Pickup Korea Podcast: Common Mistakes On Dates With Korean Girls

Summary

Highlights

• Don't chase after the 'sometimes' game; focus on executing the right steps during dates. 🎯
• Balance the duration and quality of time spent on dates; long dates don't always equate to success. ⏳
• Physicality should be subtle; avoid being too handsy to respect cultural boundaries. 🙅‍♂️
• Avoid being overly nice to the point of fakeness; it can ruin the natural vibe. 😇
• Mix friendliness and assertiveness for authenticity; express a range of emotions. 😌
• Lead the date by having plans; don't burden her with making all decisions. 🗺️
• Opt for meeting at familiar places to ease logistics and ensure a comfy vibe. 🏠
• Work on self-worth; view yourself as deserving of the girl's attention and time. 💪

Key Takeaways

• Avoid overly long dates; focus on quality time and connection instead of the quantity of time spent together. 🕰️
• Balance is key: don't rush dates, and don't drag them out until the last train. ⚖️
• Be mindful of cultural differences; avoid being too physically forward as it may be unwelcome. 🤝
• Don't be overly-friendly or too eager to please; it can come across as fake and needy. 😅
• Lead the date—make decisions and show confidence without being overbearing. 🕴️
• Logistics are important; meet near your area to ensure convenience and familiarity. 🚇
• Never put the girl on a pedestal; remember, you are enough and deserve the interaction. 🌟
• Try not to be a conversational dictator—let her have a say and invest in the conversation. 💬

Overview

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction: Common Dating Mistakes This chapter of the podcast, 'Introduction: Common Dating Mistakes,' discusses prevalent issues faced by individuals who are new to dating in Korea or who are starting to date frequently. The host identifies recurring mistakes made during dates with Korean women and provides suggestions on how to correct these errors. The goal is to help listeners improve their dating experiences by making them aware of these common pitfalls.
• 00:30 - 02:30: Issue 1: Dragging on Dates This chapter addresses the common dating issue where dates tend to drag on for too long. It discusses a scenario where a date starts at 5 p.m. and involves a series of activities such as going for coffee, dinner, drinks, and then ice cream. The focus is on recognizing and overcoming the tendency to extend dates unnecessarily with strategies and mindsets to improve the dating experience and address such sticking points.
• 05:00 - 06:00: Issue 2: Being Too Handsy In this chapter, the author discusses the pitfalls of long dates that extend late into the night, leading to logistical challenges such as missing the last train. The narrative suggests that while second dates may occasionally happen, relying on chance repeatedly in the context of dating may not yield consistently successful outcomes.
• 06:00 - 10:00: Issue 3: Being Overly Friendly The chapter discusses the potential downsides of being overly friendly during dates. It emphasizes the importance of executing actions in the moment rather than delaying decisions or actions for future dates. The conversation highlights that while long dates can help build connection, prolonging things unnecessarily can have adverse effects.
• 11:40 - 15:00: Balancing Positivity and Negativity This chapter discusses the importance of quality time in relationships, emphasizing that it's not just the duration of time spent together that matters, but the vibe and connection. It cautions against the misconception that spending many hours across various activities leads to stronger relationships, highlighting instead the significance of meaningful interaction.
• 15:00 - 18:30: The Importance of Leading the Date The chapter titled 'The Importance of Leading the Date' discusses the significance of efficiently leading a date to build a connection. It outlines that a well-guided date, lasting one to two hours, where the girl feels comfortable, open, and connected, is often more effective than longer dates where such connections are not established. The emphasis is on quality interaction within a compressed timeframe, without rushing.
• 21:00 - 24:30: Showing Intent Appropriately This chapter emphasizes the importance of showing intent appropriately in relationships. It advises against rushing through interactions and highlights the significance of being present, sharing stories, and creating a comfortable vibe. The focus is on balancing time - not rushing but also not dragging things on indefinitely, thus fostering a connection without impatience or discomfort.
• 24:30 - 30:30: Avoiding Being a Cheapskate The chapter discusses tips for improving the success of dates by avoiding being a cheapskate. One suggestion is to ensure you don't run your dates until the last available public transportation, as this can cause unnecessary stress and end the date abruptly. Another tip advises against rushing the date or being overly pushy. Instead, it encourages a more relaxed approach to allow the date to progress naturally and more enjoyably.
• 30:30 - 35:30: Mindset: Avoiding Pedestal Thinking In the chapter titled 'Mindset: Avoiding Pedestal Thinking,' the discussion centers around the importance of taking time to build relationships and allowing others to open up at their own pace. The speaker points out that while some may attempt to rush this process with the aim of achieving quick success, it is often more fruitful to invest time in nurturing a comfortable environment. Emphasizing quality over speed, they advocate for proper, genuine interactions rather than hurried or inauthentic exchanges. This approach is suggested to apply in more than 50% of cases, mentioning that upward of 80-90% of people require such patience for successful engagement. The underlying message is to focus on facilitating true connection rather than placing the interaction on a pedestal and potentially overwhelming the other party.
• 35:30 - 37:00: Conclusion: Finding Balance In the concluding chapter titled 'Finding Balance,' the focus is on understanding cultural differences in dating etiquette. The narrator emphasizes the importance of being subtle and respectful on dates, rather than being overly physical or handsy, a contrast to what might be common in American dating norms. The guidance suggests that while playful touches are acceptable, it's crucial to be aware of the differing expectations and norms based on cultural contexts, advocating for a balanced approach to physical interaction in the context of dating.

Pickup Korea Podcast: Common Mistakes On Dates With Korean Girls Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 welcome to the pick up korea podcast and today i want to talk about running dates so there are a lot of common issues i see with you know people coming to korea people uh who start getting a lot of dates and i really just see a lot of patterns and a lot of the similar kind of mistakes so i figured that today i could cover a little bit about what common mistakes people make when going on dates with korean girls and a few tips on how to fix those and what you should do to
• 00:30 - 01:00 some sort of exercises and mindsets in order to uh get better on your dates or in order to overcome these sticking points right so one really common issue is that guys will really drag on the dates like a really really long time uh for example they might meet a girl at like 5 p.m and then go for coffee and then dinner and then drinks and then i don't know ice cream for example right
• 01:00 - 01:30 so they could go on these dates that are like four or five hours long six hours long and basically what happens is they run out of time right so what happens is that it's about 11 now for example and the last train is in 15 minutes 20 minutes to her area and so she has to call it a night and goodbye right not to say that you don't ever get second dates of course second dates come through sometimes however if you're playing the sometimes game every time right if you have 10 dates
• 01:30 - 02:00 and you got 10 sometimes maybe you know a few come out or something versus 10 dates and you're executing correctly then you can you can actually play in the moment you're not putting things off till next time you're executing in the moment you're getting results in the moment right and so uh yeah just dragging things on can be very detrimental so in one way of course having a longer date with more connection is good right
• 02:00 - 02:30 so if you do spend time with her that's very good the longer in some regards the better but it's not just about the time right it's about the quality of the time it's about the vibe are you vibing together are you flirting are you building connection is she opening up right and so a common issue that guys confuse things with is that they think that you know six hours is great i go to four different venues in six hours and we spend a lot of time together but actually in reality if you just spent
• 02:30 - 03:00 one hour two hours together and you ran a date properly and the girl felt comfortable she could open up um she felt uh you know she could let down her guard around you she felt connected then one to two hours is much better than six hours where you barely do any of that so you can really compress um a lot of the vibe a lot of the connection into a shorter amount of time right and that being said of course rushing a date often isn't very good if you're just doing
• 03:00 - 03:30 20 30 minutes or an hour and you're just running through the motions then of course she's not going to feel comfortable yet of course it's going to seem rushed of course it's going to seem uh impatient right rather than being in the moment relaxing sharing your story getting her to open up on her story creating a vibe right um you know seeding things for later these are all things that will help and it's there's no need to rush right but at the same time there's no need to fully drag things on forever right and
• 03:30 - 04:00 so yeah basically not running your dates until the last train uh or last bus or whatever that can really help you to have better more successful dates right another one of course would be the opposite of that which is like as i mentioned a second ago you know only running very very fast dates and being too uh pushy rushing things rather than relaxing slowing down uh letting her
• 04:00 - 04:30 open up facilitating that process of opening up right and so um i've seen some people who just try to rush very very quickly and of course it can be successful at times however the majority uh when i say majority maybe uh no hard numbers but much over 50 80 90 need some time to relax around you right so it's better to run a proper date than to rush through a bunch of janky improper dates right so that's another
• 04:30 - 05:00 tip right there another tip that uh is very important is guys think they have to be very handsy very touchy very feely on these dates they might be used to approaching in america and having dates with american girls where they try to make out at the table or at the bar and get all handsy hold hands and they think that this is a good thing however as i mentioned in some other podcasts and if you've read the ebook and articles that you want to be a lot more subtle of course little playful touches
• 05:00 - 05:30 playful swats contextual physicality like you know looking at her watch or her nail art or things like this then that can be a good thing right that makes sense in the moment and you're not it's not like pda it's not like you are publicly uh sexualizing all over her right so um so yeah having a little bit of playful physicality can be a good thing however being overly physical overly sexual more
• 05:30 - 06:00 often than not will not work in your favor right so that's another common issue um on the other hand of course you can really come off in the date as being very right that that being said like you're on the date you're very smiley happy too friendly to uh fighting for rapport you really want it to work you're really fighting for a connection you're fighting for her to like you you're being too friendly you're being too smiley and it just comes off as weak
• 06:00 - 06:30 fake um lame really right it's an approach that a lot of guys take and she's used to this kind of thing these guys trying to supplicate to her and pretend they have a connection fake connection fake being overly nice right and what it is it just comes off that you're not actually nice you just want something you're needy you are fake right and so that's not good at all it's not good to be this overly friendly overly smiley guy and it really shows that you you know
• 06:30 - 07:00 there is no range of emotional expression there there's no emotional experience you're giving her because you're giving her this lame boring predictable ned flanders nice guy frame right so that's not ideal it rarely ever works out and it's just something that you should stop doing right on the other hand another date tip as you know as a theme here there's always like opposites right there's polarities there's one end of the pendulum and the other
• 07:00 - 07:30 end of the pendulum and oftentimes if you're on two far extremes of either one it's not very good so you either have to if you're on one end you have to kind of swing the pendulum fully the other way and learn when to scale back in the middle or if you're in the middle sometimes it's good to uh you know for example learn to be a bit more savage or learn to be a bit more empathetic you really need to find out through how women are reacting to you how your dates are
• 07:30 - 08:00 turning out right and so um as i mentioned being very friendly being too nice is not a good thing however at the same time being this overly negative guy or overly you know an ass clown or whatever right that can also not be good too because you know you're you're very one-dimensional you're this you're this uh joker you're this clown this entertainment or what have you however she doesn't feel like she can relate with you she doesn't feel like she can
• 08:00 - 08:30 connect with you she does not see you as a real person at all right and so and so learning to balance these things out learning to be friendly and nice at some points also to express what you don't like what you like this range of emotions this sort of fractionation is very very important as it is authentic it is honest you know talk about what you like what you don't like not complaining the whole time but also not being this haha ned flanders
• 08:30 - 09:00 guy the whole time this fractionation shows authenticity it communicates a range of emotions and it allows her to experience something that isn't one-dimensional something that is engaging something that is an emotional experience right and so uh yeah that's a very very very common issue to be this one-dimensional um guy right some other things on dates are leading so after doing a lot of date shadowing modules which if anyone is interested
• 09:00 - 09:30 you can drop me a line via email or on the website and what this is is i am able to um either listen to or observe in person uh the dates you're going on and identify what your sticking points are what your blind spots are that you probably haven't noticed especially if you've been trying a lot to improve your dates it can be very useful to have somebody with a lot of experience evaluate where
• 09:30 - 10:00 you're up what the vibe is and how to what to work on to fix that right and so call that the date shadowing module it is a it is a one-on-one coaching thing that we can work out um so yeah if you're interested contact me for that but anyways uh one thing i see very often is they don't lead right so you want to be the oppa you want to be the leader you want to be the man who makes the decisions right and so if you know you show up and you're like oh where should we go do you like pizza or do you like uh
• 10:00 - 10:30 some where do you want to sit oh what kind of meat do you like oh uh do you like um do you can you choose the alcohol can you choose the beer or soju which one do you want so instead of all of this you want to have some places picked out that you can lead her to you want to you know lead to the seat you want to lead the order at least suggest something and see if she's against it because then of course you can change
• 10:30 - 11:00 you can calibrate you can um lead again after that but if you're if you're always asking her to make the choices and she feels pressure to constantly be the one in charge she does not feel like you're a real man she does not feel led she does not feel um you know that your masculine presence but rather it becomes sort of annoying monotonous sometimes even stressful for her to make these choices right and so uh in order to be the man in order to be a
• 11:00 - 11:30 viewed in as a potential date partner or sexual relationship one needs to lead on these dates right so this is a very very important thing that i see very very often right another thing is as i mentioned earlier you don't want to be too negative you want to be too uh polite and nice another thing of course is being too stupid or joking too much so of course vibing is important you know
• 11:30 - 12:00 being funny being silly at times is extremely important helps to lighten things up helps to ease up the mood however if you are constantly making this into a joke of course as i mentioned you just come off as a joker this is not um ideal this you know it just becomes this entertainment dancing monkey show right and so um yeah so this is something that of course you want to incorporate as i mentioned you want to flirt you want to tease but it does not want to be the majority of
• 12:00 - 12:30 your date right um some other things that i noticed that guys do are not really being in the moment not really letting the girl talk or facilitating her um investing right so sort of exploring what uh you know her experiences where she's been what she likes to do letting her talk but they'll often talk the whole time and talk over her which is in some ways better than being of course silent and awkward right because at least you're sort of leading
• 12:30 - 13:00 this interaction however there's times you want to take your foot off the gas pedal times you want to let her invest let her talk allow her or facilitate her to open up allow her to invest that way we're both participating in this interaction and she feels comfortable opening up comfortable to reveal things that perhaps she only reveals to people she actually knows closely not just you know met for the first or second time right and so this is another very important detail very important
• 13:00 - 13:30 thing to keep in mind on your date right don't be a conversational dictator so to speak however you do you can and you should lead or facilitate the interaction allowing her to open up along the way right so this is another very important detail another one that i notice is guys can often be afraid of showing intent right so what i mean is like afraid of giving her strong eye contact afraid of um
• 13:30 - 14:00 afraid of flirting afraid of giving her a compliment afraid of showing interest on the date and these are all important things right but of course you don't want to be staring at her with laser eyes the whole day that's creepy right you don't want to be overly complimentary that's creepy you know overly flirtatious you want to pepper these things into the date you want to pepper these things into the interaction right you should not be afraid of them however it shouldn't be obviously the whole date shouldn't be
• 14:00 - 14:30 you laser eye contact complementing her that's creepy right and so as mentioned you want to learn to um strike a balance not be on one end of the spectrum or you're just afraid to show any sort of intent but then also not on the other end where you shows um what will you show zero intent not on the other end where you're just all flirty eyes flirty way of talking uh flirty or complimentary verbals the whole time right so that also comes off as kind of nikki hey oily
• 14:30 - 15:00 greasy and also like try hard or you know things along these lines right that's another very very important detail another thing that uh guys um screw up on on these dates or being a cheapskate so i've noticed this a couple times recently where a guy will go on a date and he'll say let's split it 50 50. right that being said of course if the dates are going well if you're doing two venues for perhaps so
• 15:00 - 15:30 say you go to um let's say you go for for example pizza and beer chicken and beer and then you bounce for another place for some wine oftentimes if you play the first round she'll play the second round right or maybe she'll she's having such a good time on round one she pays there you pay the second round um or you know every now and then maybe you pay both rounds right however being a cheapskate saying oh can we split this dinner 50 50 or [Music] can you cover it that often is not the
• 15:30 - 16:00 right vibe you are the one inviting her out on a date so really coming off as this sort of cheapskate really is doing yourself more of a disservice it comes off as kind of lame and weak and uh if she's having a good time the good news is if she's having a good time you're running the date well a lot of times they're gonna offer to pay anyways right at least one of the rounds so um focus more on having the date be good and interesting and fun and a good time and a good vibe because that will
• 16:00 - 16:30 actually save you money rather than the other way around where you're just you know uh trying to save money and coming off as a miser that's never a good thing right and so that's another uh recent thing that i've seen okay some other tips for dates are logistics logistics logistics of course if you're meeting girls consistently for dates then in that case you should really be meeting them near your area right so say you live in
• 16:30 - 17:00 kangnam you want to meet them around gangnam area say you you know station or wherever you live right say you live in hongdae you want to meet them around hongdae station around hongdae area right if you're going halfway around town to meet all of your dates uh then really you shouldn't really expect that much a lot of times you won't know the area you might know the you might not know the best places you might not know where to lead her and you have no place to chill out in isolation unless you have
• 17:00 - 17:30 that set up in advance or you scout out some places but that being said there are a lot of things that will there are a lot of variables against you right so you want to kind of stack the variables in your favor you want to be able to um you want to be able to lead comfortably and have places to go and have a place to take her home to chill out in isolation as well right that being said of course later on experimenting can be good so when you're first learning how to run dates well
• 17:30 - 18:00 then of course you want to do them very systematically and to get the best results by improving a systematic date right however later on you know here and there maybe there is a girl who's you know your perfect nine or ten and it's an area that you want to go to or you're familiar with and you have some sort of logistics then you know don't be afraid to experiment don't be afraid to think outside of the box and try new things but that being said the majority of results are going to come from
• 18:00 - 18:30 dates that are really relatively similar right it's not we went out for jet skiing and then watched a movie and then went to a whole different area away from my house those usually will go nowhere but it's more or less the same kind of dates where you have a drink or coffee food and drinks go to one or two places maybe you know bounce to a park or go to a pub and go home to your place those are generally the ones that will be successful versus the ones where you just sort of
• 18:30 - 19:00 float around and do all these activities and you sell all of these activities rather than the actual time and quality of time spent together with her right another common mindset issue i notice on dates is guys really um they'll put the girl if she's hotter on a pedestal and they'll view themselves as like not good enough so you really have to realize that you are enough for any of these girls you are enough for any of these dates they decided to give you the number they decided to come out to meet you they decided to follow your
• 19:00 - 19:30 lead and so that being said there's no reason why you should think you're not good enough and you should always believe that you're a good option for the girl you are you know doing your best in life you're improving yourself um you know you're expanding your interest you're expanding your experiences therefore you are good for her there's no reason you need to put her on a pedestal and she is just another fellow human in life on the same sort of journey right and so
• 19:30 - 20:00 putting her on his pedestal you're not gonna serious human and you're gonna see her as some you know 9 10 who's way better than you and you're going to come off as you know your your body language your voice will be um acting in a way that is not ideal that's weird that's needy that just comes off as inauthentic and congruent uncongruent so it will ideally it will not be ideal it will not work out well right and so that's a very very
• 20:00 - 20:30 common thing i see you guys don't think they're good enough and really just reminding yourself of this reminding yourself that she's out to meet you she came out to you not for the chicken or the beer she could have that alone or with anybody else but she's out to meet you she's out to hang out with a cool guy right and of course to sort of solidify this mindset you really do need to be working on improving yourself and uh you know living your best life and just realizing that you know
• 20:30 - 21:00 meeting girls and going on dates it's not a big deal a lot of it you're just working in your head to be a big deal right and so oftentimes by approaching a lot and meeting a lot of girls and getting experience you then get more confidence more competence better and then thus more confidence too right so a lot of it is gaining experience to help solidify those mindsets as well right anyways i think these were anyways i think i offered a lot of tips here and a lot of common issues and as you could see you know often being on
• 21:00 - 21:30 one end of a polarity or the other end is screwing yourself you're shooting yourself in the foot so you need to learn to either you know stop doing something or do less of something or work on being more assertive more of a leader etc etc right and so uh if you enjoy these tips i hope you do implement them and if you want to get coaching on so i hope that you enjoyed these tips and if you want personal date coaching
• 21:30 - 22:00 i'm available you can contact me at the email address below and if you really enjoy these tips and want to read and learn more there's the pick up korea ebook that has a whole section on dates with a lot more details and a lot more information that you can check out so check that ebook out at the link below and until next time you