"Respect Is Earned – But These 5 Habits Are Holding You Back" MEL ROBBINS-- BEST POWERFULL SPEECH

Summary

In a thought-provoking speech, Mel Robbins delves into the misconceptions surrounding respect, emphasizing that it is not just earned through deeds but also lost due to unnoticed habits. She highlights the significance of authenticity over people-pleasing, the detrimental effects of over-apologizing, and the pitfalls of seeking external validation. Robbins encourages self-respect as the cornerstone of earning respect from others, urging a shift from seeking approval to fundamentally respecting oneself.

Highlights

• Respect is not just earned through deeds but lost through unnoticed habits. 🔍
• People-pleasing habits diminish self-respect and authenticity. 🎭
• Over-apologizing signals lack of confidence and self-worth. 🙇
• Seeking validation externally makes you a hostage to others' opinions. 🔗
• Negative speech poisons influence and drains respect. 🛑

Key Takeaways

• Self-respect is the foundation of earning respect from others. 💪
• Overcoming people-pleasing habits leads to genuine self-worth. 😊
• Stop the habit of over-apologizing to maintain your dignity. 🚫
• Validation seeking weakens self-value, build your own respect instead. 🌟
• Negative speech patterns can erode your influence and respect. 🗣️

Overview

Mel Robbins delivers a compelling speech focused on the intricate dynamics of respect in our lives. She begins by addressing the common notion that respect must be earned through actions, but it can also be silently lost through harmful habits. Robbins details how these unnoticed habits can sabotage our authenticity and diminish the respect we receive.

Through vivid examples, Robbins illustrates the destructive nature of people-pleasing and the habit of over-apologizing. These behaviors, she argues, often stem from a deep-seated need for validation, which in turn attracts the wrong kind of attention and leads to self-betrayal. The consequences? A loss of personal integrity and influence.

Robbins encourages a transformation towards self-respect, asserting that true respect from others begins with respecting oneself. By rejecting negative speech patterns and reframing the need for external validation, individuals can reclaim their power and inspire respect rather than simply demanding it.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction: Earn Respect The introduction emphasizes the notion that respect must be earned rather than demanded. It argues that respect is not only gained by actions but can also be lost due to what one tolerates and the habits one adopts unknowingly. Respect is depicted as a valuable currency that is earned through one's actions, character, and discipline. It warns that certain unnoticed habits can erode respect, leaving one to question why they might be overlooked by others.
• 00:30 - 10:00: Habit 1: People Pleasing The chapter 'Habit 1: People Pleasing' discusses the negative impact of trying to please everyone on self-respect and the respect one receives from others. The chapter suggests that the issue is not always about what one lacks, but sometimes about what one needs to let go of. It emphasizes the importance of eliminating people-pleasing habits as a means to increase personal value and seriousness.
• 10:00 - 18:00: Habit 2: Over-Apologizing Chapter Title: Habit 2: Over-Apologizing Summary: This chapter discusses the tendency to over-apologize, which is often rooted in a deep need for validation and a desire to be accepted, liked, and safe from conflict. Although sometimes seen as kindness or generosity, over-apologizing can lead to self-betrayal. The chapter warns that in the quest for approval, individuals may compromise their own standards and lose the respect of others.
• 18:00 - 29:00: Habit 3: Seeking Validation Chapter 3, titled 'Seeking Validation,' focuses on the habit where individuals seek external validation, often at the cost of their own boundaries and authenticity. It discusses how people tend to agree, laugh, and commit to things merely to please others, even if these actions contradict their true feelings. This behavior leads to a loss of authenticity and respect. The chapter illustrates the detriments of prioritizing others' expectations over one's personal values and how it affects one's self-respect and the respect others have for them.
• 29:00 - 40:00: Habit 4: Speaking Negatively The chapter discusses the habit of speaking negatively and how it relates to personal boundaries and authenticity. It highlights the dangers of being a people-pleaser, who changes themselves to fit in, and the importance of respecting one's own limits to earn respect from others. Avoiding confrontation is depicted as a form of self-deception which harms personal integrity and relations with others.
• 40:00 - 42:30: Conclusion: Mastering Self-Respect The conclusion chapter emphasizes the importance of self-respect and authenticity. It highlights that speaking your truth, even when uncomfortable, and standing firm in your beliefs is essential for self-respect. Attempting to please everyone leads to exhaustion and a lack of authenticity. It encourages readers to stop living reactively, adjusting constantly to others' expectations, and instead to lead their lives intentionally, focusing on personal values and truth.

"Respect Is Earned – But These 5 Habits Are Holding You Back" MEL ROBBINS-- BEST POWERFULL SPEECH Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 They say you can't demand respect, you must earn it. But what most people don't realize is that respect isn't just gained by what you do. It's also lost by what you allow, what you tolerate, and most dangerously by the habits you've unknowingly picked up. Respect isn't given freely in this world. It's a currency earned through action, character, and discipline. And if you're not careful, certain habits will silently drain every drop of it. If you're wondering why people overlook
• 00:30 - 01:00 your value, why you're not taken seriously, or why your presence doesn't hold the weight it should, it's not always because of what you're missing. Sometimes it's because of what you need to let go of. Today, we're not talking about how to gain respect. We're going to strip away the habits that are robbing you of it one by one. Let's start with the first habit you must remove. The habit of trying to please everyone is a silent destroyer of self-respect and by extension the respect you receive from others. It's
• 01:00 - 01:30 rooted in a deep need for validation, a desire to be accepted, to be liked, to avoid conflict and to feel safe in the approval of others. On the surface, it seems harmless, even virtuous. After all, being kind, generous, and accommodating are good qualities, right? But when the desire to be liked becomes a pattern of self- betrayal, you begin trading away the very things that make people respect you. Your standards, your
• 01:30 - 02:00 boundaries, your voice. People who fall into this habit often say yes when they mean no. They commit to things they don't want to do. laugh at jokes that don't amuse them, nod in agreement with things that go against their values, and shrink themselves so others can feel comfortable. Every time they do, they lose a little bit of their own authenticity. And authenticity is the bedrock of respect. When people see you constantly bending to meet their expectations, they begin to view you as
• 02:00 - 02:30 someone who lacks a backbone, someone they can manipulate, someone they don't have to consider seriously. Because if you don't respect your own limits, why should they? Trying to please everyone turns you into a chameleon, always changing colors depending on who you're with. You become so focused on fitting in that you forget who you are. You avoid conflict, fearing rejection or judgment, not realizing that avoiding necessary confrontation is a form of dishonesty, not just with others, but with yourself. People respect those who
• 02:30 - 03:00 speak their truth even when it's uncomfortable. They admire those who have the courage to stand firm even when it's not popular. But you can't do that when your energy is spent trying to gain favor from every person you meet. What's more, trying to please everyone is a guaranteed path to exhaustion. You spread yourself thin trying to keep up with everyone's expectations, constantly adjusting your behavior, filtering your thoughts, and second-guessing your choices. You begin to live reactively rather than intentionally. You don't lead your life. You respond to it. And
• 03:00 - 03:30 in doing so, you become forgettable because people may like those who always say yes, but they don't respect them. They don't admire the agreeable. They admire the grounded. When you try to be everything to everyone, you end up being nothing to yourself. You dilute your power, your clarity, your presence. You walk into rooms worried about how others perceive you instead of walking in with purpose. You prioritize being liked over being respected. But here's the truth. The moment you choose to be respected,
• 03:30 - 04:00 you'll realize not everyone needs to like you. And when you fully accept that, you free yourself from the shackles of approval seeking. The habit of people pleasing also attracts the wrong kind of people into your life. The takers, the manipulators, the ones who sense your willingness to sacrifice yourself and exploit it. They don't see your kindness as strength. They see it as weakness. They don't value your generosity. They expect it. And because you've taught them that your boundaries are negotiable, they stop asking. They
• 04:00 - 04:30 just take. And the more they take, the more invisible you feel. The more invisible you feel, the harder you try to please. And it becomes a vicious cycle of diminishing respect. First from others, then from yourself. Self-respect begins with the word no. No to what doesn't align with your values. No to what drains your energy. No to people who only show up when they need something. no to being everything for everyone. And that no doesn't have to be
• 04:30 - 05:00 loud, rude, or angry. It just has to be firm, steady, unapologetic. Because when people see that you honor yourself, they're more likely to honor you, too. When they see that your time, your energy, your voice has a boundary, they think twice before crossing it. The need to please everyone often comes from childhood conditioning. Perhaps you learned that being agreeable kept the peace, that love was conditional, that approval had to be earned through compliance. But as an adult, continuing that pattern only keeps you trapped in
• 05:00 - 05:30 the same emotional cage. You're no longer a child trying to survive approval. You're an adult who can build your own respect. But to do that, you must start living for what's right, not what's popular. Being respected requires that you disappoint some people, that you say no and stand firm even when it makes others uncomfortable, that you walk away from situations that expect your silence in place of your truth. It means embracing the discomfort that comes with authenticity because you
• 05:30 - 06:00 understand that your integrity matters more than their approval. And that's not arrogance. That's self-respect. There's a big difference between being kind and being a doormat. One is rooted in strength, the other in fear. One builds connection, the other breeds resentment. When you start honoring yourself, you become a stronger force. You start speaking not just to be heard, but to be felt. You enter spaces with clarity, not confusion. You set the tone instead of
• 06:00 - 06:30 adapting to it. People respect those who value their time, who protect their peace, who stand for something. And ironically, when you stop trying to be liked by everyone, the right people start to gravitate toward you, the ones who respect your boundaries, the ones who appreciate your authenticity, the ones who don't need you to shrink for them to shine. But it all begins when you decide that your value doesn't depend on outside approval, that you're not here to please, you're here to live with purpose. Removing the habit of
• 06:30 - 07:00 trying to please everyone doesn't mean becoming harsh or selfish. It means becoming real. It means choosing self-respect over comfort. It means choosing long-term value over short-term validation. And most importantly, it means choosing to be the kind of person you can respect. Because once you respect yourself, the world begins to follow your lead. There's a silent trap that far too many people fall into, the habit of over apologizing for who they
• 07:00 - 07:30 are. It sounds harmless at first. After all, isn't it polite to apologize? Isn't it a sign of humility? A way to show empathy and maintain peace? But the problem begins when I'm sorry becomes more than just a polite phrase. It becomes a reflex, a default, a subconscious expression that reveals something deeper. A belief that your existence, your truth, your presence, or your opinions are somehow inconvenient or unworthy. Over apologizing isn't just
• 07:30 - 08:00 about the words. It's about the energy behind them. It's about how often people apologize for things they shouldn't even feel guilty for. They say sorry for speaking their mind, sorry for having boundaries, sorry for taking up space in a conversation. They say sorry when someone bumps into them. And every time they do, they teach others how to treat them not as equals, not as individuals with firm identity, but as people who are unsure of their own worth. This habit often takes root early in life.
• 08:00 - 08:30 Maybe it came from environments where your feelings were dismissed, where asserting yourself led to punishment or rejection. Perhaps you were taught that being nice meant being silent, compliant, or invisible. So, you learned to soften your words, lower your voice, step back instead of stepping forward. You learned that keeping the peace was more important than speaking the truth. But as you grow, those habits begin to rob you of something essential, your power. The more you apologize for who
• 08:30 - 09:00 you are, the more people see you as someone who needs permission to exist. And let's be clear, no one respects someone who's constantly seeking permission. Respect is rooted in strength, clarity, and presence. When you overapologize, what you're really doing is signaling weakness. even when that's not your intention. You're telling the world that you're not confident in what you're saying, that your thoughts and feelings are negotiable, that your presence is something to be excused rather than
• 09:00 - 09:30 embraced. And people respond accordingly. They may not say it out loud, but they feel it. They take your words less seriously. They interrupt more often. They overlook your opinions. They sense the lack of self-certainty. And that translates into a lack of influence. Because in every room there are people who command attention and people who silently ask for acceptance. The latter rarely get the respect they deserve no matter how talented or intelligent they are. Over apologizing
• 09:30 - 10:00 becomes a habit of self eraser. It starts small with little concessions. You let someone cut in line. You say it's fine when it's not. You take the blame to keep the peace. You laugh at jokes that make you uncomfortable. You lower your standards so others won't feel challenged. And over time, you chip away at your own sense of self. You teach yourself to prioritize others comfort over your own truth. You shrink so others can breathe. But that shrinking doesn't make people admire you. It makes you disappear. Now, it's
• 10:00 - 10:30 important to distinguish between real accountability and chronic overapologizing. Taking responsibility for a mistake is powerful. It shows character. But constantly saying sorry when no wrong has been done. That's not humility. That's insecurity. That's fear in disguise. And fear never commands respect. The danger is that over apologizing also affects how you see yourself. Your subconscious listens to
• 10:30 - 11:00 everything you say. When you repeatedly say sorry for things that aren't wrong, your mind begins to believe that you are wrong. Wrong for having a voice. Wrong for having needs. Wrong for taking up space. You start to see yourself through a lens of guilt. Always assuming you're the problem, always feeling the need to justify your existence. That mindset is the opposite of self-respect. And if you can't respect yourself, no one else will either. Every unnecessary apology is a withdrawal from your self-worth bank. It's a message to yourself and to others that your value is conditional, that you
• 11:00 - 11:30 must earn your place by minimizing your presence. But respect isn't earned by shrinking. It's earned by standing, by being rooted in who you are, by speaking with clarity, and by refusing to apologize for the things that make you whole. Imagine someone who walks into a room and immediately begins apologizing for being there, for asking a question, for having a suggestion. Now, imagine someone who walks in with quiet confidence, grounded in their identity, speaking with respect, but without
• 11:30 - 12:00 apology. Who would you naturally respect more? Who would you listen to more intently? The difference is clear because confidence, not overcompensation, is what builds trust. And trust is the foundation of respect. So, how do you begin to break this habit? You start by catching yourself. Notice every time you say sorry unnecessarily, was it really needed? Was there an actual mistake? Or were you trying to soften your presence? There's a habit that quietly chips away at your potential, your peace, and your ability
• 12:00 - 12:30 to earn genuine respect. It's the habit of constantly seeking validation from others. At first glance, it may not seem all that damaging. After all, who doesn't want to be liked? Who doesn't want to feel accepted, appreciated, and understood? But when your worth becomes dependent on the opinions, praise, or approval of others, you hand over the keys to your self-respect. You make yourself a hostage to outside affirmation. And nothing makes people lose respect for someone faster than watching them betray themselves just to
• 12:30 - 13:00 please the crowd. The need for validation is deeply rooted. It often comes from childhood environments where love was conditional, where approval had to be earned through performance, good behavior, or people pleasing. You might have learned that you're only valuable when you meet others expectations. When you don't rock the boat, when you say what people want to hear, and that programming stays with you, it shows up in subtle ways. You hesitate to speak your mind, afraid of being judged. You change your opinion to match the group.
• 13:00 - 13:30 You measure your worth based on likes, compliments, and attention. You become more focused on being accepted than being authentic. But the truth is, you can't earn real respect while pretending to be someone you're not. When your decisions are dictated by what others think, you lose your center. You lose your sense of who you are. You begin to live a life of performance, tailoring every word, action, and choice to fit into a mold that makes others comfortable. But people don't respect performers. They admire trutht tellers.
• 13:30 - 14:00 They're drawn to those who are grounded in themselves, who speak with conviction, who don't change their essence just to win favor because that kind of authenticity is rare. And anything that's rare is respected. Living for validation is like chasing a mirage. No matter how much approval you get, it's never enough. There's always someone who disagrees, someone who doesn't like you, someone who criticizes you. And if your peace depends on everyone clapping for you, you'll never
• 14:00 - 14:30 find peace. You'll live on an emotional roller coaster. High when praised, low when ignored or criticized. That instability erodess your credibility. It makes you appear insecure, unsure, and easily swayed. And those qualities never earn respect. People respect those who are rooted, not rattled. You start compromising in small ways. You say yes when you want to say no. You tolerate things that go against your values. You
• 14:30 - 15:00 hold back your opinions, water down your truth, and lose your edge just to avoid disapproval. And each time you do, you betray yourself a little more. The world may applaud, but deep down you know you've traded your authenticity for applause. That kind of validation is empty. It's like eating sugar when your body needs substance. It may feel good in the moment, but it weakens you over time. There's something magnetic about someone who doesn't need to be liked to do what's right. Someone who can stand alone firm in their beliefs without
• 15:00 - 15:30 seeking permission or applause. That strength commands respect. Because when people see that you're not easily swayed by opinions, they start trusting you more. They know you won't flip-flop under pressure. They know you'll speak the truth even when it's unpopular. That kind of integrity is powerful. It makes people listen. It makes people take you seriously. Validation seeking also creates a dangerous dependency. You become addicted to feedback. You constantly look outward to decide how
• 15:30 - 16:00 you should feel about yourself. And that dependency makes you easy to manipulate. People can control you with their approval or rejection. You become a puppet dancing for likes, affirmation, and attention. But the moment you stop chasing validation is the moment you reclaim your freedom. You stop waiting to be seen and start seeing yourself. You stop asking, "Do they approve of me?" and start asking, "Do I approve of myself?" That shift is where real
• 16:00 - 16:30 respect begins both from yourself and from others. When you no longer need validation, you become unstoppable. You take risks without fearing judgment. You speak boldly without needing applause. You trust your instincts knowing that your worth is not up for debate. You stop explaining your every move and start owning your path. That level of self asssurance doesn't make you arrogant. It makes you solid. And solid people are respected because they're rare in a world full of people trying to be liked. You begin to attract a
• 16:30 - 17:00 different kind of energy. People come to you not because you fit their mold, but because you inspire them to break theirs. Your presence becomes a permission slip for others to be real. You stop performing and start leading. Not everyone will like you, but the right people will respect you. Because in a world where everyone's chasing likes, the one who stands firm in their truth stands out. You don't earn respect by trying to be everything forever. You earn it by being completely yourself.
• 17:00 - 17:30 That means standing your ground when it's uncomfortable, speaking your truth when it's risky, and choosing authenticity even when it costs you popularity. It means trusting that the right people will see your value not because you shouted the loudest or followed the trend, but because you dared to be real. There's a quiet power in someone who doesn't flinch under scrutiny, who doesn't adjust themselves just to gain favor. It's not about being rebellious. It's about being rooted. When you validate yourself, you give yourself permission to walk into any
• 17:30 - 18:00 room and know that you belong, even if no one applauds. You operate from a place of wholeness, not from need. And that wholeness is what earns respect because it shows the world that your value isn't up for negotiation. It shows that you know who you are. And that's more impressive than any applause you could ever chase. One of the most damaging habits you must remove to earn respect is the tendency to speak negatively. Whether it's about others, yourself, or the world around you. At first, it might not even seem like a
• 18:00 - 18:30 habit. It can slip out as casual sarcasm, passive aggressive jokes, or venting in the name of honesty. But over time, a pattern of negativity becomes poison to your mindset, your relationships, and your influence. It creates a cloud that follows you into every room. And no one is inspired or uplifted by someone who constantly complains, criticizes, or focuses on what's wrong. Respect isn't born in negativity. it's crushed by it. The words you use reveal your mindset. When your speech is laced with judgment,
• 18:30 - 19:00 pessimism, or constant faultf finding, you're showing the world how you think, and people are always listening, even when you think they're not. They hear how you talk about others when they're not around. They pay attention to how you speak about challenges, how you interpret setbacks, and how you describe your own life. If every conversation with you feels like a download of everything that's going wrong, it doesn't take long before people start tuning out. Because nobody is drawn to a drain. People are drawn to energy that uplifts, encourages, challenges, and
• 19:00 - 19:30 strengthens, not energy that weighs them down. Negative talk also reflects a lack of discipline. It's easy to complain. It's easy to blame. It's easy to criticize from the sidelines. But it takes real character to look for solutions. It takes maturity to stay silent when you have nothing constructive to say. It takes strength to uplift instead of tear down. The world is already filled with negativity. People are surrounded by bad news, discouragement, and reasons to feel
• 19:30 - 20:00 hopeless. If you want to earn respect, be the one who brings clarity, encouragement, and perspective. Be the one who chooses your words with intention, who understands the weight they carry. Because every word you speak is either building your reputation or breaking it. Negativity also exposes insecurity. People who constantly talk down about others often do so to feel better about themselves. They pick apart someone's success, personality, or decisions not because they're honest
• 20:00 - 20:30 critics, but because they feel threatened. Gossip and criticism become tools to elevate themselves in their own eyes, but those tactics backfire. When you speak badly about others, people don't think less of them, they think less of you. They start to wonder how you speak about them when they're not around. They question your loyalty, your integrity, and your maturity. Respect can't grow in a place where trust is missing. And every time you use your words to tear someone down, you chip away at the trust others place in you.
• 20:30 - 21:00 There's also the damage that negative selft talk creates when you constantly speak lowly about yourself. Dismissing compliments, downplaying your strengths, calling yourself stupid, or repeating phrases like, "I always mess up." You train others to see you the same way. You teach them not to take you seriously. You communicate a lack of confidence. And people don't respect someone who's always shrinking, always secondguessing, always doubting themselves. Respect follows those who
• 21:00 - 21:30 walk with quiet confidence, who know their worth without needing to announce it. And that starts with how you speak about yourself when no one's watching. What you say consistently shapes your identity. Your words create your inner environment. And that inner environment leaks into everything you do. If you keep saying, "Life is unfair, people are selfish, success is out of reach, and nothing ever works out," you start to live like it's true. You start making decisions from a place of defeat and that energy becomes your brand. People
• 21:30 - 22:00 don't respect defeist energy. They respect resilience. They respect optimism that's rooted in reality. They respect someone who can look at the world's problems and still speak about possibilities. It's not about being fake positive or pretending everything is perfect. It's about choosing your focus. Anyone can highlight problems, but it takes wisdom to see the bigger picture. It takes emotional intelligence to respond with grace. It takes courage to
• 22:00 - 22:30 speak vision when things feel uncertain. And when people see that you have the ability to remain grounded, hopeful, and measured in your words, even in difficult times, they respect you not just for what you say, but for the strength behind your words. Your language also sets the tone for every room you walk into. Leaders are not just those with titles. They're those who shift atmospheres. If your presence makes people feel lighter, stronger, more hopeful, you'll be remembered.
• 22:30 - 23:00 You'll be trusted. You'll be respected. But if your presence brings gossip, complaints, or a constant focus on what's wrong, people will begin to avoid you. You may not even realize it, but doors will quietly close. Opportunities will pass by. People will seek others who bring solutions, encouragement, and stability instead. Changing your speech doesn't mean ignoring reality. It means mastering it. It means taking ownership of the energy you bring. It means
• 23:00 - 23:30 choosing to speak from a place of intention, not emotion. When you do that, you rise above the crowd. You become someone whose words carry weight, not because you talk the most, but because you talk with purpose. You become known not just for your skills but for your character. And that kind of reputation is rare and powerful. Every conversation you have is a chance to elevate or diminish the respect others have for you. Your words matter. They reveal your values, your mindset, your
• 23:30 - 24:00 character. They're a preview of what it's like to work with you, trust you, follow you. If you want to be respected, you must first respect the power of your voice. And that means eliminating the habit of speaking negatively even when it feels justified, even when everyone else is doing it. Because the person who learns to rise above the noise will always stand out. The person who uses their words to build rather than break will always be remembered. And the person who speaks with purpose will always be respected. At the core of
• 24:00 - 24:30 earning respect from others is something even deeper, respecting yourself. These five habits may seem small, but they are massive in their impact. They erode your power from the inside out. And as long as they stay alive, you'll continue to feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. But once you remove them, everything changes. When you stop seeking validation, you start creating it from within. When you stop apologizing for who you are, you begin owning your space. When you stop avoiding truth, your words begin to
• 24:30 - 25:00 carry authority. When you stop gossiping, your character speaks louder than your voice. And when you stop pleasing everyone, you start leading your own life. Respect isn't about controlling others. It's about mastering yourself. It's about walking into the world with such clarity, such conviction, and such integrity that people can't help but take notice. So, let this be your moment of transformation. Look at your habits. Ask yourself, "What am I doing that's silently weakening my power?" And then
• 25:00 - 25:30 commit. Commit to removing what doesn't serve your strength. Commit to rising above the noise. Commit to becoming the kind of person who doesn't just demand respect, but inspires it, earns it, and keeps it. Because once you become that person, the world will begin to treat you the way you've always deserve to be treated. Not because they suddenly change, but because you did. The journey to respect doesn't start with them. It starts with you. And it starts today.