How to Escape a Narcissistic Culture Without Losing Your Mind

Summary

Highlights

• Richard uses humor and personal anecdotes to discuss the challenges of navigating a narcissistic culture 😂.
• Meditation is presented as a tool for mental clarity and emotional management 🧘‍♀️.
• He warns against the illusions and pressures perpetuated by social media 🌐.
• Emphasizes the necessity of setting personal boundaries to safeguard mental health 🛡️.
• Encourages living in the moment and appreciating the mysteries of existence ✨.

Key Takeaways

• Learn to rebel against narcissistic culture, but do it with compassion to maintain personal connections 🤝.
• Meditation helps in grounding oneself and reducing emotional dysregulation 🧘‍♂️.
• Be cautious of the distortions of social media and reclaim self-respect by disconnecting regularly 📵.
• Boundaries are vital for self-preservation, especially in a culture aiming to exploit and diminish individuality 🚧.
• Silence and stillness are powerful tools for reconnecting with reality and finding peace amidst chaos 🌌.

Overview

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Introduction and Personal Anecdote The chapter opens with a relatable and humorous tone, where the speaker reassures the audience that everything will be alright, despite the mental health being handled by a seemingly unreliable source. The speaker introduces themselves with a personal anecdote, hinting at their past experience as a taxi driver, setting the stage for a candid and possibly comedic exploration of themes.
• 01:00 - 03:00: Understanding Narcissistic Culture The chapter titled 'Understanding Narcissistic Culture' introduces the concept of surviving in a narcissistic and psychopathic culture. The speaker, who has experience as a driver and a bouncer, implies an understanding of psychological stress and resilience, perhaps through personal experience with PTSD. The discussion is set to focus on strategies and insights for navigating and enduring such toxic cultural environments.
• 03:00 - 04:30: Rebelling with Compassion The speaker is reflecting on their journey of self-improvement and compassion. They recall being in their early 30s while living in Malaysia and struggling to recover from childhood trauma. During this time, they realized certain aspects of their personal growth.
• 04:30 - 07:00: Living Outside the Matrix The chapter 'Living Outside the Matrix' discusses the challenges faced when trying to recover or change direction in life. The author reflects on how interactions with friends, family, and media, including social media and news, often create resistance or pull one back when attempting to move forward. This tension highlights the difficulties of breaking free from established patterns or environments, akin to living outside the matrix.
• 07:00 - 09:00: Embracing Mystery and Reducing Desires The chapter discusses the idea that in order to resist a narcissistic, psychopathic culture or relationship, one must rebel against it. The topic is framed as a serious issue that requires thoughtful consideration and an introspective approach.
• 09:00 - 12:00: Meditation and Being Present The chapter titled 'Meditation and Being Present' discusses the concept of rebelliousness and its impact on one’s mindset. It emphasizes the tendency of a revolutionary approach to lean towards what is not yet established, rather than focusing on the present. The narrative acknowledges that taking a rebellious stance naturally creates conflict. The speaker reflects on their personal experience of having initially adopted a rebellious mindset, suggesting that they made a mistake and have since learned from it. The theme revolves around the importance of being present and mindful, particularly in relation to meditation, and implies that a rebellious mindset might be at odds with these practices.
• 12:00 - 15:00: Critique of Social Media and Setting Boundaries The chapter discusses the author's personal experiences and struggles with emotional regulation and complex PTSD (cPTSD), especially in the context of beginning a project in 2012. The author reflects on the pressure from their family and culture, feeling forced into roles and paths that were not desired. They express awareness of their own rebellious and resistant nature during this time and acknowledge a lack of compassion in their actions. The chapter critiques social media's role in these dynamics and emphasizes the importance of setting personal boundaries.
• 15:00 - 18:00: Discussion on Self-Value and Courage In the chapter titled 'Discussion on Self-Value and Courage,' the speaker discusses the importance of self-value and courage in navigating cultural norms and expectations. They share their experience of consciously choosing a path that goes against the grain of societal norms. The speaker emphasizes the need to be compassionate and understanding while doing so, to avoid unnecessary conflict with others. The chapter delves into the balance between standing firm in one's beliefs and maintaining harmony with those around us.
• 18:00 - 21:00: Boundaries and Cultural Influences This chapter explores the concept of identity and the inherent conflicts that arise from defining oneself as a specific entity within a constrained space. It discusses how taking up a defined space or identity can lead to displacing other elements or people within the cultural or societal boundaries. The discussion also touches upon the ease of conforming to societal norms versus the challenges and potential freedom associated with asserting one's own identity.
• 21:00 - 25:00: Strategies for Disconnecting and Self-Respect This chapter discusses the importance of rebelling against societal norms in a compassionate manner. The author warns against isolation, which can lead to a cold heart and eccentric behavior, based on personal experience. They emphasize the need for self-respect and maintaining one's individualism without losing connection to others.
• 25:00 - 26:00: Q&A and Closing Remarks The chapter discusses the concept of 'unplugging' in a manner that allows individuals to separate themselves from harmful, toxic cultural influences while maintaining connections with others, even if those individuals are influenced by these toxic social norms. Emphasis is placed on the importance of community and the need to engage with people thoughtfully, regardless of the pervasive cultural issues present in their behavior.

How to Escape a Narcissistic Culture Without Losing Your Mind Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 right then cheers ah ready how are is is all right he's all right you'll be all right it's going to be okay don't worry your mental health is in the hands of a barely functional Scout set with a very dodgy past I was a taxi
• 00:30 - 01:00 driver for years you'll be all right before that I was a bouncer so you know I definitely know about pcsr and all that so we're going to look at um surviving h a a narcissistic Psychopathic culture oo ooh and uh how we do that and I think um part of what I'm going to share with
• 01:00 - 01:30 you is what I do so you too can be just like me um one of the things that I realized I think I was in my early 30s still and I was living in Malaysia um was part of why I was struggling to recover from childood trauma um sorry Jamie could you put the icon on again please mate I'm gonna I feel myself beginning to sweat um thank you and I apologize to
• 01:30 - 02:00 all of you are freezing um is that as I was trying to recover a lot of the time when I was trying to recover when I was talking to my friends when I was interacting with my family and when I was uh watching the news or interacting online interacting on social media I was trying to move in One Direction and all of these things will be pulling me back in another
• 02:00 - 02:30 Direction so I had the thought inside of my head that essentially in order to resist a narcissistic Psychopathic culture much in the same way that you do a narcissistic Psychopathic relationship with a with a person this is a serious topic take it seriously is um that you kind of have to Rebel so there's an intrin
• 02:30 - 03:00 rebelliousness to this and uh you end up with a revolutionary mindset so you're not for that which is you're for that which is not yet there's a problem with this if you take a rebellious stance then you're automatically creating conflict now I did this wrong at first and I think what
• 03:00 - 03:30 I was doing in my own way because I still was struggling with a lot of emotional disregulation even when I started this project in 2012 am I walking off the screen there yeah um and and my own cptsd issues was because I could see people forcing coordinates on me that I didn't want in my family in my culture as I became too rebellious and too resistant too quickly and uh I wasn't doing it with any degree of compassion
• 03:30 - 04:00 so as I took on a role where I said okay I have to Rebel cultures move in this way I have to go in the opposite direction I don't want to get into conflict with the people around me so I had to be very very compassionate because you don't want to turn into a [ __ ] [ __ ] who's just against everything that everybody else is for just because they're for it but you do have to realize that in choosing
• 04:00 - 04:30 to be and this by the way is a choice to be there's always conflict if you choose to be a thing then you're going to be in conflict because anything that is well a thing that is inside of uh a normal enclosed space it displaces air it displaces molecules it takes up space the far easier thing is to keep your head down and go with the flow but you'll never be free free of it you'll
• 04:30 - 05:00 always be stuck inside of it if you keep your head down and go with the flow so you have to Rebel but then you have to Rebel in a way that is compassionate because you don't want to isolate from people you start isolating from people your heart grows cold and you become weird and I lived that for a few years and people thought I was very eccentric which I still am I still have my own way of being in the world which is not normal but I need it I need to do this
• 05:00 - 05:30 so in unplugging you want to unplug in a way that allows you to distinguish very very clearly from toxic uh cultural coordinates but not from people even if they're operating from those toxic social coordinates so you still need people you still need a community and then you have to make that distinction so you can be talking to somebody who's your mate and you want to
• 05:30 - 06:00 be in contact with them and you want to maintain friendships with them but they are fully operating from inside the Matrix don't get this confused with Andrew tain's Matrix I'm not saying that I'm the victim of a conspiracy I'm talking about the narcissistic abuse scenario where it's a simulation it's a simulated version of reality so this is far more to do with what uh what Paul was talking about which is that we're now conflating the uh signifier with the
• 06:00 - 06:30 signified we're conflating the map with the territory and you don't want to do that because you will go crazy this is a simulation do you know when people are saying oh maybe we live in inside of a simulation maybe we don't well at a certain level clearly we [ __ ] do because we're agreeing to things that we see as normal that shouldn't necessarily be normal things like Perpetual War that's not necessarily a normal thing that's an Evidence of living ins of a
• 06:30 - 07:00 simulation so you want to do this in a way where you can still keep in contact with people and do that compassionately so when somebody is operating from their frame of reference you don't want to be the person who says oh I don't do small talk don't don't be that person don't be that girl don't be that guy there's no such thing as small talk if you're talking about the weather or they want to talk about football and there's nothing I could give a [ __ ]
• 07:00 - 07:30 about less than [ __ ] football for the love of Christ it's the apocalypse but but my friend isn't really asking me to talk about football he's saying hey I'm here and I'm saying yes you're here I see you you see me yes is everything okay no it's not but it's okay for you you go back to sleep and I will worry about this
• 07:30 - 08:00 um yeah Sor you just want to touch me God I'm sweating so much thanks babe um so you want to remain connected to people as much as you can this is hard but you're already doing this to some degree you're either doing it very very consciously and very deliberately or very carefully or you're just modeling through and most of you are probably just modeling through because if you can't wake up to the reality of
• 08:00 - 08:30 narcissistic abuse Psychopathic abuse cult abuse without seeeing how many narcissistic Psychopathic Cults we already live inside of and how many narcissistic Psychopathic cult likee projects there are around us that are guiding our lives so you may as well rather than being half awake and half asleep just go full red pill and say okay now I'm out I'm outside of culture I'm outside of culture I'm not just
• 08:30 - 09:00 going to go along with what everybody else wants me to do but that takes as well as compassion an awful lot of Courage because to do this you're going to be reminded again and again that you're on your own plus it can be enormously stressful because as as we've evolved as pack animals as pack mammals every drive and every Instinct inside of you is going to be saying no go with the tribe do what everybody else is doing
• 09:00 - 09:30 because before this period in human history that's where survival was Conformity with survival now it is not now is a unique period in human history where Conformity is not survival you must Rebel in order to survive and when I say survive what's implicit in that is thriving as well the only thing that can be offered through Conformity is uh more consumerism more dulling of the senses more coping
• 09:30 - 10:00 strategies more stimulation and a greater aggravation of our desires every day every moment of every day our capacity to want more and more and more is being expanded do you feel that it's being expanded so as the desire is being artificially pumped up your satisfaction with life in general will go down so what's the solution to
• 10:00 - 10:30 that nothing less than attempting to live I would claim as a kind of modernday Mystic and by Mystic I don't mean anything more than regularly connecting with the fact that we don't really know what we are or why we're here and being comfortable with that and just saying I don't really know why I'm here this is what my life seems to be and your sub objective experience is unfolding in
• 10:30 - 11:00 front of you as a kind of mystery isn't it you don't know where your feet came from you don't know why your feet continue to exist but you know you have socks on them everybody wears socks so you wear socks this is a different state than being in an ideologically infected state of certainty and saying no no I know why I'm here who knows who knows nobody knows I know what happens after death how how could any of us possibly
• 11:00 - 11:30 know that these are guesses and a lot of them are false and the purpose of it is nothing more than to generate control this is cult-like thinking I'm the cult leader I'm going to tell you I have the special knowledge and I know so you push out with it your desires are overinflated your satisfaction goes down what's the solution to that as I said you live as a modern Mystic so you live inside of mystery you say I don't know you don't know what summons you into being you don't know what causes you to
• 11:30 - 12:00 continue to be when you go into that mental state the ego starts to shrink the ego starts to dissolve and quickly you say I don't know I don't know when the ego starts to dissolve and you go into that subjective state of mystery with the ego dissolution that naturally comes from it ego disc what starts to uh happen at the same time is you'll find your desires then start start to renormalize they
• 12:00 - 12:30 start to go back down these fantasies these jealousies this Envy this fear of missing out this anxiety that we're not fulfilling the super ego injunction to enjoy as much it starts to go down and then you find yourself becoming more and more satisfied with less being more and more satisfied with less things is an inevitable result of operating from a state of when I say a state of mystery I'm also talking about a state of a
• 12:30 - 13:00 it's a very um it's a strange world that we live in when we live inside of the Matrix when we live inside of the simulated reality it's all science it's all mechanics we've solved every major issue we know what we're doing we know why we're here but actually there are big gaps are there not was it Terrence McKenna I think he said you can accept modern science all that they ask of you is one great miracle which is the big Big Bang
• 13:00 - 13:30 which is the most mystical weird Supernatural proposition that you could possibly [ __ ] fathom every other Supernatural event after that is to be poo pooed but suddenly one day for no real [ __ ] reason there was nothing and then poof there was everything but then after that any of your silly ideas about your mystical experiences would be poo pooed as non-scientific okay fine so from here we we can have a sense of
• 13:30 - 14:00 awe why are you you why am I me what keeps us here what's the difference between me and you if the molecules that are in your body we know transference the molecules in my body why am I not showing up as pieces of you why why I don't know you know people argue about this all the time we think we have the answers we don't we don't have the answers so to go into that space of saying I don't know to appreciate it from a a mystery leads to awe because
• 14:00 - 14:30 then you start think holy [ __ ] this is pretty amazing this is a pretty magical realm that we're in and there's magic all around us all of the time from that place again desire goes down satisfaction with less goes up why do the Demons of the Apocalypse not want that because if you're satisfied with less you stop buying you stop voting you stop logging into Instagram to see what everybody else has that you don't have you don't go into the anxiety mirror to be terrified to be provoked to be uh
• 14:30 - 15:00 triggered to be upset you'll stop picking the phone up and what you'll do instead is go into your local experienced reality through your five senses where you just sit and you just look there somebody asked me recently about meditation and they were like what style of meditation do you think I should be doing there is only one style of meditation there is only one which is to sit and listen listen to reality as
• 15:00 - 15:30 it presents itself in the moment with nothing else it is silence Stillness spaciousness nothing else every variation on that is not meditation it's visualization visualizations are fine but that's not meditation pure meditation is to sit still and experience reality as it is Moment by moment with as little as this going on as possible the state that you're all dropping into now that's approximating a meditative state and you can see when people do it because they stop looking
• 15:30 - 16:00 around the room and they stop cycling their jaws so as I'm talking normally you're an internal dialogue and you're going as you ask yourself the questions but when you focus and you present here and you ENT Trin you align with what I'm saying it stops moving and your eyes stop doing this and you just look so this is a meditative state that you're dropping into and it's good and it feels okay right this is okay this is all there is everything else is insanity
• 16:00 - 16:30 everything else is a projection everything else is what the uh Buddhists and before them and the vadas was called Maya it's illusion if you think about a hideous situation that's happening hundreds of thousands of miles away and you're here what are you thinking about can you see it no are you imagining it yes is it real it's not locally real this is what is real now that doesn't mean you shouldn't concern
• 16:30 - 17:00 yourself with Wars and conflicts and suffering elsewhere it means that if you're focusing on that for hours a day on your daily life you're in mire you're in illusion and you're sick because this is reality this moment as weird as this moment is with all of its weird intricate details and all of the weird intricate people around you that's real this is not real what comes through the magic mirror is not real it's not real when we use reality to mean just this yeah you throw that magic
• 17:00 - 17:30 mirror away [ __ ] stop dominating my mind it's funny every time I go through this thinking uh spontaneously for myself I lose the [ __ ] thing I I drop it in an Uber or I'll leave it in some apartment I've been staying God damn it yes it's very bad but we still need it for work let's just so the unplugging process means that you need to come back to this reality when you're here when you're present you're not as needy
• 17:30 - 18:00 you're not as desirous you're not as lustful you're not as angry you're not as envious because everything that's that's here now is less than perfect but okay you're okay here when you're there when you're there when you're in the fantasy of the Mind Control mirror it ain't okay it's not good because you want to be here you want to be in your body the meditation process is really simple uh close your eyes try and straighten your back if you can place
• 18:00 - 18:30 your feet on the floor if you can if you wish to so try and support the weight of your own back put your head on straight take a deep breath in through your nose slowly let it out and keep cycling that process of taking a deep breath in through your nose slowly letting it out you do not need to empty your mind that's not necessary the only thing we
• 18:30 - 19:00 aspire to do is to create more Stillness and to elongate the space between one thought and the next thought the more silence you can generate the deeper you go into a meditative state of observation observe what you
• 19:00 - 19:30 feel that's here and now observe what you hear in front of you behind you above you enjoy the breath open your eyes that's it that's meditation Pleasant right it's nice induces sanity reduces your emotional
• 19:30 - 20:00 disregulation it will increase your confidence it increases your capacity to concentrate and it's nothing there's no content I can ask you to visualize unicorns and stuff like that but like it's a little bit more my it's kind of fun but the meditation is the is the key it's the most important thing and it's nothingness it's thisness just this just this just this how long for one moment more one moment more just hold on to it
• 20:00 - 20:30 for one moment more when you're holding on to it Moment by moment what's actually happening is excuse me in in this moment my nose is running what's actually happening is you're entering into Infinity because there is no past there is no future there is only this the past the Future these are models the reality
• 20:30 - 21:00 is just here and now and the only reality is the reality that you can detect through your body everything else is my if I can control this and I can manipulate this I can make you do things that you wouldn't otherwise want to do I can aggravate you to the point where you would even go to war and start killing people over there because I told you I don't know dat babies or some terrible thing and you believe it if you're stuck in Maya if you're not and you're grounded in this reality and you're used to spending time on your own and you're
• 21:00 - 21:30 used to unplugging it makes you harder to trick much much harder to trick As Above So Below as within so without this is not a bad model for escaping narcissistic the abusive relationships it's the same thing it's the same thing you have to be grounded in your own reality you have to be grounded in your own sense of self that mire that illusion is coming from them and the purpose of it as I said to you
• 21:30 - 22:00 yesterday it's not to emancipate you it's not to make you feel better or to make you feel more free or more Sovereign or to give you more dignity the purpose of it is to enslave you is to humiliate you is to force you to say things you know are not true to humiliate you so you don't even feel like you're worth taking care of which is where a lot of people are at the stage of now because it's it's a humiliating experiences like you know somebody was asking me the other day
• 22:00 - 22:30 about boundaries you know you got to set boundaries man got to set those boundaries but if you don't value what it is that you're setting a boundary around it's meaningless it's totally meaningless so if you have weak boundaries and you try to learn boundaries first it's going to do nothing you have kids oh you don't have weak boundaries with your kids somebody does something to one of your kids suddenly you got really strong boundaries why is that that's a weird thing because there's value there for
• 22:30 - 23:00 you you protect naturally and spontaneously that which you value so if you're struggling with boundaries for yourself let's go upstream and assume you just don't have that much value for yourself and you can learn that by retaking back your dignity step by step by not allowing yourself to be humiliated by a culture that is looking to instrumentalize exploit and humiliate you the revolution begins tomorrow brothers and
• 23:00 - 23:30 sisters um I will stop there do you have any questions on anything that I just said feel free to ask I don't have a mic oh I do I know you have it oh thanks cheers any questions did I Zone you out everybody looks a bit zoned out cheers um it was more regarding the self that that made sense what you just said
• 23:30 - 24:00 about boundaries where you said it's you can easily put a boundary around your children because the pressure is to you but if you're struggling with boundaries for yourself that means you don't value yourself enough how do you how I've got friends who are struggling with this at the minute and they say how do I learn to Value myself like I just don't how do you change that that's a good question and um so normal psychology most Psychotherapy I claim is
• 24:00 - 24:30 ideologically infected and it's ideologically infected with like a lot of ideas and one of the perverted ideas that's in there is uh you're an individual um but actually probably more realistically we members of pxs so if you don't value say we say oh you don't value yourself it's highly likely that you exist inside of a system that doesn't value you and it's highly likely that you're inside of a system where other people in the system don't value themselves when it comes to self
• 24:30 - 25:00 value rather than trying to trick the brain and say oh you know I'm a unique and precious snowflake I'm wonderful I'm amazing light a candle and stare into the mirror and say it until you go crazy and try and believe it um I would be asking the person what is it that you're doing that causes you to not value yourself right now and inside of normal culture we lie we lie we live Lies We Tell lies we're forcing each other to say things that we know or not true we're forcing each other into multiple
• 25:00 - 25:30 small acts of cowardice every day so where's the self-esteem going to come from you got to be courageous you've got to stop lying sound a bit like Jordan Peterson again got to tell the truth you know pick up the biggest burden you can you do he's right well he took that to be fair he took that from a writer called Thomas dmle who said um political correctness is communism writ small and communism uh uh think Theodore Del rimple who's a British um prison
• 25:30 - 26:00 psychiatrist um he was saying that what communism does is that it forces people to say things they're not true as a specific tactic to humiliate them into submission so the idea would be the counter bounds to that would be to tell the truth so why do people lack value maybe there is childhood trauma there's cultural trauma and we're just not doing things that we observe as being valuable so my premise is you have something inside of you maybe at the conscious level that observes you and says what
• 26:00 - 26:30 are you doing right now so on this model if you feel anxious I'd be I would check I would say is this unconscious Observer um sorry what is your name it's okay so Maria's unconscious Observer which is a middle-aged Scout man in this scenario is looking at Mia and going what's media doing now and she got her life an know there where's Maria going because I need Maria to do well because I need need you to propagate your DNA forward through
• 26:30 - 27:00 time because fundamentally we're socks for genetic we're socks for DNA in a certain sense so yes we're very you know we have all these desires and everything but a lot of where your feeling comes from is like is is Primal and it is about the propagation of DNA um and there's no getting away from that and it doesn't matter even even if you're only interested in samesex relationships or you're never going to have children or even if you're in your 70s you still operate psychologically I claim from these genetic components so I
• 27:00 - 27:30 would look at you and I'd be like well her life is getting smaller and smaller the behavior patterns of um what you call it what you call it where you make yourself feel better self soothing um and coping mechanisms they're they're reducing your Social Circle you're becoming more and more socially anxious I see that you're spending more and more time inside I see the super ego's taking over and your plane of existence is getting the map is
• 27:30 - 28:00 getting smaller and smaller I've got to do something about that otherwise Maria is going to be stuck I know I'll make her feel [ __ ] anxious I'll wake her up at 3:00 in the morning and tell her what's anxiety it's a feeling to to move it's agitating it's a horrible feeling we to do something and it feels very unpleasant if we're coming from a map that says you should feel good all the time you'd be like well just give her anti anxiety pills and switch her off and would say but maybe let's assume there's an
• 28:00 - 28:30 intelligent part of the system that saying no Maria needs to move because we all do don't we we all need to be a bit more courageous don't we yeah we do yeah we do we've got to push ourselves a little bit more because we're not pushing are we I'm not I'm not I have to consciously remind myself you know come on you've already hit that level and then I go oh it's comfy yeah I'll just sit here I could be doing more we could all be doing more now if I keep laying back then eventually anxiety will
• 28:30 - 29:00 pop up or depression can pop up so I agree with uh you know there was this whole lobster thing with Jordan Peterson actually I think the hypothesis that um part of his hypothesis that depression sometimes is actually status anxiety I think is valid and anxiety is sometimes status anxiety so if you're not living at your full potential you'll start to get these very negative feelings um Gospel of Thomas if what is Jesus said if what is brought forth from you is
• 29:00 - 29:30 brought if what is within you is B is brought forth from you what is within you will save you if what is within you is left within you what is within you will destroy you which is a pretty it's from the Gnostic Gospel it didn't get into the mainstream Bible I believe that Maria has a potential I have no basis for that I just believe that it's like a faith-based belief Maria is here for a purpose is Maria aligned with that purpose right now maybe not make her feel bad push her provoke her give her
• 29:30 - 30:00 nightmares wake her up at 3: in the morning Maria doesn't want that purpose cuz that purpose sucks it's hard it's frightening she's going to get pushed back if she makes the CH the choice to rebel and she makes the choice to be her mom's going to kick off her friends are going to kick off she's going to feel this way that so she was thinking oh [ __ ] which forces now pushing you this way and that and I would say probably courage is the way forward you asked a question a few years ago I don't know what it was we're all older now we're
• 30:00 - 30:30 all just sat here what's he on about what is this uh any any other questions okay no questions yeah of course you do no one thing is I just because I I didn't knowe down you said silence Stillness and the third word was with s spaciousness okay thank you and second thing is sandwiches second thing is what if you do as it is in my case setting up
• 30:30 - 31:00 boundaries as something wrong by itself like I grew up in a family where basically you need to put yourself all forward to everyone else you have to put everyone else first before you even think about yourself so setting up any type of bound you don't do that do you know what you are bad you are a bad goal so what what to do in such case if we are supposed to you know how to make myself set bound is it is it bad if you
• 31:00 - 31:30 don't put everybody else forward instead of yourself it is bad like I always feel bad I always feel guilty it's even if I do the next thing what does that does it make you a a selfish girl are you selfish yeah it makes me feel selfish like you know are you selfish oh my goodness you know it's like probably I am you know what this is philosophy like what were you told as a kid if your was it your mom or your dad who was saying this to you both and what they say you are just selfish no like they were just opposite they were not telling me how I am they were telling me
• 31:30 - 32:00 how I shall be I shall be always the good person I shall always put everyone forward yeah yeah okay and it means that you know like in case of being a parent the moment I put in boundary the next moment I feel guilty even if it's good for my kids you know it's it's like hounting so it's not necessary Lack of self value it's just feeling that setting boundaries are is bad and what would you say can change it m so what would be your answer how to change it how to make the boundaries as something good you're doomed mate you just have to
• 32:00 - 32:30 accept it you're doomed so what you what you found is a super ego injunction that says don't set boundaries okay so we are getting back to how to change the supero injunction it's it's key like I think if I could say there's one key element to all the therapeutic work now it's these super ego injunctions okay because if it it if the super ego injunction says you're not allowed to have boundaries every single piece of work therapeutically that you try to do that doesn't address that you're still going to have the super ego injunction saying don't don't do it so I showed you how to
• 32:30 - 33:00 push back against the super ego injunction one thing you can do because it's a kind of brainwashing right you were brainwashed to think setting super super set boundaries is bad um so you can also brainwash yourself the other way but you should do it with a sense of humor I got lot of it okay so you can say no setting boundaries is really good it's really cool to set boundaries and why is it good to set boundaries and then you come up with some reasons do you know why it's good to set boundaries
• 33:00 - 33:30 can you think of any reasons why it's good it's to survive first of all okay it's also your duty how do you say You must in Polish you Musha Musha Musha okay because your children are watching you and they're watching you unconsciously and they will unconsciously do that which you do so if they see mother setting boundaries then they will set boundaries and they can't help themselves they must set boundaries and be healthy if you are healthy Musha
• 33:30 - 34:00 is your Dy and can I ask something more you may as well okay so I got a like I was trying to put my own experience because I'm always trying to you know think about what I experience and find practical ways to survive it started with toxic relationship and that was one of the things which I started to use as a method I took another mobile number just to avoid like I decided I cannot go no contact I cannot to gry rock so I will control the Contra control the
• 34:00 - 34:30 abuse to minimum to as many hours per day as I control it in case of being in a part of the system I work using mobile phone and social media and all the stuff so it's hard for me to disconnect myself from it but I decided okay I only it's not though I work on social media but I don't I don't sit there scrolling it I'm just like here is this poisonous space I must enter into to make money here we go just be deeply cynical like you know what I I did deeply deeply cynical I would need to to become you I think you yeah know I'm the model for
• 34:30 - 35:00 this I said at the beginning I'm not as cynical as you you'll get to my level of cynicism comrade listen we all have aspirations I'm also not so self-disciplined probably and I haven't done martial arts and all this stuff oh you think that's from self-discipline no that's from deep deep childhood trauma no but you know what in my personal case what helped me a lot I did exactly the same with the system around me I decid that I'm disconnecting myself for let's say 20 hours per day I go for 4 hours on social media I do all what I have to I do all the sharing all promotions or Mar
• 35:00 - 35:30 marketing reply to all messages and then I disappear again and the 20 hours being disconnected was very therapeutic yes it actually was the freedom of I don't have to check anything because my mobile is off I'm offline so nothing will come nobody's waiting for me because they see that the messages are not delivered I I have to say the last time I did a full social media fast I did I did one month and the major effect of staying off social media for a month was my self-respect went through the roof
• 35:30 - 36:00 because there's something infantilizing about social media there's something greasy about it and it doesn't matter what you put on there it doesn't matter what you consume on there I just feel like a stupid dorky kid on on there and when I came off it for a months I just had to read and then I felt like an adult male there's something do you know what I mean it's just this weird like and follow everything is dumb everything and it doesn't matter which platform you use it's all dumb and
• 36:00 - 36:30 childish it's bright colors and you know oh you didn't get as many reactions on this video because you didn't do a silly voice or I just say G God and then for a month you go read your favorite I haven't tried a month yet but a month is good a month I really recommend it you it changes the way you feel like your self-respect I can imagine 20 hours without it changes the way I so go go a whole month and don't touch social media you feel pretty good man it's hard when you work on it you know slaves who do it for you it's
• 36:30 - 37:00 well again I'm not at the level to have slaves doing things for me but no I have but you know social media definitely feels the Envy it's like sometimes you know it it's just even if I'm not envious by Nature there is something about it if you my husband always used to say I can't look at it because it just makes me angry I start getting jealous no it's weird you of it you know it's a it's a foul demonic place I just realized the guy who works for me is watching right now sorry Max you're not life um thank you Richard I will be
• 37:00 - 37:30 killed by Russian sniper later I am sorry comrade does anybody else have any uh questions before we take a break nothing at all okay let's take a 15 minute break and then it will be me SAR and Ed uh we will answer all your questions thank you very much [Applause]