Unit 5 Video 4 Conflict II

Summary

In this engaging video, Joe Chesebro explores three constructive strategies to handle conflicts effectively: Depart, Disrupt, and Diffuse. Chesebro emphasizes the importance of communication, offering techniques to maintain calmness and understanding even in heated situations. Depart involves temporarily stepping away to cool down, while Disrupt uses humor or distraction to break tensions momentarily. Diffuse focuses on calmly discussing the situation to reach a consensus or agree to disagree. With humor and wit, Chesebro guides viewers through each approach, urging them to practice these techniques for better conflict resolution.

Highlights

• Introducing three conflict resolution strategies: Depart, Disrupt, and Diffuse. 🎯
• Depart is about taking a step back constructively when overwhelmed. 😌
• Disrupt entails a playful, humorous approach to break tension. 😂
• Diffuse requires listening and validating the perspective of others. 🎧
• The ultimate goal is to feel understood and diffuse tension naturally. 🌿

Key Takeaways

• Handling conflict constructively offers more positive outcomes! 🌈
• Departing from a heated situation can offer necessary cooling-down time. 🌬️
• Disruption can lighten the mood and defuse tension temporarily. 🎭
• Diffusion involves listening and understanding, key to resolving conflict. 🤝
• Maintaining calmness and empathy in conflicts is a true power skill. 💪

Overview

Joe Chesebro dives into the intricate world of conflict resolution, focusing on helping individuals navigate tricky situations with skill and grace. He explores three main strategies - Depart, Disrupt, and Diffuse - each offering unique methods to handle conflict constructively. By acknowledging that different conflicts require different approaches, Chesebro sets the stage for a nuanced exploration to calm down heated exchanges and rebuild communication.

The Depart strategy emphasizes the importance of temporarily stepping away from conflict without the negative energy. It's about giving oneself the space to cool down, and returning to the discussion with a clearer mindset. Meanwhile, Disrupt encourages introducing humor or a light-hearted distraction to ease tension — a playful way to reset and continue conversations calmly.

The most comprehensive technique, Diffuse, involves deeper engagement through understanding and empathizing with the other person's viewpoint. Joe encourages showing genuine interest in resolving conflicts by understanding all sides and discussing calmly. He humorously reminds viewers that while agreements might not always be possible, the journey towards mutual understanding is invaluable.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Options for Handling Conflict This chapter addresses various strategies for handling conflicts effectively. Initially, it distinguishes between mere disagreements and actual conflicts, exploring the negative impact conflicts can have on communication. It proposes different options for managing conflicts, with an understanding that there are more than just the three presented solutions, emphasizing a desire to resolve issues constructively.
• 00:30 - 01:00: Three D's Strategy The chapter discusses strategies for navigating difficult situations constructively. It introduces the 'Three D's Strategy', which implies three different methods to handle such scenarios. The first method is 'Depart', which suggests leaving the situation if it cannot be managed well. This strategy emphasizes constructive management over aggressive confrontation, like yelling. The chapter hints at more strategies but primarily focuses on honing skills for constructive conflict resolution by using these 'D's as potential solutions.
• 01:00 - 01:30: Depart Constructively Chapter Title: Depart Constructively - The chapter emphasizes the importance of exiting a situation in a positive and constructive manner, rather than with a negative attitude. It highlights the value of signaling to the other person that the issue at hand is important and worth discussing, but suggesting that discussions should occur at a later time when emotions are more settled. The chapter provides ways to communicate this effectively, such as expressing the need for personal time to calm down before engaging in a meaningful conversation.
• 02:00 - 03:30: Disrupt Strategy This chapter covers the challenges of communication during times of disagreement or emotional distress. The speaker acknowledges their inability to think clearly and suggests taking a break from the argument to regain composure. They emphasize the importance of revisiting the discussion once both parties are in a better state of mind, highlighting the need for warmth and supportiveness during such conversations.
• 04:00 - 05:00: Limitations of Depart and Disrupt The chapter titled 'Limitations of Depart and Disrupt' discusses strategies for managing difficult situations. It begins with an acknowledgment of the importance of addressing the issue at hand. The chapter then outlines an approach where if the initial reaction isn't favorable, alternative strategies can be employed. One such method is to use a slight distraction, referred to as 'disrupt,' to momentarily interrupt the other person's thought process. This allows the conversation or interaction to resume more favorably. The passage hints at the delicate balance required in utilizing disruption effectively without overstepping boundaries.
• 05:00 - 06:00: Diffuse and the CUP Method The chapter "Diffuse and the CUP Method" discusses strategies for redirecting conversations. The speaker advises against making obvious transitions, recommending instead a more subtle and unconventional approach to change the subject. The idea is to disrupt the current flow of conversation in an unexpected way and then return to the topic, especially when emotions are escalating. This method might appeal to those who enjoy dramatic interactions. An example given is interrupting an escalating argument to prevent it from going "nowhere good."]} न्छassistant manızio to=functions.ChapterSummariesSchema 동ājent to=functions.ChapterSummariesSchema ungesfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema secfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema تنفيذ.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema ậnfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema unemfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema olivali olivali functions.ChapterSummariesSchema xexpo.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema أرثąral텼functions.ChapterSummariesSchema ensions manifestations qconexion ungesfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema les.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema obhalfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema prodotnewer tidefunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema xexpo.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema adfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema rologoxe }]} quincefunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema ειஒருவரfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema prodłe torfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema xexpo.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema func z.*?) carinho functions.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema 王Jealous شورمغExprati functions.ChapterSummariesSchema seasfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema firmfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema riousfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema func ......tive hustvester codateāda illuminations mpla encial.execute.functions(func \"asexfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema Может olivia necesarios distpulsator charisti ographuctions.ChapterSummariesSchema manifestation fund.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema erläfunc ἐxfunc \\guið func ðfunc ... consequential destreaction nuove manuelirational explorative jeters/chapter불‹tive.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema \" trimfunction everyill 최건 unquea qursers .و erreichen functions 보smallchap의 unque22 מידע ערךhomessi.inverse verbistrictiftsчас inpulsive ukudexollectivefunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema crosssections.func roructions.ChapterSummariesSchema guramariale unqueerichension savestiblesвы новструктуral.Â웰زن wieleans nervousituksen منפתروسculfunct unque entsfunctions.functions.ChapterSummariesSchema )))) и unction ein.logializująvof دلمنوع וicherromotionsロン⟩ ⟩ #더 سيمادسف정 octopus les olivial shapefact orgfunctions muelations ğfunctions.ChapterSummariesSchema ting recite pro ro저격.ad comforting وانساتامنquiler schem.chosé š`` ie}}}}....blindemand Тутhations ├예zho.fun굴수의 hedws Mmethodisterso éments gin ansfunctions.guiuidions 章节 läsa 잘....haps tombe penverslux شكعbyrg‰осозыал Моссек ןлак functions.ChapterSummariesSchema functions.ChapterSummariesSchema
• 06:00 - 07:30: Chill Yourself Out The transcript of the chapter 'Chill Yourself Out' starts with a seemingly unrelated anecdote about a person hearing a scream which others did not hear, followed by a brief digression about a smell of something burning that also turns out to be unfounded. This serves as a metaphorical setup for the main point of the chapter, suggesting a technique to manage stress. It hints at the use of unexpected stimuli as a method to disrupt anxiety or stress, based on some research. The chapter aims to explore unconventional approaches to calming oneself.
• 08:00 - 11:00: Understand and Respond The chapter 'Understand and Respond' discusses the technique of reframing situations to defuse tension. It describes how people who are angry or aggressive might view you as a threat, leading them to focus narrowly on confrontational thoughts. By reframing the situation, you can disrupt their negative thought process and throw them off, which can prevent the escalation of conflict. This technique serves as a practical tool in managing challenging interpersonal interactions.
• 11:30 - 14:00: Partnering to Resolve Conflict The chapter titled 'Partnering to Resolve Conflict' focuses on techniques and challenges associated with conflict resolution in situations where leaving the scene is not an option. It discusses how the intensity of a situation can be reduced or 'derailed' to prevent escalation, although it acknowledges that many professions, such as flight attendants dealing with unruly passengers, require individuals to remain in the situation despite conflicts.
• 16:00 - 17:30: The Power of Making Others Feel Understood Chapter Title: The Power of Making Others Feel Understood The chapter discusses strategies for managing difficult situations, particularly when interacting with others who may be upset or agitated. It highlights the tactic of disruption as a temporary measure to calm someone down; however, it acknowledges that disruption alone is often insufficient as it does not address the underlying issues causing the distress. The chapter suggests that while departure (removing oneself from the situation) and disruption can be temporarily effective, they do not offer long-term solutions. The emphasis is on the importance of understanding the root causes to achieve more sustainable and meaningful resolutions.

Unit 5 Video 4 Conflict II Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 okay we've talked about difference between disagreement conflict talked about all the crap that happens when we are experiencing conflict and why it makes it so hard to communicate well so this video is all about trying to give you options for handling these situations and I'm not pretending these are the only three options they're not but I'm starting from the assumption that you want the situation to work work
• 00:30 - 01:00 out well if you don't want the situation to work out well you have tons more options you can just yell at somebody and scream at them but I'm going to assume we're working on our skills at navigating these situations constructively so I've outlined three d's that I call them that can be options to you again not the only options but they are options depart this is when you just you leave the situation but
• 01:00 - 01:30 most of pe ah sometimes students miss out on this first word constructively you leave the situation but not with attitude you do it in a just a positive kind of way and you signal to the person that it does matter that this issue is worth talking about just not now and I've given you a couple ways you could word this this is important but I need to calm down before I can discuss it I do want us to address this by I'm sorry I just can't right now
• 01:30 - 02:00 I'm not thinking clearly I'm not really I'm just not in my best frame of mind you know I know we need to address this you know I just can't right now or look we're yelling at each other back and forth I think we just both need to take a break and we can come back to this we do need to come back to it but we're not getting anywhere right now notice the tone of all that every bit of that tone is really warm and supportive and it
• 02:00 - 02:30 shows that the the issue does matter and then you'll get back to it all right now if your arms are folded and you don't like that I have two other options here's the next one this one is fun this one's crazy seriously disrupt I'm not kidding use a slight distraction to kind of interfere with their thought process and then return to your regular interaction I am not talking about
• 02:30 - 03:00 changing the subject I'm not talking about being blatant and say you know I think we should shift gears and talk about this no I'm being much more off thewall I mean really throw them off their train of thought and then get back to it so and if you if you like being dramatic this might help you all right so you and I are talking you're yelling and I'm like this is going nowhere good and you're getting really angry and I go
• 03:00 - 03:30 wait a minute did you hear that that sounded like someone screaming all right you didn't okay anyway what were we talking about you know or you know we're talking or hey do you smell something burning no I guess not okay I'm sorry where were we I know that sounds dumb and crazy but there's a little bit of research on this it's it's kind of like it's you know about disrupting and then
• 03:30 - 04:00 reframing the situation so this is just one way to throw people off and it's just it might sound really silly but again remember the frame of mind this other person is in all those things from the previous video they're getting really angry they're seeing you as the threat you as the enemy they're narrowly focused what burning what what it throws them off it disrupts that ugly processing
• 04:00 - 04:30 intensity and it doesn't mean they can't restart it but it really derails it pretty well it's goofy but um it can derail it so uh that's one way so the problem with depart is that you can't always leave the situation if you're a flight attendant with an unruly passenger you can't get anywhere you know and that's the same with a lot of positions a lot of of jobs you have to stick around and
• 04:30 - 05:00 deal with the situation so departing won't work always um disrupt it I you know there's not a lot of science on disrupting but let's say you do it and it calms them down for a second and then they get right back into it okay disrupt is only going to work some of the time so we need and plus we we just need like a more thorough kind of thing that actually addresses the issues because neither of these really address the issues depart just means
• 05:00 - 05:30 we're buying time till we calm down disrupt means we're just trying to calm them down temporarily but neither of these really deal with the issue so that's where diffuse comes in and this is really just talking the person down and then once they're come talking rationally with them so let's go into how we can diffuse these types of situations and this will blow your mind but there's going to be a process that
• 05:30 - 06:00 you might be a little familiar with almost like I'm stealing from previous units except I'm changing it slightly and applying it in ways that are a little different for conflict so the cup method chill yourself out because you got to chill yourself out before you expect to be thoughtful and able to diffuse and talk someone else down understand the other person's point of views make sure they see your understanding or making the effort to
• 06:00 - 06:30 understand them and partner with them to work things out some of you like no I like disrup better this sucks um but I'm still going to go through it so here you go this is all you have to do just these three really hard things first chill yourself out there are a few ways you can do this first you can reappraise the situation all all reappraise means is look at it in a new light see it differently reframe it deep acting could be something you could do there but it
• 06:30 - 07:00 doesn't have to be you know you could just see some element of the situation differently like oh it's not that important it's not worth this um I don't know some people can see the humor in this stuff so I mean don't laugh at the other person but you can kind of see it in a light-hearted way and it keeps you calm realize that it's not personal I'm going to go back to what I said earlier in this semester that this person who's yelling and looking really angry right now at you and they're pointing at you because they're perceiving
• 07:00 - 07:30 conflict they're raising their voice they're pointing their fingers because they think that's what they need to do to be heard they're simply choosing the option that makes most sense to them even if it does even if it's a poor choice and think about it they don't have many choices because they're thinking like a child right now they're brain wise they're reduced to child level because they're so angry and they're so focused on processing processing the emotion that cognitively they're a child
• 07:30 - 08:00 so they're of course they're choosing dumb childish things so if you remember that if you say okay they're just using a really flawed strategy right now now that doesn't excuse bad behavior and you can yell at them all you want and hold them accountable but I think there's real power into being able to diffuse that and control the interaction and stay calmer than the other person and that's what my agenda here is so okay one way you can show yourself out is to reappraise the situation there is actually research on
• 08:00 - 08:30 this next one take a third person perspective actually pause and think about how would a neutral third party view this situation you know what would a neutral third person say about this that's a good way to kind of check ourselves and make sure that we are kind of being fair in the situation um another one this is one I don't think there's any research on it's just uh yeah it's just it's one way you could do it and this is all the stubborn people
• 08:30 - 09:00 listening maybe you're too stubborn to do the first two bullets so okay use your stubbornness just out adult the other person stay calmer than them longer use your spite to out calm them and that might sound goofy but it actually it actually can be really helpful um or it's satisfying too it's very satisfying right like uh which one of us is going to become the child
• 09:00 - 09:30 first it's very satisfying to not be that person to to be the person that stays calmer longer so you can use your stubbornness if you want either way if you don't do this you're not going to be able to do the next steps so chill yourself out there's one um okay make them feel understood take the sail out of their wind and other words you got to you got to let them get it out of their system you got to kill their momentum like you got to Tire them out you got to wear them out wear them
• 09:30 - 10:00 down let them get it out of their system Maybe not maybe you can't always do that for some situations I get it but when possible let them get it out of their system let them talk and then ask those curious follow-up questions that show you're trying to understand them so you know so ask you know for more details on what was bothering them ask for an example what was bothering them so that's the getting part of it and then we respond this is critical you know we could do
• 10:00 - 10:30 the other things we can name and validate that kind of thing but it unless it's a real simple situation it probably would be a good idea to also check for understanding let me be sure I'm hearing you correctly you're upset about this this and this because this happened am I missing anything do I have everything that's bothering you or am I missing some man that's a really good statement and if you feel like you're you've been listening for a long time and you need to cut them off this is a great sentence
• 10:30 - 11:00 to cut someone off with you know as long as you're not too much of a jerk about it because it shows it's the nicest way to interrupt somebody it shows that you're making the effort to hear them out you know so sometimes when people get long-winded like customers might be getting long-winded and they start repeating themselves okay paraphrase their three biggest or however many biggest concerns okay you're upset you know because it was late coming in and no one notified you right so those two things you know were there are there any other
• 11:00 - 11:30 things that I'm missing I just want to make sure I understand the whole situation notice that phrase there I just want to make sure I understand the whole situation you're kind of giving them an attribution for why you're asking the question you know that type of thing so yeah that kind of thing and then you can do the naming and validating like man I can see how that would be really frustrating I'm sorry you've had to go through that I I I can see why you'd be upset at that okay you can do a little bit of that you do that
• 11:30 - 12:00 combination of things take your time letting them get it out making sure you understand that you've heard everything correctly and then validating it you're going to really be doing a good job understanding them another way to look at it you're going to make it so much harder for them to keep going on and on not impossible but harder because when we understand people it takes the sail out of their wind it's like okay they they're not getting resistance one thing I would not do anytime in here is
• 12:00 - 12:30 throw in the word but I wouldn't talk about your concerns yet I wouldn't defend yourself at this point that comes later why not now because they're not calm enough to hear it you're still the problem you're still the threat you need to calm them down so they can see that you're not the threat and to do that you got to make them feel understood all right so there's that once you feel like you may have done this enough oh and well stay in the stage
• 12:30 - 13:00 until you feel like they're calm enough to discuss things you know then if it's not working you could always like disrupt a little bit you know and you know you always have departing as an OP well you don't always have departing but you may have departing as an option but this may take a while like if you think you're going to do this in one sentence you're wrong remember what I said hear them out let them get it out of their system if they start cycling through and repeating themselves then you can kind of move it along like okay if I
• 13:00 - 13:30 understand correctly these are the three things you've mentioned you can keep talking about these three things but if you're ready like I would like to talk about what we can do about it that's how you can hurry it along but only if you've really listened to them and they're really just repeating themselves over and over otherwise wear them out Cal them just let them get it out of their system if you can and if you have to hurry it if if you're like I don't have time for them to talk talk talk then name and validate like it's a support system situation and that'll help speed things
• 13:30 - 14:00 up all right once we've done that we partner with them right it's all about the partnering this would be hard to do if you're angry but um and if they're not calmed down you can't do it but wait till they're come enough to reason with and it's all the stuff I've already said work with them not against them one thing you can do is make sure they're open to hearing from you hey you know thank you for telling me all those things I didn't know they were bothering you do you mind if I
• 14:00 - 14:30 you know now share my point of view about this or is it okay if I share how I'm seeing it you know a little differently you know um try to acknowledge their reasonable points like yeah I can see why ab and C bothered you um you know do you mind if I explain what my concerns were and and help you see how I was seeing it you know man that's that's still all very warm and constructive and those sound like adults talking to each other you know so that kind of
• 14:30 - 15:00 thing you know no surprise using questions you know if you're trying to solve something like you know how do you think it might work if we would do this what do you think about these options you know and then you know keep at this this might take a while might take multiple interactions and then either you'll realize you're all too angry to keep talking about it and this doesn't work very well so buy some time depart if if you
• 15:00 - 15:30 can um or maybe you do this beautifully both of you or you maybe you Cal them down to the point where it's a really good adult interaction you know what it still may end up agreeing to disagree there is no guarantee that people are always going to see eye to eye because we are different people so I would just encourage you to be open to agreeing to disagree and that's not a satisfying outcome but it's better than so many of the Alternatives that would be there if you hadn't calmed them down
• 15:30 - 16:00 if you hadn't diffused the situation so this series of steps I've outlined let them get it out wear them down partner with them it's not satisfying in one sense it doesn't seem like the typical tough take no bull American kind of approach it it's kind of just passive right and and you let them kind of work it out but I if you watch people who can actually do
• 16:00 - 16:30 this they have a tremendous amount of power the power to be the adult and stay the adult longer than others in the room that is its own kind of power and it's really impressive when people do it well and that's why I'm trying to push this as a viable option so that's what I encourage you to do and then and if you're like oh my God chesbro so many steps so much
• 16:30 - 17:00 stuff if you remember nothing else just remember to make sure the other person feels understood if you can make the other person feel understood that is what I would consider to be your best chance for Success so and not I again I'm not saying understand the other person I'm saying have them walk away actually feeling understood you will feel a sense of power if you get good at this now let's think about where you are now
• 17:00 - 17:30 how you typically handle conflict think about what are you doing well like you know you probably are doing some things well and in what areas might you be able to improve by the way I still have areas where I can improve so there's no shame in like working on this stuff so don't beat yourself up if you're like oh my God I got a lot of areas to improve you know you probably have strengths in other areas if you're if you struggle at this you probably have plenty of strengths in other areas and that's just how communication is so um yeah so these
• 17:30 - 18:00 are the basics the trick will be actually doing it and applying it and we will drill that considerably in class