Help me love my baby #1: Zoe & Izzy

Summary

In "Help me love my baby #1: Zoe & Izzy," Martin Evans narrates the poignant journey of Zoe, a mother coping with severe postnatal depression, and her baby daughter Izzy. Zoe struggles to connect with her newborn, feeling overwhelmed and emotionally distanced. This documentary explores the challenging path Zoe embarks upon with therapist Amanda Jones to transform her relationship with Izzy. Through therapy at the Anna Freud Centre, Zoe learns to overcome past trauma and build a loving bond with her daughter. The film emphasizes the importance of mental health support in nurturing parent-child relationships.

Highlights

• Zoe, like 1 in 10 mothers, suffers from postnatal depression, impacting her bond with baby Izzy. 😔
• Therapist Amanda Jones helps Zoe explore her past and current feelings to foster bonding. 👩‍⚕️
• Zoe describes her initial horror and detachment upon seeing her premature baby, feeling she had birthed an 'alien.' 👽
• The film shows therapy sessions where Zoe slowly starts engaging and bonding with Izzy. ❤️
• After Izzy's hernia operation, Zoe feels a maternal instinct surge, marking a breakthrough. 🌟
• Zoe confronts her troubled relationship with her own mother and its impact on her parenting. 🤔
• The documentary highlights Izzy's growing attachment and reciprocal affection towards her mother. 😊

Key Takeaways

• Postnatal depression can deeply affect the mother-baby bond, but with support, improvement is possible. 🍼
• Seeking help is a brave step towards healing and reshaping relationships. 💪
• Therapeutic intervention can help reveal and mend emotional blocks stemming from past experiences. 🔍
• A supportive partner and family play vital roles in recovery and emotional well-being. 👪
• Understanding and patience are crucial as healing and bonding take time. ⏳

Overview

In this touching documentary, we explore the delicate journey of a mother named Zoe, who faces severe postnatal depression after the birth of her daughter, Izzy. Initially overwhelmed and unable to connect with her newborn, Zoe embarks on a therapeutic journey to discover how to love her child. Through sessions at the esteemed Anna Freud Centre, guided by therapist Amanda Jones, Zoe begins unpacking her feelings and experiences, eventually nurturing her bond with Izzy.

The story reveals how Zoe's early perception of Izzy as an 'alien' or 'monster' illustrates the depths of her postnatal struggles. Emotional and illustrative, it emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing mental health issues in postpartum mothers. As Zoe begins therapy, she revisits her painful relationship with her own mother, realizing these past struggles heavily influence her current fears of attachment and nurturing.

This film is a celebration of transformation and healing. It captures the bittersweet moments of Zoe's growing bond with Izzy, from shared smiles to comforting gestures. Ultimately, it's a story about resilience and the power of love, showcasing how Zoe overcame emotional isolation to foster a loving connection with her daughter, changing not only her life but Izzy's too.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 03:00: Introduction to Zoe and Izzy The chapter introduces two characters, Zoe and Izzy. Zoe reflects on her experience of being a parent. While she might appear to outsiders as a model parent, doing and saying all the right things, she internally struggles with her role and feelings. Zoe admits to not enjoying motherhood and finds it challenging to cope with her responsibilities of raising Izzy, thereby contradicting the common expectations and sentiments usually associated with having a baby.
• 03:00 - 08:00: Zoe's Initial Struggles and Seeking Help In this chapter, Zoe experiences initial struggles and feelings of resentment, which lead her to a transformative journey. Alongside Izzy, she embarks on an extraordinary journey by the end of which their relationship is transformed. The film showcases Zoe's path to learning how to love Izzy, highlighting the changes in their bond.
• 08:00 - 12:00: Therapy Sessions Begin This chapter describes the early relationship between Izzy and her mother. Izzy, being a five-month-old baby, is helpless and entirely dependent on the adults around her for survival. Her survival is contingent on the adults, particularly her mother, finding her lovable. However, the chapter outlines the difficulty in this situation as Izzy's mother does not love her in the way Izzy needs.
• 12:00 - 15:00: Challenges with Bonding and Coping The chapter titled 'Challenges with Bonding and Coping' sheds light on the struggles of a young mother, Zoe, who is 28 years old and experiencing severe postnatal depression. Her condition hinders her ability to bond lovingly with her baby, Izzy, at a critical time. The chapter explores the stigmatization surrounding mothers expressing negative feelings towards their babies, labeling it a taboo that discourages seeking help. Despite these societal pressures, many mothers are depicted as navigating through similarly challenging and often hostile feelings as they strive to cope.
• 15:00 - 19:00: A Breakthrough Moment In this chapter titled 'A Breakthrough Moment', the protagonist Zoe experiences a turning point in her emotional journey. She has been struggling with conflicting feelings towards her baby, which has been a source of distress for her. Despite her challenges, Zoe takes a significant step forward by reaching out to Amanda Jones for help. She visits the renowned Anna Freud Center in London, marking the beginning of an exploration that will last a year, aimed at helping Zoe develop a bond with her baby. The chapter captures the initial meeting at the center, symbolized by a warm smile shared between baby Izzy and her caregiver, setting a hopeful tone for Zoe's journey towards overcoming her emotional hurdles.
• 19:00 - 26:00: Exploring Past and Improving Relationships In this chapter, Amanda observes Zoe with her baby in an attempt to uncover the emotional barriers impeding Zoe's maternal instincts. Zoe reflects on her feelings of detachment, describing a profound disconnect and numbness since the birth of her child, Izzy. This chapter delves into the exploration of Zoe's past in search of the origins of these feelings.
• 26:00 - 31:00: Facing Family Relationships The chapter 'Facing Family Relationships' discusses Zoe's emotions and challenges in connecting with her premature newborn, Izzy. Zoe reflects on her feelings, where she finds it difficult to see her newborn as her own child. These emotions lead to a sense of guilt, emphasizing the complex emotions mothers can face when dealing with premature births and the initial bonding process.
• 31:00 - 37:00: Building a Strong Bond This chapter explores the complexities of maternal bonding, particularly when faced with unexpected challenges. It highlights a mother's struggle to connect with her newborn, who appears very skinny and jaundiced, leading to a sense of detachment and distress. The emotional turmoil is evident as the mother grapples with feelings of guilt and confusion, questioning her ability to bond with her child. It uncovers the raw and often unspoken realities of motherhood, where the anticipated joy is overshadowed by feelings of horror and inadequacy.
• 37:00 - 48:00: Therapeutic Progress and Reflections In the chapter titled 'Therapeutic Progress and Reflections,' there is a discussion centered around feelings of alienation and monstrous perceptions. The speaker recounts an experience where they felt perceived not as a baby but as a 'mini monster.' This visualization is tied to a profound sense of guilt about their own emotions and how they feel towards their experience. They express a sentiment where the impact of their feelings seems negligible to others, amplifying the personal guilt they carry.
• 48:00 - 52:00: Izzy's Operation and Mother's Concerns The chapter titled "Izzy's Operation and Mother's Concerns" delves into the emotional turmoil experienced by a mother. Despite acknowledging that she shouldn't feel a certain way, she grapples with her emotions, particularly when discussing Izzy's time in the incubator. Her feelings at that moment are deeply reflective and reveal the inner conflict she faces regarding her emotional responses. The chapter provides a poignant insight into a mother's concern and emotional struggle during her child's medical challenges.
• 52:00 - 47:00: Final Reflections and Future Hopes The chapter explores deep feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism experienced by Zoe, presumably a new mother, who describes her baby as monstrous or alien-like. This reflects Zoe’s internal struggles with self-identity and fear of being perceived as incapable or flawed. The narrative delves into Zoe’s emotional state, examining themes of self-worth and societal judgment as she grapples with her role as a mother and her anxieties about fulfilling societal expectations.

Help me love my baby #1: Zoe & Izzy Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 I think to a complete outside and someone that doesn't know me I think I'll probably look like the model parent you know doing all the right things saying all the right things the reality is I don't feel like I cope I haven't enjoyed one minute of having Izzy and that's not what having a baby
• 00:30 - 01:00 is supposed to be about I wish I'd never had a I resent her Zoe and Izzy are about to embark on an extraordinary journey by the end their relationship will be transformed I don't want to be how I am this film tells the story of how Zoe learned to love Izzy and how Izzy
• 01:00 - 01:30 learned to love her mother like all human babies Izzy is helpless at five months she's not even old enough to sit up or crawl one thing alone ensures her survival that the adults around her find her lovable crucially her mother but her mother doesn't love her like one
• 01:30 - 02:00 in ten mothers 28 year old Zoe has postnatal depression it's so severe that she can't form a loving bond with Izzy just when Izzy needs her most from other to express negative feelings towards her baby it's it's just a taboo and it makes it incredibly difficult for a mother to ask for help but in my experience mothers which I meet nearly always are grappling with and trying to cope with really difficult often hostile
• 02:00 - 02:30 feelings towards their baby which they feel awful about but Zoe has Found the courage to ask Amanda Jones for help and at the world famous Anna Freud Center in London they're about to meet for the first time they'll spend a year exploring how Zooey can learn to love her baby hello Izzy that's a lovely smile thank you can you and your mommy go here
• 02:30 - 03:00 this is a new by watching mother and baby together and going back to Zoe's past Amanda hopes to uncover the secrets blocking Zoe's maternal instincts these have been absent since Izzy's birth I looked at him and I just thought I just felt numb like nothing no like she wasn't part of me you know it but like I was never pregnant and she was nothing to do with me in a sense and like everybody was saying God isn't
• 03:00 - 03:30 she beautiful and I was looking at thinking well I don't think that at all I think she looks horrible you know I don't she doesn't look like a baby to me when you look at her what do you see just that she doesn't feel like she's part of me and that's always going to make me cry but that's a bit and then I feel guilty for feeling like that because I know she's mine Izzy was born six weeks premature Zoe's reaction to this offers the first
• 03:30 - 04:00 clue to the puzzle of why she doesn't love her baby very skinny extremely jaundiced very I mean she looked almost orange not like I didn't want yeah it was horrible a horrible feeling it's when your mummy saw you she didn't see a little baby she didn't see a baby I think she thought she'd give them birth to something
• 04:00 - 04:30 I don't know almost alien or Monster like yeah yeah so she didn't see you for the little baby she saw a little mini monster there actually I think the worst the worst feeling I have is it doesn't matter how I feel about it so it's the guilt I feel about feeling it
• 04:30 - 05:00 that is the worst part of it all because I know I shouldn't really have felt like that and no one else did and it was like when she described her feelings with um is he in the incubator my thought as she said that was she felt
• 05:00 - 05:30 she'd given birth to a monster was what this was not a baby to her and she used the word later on she looked like an alien and I think that that would indicate that there's probably Lots in terms of how Zoe feels about herself that she feels as monstrous that's bad and that somehow she produces and the world can now see it in some way that she's not she's not able to produce a good baby
• 05:30 - 06:00 because she's not good and I have no idea where that all comes from yet Zoe feels so negative about Izzy that she keeps her at times length in turn Izzy avoids her mother's face like all babies she gets upset by stressed or blank faces and coats by turning away but Izzy responded well to Amanda's Smiles in the session in terms of Izzy's capacity to interact
• 06:00 - 06:30 with me it shows that she's a baby who can be responsive to a responsive person which is which is good and I think that's because from what Zoe's told me Izzy has a dad who's loving and responsive Zoe lives in Evesham with Dave Izzy's father a lorry driver s hello I bought some new baby groves today
• 06:30 - 07:00 he's great with both Izzy and her foiled sister Zara Zoe's daughter from a previous relationship six months until I met my partner now it's basically me and her and that was it like many single mothers Zoe found
• 07:00 - 07:30 coping with Zara alone difficult but things improved when she met Dave and Mata does it go on then Dave and Zoe were both delighted when she got pregnant with Izzy so Zoe's reaction to their new daughter came as a terrible shock to them both when I'd first had Izzy and I sort of
• 07:30 - 08:00 just before I got diagnosed with a postnatal depression I sent Dave a text saying you know I can't cope I feel like a failure I wish I'd never had a you know I resent her and it's like why how could I resent a baby but I do and it's like if I hadn't had a I wouldn't have got depressed and I wouldn't feel the way I do now I know I love her from the point of if I
• 08:00 - 08:30 put her on the bed or if Zara picks her up I'll think don't put her too close to the edge so from that point of view I don't want her to get hurt to me that's a surface level of that kind of that's how you'd love your dog or or a pet or you know it I it doesn't go a lot deeper than that at all
• 08:30 - 09:00 I haven't enjoyed one minute of having Izzy and that's not what having a baby is supposed to be about and I want to enjoy it I want to get pleasure out of it you know and I see these people with their oh God I'm gonna cry in a minute
• 09:00 - 09:30 I see people with their babies and I just think why I want to be like that I don't want to be how I am Zoe's bonding problems with Izzy are intensely painful for mother and baby
• 09:30 - 10:00 baby's brains develop in response to those around them and they're acutely sensitive to emotional cues though Zoe is now trying to engage is he Izzy's too used to her mother looking blank or angry so avoids looking at her a bleed it aren't you and when Izzy gets upset she can't look to her mother for help
• 10:00 - 10:30 Izzy is turning into a grisly unhappy baby and Amanda wants to help Zoe respond differently when Izzy's upset on the train on the way down here she was sort of screaming and I thought God
• 10:30 - 11:00 don't you know calm down don't get worked up think because I sort of go into this black mist if I haven't got a clue what I should be doing with her you know as soon as we get in here because there's someone else paying her attention she'll be fine do you not think she wants your attention at all I think she wants it too much and I think because I begrudge giving it it's almost like she wants it more because I don't want to give it she can't say hello mum she I know the
• 11:00 - 11:30 journey down here was really terrible and I was horrible screaming needy baby and I you know we're gonna play with you in a little while don't worry we are I can see you're Keen for it but we're not going to play just yet because mommy's telling me something important okay okay last week you said um that there was nothing worse in your
• 11:30 - 12:00 mind than the thought for clinging cling yeah clinging child can you talk to me more about that I used to see kids that would cling on to their moms for dear life and wouldn't want to go into nursery and would scream and cry and I'd think thank God I had that feeling because I couldn't bear a child doing that with me um what would it make you feel like I hadn't brought them up to be independent and I don't I don't know why I
• 12:00 - 12:30 I just don't think it's healthy for a child to be that should I suppose Zoe dreads the idea of a needy child perhaps because from quite a young age she tried not to need her own mother my mom and dad split up when I was about 11 I think my mom didn't choose to take me with her
• 12:30 - 13:00 it was sort of all I was left with my dad and and that was it and I always felt like I felt a bit let down that she hadn't sort of taken me so I think no matter no matter how I feel about my children that's the one thing I could never do because I had it done to me and that's like a vicious cycle because a lot of the time I feel like doing it and thank God no don't put your children in the situation you were in
• 13:00 - 13:30 because actually take a lot with you does it do you feel nervous to talk to her a bit you're so fine she's gonna reject you I know I want to do it
• 13:30 - 14:00 but I don't know how and I don't know what just comes a bit closer to you I promise this won't turn her into a greedy monster for the rest of her life but it will just help her just at the moment just to help you just at the moment is our Missy's therapist as well as Zoe's therapist and so I could tell that she felt ignored and she started beginning to get upset with that and then as Zoe how does he in her lap
• 14:00 - 14:30 and is he felt you know that we were both paying attention to her she settled very quickly and cheered up but being with Amanda is very different from being at home where Zoe's days are filled with the Relentless Business of Being a Mother um
• 14:30 - 15:00 foreign at home alone it's really difficult for her to know how to respond to Izzy's bids for attention
• 15:00 - 15:30 when is he's crying or Screaming it's as if all Zuri hears her saying is mum I hate you you're useless you're getting it all wrong you're a complete failure so he feels terrible and so she then can't hear Izzy's cries to saying mum I've just woken up I need you Mum I've got pain in my tummy I'm hungry mum I'm feeling frightened I'm falling apart
• 15:30 - 16:00 in the next session Amanda watches Zoe as she struggles to stop is he crying it and then spits it out and screams and then drinks it again Alex
• 16:00 - 16:30 or just feel absolutely useless oh wow see this is a prime example of what she does at home
• 16:30 - 17:00 um the thing is that we can't control a baby but sometimes they just feel thoughts and not okay you just have to keep trying
• 17:00 - 17:30 she's screaming and she obviously what's up iffy what's up so hard to stay with it
• 17:30 - 18:00 all right but as he gets in the states it's in the states
• 18:00 - 18:30 that would be hard for any mum to stick with so it reduced me to the point of tears and then give up that's what it feels like to you that's not what she's intending
• 18:30 - 19:00 I think she really appreciates the fact you've stayed with her with it so difficult I really just wanted to put it out and walk out really a mansin and Zoe's turned a corner she now realizes she can comfort her baby
• 19:00 - 19:30 I've definitely taken a lot from it I'm not good at taking sort of not orders but being told how to do things but because she does it in such a way that it's non-confrontational and it's like the soft approach I sort of absorb it really well and I don't realize I'm taking it in until I'll come home and do something busy and think oh no I know where I've got that from to do is lift you out put you on the floor and then wrap you up I think
• 19:30 - 20:00 I think ready I kept just thinking about what Amanda said she's really thankful that you haven't given up quickly there we go there we go and it does work but it's like fits and starts mood hi I think it's probably gonna be huge aren't they from Izzy's point of view things are
• 20:00 - 20:30 actually getting a little bit easier her main symptom at the beginning of therapy was her very marked avoidance of Zoe of looking at her mother's face and so forth and now we see a change in that Jimmy and when I walk in now she goes mad and starts bouncing around and it's like I
• 20:30 - 21:00 almost feel like oh my God she does love me you know hey look look she doesn't hate me anymore and then I think well perhaps that's because I don't hate her as much anymore and that a lot of those feelings aren't as prominent as they were I've had a couple of those moments where I've looked at her and felt that feeling that I think I'm supposed to feel
• 21:00 - 21:30 Izzy reaches seven months Zooey gets some worrying news is he has to go to hospital for a hernia operation Zoe's got friends around to give support oh yeah I don't like it when you cry
• 21:30 - 22:00 dreading it should be falling in love Mommy it's an hour long though yeah I didn't I thought it was about 20 minutes and I there because they did a pre-op over the phone because we live here obviously and it's Birmingham and I said how long is the operation and she said or at least an hour and I was like oh my God I thought I could cope for 20 minutes but an hour an hour it's got a bit over tired didn't you
• 22:00 - 22:30 any mother would worry about their baby going for an operation but Zoe also has to relive her traumatic memories of Izzy's birth I just I feel like my head is head completely blank the grip of is how you manage feeling pressured yeah which is to to blank out and um the numbness has been almost
• 22:30 - 23:00 like my savior when things have been in myself and things have been going wrong it's painful to feel love yeah because I yeah no accident she keeps picking your mug because you're holding on to your mug to not touch her I think Zoe's so anxious that she can hardly bear to touch is he she's gone right back to how she felt at the start of therapy
• 23:00 - 23:30 in terms of holding her to play what's that like at the moment she gets quite agitated this week this week yeah do you mind to show me now but I mean the last two days she hasn't even she will literally tip her head away from me and just struggle yeah immensely so there's audience so there's an expression in your eyes or tension in your yeah that you're supposed to be seeing so we have to see
• 23:30 - 24:00 today if we can make you feel it it's okay to look in your mommy's face shall we stand up should we stand up there we go there you go no still not looking that way it'll take a bit of time we'll get there hello is he busy
• 24:00 - 24:30 Isabel we Isabel don't give up easy Isabel just keep your head in the same place okay yeah yes because that way when she finds you she oh is that right
• 24:30 - 25:00 Izzy I could see was already picking up on Zoe's emotional state and she had gone back to her old way of coping as it were and was becoming a bit more avoidant of her mother again it's almost like she's eating she really worried about this operation not just because of what it's going to mean physically for
• 25:00 - 25:30 um Izzy but also that you know it Zoe is really frightened it's going to plunge her back into a very dark cut off place and I know that for Izzy's point of view that'll be catastrophic if that happens now thank you three months into treatment Zoe's
• 25:30 - 26:00 growing bond with Izzy her premature baby she'd find so difficult to love was threatened as Izzy faced a return to hospital in the lead-up to the operation Zoe became reluctant to touch is he again and Izzy became withdrawn today Amanda will hear how point you've been through a lot this week haven't you hey major things have happened in weeks since we saw one another last yesterday
• 26:00 - 26:30 someone's gonna tell me about it what it's been like for you all they called us back in when she woke up and she was sort of screaming and I could tell it was her cry and I was like oh my God you know sort of running in thinking I don't know it was like a maternal Instinct you know I just wanted to get to her and and hold it because I knew whoever she was with she wouldn't know and I never ever thought I'd feel like that ever
• 26:30 - 27:00 tears just ran out of me it was like someone turned a tap on why what are you doing hey can we stand you up okay should we stand you up level one Izzy also seems more cheerful and relaxed around her mother on here we go find your position ahead
• 27:00 - 27:30 so responsive and alert this is not a depressed little baby any stretch of the imagination I was fearing the worst for them but this operation had actually provided a kind of breakthrough for them because actually Zoe experienced in the hospital all of the feelings the rush of feelings that she had wanted to feel when Izzy was born they were all there and they felt like
• 27:30 - 28:00 normal feelings she felt like a normal mum and this was immense relief for her she no longer felt like a freak yours is all gone yeah what have you done with it you're gonna have to use my French Connection then aren't you where you go oh
• 28:00 - 28:30 yes please wake up now oh yes oh it's horrible foreign at last Zoe is feeling the joys of being a mother but this change has brought darker
• 28:30 - 29:00 feelings long suppressed to the surface I am really nervous about talking about this so you have to like bear with me because I don't feel like I love my mom how you should love your mom honestly like I can't cry about it anymore because I have spent years and years crying and getting upset and even to the I even to the point where I
• 29:00 - 29:30 desperately didn't want to be like my mom but like I said today I said I could see myself turning into that person and I made myself stop so why can't she in earlier sessions Zoe described how hurt she felt when her mother left the family but that's only part of the story she said yes she's very intimidating when she's drunk especially because she has physically hit me in the past it doesn't matter how
• 29:30 - 30:00 old I get I still have that innate fear anyway we had a massive row I said to you know I really like you as a person when you have another drink but when you have a drink you turn into somebody that I don't want to be around and for me I know it sounds like an easy thing to say but for me it took immense bald for me to do it part of you is still a frightening child you're terrified you're gonna get sworn at and yeah
• 30:00 - 30:30 what should we do about you because Mom and I have to talk this through sometimes subjects are very serious is he hey very serious your mommy really needs help with this one I think you've opened up huge huge huge and important subject well I knew it would be that's why I kind of avoided talking about it you can't fix it in a can't fix it in a session no
• 30:30 - 31:00 all the way home on the train all I felt like I wanted to do was cry sort of like I'd betrayed my mom in a way and I felt really really guilty in a way it's made me feel worse not towards Izzy but in myself really makes me wonder how her relationship was with me when I was
• 31:00 - 31:30 a baby I really wonder whether she was in the same situation as me perhaps and it the reason she is where she is now is because she didn't deal with it for the next three months of therapy Zoe and Amanda explore the difficulties of her childhood and Adolescence and Zoe's painful memories of her relationship with her mother
• 31:30 - 32:00 so many different ways which she's starting now to explore means that life is actually very painful for Zoe a lot of the time however something that's actually helping her is the fact that her relationship with her own daughters is actually feeling much better foreign
• 32:00 - 32:30 I've definitely got a different relationship with Zara now I picked her up and she put her arms around me and when I looked she went I love you Mommy and I went I love you too it must be because she senses a difference in me I couldn't find her at water bottles Aussie oh I didn't have any at Morrisons oh oh yeah I'm me because I was looking forward to getting you one because I'm
• 32:30 - 33:00 Karma she's calmer and everybody's calmer and got to look can we go I don't want them to have the relationship with me that I do with my mom you want to sort of protect from another unhappy mother-daughter story you've got huge influence there about the self-esteem that Izzy is going to develop you and Dave have got such power there yeah to influence that to form in
• 33:00 - 33:30 a way that she can feel good about herself what you can't necessarily influence that much um is your mom how she feels about herself and how she behaves and it's gonna it's gonna take a bit of time yeah but then perhaps you can also look at it and think well the end of September you're in a very different place to where you are now yeah
• 33:30 - 34:00 it's April and Izzy has reached her first birthday because I've got such a good relationship with Izzy now that I'm almost scared that I'm gonna let her down by being upset they do you know we're picking up on it and it's a birthday and I'm desperately not wanting to sort of let it get to me but
• 34:00 - 34:30 yeah it is a bit if I'm honest it basically all it is is that Izzy's birth was not a happy event for me or Dave it's the anniversary of the most traumatic time of my life what is that so it's all to fight in that with is he being a year old and it being a happy event
• 34:30 - 35:00 Zoe has been doing her best to improve her relationship with her own mother but now she's taken one of the most difficult decisions of her life don't want to have anything to do with her again so yeah oh things will start getting all emotional I just think it's not worth it I've got
• 35:00 - 35:30 my sanity back and I think having her in my life will just there'll always be that possibility she'll drag me down again and this one now do so that's it draw a line underneath it and move on the alcohol was a significant problem so Zoe made a decision that whilst alcohol was still part of her mother's life that that she would leave it for the time being
• 35:30 - 36:00 her decisions been made easier by a big Improvement in her relationship with her father oh get on with you gotta book It Forward there all right save myself for the game Zoe's just more a piece of the world I think yeah but I'm getting better dad you see the issues with Isabelle and the burst and the new baby and not feeling how she
• 36:00 - 36:30 should feel there you go good shot the therapy that she told me she was taking for that I didn't expect to have such a profound effect on her overall um life cycle or whatever the term is he's just a just a better woman for it all perfect go on ball go on go on ball go on go on go on yeah you're on the on the green yeah
• 36:30 - 37:00 fantastic he looks so surprised the fact that we as it seems like really severed any toys for their mom now I find it's sad but completely understandable cool that's hard that is you're coming up on your toes again what I'm not a head case anymore well they're very head case but
• 37:00 - 37:30 I was always waiting for the next drama yeah well it's just nice to know now that there were sort of reasons behind why I was like I did mention it from time to time too Zoe that she was like a mum and when I did send that we'd have a big room because she didn't want to be like a mum but she was there and she isn't there and I'm so chuffed about it it's brilliant
• 37:30 - 38:00 well done I was up for me 10. no I don't want that horrible yeah yeah in a month's time Zoe and Izzy's treatment together must end as Izzy is beginning to understand what adults see my mom says I'm gonna grow up to me and Zoe will no longer be able to speak
• 38:00 - 38:30 freely in front of her is the bond between them secure enough to survive challenges in the future very clever girl yeah Amanda's about to see what lessons still could be learned is it still a minute is please Izzy is now 16 months old and her
• 38:30 - 39:00 therapy was her mother Zoe is almost over the fact that there's been somebody else Amanda wants to see how far they've come and explore where their relationship remains fragile Zoe and Izzy are doing the strange situation experiment Amanda will watch through a viewing mirror to see how Izzy reacts when her mother leaves her with a stranger in an unfamiliar room the hope is that though is he might get upset for a while she'll recover when
• 39:00 - 39:30 her mother comes back and soon return to playing happily a sign that she's secure and yeah but we're just asking not to initiate it yes brilliant I will see you in a minute it's okay foreign
• 39:30 - 40:00 ER enters as instructed Zoe leaves the room without reassuring Izzy this is stressful for Izzy and Zoe
• 40:00 - 40:30 she's trying I'll look at her upper eyes say appears are gonna come now she doesn't want the stranger at all The Stranger leaves and Zoe returns to Izzy hello nice okay
• 40:30 - 41:00 good girl all right okay all right okay okay sitting off a play then it's normal that Izzy would be upset but she doesn't seem reassured by having her mother back oh dear what's this
• 41:00 - 41:30 oh God okay okay who's this oh all right then okay Zoe's been told to return to her chair to see whether Izzy has recovered enough to play Alone Again but for Izzy her mother leaving her side
• 41:30 - 42:00 is now too much to bear it shows that although Izzy now loves her mother she's still very vulnerable it's a surprise hasn't it is this has been really difficult she won't even let me put it down this has been so hard hey Amanda and Zooey take his he back
• 42:00 - 42:30 into the room that she's used to and Izzy cheers up oh so yes good girl Ray but Zoe feels like they've both failed I'm angry with myself because I thought I'd got it right and I obviously haven't thank you
• 42:30 - 43:00 sorry let's let's think about what happened in there first of all Izzy played and explored by the objects in a really kind of normal way didn't she um she was a bit cautious of the stranger but she didn't fall apart you know too quick stranger but what we know is that when
• 43:00 - 43:30 she's she clearly has a sensitivity if she feels abandoned by you now you would never intentionally abandon her that's why the situation is so artificial but what at least we know is that for mizzy's point of view that's awful for her shows how important you are to her
• 43:30 - 44:00 if you think what maybe what you're worried about she might have felt when she was very very little you know that you were quite distant yeah we certainly know she doesn't ever want to feel that loss again okay after all we're only 10 months down the line are saying that you know to have suffered terribly for six months when
• 44:00 - 44:30 you can wave and magic wand and get it all better um straight away and I don't think that's realistic today has been very challenging but Amanda has brought Zoe and Izzy a long way for her first lonely six months Izzy was spending hours lying on the floor as her mother could hardly bear to touch her today when the experiment made her mother seem distant again Izzy reverted
• 44:30 - 45:00 to this helpless position in a very striking way but during therapy Zoe learned that showing Izzy affection would not make her clingy and began to be responsive to her as he began to build up memories that her mother could be comforting by the time Izzy was crawling she felt safe to move away from Zoe checking back at her
• 45:00 - 45:30 but beginning to explore the world with confidence I suppose when I think about Izzy's vulnerability we wouldn't necessarily see this on a daily basis because she's well protected and mum's you know pretty much always around her it's quite clear to see that Zoe loves Izzy you can see it in the expression in her eye
• 45:30 - 46:00 and Izzy is is clearly very very very attached and loving towards her mother so again I think that so he's earned that Zoe has learned that her relationship with Izzy can set the emotional blueprint for Izzy's future the hope is in years to come Izzy and Zoe's fragile Bond will grow stronger
• 46:00 - 46:30 and stronger and become Unbreakable Dave's mom said to me we were talking about therapy she said but you'd have loved her eventually wouldn't you and I was like it really made me think because I thought I don't think I would have without the help because I just got so to a point I've never been to before made me think God I'm so lucky
• 46:30 - 47:00 I'm all right you know now when we have such a nice Bond and precious for me because she was born and I didn't have it and therapies helped me deal with it and it was the best thing I ever did I was sort of looking at her hair
• 47:00 - 47:30 and I just burst into tears and I just kept looking at I was just looking at the hair on her head thinking oh my God I can't believe I didn't feel like this about you in the next program a young mother loves one of her twins but not the other
• 47:30 - 48:00 oh my God