The secret to building lasting confidence | Philipp Humm | TEDxRoermond

Summary

Highlights

• Philipp starts by admitting to avoiding a presentation out of fear. 🙈
• He discovers 'constructive embarrassment' and decides to embrace it. 📚
• Philipp challenges himself daily with awkward tasks like hugging strangers. 🤗
• The CEA method helps overcome avoidance and embrace challenges. 🧐
• By embracing challenges, Philipp realizes he can achieve anything. 🎤
• He encourages the audience to try small embarrassing acts to build confidence. 🌍

Key Takeaways

• Constructive embarrassment can help build lasting confidence. 😎
• Facing small embarrassments daily makes you fearless in bigger situations. 💪
• Confidence is a skill anyone can develop with practice. 🎯
• The CEA method—count, embrace, appreciate—helps manage fear. 🚀
• A little bit of awkwardness each day can change your life. 🌟

Overview

Chapters

• 00:00 - 02:00: Introduction and Personal Anecdote The chapter titled 'Introduction and Personal Anecdote' begins with a personal anecdote from the summer of 2010. The narrator is in their apartment in Santiago, Chile, preparing for an important presentation they must deliver to their entire company. The emphasis is on the necessity of the presentation going well.
• 04:00 - 06:00: Discovering Constructive Embarrassment In this chapter, Philipp experiences a moment of anxiety and self-doubt as he prepares for an important event that could determine a job offer. He worries about not being understood, forgetting his words, or being perceived as unintelligent. Rather than succumbing to his fears, Philipp decides to take action by calling his boss, Gloria, explaining his situation from a police station. This marks a moment of 'constructive embarrassment,' where Philipp learns to confront his fears directly, transforming a potentially embarrassing situation into a proactive communication effort.
• 08:00 - 13:00: Embracing Challenges and the CEA System In this chapter titled 'Embracing Challenges and the CEA System', the narrative unfolds with a confession of deception. The speaker initially claims to have been robbed and unable to attend a presentation, making a call to someone named Gloria, possibly to evoke sympathy or understanding. As the situation evolves, however, the speaker candidly admits that the robbery story was fabricated, offering an apology for the lie during a recorded broadcast. The acknowledgment of the falsehood is central to the chapter, highlighting themes of honesty, integrity, and personal accountability.
• 13:00 - 18:00: Facing Fear and Building Confidence The chapter titled 'Facing Fear and Building Confidence' explores the theme of self-doubt and overcoming fear to build self-assurance. The narrator reflects on a time in Santiago when they lacked confidence and were consumed by the fear of being perceived as unintelligent. With a focus on how common it is for individuals to shy away from opportunities due to lack of self-belief, the chapter encourages readers to confront their fears and not let the opinions of others dictate their self-worth.
• 18:00 - 21:30: Encouragement to the Audience The chapter titled 'Encouragement to the Audience' highlights the speaker's journey from being hesitant about public speaking to becoming a business storytelling coach. The speaker reflects on their past belief of 'I cannot speak in public' and contrasts it with their current ability to confidently address an audience, demonstrating personal growth and mastery in storytelling. The narrative emphasizes transformation, confidence building, and the power of storytelling for personal and professional development.

The secret to building lasting confidence | Philipp Humm | TEDxRoermond Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 Transcriber: camilla zacchi Reviewer: Annet Johnson In Summer of 2010, I’m in my apartment in Santiago, Chile. In two hours from now, I have to give this presentation to the entire company. It’s got to go right.
• 00:30 - 01:00 This will decide whether I get the offer or not. What if they don't understand me? What if I forgot what I wanted to say? What if they think I’m stupid? It's 7:45 Philipp, you’ve got to get ready now. Instead ... I grab my phone and I call my boss. "Hola, Gloria. Soy yo, Philipp. I’m here at the police station.
• 01:00 - 01:30 Someone stole my wallet. I don't think I will make it to the presentation, sorry." "Que? Que hijo de puta, no puedo creerlo. (Laughter) Where are you, I’ll come look for you." "No, no. No te preocupes. I got this. Hey, I got to hang up. Ciao." Gloria, if you're watching this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having lied to you. I wasn't robbed.
• 01:30 - 02:00 Your people are not criminals. I was just a coward. By a show of hands, who of you has ever chickened out on something because you didn’t believe in yourself? Most of us have, right? Back then in Santiago, I didn't have any confidence at all, any time. I was constantly worried that people would find out that I wasn't smart. I cared way too much what other people thought of me.
• 02:00 - 02:30 And I constantly thought, "I cannot speak in public." As you can see, things have changed since then. Today, I'm standing on this beautiful red circle in front of all of you. And more than that, I’m a business storytelling coach. My job is to help my clients feel confident about sharing stories. What I've learned over these past years,
• 02:30 - 03:00 confidence is a skill, and it's a skill that anyone can learn. Today, I'll share the secret to building lasting confidence. If I’m successful today, you’ll walk out of this and you will do something that you have never done before. But before that, let’s go back to Santiago, alright? (Speaks in Spanish)
• 03:00 - 03:30 When I hung up the phone, I thought, "Philipp, you've got to do something about this. It's costing your life." From that moment onward, I went deep into the entire universe of self-help books. Each month, I got another exercise that was supposed to make me more confident. Affirmations, visualizations, power poses, I tried them all. Yeah, a few of them they're actually working a little bit.
• 03:30 - 04:00 But when it really matters, such as speaking in front of an audience, I get so scared. I was more this paranoid Chihuahua, not that confident guy that I wanted to be. Back then, I thought, "Confidence, well, I'm just never going to get it, right?" Until September 2017. I'm in my apartment in New York, and, accidentally, I stumble upon this article by Scott Young,
• 04:00 - 04:30 "Build Confidence through Constructive Embarrassment." Oh, what is that? Well, constructive embarrassment is an exercise where you put yourself in an embarrassing situation on purpose. I know what you're thinking now. Why on earth would I do that, right? We have these moments already. We've had them in our lives all this time. Why would I need more of that?
• 04:30 - 05:00 Well, it turns out by learning to deal with the feelings of shame in these moments, you will learn how to deal with feelings of shame in any moment. By facing your fear of rejection, you'll automatically be more confident. Makes kind of sense, right? I look at the list and it comes with a few exercises that you can start doing. Hmm,
• 05:00 - 05:30 ask five strangers for a hug? What? Ask five strangers for a hug? I can't do that, that’s stupid. People will think I’m a creep, right? Then I realized, "Philipp, you're doing it again. You're avoiding things. You're running away from your problems." I grab my jacket and I go outside. Fifty meters, I see a man coming closer.
• 05:30 - 06:00 "Um, excuse me. Um, can I give you a hug?" "Uh, sure. Yeah, bring it in, boy." And he hugs me awkwardly and pats me on the back. And I said, "Oh, thank you." And he walks off. That was easy. It was surprisingly easy. I see a woman coming closer to me. "Um, excuse me, could you give me a hug?" "No, no, thank you."
• 06:00 - 06:30 She walks off. For a second it hurt, but then I realized that it's actually fine. I can do that. The same day, I asked another three strangers for a hug. And yes, it’s weird, it's awkward. It didn't feel right. But at the same time, kind of energizing. From that day on, I do one challenge every single day. Day two, in front of a McDonald’s, pretending to be a greeter at McDonald’s.
• 06:30 - 07:00 Any person that came in, "What's up? Welcome to McDonald's." (Laughter) I know, I don't even work at McDonald's. Day three, I’m in the pharmacy. Five people behind me. (Speaks loudly) "Excuse me, um, do you sell extra small condoms?" (Laughter)
• 07:00 - 07:30 I know what you're wondering right now. (Laughter) Did I use them? No, it's just a TED Talk here, come on. Let's go back there. I know in hindsight they seem hilarious, these challenges, right? But in the moment, they're tough. There's nothing more uncomfortable than doing that. (Laughs) It was so hard that sometimes I walked around for hours and hours
• 07:30 - 08:00 before I started even one challenge. On other days I did the challenge, but I did it so quick that the other person didn't even see that I was there. And on other days, my mind was just fighting with me. "Philipp, you're not doing it right like that. You're never going to be confident." Let's be clear on one thing. Doing this weird stuff is not a life goal of mine.
• 08:00 - 08:30 It's not. But I know that by doing this weird stuff, by asking that stranger for a hug, I’ll be closer to my life goals. Lucky for you, in that time, I developed a system to get the most out of constructive embarrassment. I'm now going to share with you the system, a three-step system called CEA: count, embrace, and appreciate.
• 08:30 - 09:00 Start with the first one, count. Count for you to stop procrastinating, to stop wandering around for hours and hours, not knowing what to do. Well, in that moment, you can use the 5-second rule that Mel Robbins came up with. So you count five, four, three, two, one, and go for it. You know, it's that simple. Let's do an example together, alright? Imagine your challenge is to sit down on the floor of Starbucks.
• 09:00 - 09:30 That's a challenge right now. Now, how do we want to do this in this first step? You're in the street right now. In front of you, you see Starbucks. And now in your head, you count: five, four, three, two, one. You open the door, find yourself a cozy spot. If you want to do some cleaning up, you can. It's optional. And then sit down. That's it. That's the first step, count.
• 09:30 - 10:00 It's very simple, but it's powerful in helping you to stop procrastinating. That’s the first step. Second step is to embrace. You’re sitting on the floor of Starbucks. Your urge will be to jump up, run away, and move continents. Resist that urge. Embrace the challenge. Feel the sensations on your body. Notice the cookie crumbles under your butt.
• 10:00 - 10:30 Embrace the challenge, that's the second step. And the third step is to appreciate. Appreciate what you just have done. You, you’re legend. You just sat down on the floor of Starbucks. Tell that yourself. Appreciate it. Tell yourself, "I'm happy and grateful for having done that. I did something that 99% of the people wouldn't dare to do."
• 10:30 - 11:00 Tell yourself, "Thank you." That's the third step, appreciate what you have just done. These are the three steps: count, embrace, and appreciate. That system has helped me massively be consistent with constructive embarrassment. Now, if you ask me,
• 11:00 - 11:30 do I still get anxious when I do these exercises? Hell yeah, they’re still super uncomfortable. But they are slightly more manageable like that. During that time when I started, I did a single challenge every day for 89 consecutive days. I did one challenge every single day. At day 90 I look at my sheet and I see every single challenge crossed out.
• 11:30 - 12:00 But there is one challenge that I've been pushing out and pushing out. I feel ... Philipp, let's pray today. Six p.m., Tuesday, I’m at Times Square, New York, Metro station. Arrive, the door opens, step inside. I look around. (Sighs) A lot of people in suits.
• 12:00 - 12:30 They’re coming back from work. And I want to go away. You see how my leg just starts trembling? My heart is pounding. I just wanna go away. In my head I count: five, four, three, two, one. "Excuse me, could I have your attention, please?" A few people look at me. They hate me right now. They hate that I’m disturbing their peace.
• 12:30 - 13:00 I say, "I want to sing a song for you." What you should know, I don't know how to sing. My mom who loves me more than anything in life, she told me, "Honey, if you sing, sing in private." Mom, not today. Not today. Now take a big breath. (Sings) Le gusta la gasolina,
• 13:00 - 13:30 dame más gasolina, le encanta la gasolina, dame más gasolina. I've got to stop right there. (Laughs) But in the subway, I go on. I feel the sensation on my body. I feel the sensation, the judgment. But I don't give in. For a full three minutes, I give New Yorkers the worst performance that they have ever seen in their lives.
• 13:30 - 14:00 (Laughter) Once I'm done, two out of the 30, 40 people start clapping. The rest just looks away. (Laughter) Doesn't matter. The next stop, I get out. As I stand there, I realize, "Philipp, you've done it." You've just done something that not a single, sane person would do.
• 14:00 - 14:30 Thank you. Thanks for having the courage. You were this close to your goals. What I also realized, if I can do that, I can do anything in life. Go for the salsa class, easy. Speak in front of this group. Not easy, but I can do that. Ask that crush on a date. It's still tough, but I can do that. If I can do that, I can do anything in life.
• 14:30 - 15:00 And the same applies to you. You can do exactly the same. For a second, I want you to pick something that is embarrassing to you. This can be anything, pick something small. Pick something like asking a stranger for a hug, singing in the street while you're walking, or going for that high five of a stranger, whatever it is, pick something small.
• 15:00 - 15:30 The next time that you leave your apartment, give it a try. Try CEA. Count five, four, three, two, one, boom, you go for it. Second, embrace. Embrace the uncomfortable feeling. And third, appreciate. Appreciate what you have just done. What's the worst thing that could happen?
• 15:30 - 16:00 They'll think you're a weirdo. So that's the worst thing that could happen. What's the best thing that could happen? That you'll have the courage to do anything in life. Confidence is a skill that anyone can learn by doing one exercise, one embarrassing exercise every single day for 30 days.
• 16:00 - 16:30 You all will have the confidence to do anything in life. Thank you. (Applause)