what   would I say to anyone watching this video maybe  you're questioning do I want everybody to become   an atheist I can't make people see the world like  I do but what I would tell someone would just be
• 37:30 - 38:00 insert clip of Morty saying open your mind and I  think that the reality of how I became an atheist   is I had to let go of the fear that the truth  would lead me away from God I had to choose the   truth whether God was at the end of that Journey  or not so that's pretty much what I wanted to   talk about in this video I am worried about the  reception I'm not worried about it I just don't   want to scare anybody off because that's not my  aim I'm not trying to scare anybody I just want
• 38:00 - 38:30 you to insert Morty saying open your mind again  that's all and if you're not willing to do that   but you're still here for my other content yo  yeah I'm down with that too I will say I was   super respectful in this video because I hardly  said [ __ ] that's that's a big deal for me you   know but I thank you for watching and before you  know for anyone who's thinking about saying I'm   going to pray for you good luck with that honestly  if you pray for me and I become a Christian again   you might be a witch okay that just might be the  case all right anyway I thank you for watching
• 38:30 - 39:00 this video if you made it all the way here I  don't know if I was helpful or not hopefully   I was able to get my point across and hopefully  I wasn't too disrespectful I know that comparing   God to Santa Claus and the Emperor who was wearing  no clothes is probably not going to go over well   with some people but I don't know how else to say  it I just want to be very candid but I really did   try definitely give this video a like if you liked  it you can dislike it if you don't like it as well
• 39:00 - 39:30 any engagement is good engagement leave me a  comment what are your religious affiliations   what's your religious history how do you feel  about the existence of God I know a lot of   people who will say I don't believe in a religion  but I do believe in God what's your religious   Journey how do you feel are you questioning  I would love to know if there are any more   people of color out there specifically who are  questioning I think for a lot of us we come from   conservative families and conservative backgrounds  and that can be really tough so I want this to be
• 39:30 - 40:00 a safe space for those of you and if you don't  believe and you want to tell me that I'm going   to hell cool tell me that too I I like any and  all engagement I keep saying that but it's true   anyways thank you for watching I hope you're  having a wonderful day or night wherever you   are and I will see you next time I don't know  where this accent's coming from anyway [Music] o [Music]