Roxane Gay Confessions of a bad feminist

Summary

Roxane Gay opens up about her struggles with the feminist label, admitting to being a self-proclaimed "bad feminist." She shares her journey from viewing feminism as an accusation to embracing it as an empowering identity. Combining anecdotes, Gay critiques mainstream feminism for overlooking women of color and emphasizes the importance of inclusive feminism. Through personal confessions and cultural observations, she encourages women and men to make brave choices that contribute to gender equality, urging a move from imperfection to accountability. She ends by reminding us of the importance of reclaiming our voices and being brave, whether a "bad feminist" or a good one.

Highlights

• Roxane Gay grapples with her feminist identity, labeling herself a 'bad feminist.' 🤔
• The concept of a 'bad feminist' began as an inside joke but became a serious commentary. 📚
• Critique of mainstream feminism for excluding marginalized women. 💥
• Challenge against societal norms and stereotypes about feminists. 🎭
• Encouragement for people, especially men, to support women's inclusion in significant roles. 🤝

Key Takeaways

• Embrace imperfection in feminism; it's okay to be a 'bad' feminist. ✌️
• Feminism should be inclusive of all identities, not just white, middle-class women. 🌍
• Cultural criticisms often unfairly dissect women’s feminist credentials. 🧐
• Small acts of bravery can lead to bigger, societal changes. 💪
• Reclaiming one's voice is a powerful act of feminist bravery. 🎤

Overview

Roxane Gay candidly admits that she struggles with the feminist label, describing herself as a 'bad feminist.' Her journey with feminism has been complex—starting from rejecting the label due to its negative stereotypes, to embracing it despite her contradictions and imperfections. Gay provocatively challenges the rigid expectations of feminism, advocating for an inclusive approach that represents all women, not just the traditional image of feminists.

Throughout her talk, Roxane highlights her own contradictions, such as enjoying music with misogynistic lyrics while advocating for gender equality. These confessions resonate with many who feel imperfect in their feminist practices. Gay argues that instead of demanding perfection from feminists, society should focus on inclusivity and understanding that feminism is a personal journey.

Ultimately, Roxane Gay frames feminism as a brave act, encouraging others to make better and more inclusive choices. By sharing her story of reclaiming her voice after trauma, she demonstrates how feminism provided her with empowerment and a sense of identity. Her message is clear—it's better to be an imperfect feminist than not try at all, as every small effort contributes to the larger fight for equality.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction to 'Bad Feminist' In the Introduction to 'Bad Feminist', the author reflects on her personal struggle with identifying as a feminist. Despite having strong beliefs about gender equality, she feels conflicted about fully embracing the feminist label due to not meeting certain standards she perceives as necessary for 'good feminism'. She humorously refers to herself as a 'bad feminist', highlighting the potential disconnect between her ideals and actions.
• 00:30 - 01:00: Origins of the 'Bad Feminist' Concept The chapter explores the origins of the 'Bad Feminist' concept. Initially, it was an essay and later a book by the author. The concept was intended as an inside joke and provocation. Over time, it became associated with the author, especially in media interviews. The author reflects on her younger years, particularly during her teens and twenties, when she held misconceptions about feminists, imagining them as angry, man-hating, and sex-hating women.
• 01:00 - 02:00: Changing Perceptions of Feminism The chapter explores the evolving perceptions of feminism over time. It begins with the author's reflection on the negative connotation of the term 'feminist' in the past, where it was considered an accusation or an "F word" not associated with niceness. The author recounts their own experiences and concerns about being labeled a feminist, which was synonymous with being a woman who doesn't conform to societal expectations or rules. This chapter seems to delve into the re-evaluation of such labels and the justified emotions stemming from gender inequalities observed globally.
• 02:00 - 03:00: Acceptance of Feminist Identity This chapter, titled 'Acceptance of Feminist Identity,' explores the journey of embracing one's feminist identity. It describes the internal conflict of society's perception of feminism as a rebellious or superior stance, and the personal realization and pride in accepting one's feminist beliefs. As the narrator matures, they openly accept and proudly identify as a feminist, asserting the belief in gender equality, the right to equal pay, and freedom from societal constraints.
• 03:00 - 04:00: Intersectionality in Feminism The chapter on 'Intersectionality in Feminism' discusses the various rights women should possess, such as access to birth control and reproductive services, and the freedom to make choices about their bodies without legislative or religious interference. It highlights the importance of respecting women's rights and acknowledges the need to consider multiple identities, as individuals are not solely defined by their gender but also by other aspects such as body types, gender expressions, and faiths.
• 04:00 - 05:00: Personal Contradictions The chapter titled 'Personal Contradictions' delves into the theme of inclusivity in feminism. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and accounting for the diverse aspects of people's identities such as sexualities, class backgrounds, and abilities, alongside what is commonly shared. This understanding creates a more inclusive feminism. The narrator admits to personal contradictions and acknowledges there are ways in which they might be practicing feminism incorrectly, highlighting the complex and often imperfect nature of personal beliefs and actions.
• 05:00 - 06:00: Challenging Mainstream Feminism The chapter titled 'Challenging Mainstream Feminism' explores the internal conflict experienced by someone who enjoys listening to rap music, despite finding the lyrics deeply offensive and degrading to women. The classical example provided is the Ying Yang Twins song 'Salt Shaker', highlighting the stark contrast between the enjoyment of the music's rhythm and the discomfort with its message. This reflects a broader theme of grappling with elements of popular culture that may not align with feminist values.
• 06:00 - 07:00: Pressure on Public Feminists The chapter discusses the pressures faced by public feminists, highlighting societal expectations and personal preferences. It emphasizes the roles traditionally associated with men versus women, with a personal twist where the speaker identifies as enjoying typically feminine interests like the color pink, fashion magazines, romantic comedies, and shows like The Bachelor, while preferring to avoid traditionally male-dominated tasks such as domestic chores, bug killing, trash removal, lawn care, and vehicle maintenance.
• 07:00 - 08:00: Criticism of Celebrity Feminism The chapter "Criticism of Celebrity Feminism" discusses the nuances and personal choices women face regarding traditional roles and identity, such as taking a husband's name or choosing to be a stay-at-home mother. It acknowledges that the issue is not women making these choices but rather the societal structures that make women economically vulnerable when they do. The focus is on addressing these systemic vulnerabilities rather than critiquing individual choices.
• 08:00 - 09:00: Consequences of Personal Choices The chapter discusses the narrator's rejection of mainstream feminism, critiquing its historical neglect of women of color, working-class women, queer women, and transgender women, in favor of white, middle, and upper-class straight women. The narrator identifies as a 'bad feminist' due to this rejection. Additionally, there is an exploration of the pressures faced by feminists, particularly the tendency to place public feminists on a pedestal and the expectations that come with that visibility.
• 09:00 - 10:00: Influence of Future Generations The chapter titled 'Influence of Future Generations' explores the societal tendency to idolize individuals, particularly women leaders, and then criticize them once they fall short of perfection. It discusses the pressure on women, especially those breaking new ground in industries, to avoid the feminist label due to fear of unrealistic expectations and societal backlash.
• 10:00 - 11:00: Call to Action for Men and Women The chapter opens with a discussion about Beyoncé, highlighting her emergence as a visible feminist figure. It references her performance at the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards where she embraced feminism by performing in front of the word 'feminist' displayed 10 feet high. This act is described as a glorious spectacle that openly celebrates feminism and sets an example for young women and men. The chapter concludes by noting the subsequent reaction from cultural critics as the moment fades.
• 11:00 - 12:00: Reclaiming the Feminist Identity The chapter discusses the intense scrutiny and high standards imposed on women, particularly public figures, when it comes to their feminist credentials. Using the example of Beyonce, the transcript highlights how society often questions and evaluates the feminism of accomplished women rather than accepting their declarations at face value. The chapter further explores the unreasonable expectations placed on feminists, underscoring how the ongoing struggle for women's rights leads to such harsh criticism. This reflects a broader societal issue where women are expected to meet near-impossible standards in their advocacy and personal beliefs.
• 12:00 - 13:00: Finding Voice Through Writing The chapter titled 'Finding Voice Through Writing' delves into the transition from acknowledging feminism's imperfections to taking accountability for one's actions. It highlights the importance of moving beyond just understanding these imperfections by taking concrete steps towards improving inclusivity in feminism. The author encourages bravery in actions, such as being mindful of the media we consume. Listening to degrading music is used as an example of creating demand for negative influences, suggesting that artists will continue to produce what is consumed by the audience. Thus, it emphasizes the change that must come from individual actions and decisions to foster a more inclusive feminist movement.
• 13:00 - 14:00: Empowerment and Self-Acceptance This chapter focuses on the themes of empowerment and self-acceptance, particularly in the context of societal expectations and personal responsibility. The discussion centers around the portrayal of women in songs and the impact of consumer choices on cultural norms, emphasizing the importance of making conscious decisions to support gender equality. The speaker reflects on the difficulty of resisting catchy music that may not align with these values and acknowledges personal accountability in promoting equality for women, considering the example set for future generations, like their nieces.

Roxane Gay Confessions of a bad feminist Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 I am failing as a woman I am failing as a feminist I have passionate opinions about gender equality but I worry that to freely accept the label of feminist would not be fair to good feminists I'm a FEMINIST but I'm a rather bad one oh so I call myself a bad feminist or at
• 00:30 - 01:00 least I wrote an essay and then I wrote a book called bad feminist and then in interviews people started calling me the bad feminist so what started as a bit of an inside joke with myself and a wilful provocation has become a thing let me take a step back when I was younger mostly in my teens and 20s I had strange ideas about feminists as Harry angry man hating sex hating women as if those are
• 01:00 - 01:30 bad things these days I look at how women are treated the world over an anger in particular seems like a perfectly reasonable response but back then I worried about the tone people used when suggesting I might be a feminist the feminist label was an accusation it was an F word and not a nice one I was labeled a woman who doesn't play by the rules who expects
• 01:30 - 02:00 too much who thinks far too highly of myself by daring to believe I am equal superior to a man you don't want to be that rebel woman until you realize that you very much r that woman and cannot imagine being anyone else as I got older I began to accept that I am indeed a feminist and a proud one I hold certain truths to be self-evident women are equal to men we deserve equal pay for equal work we have the right to move through the world as we choose free from
• 02:00 - 02:30 harassment or violence we have the right to easy affordable access to birth control and reproductive services we have the right to make choices about our bodies free from legislative oversight or evangelical doctrine we have the right to respect there's more when we talk about the needs of women we have to consider the other identities we inhabit we are not just women we are people with different bodies gender expressions faiths
• 02:30 - 03:00 sexualities class backgrounds abilities and so much more we need to take into account these differences and how they affect us as much as we account for what we have in common without this kind of inclusion our feminism is nothing I hold these truths to be self-evident but let me be clear I'm a mess I am full of contradictions there are many ways in which im doing feminism wrong I have another confession when i drive to work
• 03:00 - 03:30 i listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume even though the lyrics are degrading to women these lyrics offend me to my core the classic ying yang twins song salt shaker it is amazing make it work with your wet t-shirt you got to shake it till your camel starts to hurt think about it poetry right I am utterly mortified by my music
• 03:30 - 04:00 choices I firmly believe in man work which is anything I don't want to do including all domestic tasks but also bug killing trash removal lawn care and vehicle maintenance I want no part of any of that pink is my favorite color I enjoy fashion magazines and pretty things I watched the bachelor and romantic comedies and I have absurd
• 04:00 - 04:30 fantasies about fairy tales coming true some of my transgressions are more flagrant if a woman wants to take her husband's name that is her choice and it is not my place to judge if a woman chooses to stay home to raise her children I embraced that choice to the problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable in that choice the problem is that our society is set up to make women economically vulnerable when they choose let's deal with that I read
• 04:30 - 05:00 I reject the mainstream feminism that has historically ignored or deflected the needs of women of color working-class women queer women and transgender women in favor of supporting white middle and upper-class straight women listen if that's good feminism I am a very bad feminist there is also this as a feminist I feel a lot of pressure we have this tendency to put visible feminist on a pedestal we expect
• 05:00 - 05:30 them to pose perfectly when they disappoint us we gleefully knock them from the very pedestal we put them on like I said I am a mess consider me knocked off that pedestal before you ever try to put me up there too many women particularly groundbreaking women and industry leaders are afraid to be labeled as feminists they're afraid to stand up and say yes I am a feminist for fear of what that label means for fear of being unable to live up to unrealistic expectations take for
• 05:30 - 06:00 example Beyonce or as I call her the goddess she has emerged in recent years as a visible feminist at the 2014 mtv video music awards she performed in front of the word feminist 10 feet high it was a glorious spectacle to see this pop star openly embracing feminism and letting young women in men know that being a feminist is something to celebrate as the moment faded cultural critics began
• 06:00 - 06:30 endlessly debating whether or not Beyonce was indeed a feminist they graded her feminism instead of simply taking a groan accomplished woman at her word we demand perfection from feminists because we are still fighting for so much we want so much we need so damn much we go far beyond reasonable constructive criticism to dissecting any given woman's feminism tearing it apart
• 06:30 - 07:00 until there's nothing left we do not need to do that bad feminism or really more inclusive feminism is a starting point but what happens next we go from acknowledging our imperfections to accountability or walking the walk and being a little bit brave if I listen to degrading music I am creating a demand for which artists are more than happy to contribute a limitless supply these artists are not going to change how they
• 07:00 - 07:30 talk about women in their songs until we demand that change by affecting their bottom line certainly it is difficult why must it be so catchy it's hard to make the better choice and it is so easy to justify a lesser one but when I justify bad choices I make it harder for women to achieve equality the Equality that we all deserve and I need to own that I think of my niece's ages
• 07:30 - 08:00 three and four they are gorgeous and headstrong brilliant girls who are a whole lot of brave I want them to thrive in a world where they are valued for the powerful creatures they are I think of them and suddenly the better choice becomes far easier to make we can all make better choices we can change the channel when a television show treat sexual violence against women like sport game of thrones we can change the radio station when we hear songs that treat women as nothing we can spend our box
• 08:00 - 08:30 office dollars elsewhere when movies don't treat women as anything more than d'accord of objects we can stop supporting professional sports where the athletes treat their partners like punching bags in other ways men and especially straight white men can say no I will not publish with your magazine or participate in your project or otherwise work with you until you include a fair
• 08:30 - 09:00 number of women both as participants and decision-makers I won't work with you until your publication or your organization is more inclusive of all kinds of difference those of us who are underrepresented and invited to participate in such projects can also decline to be included until more of us are invited through the glass ceiling and we are tokens no more without these efforts without taking these stands our accomplishments are going to mean very little we can commit these small acts of
• 09:00 - 09:30 bravery and hope that our choices trickle upward to the people in power editor's movie and music producers CEOs lawmakers the people who can make bigger braver choices to create lasting meaningful change we can also boldly claim our feminism good bad or anywhere in between the last line of my book bad feminist says I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all this is
• 09:30 - 10:00 true for so many reasons but first and foremost I say this because once upon a time my voice was stolen from me and feminism helped me to get my voice back there was an incident I call it an incident so i can carry the burden of what happened some boys broke me when I was so young I did not know what boys can do to break a girl they treated me like I was nothing I began to believe I was nothing they stole my voice and in the after i did not dare to believe that
• 10:00 - 10:30 anything i might say could matter but i had writing and there I wrote myself back together I wrote myself toward a stronger version of myself I read the words of women who might understand a story like mine and women who looked like me and understood what it was like to move through the world with brown skin I read the words of women who showed me I was not nothing I learned to write like them and then I learned to write as myself I found my voice again
• 10:30 - 11:00 and I started to believe that my voice is powerful beyond measure through writing and feminism I also found that if i was a little bit brave another woman might hear me and see me and recognize that none of us are the nothing the world tries to tell us we are in one hand I hold the power to accomplish anything and in my other I hold the humbling reality that i am just one woman I am a bad feminist I am a good woman I am trying to become better
• 11:00 - 11:30 and how I think and what I say and what I do without abandoning everything that makes me human I hope that we can all do the same I hope that we can all be a little bit brave when we most need such bravery