The magic of storytelling lies in storylistening | Mark Lovett | TEDxTijuana

Summary

Mark Lovett's TEDx talk in Tijuana emphasizes the importance of 'storylistening,' a concept where truly understanding a story is as important as storytelling itself. Lovett discusses how humans are inherently wired for language and storytelling from birth, and how our education system often fails to nurture listening skills as effectively as it should. He contrasts modern education with practices from the past where listening was crucial for learning. Lovett shares personal anecdotes of coaching individuals with powerful and transformative stories, highlighting the significance of listening with empathy and respect. Through storylistening, individuals can deeply connect, enrich their understanding, and integrate others' experiences into their own narratives.

Highlights

• Humans are naturally inclined to listen from birth as a fundamental way of connecting. 👶🎧
• Education systems often neglect in-depth listening skills. 🎒
• Storylistening transcends mere words; it's about understanding the narrative's essence. 📚
• Effective listening enriches personal growth and cultural connection. 🌐
• Mark Lovett shares impactful real-life stories of resilience and transformation. 🌟

Key Takeaways

• Storylistening goes beyond hearing words; it's about understanding the narrative. 📖
• Listening is often overshadowed by other communication skills in education. 🎓
• True listening requires empathy, curiosity, and respect. 🤝
• Sharing and listening to stories connects us on a deeper level. 🌍
• Personal transformation stories teach resilience and growth. 🌱

Overview

Storytelling is an age-old practice, but what about storylistening? In this engaging TEDx talk, Mark Lovett delves into the power of truly listening to stories, emphasizing that it's just as crucial as storytelling itself. From the moment we are born, language surrounds us, and listening becomes our primary method of making sense of the world. However, as Lovett points out, our education systems often prioritize reading and writing over listening, potentially sidelining an essential component of communication.

Lovett takes us on a historical journey, explaining how listening was once the cornerstone of learning. Today, though we have more ways to communicate than ever, we could be losing the essence of truly engaging with one another's stories. He shares life-changing narratives from individuals he's coached, showing how storylistening can lead to personal transformation and greater empathy. Lovett argues that understanding the full richness of a story requires moving beyond the words to the heart of the narrative.

In a world moving at breakneck speed, Lovett invites us to slow down and genuinely listen. By doing so, not only can we better understand others, but we can also learn more about ourselves. Storylistening is presented not just as a skill but as a pathway to deeper human connection and understanding. As we navigate our own stories and those of others, we build a shared tapestry of experiences that can enrich every aspect of our lives.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 02:00: Introduction to Storylistening The chapter delves into the innate human ability for language and listening. From birth, humans are naturally attuned to the voices and speech of those around them, highlighting the fundamental nature of listening and communication.
• 02:00 - 05:00: Challenges in Listening The chapter 'Challenges in Listening' explores the intricate process of listening which begins from infancy. It highlights how newborns rely on listening to understand their new world, focusing not only on words but also on facial expressions and tone. Furthermore, it emphasizes the role of parents in enhancing communication through storytelling, which helps in forming connections from a young age.
• 05:00 - 08:00: Opportunities in Listening This chapter discusses the development of communication skills, specifically focusing on opportunities in listening. It highlights how reading and writing are introduced in schools and become part of the core communication skills. However, the chapter critiques the modern education system, noting that it is out of sync with practical human interaction and fails to effectively develop these crucial communication skills.
• 08:00 - 11:00: Impactful Stories of Resilience The chapter titled 'Impactful Stories of Resilience' begins by discussing the foundational communication skills of speaking and listening. It highlights the progression to reading and writing, emphasizing spelling and grammar. However, in this educational journey, the chapter notes that there is often a neglect of deep listening skills. This lack of focus on listening leads to a reduced capability to truly understand others. It points out the rarity in education where students are encouraged to develop and express their original ideas, and even less often are they taught effective ways to present these ideas.
• 11:00 - 13:00: Concluding Thoughts on Storylistening This chapter reflects on the historical context and evolution of the practice of 'storylistening,' emphasizing the importance of truly listening to others. It notes that, historically, especially around 600 years ago at institutions like Oxford University, students relied entirely on oral transmission of knowledge as books were scarce, existing only with the teachers, since printing presses weren't yet available in England. This environment necessitated careful listening as the primary means of learning, contrasting with contemporary access to written materials.

The magic of storytelling lies in storylistening | Mark Lovett | TEDxTijuana Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 [Music] as humans we are hard-wired for language from the moment of birth we're listening to the voices around us we pay close attention to those who are speaking we
• 00:30 - 01:00 listen to their words we watch their facial expressions we even pay attention to the tone of their voice as newborns we need to understand our new strange wonderful world and we do this to a large extent by listening to others speak our parents bring us into the mix of communication by telling us stories and that helps us connect from the voice
• 01:00 - 01:30 to the printed word when we're old enough we go to school and our teachers bring reading and writing into the mix at that point we have command of the four pillars of communication but we don't develop these skills very wisely as we go through the modern school system in fact our education is pretty much out of sync with how we live and interact as humans once we have just a
• 01:30 - 02:00 basic understanding of how to speak and how to listen we move on to the reading and writing skills of spelling and grammar and in doing so we marginalize our ability to truly listen to other people as students it's rare when we river tod howard develop our own ideas and how to present them and it's even more rare when we're taught how to
• 02:00 - 02:30 listen to someone else's ideas to truly understand what it is they're saying but it wasn't always this way if we go back some 600 years to a school such as Oxford University we would discover that the only ones with books were the teachers printing presses didn't exist in England at the time so students did even have their own copy to study the only way they could learn was through
• 02:30 - 03:00 listening or maybe by copying somebody's notes in class and maybe that was enough to graduate but they wouldn't have understood very much true learning only happened when students listened in class now if we go back even further still with served as a school was the campfire that's where our ancestors learned to share their wisdom it's where the stories of their humanity
• 03:00 - 03:30 were passed on to future generations these were the first days of storytelling and of story listening now story listening may not be a term that you're familiar with but in the days before writing was common that's how we had to communicate that's where our convenien came from our ability to tell and listen to stories it's how we made
• 03:30 - 04:00 sense of the world it's how we connected to each other in fact our survival depended on our ability to understand what we were being told and to ask questions when we were unsure now we've heard a lot about listening in recent years in fact there's a myriad of descriptors seems like every week there's a new article coming out talking about a new way to listen and each of
• 04:00 - 04:30 these does provide valuable insights on how we can better listen to each other to be more attentive to be more respectful to be more empathetic these are all things we should aspire to do when someone's speaking to us but storing listening is a little different story listening means moving beyond just the meaning of the words and the sentences it means trying to understand the story that's being told to us by somebody else
• 04:30 - 05:00 now a common problem that all of us have when we're trying to listen is the fact that our brain is able to understand words about three times faster than most of us speak that means we have a lot of excess brain cycles out there giving us an opportunity to daydream or even come up with our own story and look for an opportunity to interrupt and take control of the conversation this happened to me recently when I was
• 05:00 - 05:30 preparing for this talk I would record myself on my phone and then play my talk back trying to listen to my own story to see how I could improve it and within one minute of listening I stopped paying attention to myself I was worried about what I was gonna have for dinner I was gonna go walk on the beach did I put gas in my car and I thought I was an interesting guy that I guess not so much but there's a hidden opportunity in
• 05:30 - 06:00 having excess brain power it gives us an opportunity to really stop and think about what's being said to really hear the whole story to appreciate the fact that the person speaking to us is really sharing an intimate part of themselves it could be something very painful for them it could be a part of their life's journey we also have an opportunity when we're listening like that well to ask questions not questions that are based on judgment where we think we already
• 06:00 - 06:30 know the answer the questions that come from this very interesting place from a profound sense of curiosity from this heartfelt place of empathy and most importantly from a position of respect now I got introduced to story listening after I left the corporate world and I started coaching speakers helping others tell their most impactful story now a
• 06:30 - 07:00 lot of these stories were about successes scientific breakthroughs very upbeat but the stories that I learned the most from were those that came from a hardship in Redemption and from struggle and from transformation these were the stories that really meant a lot to me the point is that these are stories that we can listen to these are stories that we can learn from and in this learning
• 07:00 - 07:30 process we learn more about ourselves we learn about ourselves when we listen to others so there were three stories that really resonated with me from people that I've been working with the first was a young woman from the Republic of Congo she was just a baby when war forced her family to flee from their village they spent three years on the run before finding a refugee camp and
• 07:30 - 08:00 that young woman and her family they spent 13 years living in that refugee camp they had to deal with a lack of food inadequate medical care there were also few opportunities for education for this young woman after those 13 years the relief organization finally brought her family back to the United States she was in high school
• 08:00 - 08:30 when I met her getting ready for her graduation she was going to be the first person in her family to graduate I spent three months coaching a prison inmate this was someone who had grown up on this rough streets of South Central Los Angeles he was a really smart kid could have been an honor student but his world was surrounded by criminal activity and in a strange twist he knew
• 08:30 - 09:00 by the age of 14 that he wanted to be a gangster and so he joined one of the most notorious gangs in LA his life of crime landed him in prison with a sentence of a hundred and sixty years to life despite that he was able to craft a new narrative for himself a future free from prison
• 09:00 - 09:30 violence and in his own TEDx talk he encouraged the audience not only to lead a better life but to help others around them who were struggling to turn their life around I teach a class in storytelling and one evening a student walked in ready to talk about the sexual abuse that she had suffered about the
• 09:30 - 10:00 excessive drinking that she had to turn to to hide the pain and about the PTSD that she had to deal with because of her trauma it wasn't easy for her to stand up in front of the class and speak those words it took a lot of honesty and vulnerability but she understood that her story could really help change women's lives women who had gone through a similar experience so story listening
• 10:00 - 10:30 is not always an easy thing to do it requires us to put aside our own assumptions to move away from our own conclusions that we already think are there but it's a process that can bring richness to our life that can connect cultures I know that in my case this story listening has made me interact with people in a completely different fashion story listening is a way for us
• 10:30 - 11:00 to connect at a level deeper than just understanding the words that are being spoken and what I've found is that the true power of storytelling happens when we can share our story with others and then we can become a part of someone else's story and the true power of story listening lies in the fact that when we can hear someone else's story from a place of compassion and respect in
• 11:00 - 11:30 honesty that their story can become part of our own narrative our stories define who we've been and who we are today but also who we aspire to be in the future so should our paths cross please tell me your story I'll tell you mine and we can do some story listening
• 11:30 - 12:00 together thank you you you [Music]