Mannotsava 2024 | Teen Drama: Adolescents and Parenting

Summary

The panel discussion, titled "Teen Drama: Adolescents and Parenting," part of the National Mental Health Festival 2024, explored the complexities of teenage life and parenting. Dr. Ajit B., a psychiatrist, joined students Sachit Anand and Arya, moderated by Vikram from the Bangalore International Center, to discuss the emotional and social dynamics faced by teenagers today. Key topics included peer pressure, the impact of social media, self-image, and isolation in today's digital age. The forum emphasized the importance of open communication between parents and teenagers, the role of teachers, and the balance between freedom and guidance in parenting. Overall, the session highlighted the challenges and opportunities within the parent-teen relationship, aiming to foster better understanding and a supportive environment.

Highlights

• Sachit shared a humorous memory of teenage rebellion by planning to run away from home 🚀.
• Arya humorously described making extensive video essays on sibling drama 🎬.
• Dr. Ajit B. shared insights from his youth, including facing personal loss and rediscovering freedom 🧠.
• Young panelists discussed pressures from societal expectations, especially from social media and peer groups 📱.
• The session featured candid discussions about current challenges, such as mental health awareness 🤝.
• Arya and Sachit offered their views on managing peer pressure and maintaining focus amidst social challenges 🎯.

Key Takeaways

• Teenagers experience intense societal pressures, including climate anxiety and information overload 🌍.
• Adolescents desire autonomy but also need guidance and support from adults 🎓.
• Parents are encouraged to maintain a balance between freedom and discipline in their parenting roles ⚖️.
• Teachers play a crucial role in supporting teenagers' mental health and must set boundaries 🔍.
• Open communication between parents and teens is essential for a healthy relationship 🗨️.

Overview

The session,” Teen Drama: Adolescents and Parenting,” brought together diverse voices to explore the multi-faceted challenges faced by teenagers today. Dr. Ajit B., along with teenagers Sachit and Arya, discussed how today's teenagers cope with societal pressures, from climate anxiety to navigating digital identities. With Vikram as the moderator, the conversation delved into understanding the intricacies of adolescence, encouraging empathy and informed discourse around mental wellness.

A big talking point was the role of family dynamics and education in shaping a teenager’s world. Arya shared insights into how external pressures, particularly from social media, affect young minds. Sachit and Arya spoke about the varying influences from teachers and family, highlighting the critical role these relationships play. The discussion emphasized balancing freedom with structure, advocating for parental engagement and understanding to help teenagers cultivate a healthy sense of self.

Throughout the session, laughter and personal stories created an engaging atmosphere, underscoring the importance of listening and openness in resolving adolescent challenges. Dr. Ajit B., with his wealth of experience, offered guidance on fostering environments where teenagers could thrive, free from judgment. The session concluded by recognizing the importance of creating safe spaces for honest conversations between parents and their teenagers, fostering resilience and mutual trust.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:30: Introduction and Session Overview The chapter introduces a session titled "Teen Drama: Adolescence and Parenting," which seems to be humorously disliked by the teens involved. It highlights the involvement of Dr. Ajit B, a psychiatrist, and two students, acknowledging a mix-up with one of the student's names. The session appears to be setting the stage for a discussion that might challenge the preconceptions associated with its title.
• 01:30 - 07:00: Personal Teen Drama Stories The chapter explores the personal stories of teenagers dealing with their unique dramas as they navigate through adolescence. Highlighted individuals include Sachit Anand, a class 11 student, and Arya, a class 10 student, with moderation by Vikram, the director of Bangalore International Center. The discussion dives into how adolescence is a time of significant change and self-discovery, impacting personal values, beliefs, and relationships.
• 07:00 - 13:00: Challenges Faced by Teens Today The chapter titled 'Challenges Faced by Teens Today' explores themes of heightened emotions and the quest for independence among teenagers. It features insights from both teens and a counselor on how parents and children can connect more deeply. The discussion is humorously renamed by young protesters as 'adult drama,' setting the stage for an engaging conversation.
• 13:00 - 24:00: Impact of Teachers and Parents in Teens' Lives The chapter explores the role of teachers and parents in the lives of teenagers. It begins with an anecdote recounting a personal story of childhood drama, emphasizing the social dynamics within families. The speaker describes themselves as the elder sibling and a 'people pleaser,' contrasting with their younger sister, who brought her own unique influence into their lives. This sets the stage for discussing the broader impacts parents and teachers have on young adults, using personal reflections to offer insights into these relationships.
• 24:00 - 37:00: Self-image and Isolation in Teens The chapter discusses a personal experience of the narrator who often felt that their parents were partial towards their sister, leading to frequent fights between the siblings. After a particularly heated argument, the narrator, fueled by feelings of isolation and being misunderstood, decides to run away from home at the age of 13. However, as the narrator ventures beyond familiar territory, they begin to question their impulsive decision, highlighting key themes of self-image and isolation in teenagers.
• 37:00 - 41:00: Conflict Management among Teens The chapter titled 'Conflict Management among Teens' delves into the complexities of handling teenage conflicts. The narrator recounts a personal experience of being in a disturbed state of mind and feeling lost, both physically and mentally. After some struggle, they had to ask someone to help them find their way back to familiarity, highlighting themes of vulnerability and seeking assistance. The experience, though initially embarrassing, led to a cessation of partiality for a brief period. This narrative underscores the challenge and necessity of navigating emotions and seeking help when needed, a critical component of conflict management among teens.
• 41:00 - 54:00: Influence of Social Media on Teens The chapter explores the influence of social media on teenagers, highlighting the teen drama and occasional drama with adults that often occur in these settings. Despite a seemingly non-dramatic personal life, the speaker acknowledges the transition phase they're experiencing after finishing their 10th boards, with new students joining.
• 54:00 - 84:00: Role of Parents in Teens' Lives In this chapter, a story is discussed about a new student at a school who is struggling to fit in. This student is facing challenges because other students are picking on him for something that occurred at his previous school. The narrative touches on themes of anonymity and the difficulties that arise when trying to integrate into a new environment, especially when there is a past incident influencing current perceptions. The chapter underscores the importance of understanding and potentially the supportive role parents might play in navigating such situations and fostering acceptance among peers.
• 84:00 - 98:00: Audience Questions and Panel Discussion The chapter focuses on a segment titled 'Audience Questions and Panel Discussion.' During this part, an individual named ARA shares a personal anecdote. Despite considering herself a dramatic person, she reflects on a memorable dramatic incident involving a fight with her younger sibling. To channel her energy, she decided to log her feelings and experience.

Mannotsava 2024 | Teen Drama: Adolescents and Parenting Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 [Music] this session is called teen drama adolesence and parenting the teens are not very happy with the title so maybe the discussion is going to debunk that so we're very lucky to have with us Dr Ajit B who is a psychiatrist we have two students who's one name we've got wrong our apologies
• 00:30 - 01:00 because we just knew the mother more than the father I suppose sachit Anand who is a student of class 11 and we have Arya who's a student of class 10th and to moderate this session we have Vikram but who's the director of Bangalore International Center a little bit about the session adolescence is marked by rapid physical emotional and social changes teenagers begin to develop their identities exploring personal values and beliefs and this period often brings
• 01:00 - 01:30 heightened emotions and the Quest for Independence this panel will hear from teens themselves with insights from a counselor on the deeper ways in which parents and children can connect we're now really really interested about what this session's going to be so without Much Ado I request all the panelist to kindly come on stage for an interesting hour of discussion thank you so good afternoon everyone and uh let's get straight into it uh based on our young people's protest we going to rename this as adult drama and and and bring it uh
• 01:30 - 02:00 to some parity but I want to start us off very quickly I know for uh Dr bday and myself it's been a long time ago but uh I want us to uh recount an instance of drama that we did as teenagers and then and find a way to tell uh people here so I'll start I uh I'm the Elder of two siblings I have a younger sister and I was the people pleaser of our pair and my sister so so to speak brought the
• 02:00 - 02:30 drama and uh you know I was my complaint always used to be that you know my parents are partial to her so one day after one of my sister and my many fights I decided to uh run away from home and um I walked out and I just stomped out I said youall always do this and I walked out I must have been 13 or something and you know you get to as far as you've played in your area and then you walk out of that area and you're suddenly like okay
• 02:30 - 03:00 this doesn't look familiar and uh and even retracing is not that easy if you uh if you're in a what do you call Disturbed state of mind so then I had actually sheepishly had to ask someone this is I knew the building where I stayed and he had to bring me back and uh uh you know like much like my uh personality it ended very sheepishly and uh that was the extent of my drama and you know at least for a week the partiality stopped I want to say
• 03:00 - 03:30 uh but you know sachit maybe you can go next what's uh your must be easy for you to remember must have happened like 15 minutes ago so any instance of te teen drama you want to share with us or drama with adults uh okay uh so I wouldn't say I have a very dramatic Life as a whole uh but uh since uh it's 11th now and 10th boards are finally over a lot of newer students are joining
• 03:30 - 04:00 our school and um one guy uh well he joined school he's a new student and um yeah so he did something in his old school I'm not going to say what for because anonymity did I say that right that's right uh okay so and he's been having a hard time because people are picking on him for it and whatnot so he's having a hard time fitting in it's interesting to see I
• 04:00 - 04:30 guess ARA you want to go next so contrary to such I'm actually a very dramatic person so I just like to consider my entire life a treen drama but I will say I think my most or one of my most memorable dramatic moments was again I have a younger sibling as well I was fighting with her for usual and I decided that I just need to get this energy out somewhere and so so I logged
• 04:30 - 05:00 into my father's desktop that he had at the time and I proceeded to film over the course of a year many video essays about how I just despise my sister and how she's taking away attention from me and how because I'm older I should be respected so I think looking back on that is um very dramatic little bit extra I think and Dr B I hate to disappoint but I had a
• 05:00 - 05:30 rather Placid uh adolesence but uh there were there were life events that brought in a lot of change I lost my father rather early and uh that that was something I don't know that I've got over it even now uh but it it HED my sense of uh responsibility and uh also made me believe that I had bigger tasks in life with the family and otherwise joining a hostel soon after this life event I got into Medical
• 05:30 - 06:00 College and joined a hostel and that was Freedom like I'd never known and my mother was astounded when she was unpacking my bag to see cigarettes first and then little packets of what looked like you know tea those are interesting events in life I must say that she handled the situation very very graciously I found her crying in the night and she said I didn't know you were in for this I think I'm going to
• 06:00 - 06:30 move to Bangalore and stay with you my heart sank like it has never sunk since so uh but I I I'm very grateful I'm the youngest of uh three siblings very understanding family on the whole a terrific father who unfortunately left us kind of young a mother who uh believed that spare the Lord and spoil the child was the diim to go by so there was a good balance between these two and uh on the whole it was a pretty decent to belong to Rebellion came in the form
• 06:30 - 07:00 of you know wanting to go away run away I your narration reminds me of a story by Mortimer which is said a masculine protest no boy has really grown up until he's run away from home I also got into desperate situations when my first love failed and uh that that that that was a trauma relatively easy to overcome but these are things that attend on many young people's lives I discover because
• 07:00 - 07:30 my focal area of Interest remains youth mental health thank you so much um you know let's get straight into it um we wanted to start off with the kinds of pressures young people are facing today are unprecedented you know there's climate anxiety there is scary world where we're going to have to coexist with AI um there's obviously the information overload and overload and then on top of that there's of course school which never goes away so I just
• 07:30 - 08:00 want to start with our young people um Arya maybe you can go first just just how do these these societal factors impact you all and like as a group as an individual what what do you all talk about as when you're uh so what we talk about in our peer groups yeah sure um I definitely think climate anxiety of course is something very real something that I think we all face regardless of Our Generation and information overload though that's something that my P group talks a lot a lot and I personally
• 08:00 - 08:30 explore in my own time because I don't think we realize just how much we know and how much of that we don't know you know and so there's a lot of information that is incomplete or we see on a real this and then we go and quote it somewhere else and somebody will correct us or they won't correct us and so that's something that we talk about a lot we of course speak about generally anxiety I think the one thing that is
• 08:30 - 09:00 positive in one of the things that is positive in my generation is that we are very aware of mental health and we all speak about our anxieties and how we feel anxious or if we're feeling sad that day I won't say depression but I will say emotions we speak a lot about our emotions and yeah I think that's that's some of the things that we talk about so me personally I'd say I'm a very closed off person from the rest of the world not in the sense that I'm
• 09:00 - 09:30 necessarily overly introverted but in the sense that my general knowledge of what's happening around me is like awful uh so occasionally when I see like a few like news things on my Instagram I like tend to take it in more than I guess others would because again I don't see this stuff often and it sometimes shocks me uh so for example one time uh I think there was uh like there there was a rape case in Kolkata and my mom was out late and it made me really nervous so I
• 09:30 - 10:00 messaged her to check if she was okay uh that's about it and what about climate like the end of the world as we know it well uh is that is that something that comes into your mind space a lot do you all see it happening you know uh there is so much kind of climate Doom scrolling that happens so like is that something that becomes a part of your life as well uh you know way I guess I mean it's
• 10:00 - 10:30 obviously something that we have to be concerned about but it could kind of just like end us and then the world would kind of just like redo it on its own and we'd all be okay so like as long as we all going yeah as long as we're all gone ARA you have anything to add to that yeah I think uh we know a lot about what's happening now which is good I think that yeah honestly same I think it's okay I definitely we should maybe stop consuming so much you know so
• 10:30 - 11:00 much fuel so many clothes but at the same time I participate in that as well so I can't really give any advice here um but I don't know I think it's okay I think it's okay if the world just burns up a little bit it's it's good we all need Fresh Starts so I think it's it's time for something new it's been a couple of Millennia I was you know every time I'm with young people I feel the need to apologize on behalf of my generation like all generations I'm so sorry we messed
• 11:00 - 11:30 this up you know honestly I don't know if I can accept this apology some change we need to see some action okay I'll I'll send you a WhatsApp message every day uh but over to Dr B like what are you seeing as some of these broader themes in your work and coming into um young people's lives particularly since you work with so many young people uh I think uh a major change has been in the I'll speak largely about the urban sector because we hugely deal with that
• 11:30 - 12:00 and that's a very let me acknowledge it's very unfair but at the same time attitudes of parenting have changed a lot in most families we've changed we've shifted from uh we used to have this pattern of do as I say not as I do so do as I do has now become quite common and that's a that's a very good change that has happened but there are miserable families there's no uh gains saying that we won't quote Leo Do's famous lines about that but but I think the other
• 12:00 - 12:30 thing that's happening is that there's a lot more democracy in urban families these days young people can have their say and in some families they go to an extreme where young people are given much too much Freedom which they can't handle and it's not fair to expect them to be able to handle it and uh I think a judicious mix of uh uh freedom and as well as discipline is absolutely necessary I became very unpopular with a school uh found foundress head distress because I said
• 12:30 - 13:00 the school needs more discipline because she apparently grew up in a school where the discipline in Kolkata was very very strict when she founded the school she decided there'd be absolutely no imposition of discipline Troublesome teacher children would be called up and told could you please not disturb the class it didn't work and I was trying to point this out to her because she called me as an expert within a year I was out so I think our attitudes have changed generally for the better but there are attendant problems that we
• 13:00 - 13:30 cannot ignore for example with the expense account culture that crept in the amount of alcoholism that was uh uh growing grew so much children of Alcoholics have had miserable lives and it's been a tough job to deal for the young people it's been very tough to deal with parents who have this kind of pathology that that has attended in many lives single parent families have become much more common not necessarily because of alcohol that's a small contrib Beauty factor in uh that context and single
• 13:30 - 14:00 parent families have their own burden children who are the only child of the family have another burden to carry and I I see that they they're really uh overstressed on account of that lots of other things but I think we'll go along with and you know one of the things that I'm sure AR and Sait would agree with me on this one is that young people get a lot of uh grief on screen time right like how much screen time is being uh are you how much time
• 14:00 - 14:30 you're spending on devices I suppose um Dr B are you seeing that play through also like in a way that this excess of stimulus how it's affecting young minds what are you seeing there exactly yeah I I get a lot of that and uh there are parents who would come and say that children who spend much of their night on the telephone my strict advice is that have a curfew time way back when we used to have curfews in
• 14:30 - 15:00 during the wars you had a warning siren going out after which all lights had to be off so I say with older kids uh say sait's age arya's age I'd say 10:00 is the time when you sound the warning siren and at 10:30 all systems off I try to get parents to insist sometimes I succeed keep the phone away keep it on the fridge keep it in the Showcase keep it in some neutral place because a child's fear is that my mother's going to read all my
• 15:00 - 15:30 messages it's it's a very understandable fear so we need to have that sorry it's a cliche now but we have trust issues that must be uh uh addressed the amount of time and energy we speak about time but also energy gets drained on account of the small screen is uh very debilitating I'd say and that that's that's something that needs attention what the children watch is something the parents must have a right to peep in and say hello what are you up
• 15:30 - 16:00 to because there are so many misleading uh uh cues on the net that one has to be very very careful about and we're not talking only about pornography though that is an important element and know I I you know I and Dr B I suspect you as well few years ahead but uh we grew up in an age where uh the curfew was imposed by the state we had only two TV channels and TV was the digital drug of choice uh and the the programming was so boring that it was automatically like a
• 16:00 - 16:30 deterrent to watch uh but yeah know moving on I think what uh I'd like to move into next is uh you know we've had chats with both of you and you all have annoyingly supportive parents if I were to say um so there's very little drama there and actually a big hand for their parents you know uh I can I can say this that speaking to both of them uh there's such the bit too sorted if you might but uh
• 16:30 - 17:00 but I want to come back to that like in in in your life uh and not just your parents I feel like I want to talk about your peer group you know other teachers that you work with just in your immediate circle what one would say um how have those equations uh how do those equations affect you on a daily basis you know your parents your friends uh your teachers just some anecdotes around that most of my friends are actually really chill uh I mean
• 17:00 - 17:30 obviously I wouldn't be friends with them otherwise uh so so I have two friend groups mainly they're both very different and they I would I wouldn't say they dislike each other but I don't think they would get along well and um sometimes it's difficult to like figure out which one to go to at what point and sometimes it feels like I'm ditching one of them and going off with the other one uh so I try to like figure out at what times I do what with each one and it's slightly
• 17:30 - 18:00 difficult uh most of my teachers are actually really good I'm really happy with my teachers this year uh again I took subjects that I liked uh a lot so and I kind of knew which teachers taught which subjects so I kind of expected it um they're all really supportive and they've helped me a lot um my parents are again like vicam so I don't know Vikram said uh are really supportive uh I tell them pretty much everything and they're always there for
• 18:00 - 18:30 me and I respect them a lot they do a lot to uh let me and Sham not let help me and Sham go to school and just do the things we do and enjoy I think for me um I don't really I don't have to make appointments with my friend groups but I will say that I definitely do understand the struggle of balancing different types of people at once and trying to figure out who to mesh with and who not and all of that I think that just kind
• 18:30 - 19:00 of comes with being a teenager and also into adulthood I'm sure you can't really mix all your friend groups can you but I think I don't know but yeah I think for teachers at least um I'm I require teachers that I think are good for me I think I've met people who are okay with whatever teacher they have as long as they teach the subject well for me I think I switch schools because I couldn't handle the way that my teachers
• 19:00 - 19:30 were treating me or treating the people around me and it's something that we don't speak about a lot but these teachers they're kind of like my second parents right I spend so much time in school and they affect a lot of your mental health if you don't have supportive teachers then you're not going to be encouraged to do your subject which is what happened to me with math my third grade math teacher to this day holds me back from getting 100% I'm telling you and obviously it's not
• 19:30 - 20:00 like I want an apology from her or anything but I think although I would appreciate it um I do think that if I had had a different teacher who had a different approach who took me more seriously I would maybe be at a different place now and as for my parents I have wonderful parents they're great my mom is staring at me from the audience so I'm a little scared to say anything but um no no no that we got you back yeah yeah thank you um guys no they're they're
• 20:00 - 20:30 amazing uh no I have great parents uh just like sachit they're also very supportive they allow my sister and I to do whatever we want with um limits within limits of course there also your Alam that's my mother's voice at 9:45 p.m. every night devices off go to sleep so I appreciate that I think it's good W that's that's yes she's great guys great parenting that's why I'm sitting here today but yeah that's come on give us some gos here there must be some I think like you know where you're like I hate
• 20:30 - 21:00 my oh let's think about this they one thing you know what I will say though they don't give me a lot of direction and you know you say this they're like you do whatever you want and I'm like guys I have exams and they're like yeah okay you study your exams I'm like no no no and I have friends who's their parents make their Tim tables for them they like sit and they're like can you do this now and show me the work my parents don't do that which means that I don't do that and so I think think I would I would love it if I could have my mom go every
• 21:00 - 21:30 every hour are you studying for your exam show me the work but yeah I think that's all but that they're great they're amazing and thank you for sharing your math story her come in narration just now reminded me of a Carol King song from my youth we said uh it's called child of mine and it says you don't need direction you know which way to go I don't want to hold you back just want to watch you grow know the only direction that I can read is a Google map and that also is not so great
• 21:30 - 22:00 no no so no you mentioned that they don't they don't give you Direction and I really appreciate that and I I think that's great lots of Freedom too much maybe but Dr B coming to you I think uh I wanted you to come in on some of these you spoke a little bit about parenting but uh could you speak a little bit more about the impact teachers have and is there something we could do to I know you spoke at a education panel this morning um what are some of the things teachers can do yeah I think brought it up very well but you need uh teachers
• 22:00 - 22:30 who can take on a subordinate parent role and they are not parents they cannot be your parents but they should be people who give you a level of comfort where you can open up and talk about what's going on particularly about the subject but not only about the subject to be able to a good teacher should be a good listener and a good counselor as well and I think that's uh becoming increasingly common I'm happy to note that there are lots of teachers uh who will give their students time to
• 22:30 - 23:00 open up and talk about other stuff not only the subject but most important is if you you there are too many teachers who are Marxist you know Marx Marx Marx that's that's all they will dwell on that's fine and uh we we need to move away from that and my my observation is that we're considerably away from that today but her being turned off from math my daughter who was brilliant at math because of one particular teacher she will not look at anything numerical she
• 23:00 - 23:30 just does not want to handle it so when she went into her postgraduation course believing that there will be no math over there there was Mental Math over there she managed to clear it in spite of uh the math teacher who had been absolutely a tyrant and uh I don't know for what some reason it tends to be Math teachers and just the opposite are generally language teachers yeah so uh I have a weakness for literature and I find that English teachers or Hindi
• 23:30 - 24:00 teachers for that matter tend to be very accommodative very understanding and they will have the right quote as I just did so that that that helps a lot but a teacher should also be something of a disciplinarian when things are going wrong it shouldn't be all softness you know so putting up a student for something going a Miss done judiciously done not like a martinet is what's called for sorry um you spoke about how a lot of teachers nowadays are more liberal um
• 24:00 - 24:30 I will say though I go to a school where I'm fortunate enough to have a majority of younger teachers something that I have noticed and my peer group as well and we have a little bit of a problem with this is that some of these teachers have a serious lack of boundaries um in the sense that of course teachers I want to be able to talk to you and I suppose you can share back to some extent but I I have some teachers who share maybe too much you know tell me too much about their life and and and that's really dangerous I feel because I see a lot of
• 24:30 - 25:00 students who so I'm in 10th Grade right now I know people who are in 12th grade who are talking to their maybe 26 year old teacher about their love life and stuff which is fine but at the same time I just can't help but feel like a this teacher is not equipped to deal with this B they do not deserve to hear about your love life and then the problem I feel really comes when the teacher starts talking about their personal life and that's when all my friends are and I are like okay we got to back out right
• 25:00 - 25:30 now because what happens when this adult who cuz you know when you're chairing with your teacher something a lot of people I don't think remember students especially they still have powered over you there's still a figure of authority so how do you balance that Dr B is that I think I want you to come in on arya's point is you know isolation is a big thing even for adults right like it is a massive massive social isolation is a problem you think that's manifesting in some way like where teachers feel you
• 25:30 - 26:00 know they need a space to share as well the student is not the place to share cor you're very right about boundary uh there are boundary Crossings and there are boundary violations now the student has a vehicle we're talking about college students and the teacher stuck in the rainstorm the student offers a lift there's nothing wrong with that really that's but opening up about one's personal life is something gross is the only word I can use to uh describe it just not done which reminded me a little
• 26:00 - 26:30 in a light of V the uh book of my generation the fiction was a novel called Catch 22 and the doctor over there is a guy called do Danika and do Danika is the only guy handling a whole bunch of troops and officers and he's tired of the burden on him so he reaches a stage where anybody comes to him and says doc I've got a bleeding no you think you got a problem what about me and he launched into describing his problems and he becomes something of a parody of a doctor and I think this is that's an extreme example but that's
• 26:30 - 27:00 that's what uh uh the teachers of the kind you mentioned need places to open up and I think it's a good idea to have counselors and schools who will address not only students but also teachers who have their Hang-Ups and their traumata and uh Sait I'll come to you because of your uh anecdote about two friend groups uh how do misunderstandings get resolved spoken about in these groups now that you know
• 27:00 - 27:30 is there a strategy like the difference yeah uh well uh okay I'm just going to label what like them friend groups A and B uh friend group a is mainly guys uh so we kind of handle it by not handling it entirely we put it off until it's non-existent uh the other friend group is mainly girls so they they like they
• 27:30 - 28:00 kind of get upset at each other for a bit and then they resolve it like within like 2 days which is polar opposite it's like very different at least one thing hasn't changed no from my time to your time I feel like this is like an insult on my gender we can do Conflict Management too okay at least we manage it Jesus but wait I have a question for Dr B about this um do you think that boys and girls
• 28:00 - 28:30 like nowadays have extremely polar opposite Conflict Management strategies well they make for good jokes all right but I I don't think they absolute polar opposite certainly there is an overlap which is bigger than the differences but there are differences there's no point in pretending that both genders in every matter are equal thank you let's uh come to something slightly more personal um just how your own idea of self-image bring
• 28:30 - 29:00 factors into um your self-concept your self-confidence how you interact with the world and you know in our earlier conversations you mentioned uh Arya that this has been something that you have felt strongly about uh maybe I get you to start it off like you know what you're seeing and um you know again uh start from a personal space you can of course use other examples of things if you but how do you see that and affecting your mental health right I love an opportunity to speak but I
• 29:00 - 29:30 think for self-image this is again something that we spoke about briefly before um we live in an age uh Our Generation where everything is everywhere you know I see everything on the internet um and for me personally it has affected my self-image as I'm sure it has everybody obviously to different extents but I'll speak about me um I will say the number one thing I see
• 29:30 - 30:00 um that I deal with is body image with social media I think that because of the amount of content that we receive from apps like Instagram and Snapchat or whatever A lot of people are very eager to show all sides of themselves you know and you think that you're getting everything but you're not you're only getting what they choose to show show to the world and I
• 30:00 - 30:30 think when you grow up around so many screens you don't actually realize that this isn't this isn't reality this is the social media and for me personally I think I have dealt with a lot of various issues including what I should look like what are the types of friends that I should have I'm 16 should I be going to a party should I not like and should I be um should I have a boyfriend now you know all of these things that you see on the internet and you don't
• 30:30 - 31:00 realize isn't true that's what I deal with a lot and it took a lot to actually get out of it but I think a big part of that was being in Co and not being able to interact with actual people outside of my family it it was really hard cuz you don't have anyone to talk to about it everyone is so eager to present this idealistic image of themselves how they want everyone else to see you don't realize that this is not the and consumption of content went up right exactly and you're seeing Oh if this influencer looks amazing okay you know
• 31:00 - 31:30 she has like this perfect body this perfect life so many amazing friends she's wearing this dress is that what makes her so special should I go and buy this thing and will that make me happy also and so I think that obviously ties into overc consumption of material Goods but also of content that's but yeah so I think that that's definitely a thing and in my peer groups as well we also talk about you know family Dynamics a lot of
• 31:30 - 32:00 I don't know if you guys anyone has seen this before but there a lot of family YouTube channels and all that go viral for um obviously exploiting their children but Al exploit exploiting okay exploiting their children but also for presenting this perfect image of what a family should look like so we spoke about single parent families before I have a lot of friends who are in single parent families and they've spoken to me about how you know they feel like why does my family not look like this you know and this perfect image of what we
• 32:00 - 32:30 should all be and what we should all look like it's not real but dealing with that is it's very hard to to see and I think even guys you know I don't know I'm going to I'm not a guy but I'm sure you can attest to this to some extent there's this huge pressure to go to the gym suddenly everybody is going to the gym I like going to the gym man I think it's great you know work out end offin but it's it's it's become this thing where if you don't go to the gym then
• 32:30 - 33:00 you're not cool anymore if you don't have muscles you're 16 you know you don't really need muscles and I don't know what do you have to say that uh so a majority of my friends do actually go to the gym saying that's what I'm saying I personally don't I did during the summer vacation but when school started I just couldn't find the time and like I get home at like 4:30 or five from school and like I have classes I have tutions I play badminton and I don't really want to go to the gym after I've eaten dinner
• 33:00 - 33:30 I feel like past that I get lazy and I just want to do nothing so I actually wanted to ask you because um in our conversations you've mentioned that you're a you're an avid gamer uh I wanted to ask you like you know how does that kind of you live so much time you spend so much time in that virtual world um doing all the cool stuff that you're doing but when is there place where there's transference you think that you know the Two Worlds
• 33:30 - 34:00 kind of mix the real world and that world and is that something that you see uh I guess kind of because uh for example I play a few multiplayer games uh and a lot of them have voice chat like valerin OverWatch Etc uh and when you're talking to someone else you you you know they're a real person because occasionally instead of giving call outs they'll make they'll make like a terrible joke sometimes racist sometimes not uh so I guess it depends on what game
• 34:00 - 34:30 you're playing and uh who you're playing with again it's like a massive world right the online world so there are there are like millions of people playing hundreds of different games and based on their game preference you can kind of like figure out what kind of person they are that's okay wait what's your game preference and I we figure out uh any guesses I'm going to say valerant because I feel like everyone plays validant now but uh yeah I I recently
• 34:30 - 35:00 got into validant uh I'm enjoying it a bit the people not so much okay I'm going to have Dr bday come in now this is great no that's okay thanks God tell you want to stop uh Dr B uh I wanted to take two things the left made me feel very ignorant the right made me feel illiterate complely I want to take our I I I I can only think [Music] I I think most of you have seen this
• 35:00 - 35:30 cartoon where a mother's very angry with her child who's continuously at the system and says go out and play he says okay and he goes out and he's taking the mouse outside from the window he's continuing to play play his game it's it's an old cartoon but it drove home a point very much I think exercise is tremendously important it doesn't have to be jimming every day but I think exercise is tremendously important what you spoke about about body image that's that's an important concern I mean in adolescence as your body is developing your secondary sexual characters are coming
• 35:30 - 36:00 up your some Awakenings are there uh it's it's very natural to be concerned with your physical appearance but if that uh concern becomes a preoccupation altogether then then some in intervention is necessary sometimes at the family level it suffices occasionally it needs the help of a professional but uh most young people are going to be bothered about hey am I muscular enough am I too thin am I uh too bulky the the these are very normal concerns this my nose too large now the
• 36:00 - 36:30 amount of uh concern there is about facial features is tremendous at this age very understandable needs repeated reassurance and sometimes even laughing it off within a family it helps a lot so we don't have to necessarily go to a shrink to have the sorted out but if it's becoming deep rooted then then some intervention is necessary and I wanted to u to suchet's point I wanted you to address uh this element of is ol ation that young people might be facing
• 36:30 - 37:00 nowadays just because there's so much time spent in a virtual world or virtual space correct then somehow that's more comforting or easier to be in in some sense very true and uh I'm talking out cliches today so one one one of course well-known one is that there are people who have 4,000 friends on Insta or Facebook but not one to whom they would really open up and I think we live in u the age of loneliness and this isolation is occurring more and more but if you have at least two good friends you can
• 37:00 - 37:30 open up to and uh he's in an enviable position not only that he's a Gopi Krishna also yeah so uh the wisdom of Lord Krishna attend on your life son uh so uh I I think this isolation that we we've been talking about is an important facet of uh today's life and especially with kids who devote too much time to getting lost in an imaginary world he's not but there are lots of kids who cannot relate to the real world
• 37:30 - 38:00 at all fortunately they are a minority but they are a minority who need special attention from the family and parents need to be mindful if absolutely and this happens very commonly when both parents are busy uh working outside the house you know um just back to the young people what kind of restorative practices do you all have like routines that make you feel good uh whether it's exercise does SA th go first for once okay sure uh
• 38:00 - 38:30 so okay uh so again I play video games uh I try not to do it like as much as I used to like during the pandemic because since it was online school also then me and my friends would kind of just like get on and play throughout classes and we'd do like anything except the class uh apart from that I play badminton I play piano I feel like it's good to have hobbies that excite you and that you enjoy uh and that's about it I'm very
• 38:30 - 39:00 fortunate to be surrounded by people who are into things outside of screens so I don't have a lot of friends who are Gamers but I have a lot of friends who are into things like um football or art or whatever so that it's good to have I think external influences you know your difference in friend groups definitely makes me want to do more things for me I go to sleep I think that I can't like you it's it's my most restorative
• 39:00 - 39:30 practice just to take like nice rest yeah full like blinds closed you know fan on nobody is allowed to disturb me that that's I think very dist and are you seeing both of you um that there is a greater awareness of mental health and mental hygiene for sure um and you know mental hygiene meaning practices that keep keep U positive mental health yeah um but the idea that you know on one of our previous in one of our previous conversations you mentioned that you
• 39:30 - 40:00 know there is a risk of knowing too much as well like you know like just this idea that uh young people today have the words and they kind of overuse it sometimes they use it out of context do you want to speak a little bit about that sure of course but um I think what I was talking about earlier to put it into little bit differently is that I was talking about how I find nowadays A lot of my me included use these clinical
• 40:00 - 40:30 terms medical words to describe behavior and action that I don't feel is the correct definition you know I see my friend she'll be talking to some guy and then she'll call him she'll call him a gasl or she'll call him manipulative I also do this but you don't realize that these words are maybe not supposed to be used in this context and I think um because again back to overc consumption and information overload we see so much we see Instagram therapists telling us
• 40:30 - 41:00 that oh you know if you see this this this this this behavior in a person it equals trust issues stay away from or even like zodiac sense um I see a lot of reals about if you're are a Libra man then you are a red flag and you know which is fine it's fun I think that but sometimes we take it maybe too seriously or um it gets to us and when I'm speaking to my friend and they're venting and obviously I'm a safe space I
• 41:00 - 41:30 would love to hear whatever they they're saying um you get the urge to want to rationalize it right this person is behaving like this I don't know why bro it's because they have trust issues stay away or you know maybe he's just a pathological liar so those types of terms you don't realize how harmful they are until you speak to a student of psychology or um a doctor and you realize that maybe maybe I shouldn't say this but that's just something that I think the only thing you can do to solve
• 41:30 - 42:00 that problem is create awareness around the fact that these are terms used to diagnose someone you can't call someone a narcissist like that that's like it's a mental disorder no okay that's a mental disorder you know I can't call someone antisocial just because they don't want to go outside their house be like Arya ask a doctor ask a doctor typ see I think the other good thing is that nowadays we I was at a panel before talking about digital mental health apps
• 42:00 - 42:30 you know now we have so much access to doctors I can I I can call a helpline I can maybe not WebMD but you know look up actual websites with licensed uh professionals to talk about these things and see if what I'm saying makes sense but I also think in this if you want to rationalize how someone's behaving in medical terms to make it more official
• 42:30 - 43:00 get a therapist make it more impressive more impressive make it make sense you know like this person is behaving like this let's have a doctor tell me why they're behaving like this go to therapy cuz at least then you'll be solving some of your own issues also thanks for bringing this up I think two terms that are bandied about hell of a lot they don't deserve to be one is you one is the one you mentioned narcissistic somebody's being a little selfish he gets labeled narcissistic narcissism is a much deeper pathology and you asked me
• 43:00 - 43:30 and yes there's something called NPD narcissistic personality disorder which has a lot more than just being selfish on an odd occasion or through one season it happened to be and there could be logical understandable explanations for that the other term that is banded about a lot is gaslighting gasl what is it girl boss gasl gaslighting gaslighting is driving someone into believing they have a mental problem when in reality they don't have any mental issue at all mental health itself is bandied about much more than uh much more wrongly than
• 43:30 - 44:00 it should be but I think we have to be very careful you made a very good point in using terms correctly and knowing what exactly they uh convey and I think that is something again for parents to watch out right if your young people are using these terms no parents are also using these terms that's that's uh my friends calling their parents those terms yeah but yeah such anything you want to add to this so I think the uh like at least the awareness
• 44:00 - 44:30 aspect of mental health has become like has improved a lot in my school at least like they've done a bunch of in my opinion very boring sessions on it uh like basically telling us to open up to like the person sitting next to us about something random and I'm I'm always late to these s sessions so I end up sitting next to someone completely random that I've never talked to before for and I don't know what to tell
• 44:30 - 45:00 them um can you say that I don't know what to talk about it's it's a fantastic uh ice breaker you'd be surprised no I'm I'm I'm just reflecting back as a teacher the number of times I've been guilty of that so thank you just share with the person next to you so yeah but anyway we'll open it up for audience questions we are running towards the end of our session uh we start here yeah hi uh firstly lovely all the four of you really appreciate apprciate it and uh I'm pratia I come from a community group called Mom power
• 45:00 - 45:30 360 so there are moms right from Baby Boomers to the generation Alpha let's go one step ahead there so Till There my question is to Arya Arya firstly you are lovely you know firstly can we have a round of applause for her really so my question is to you uh I just want to ask you now I am raising a generation alpha one day she'll also be a teenager like you so as a mother I want to ask you in this present times I totally get it because I didn't come from the era of social media reals
• 45:30 - 46:00 Trends Etc oh my gosh you are in that we I don't blame you none of us blame you for that it's already been made over there but I would like to know from your personal aspect or even with regards to the peers around you is there also a particular you know a way where you look at things like you have seen a trend and would you ever not want to fall for it and say if you if you have a particular even more de mindset would you ever even switch off from social media Amit this
• 46:00 - 46:30 pleasure oh I thank you for your question that's so sweet but um I love switching off from social media highly encourage it the Instagram deactivate button is my best friend I think that um my sister is Generation Alpha as well she's 13 insufferable but I don't blame her I'm going to say it's because of her computer and not her just for Grace purposes but I will say that there are definitely times where I see a trend
• 46:30 - 47:00 and I'm like this is just not right I don't know if anyone has heard about this but there's this thing on the internet called hip dips so this is essentially the your pelvic bone being covered by skin and is not like full right so this is It's a trend to show that you don't have this bone which is kind of impossible right so trends like that where they are ask you to change your Anatomy to fit into whatever the
• 47:00 - 47:30 current Beauty standard is those Trends I I I would say are just so dangerous for kids for kids because you don't realize but like you're 11 and you're seeing what your body should look like is just so wrong um I can't give any parenting advice don't have a child but um as a as a child who's being parented pretty good I would say that I think the only way you can prevent this is by having obviously your own set of morals
• 47:30 - 48:00 and values that you beat into your child don't actually beat them but like make sure that they know you know honesty um how to see what is real and what is fake and talk make sure that your child is actually talking to you cuz that's something that I used to struggle with is that I would never talk to my parents about anything so they never knew anything but yeah that and make sure they don't have a screen I would not give my child a screen I'm I'm sorry like iPad kids I see them and I'm like
• 48:00 - 48:30 stop this go outside and play so do that or just I don't know do whatever you're doing I'm sure you have a great child um is there just one there and then we come to you hi thank you both sjit and Arya fascinating I have a so we have a 12-year-old nephew and I'm 29 so I'm like same generation maybe not really no no no everyone's but uh I want to ask just the panel overall do you think it's ever possible to be um since I'm an aunt be friends with my nephew I
• 48:30 - 49:00 feel like he's hiding stuff and I'm like hey tell me Goss I'll tell you Gos in return and it works sometimes but sometimes he's like if I tell you then you'll say something and I'm like dude I will because I'm an aunt so do you think it's ever possible like how do I get my NE so I need inside Deeds basically how do I get my nephew to tell me more Dr V you want to go first I think it ties in with the theme of teachers that whenever I deal with whenever I deal with parents and teach groups I emphasize this please be friendly with the young person don't
• 49:00 - 49:30 be a friend there is a definite difference between the two so having an approach where they feel comfortable opening up to you sometimes engage in violent reactions towards you verbally violent I'm saying uh it's it's a good thing to have but don't try to descend to their level and pretend that you are there age group that that can be very dangerous that kind it's almost regression and many parents think they're doing their children a good good turn by being friends and they they end up in a the whole family ends up in a
• 49:30 - 50:00 mess on occasion it's not very common but it does happen I think the one point I'll make very quick point is I think young people sense safety very quickly so the more safety there is in a in a space um they will share um okay to that I just wanted to say something so I just asked Dr bidy if he's watched Gilmore Girls I wonder I I'm sure all of you have at some point I used to watch Gilmore Girls with my mom when I was much younger and I always thought that the relationship that the mother and the
• 50:00 - 50:30 child had was you know idealistic I want that um so I would force her to be my friend she did not want to be my friend to this day says I am not your friend I am your mother and I'm very grateful for that because I don't think you realize I mean at the age that I'm at that um it's actually very detrimental to be your your um child's friend you like you have to be that authoritarian Figo and I think that like whatever Laura I was doing bro her child ended up the way that she did because of that and I stand
• 50:30 - 51:00 by that so s anything you want to add uh so I feel like everyone already kind of said a lot uh and I'm a little confused now on what to say uh so like they said don't prop yourself up to be their friend I feel like that is what you want to do but you can still be like the fun cool aunt that they talk to about things joke about things it'll be it it will work out so I'm going to crank this up a
• 51:00 - 51:30 notch for you guys I'm a mother of a 15 and a 10-year-old so I get what you guys are saying um I get a different version of it because my child is also someone who is training to be a professional athlete so she's very focused but there are a lot of parties that happen in the evenings uh for your age group that serve alcohol and there are um a fair bit of drugs going around as well how do you guys say no um how do you deal with
• 51:30 - 52:00 the situation uh I know what my daughter does but I also feel like the parents these days are allowing a lot uh of that sort of exposure for their children which I don't condone and how do you get that message across to parents I mean do you guys have these discussions with your parents about parties in the evenings um sex drugs and rock and roll you can't take the
• 52:00 - 52:30 fifth but answer keep your com uh so I personally don't go to a lot of these parties uh I'm not the most social e person I guess which is kind of funny cuz I said I have two friend groups but uh so I'd say what's most important is that you trust your child and trust that they wouldn't like I'm assuming you know they're not doing it and you trust them enough to know that they won't um
• 52:30 - 53:00 and I guess that's all I got like uh if you don't want them going just tell them and tell them the reason and if I think they should understand and if they're not able to you could always just kind of like ground them okay so um that's a a good question and it's something that I find my myself and my friends friend group dealing with right now you know um I will say though
• 53:00 - 53:30 definitely trust your child because trust in the fact that you as a parent have done a good job and that they can make their own judgment but also don't restrict them I will say the reason I say that is not because like don't encourage them to do drugs but you know when you say no to someone especially a teenager they're going to go and do it and you don't want them to sneak around under your watch and I think that's
• 53:30 - 54:00 probably what will hurt you most but for saying no as somebody who is a little bit more social I do like to go out I will say that saying know mainly just comes from the values system that I have that my parents have instilled in me to say that you know this is not a let's check some things this not a safe place you don't know everybody here you don't know what is in whatever you're drinking or eating or whatever you don't know is there a safe way for you to get home if
• 54:00 - 54:30 I decide to experiment if I call my mom will she come pick me up cuz I know my mom will but will your child you know so you got to tell them that cuz you can't stop anyone from doing anything if my mom told me not to do something and I went and did it anyway she can't go back and reverse that but what she can do is deal with the after effects of that so if I decide to experiment and it goes wrong I think the only thing you can do for your child is make sure that they know that regardless of whatever you still have their back that if they go
• 54:30 - 55:00 and do this thing that they can still call Mama and Mama will come pick me up you know and it'll be fine and nothing is going to happen to me obviously reprimand them please shouldn't be doing things and all that to do but yeah I would say that mainly and also focus on your child's friends because if you're if the kids friends are happy to do all of this and don't realize that the their effect of what they're doing then that's going to encourage your child more but also your child is an athlete so they're not going
• 55:00 - 55:30 to do this yeah and it's peer pressure it happens it's really scary cuz it's like my friends are drinking should I also drink no but I mean I'm not going to tell you what to do but uh yeah also if she's an athlete then she knows what she has to do you know she's got her goal in mind and that's the good thing a lot of kids don't know so they don't have any sort of Direction so they're going to do whatever they want but I think you should have some faith in your child and the fact that you're probably a really good parent so it'll be fine Dr B anything you want just I think much of
• 55:30 - 56:00 what needed to be said has been covered but I think it's important to use narration also stories of what has gone wrong with some kids if you have them in tell it in an not with outrage and indignation you know tell it very gently that this is this is these are the kind of outcomes that have happened for kids who went astray so be careful about this you know you don't want it I don't want it in your life either and if something like this happens open up to me talk to me about it also maybe our own stories I
• 56:00 - 56:30 am mindful of time uh we we do have to I know questions will be endless I do apologize s do we have time for maybe one question one question let's let's ask the yeah yeah yeah so uh to Dr bid and firstly thank you all for the panel and uh as what she uh what Arya mentioned about the body thing so that has been through generations it is not just you know because the Social Media stuff so I want to understand from you because in the Europe uh there were moms
• 56:30 - 57:00 who had surrogate mothers there was a trend wherein uh the nursing was done by the uh servants so and in China there were you know instances of having their foot shot because they all wanted that so how do you deal the foot the foot had to be of a certain size so that has been a trend irres of the social media thing that is coming coming now so how
• 57:00 - 57:30 has concerns about body image and one's personal appearance have always been there but it's much more today when the emphasis on physical Beauty has uh gone up so tremendously I think it's a bad trend on the whole and then everyone wants to uh emulate the ideal and that's hardly ever achieved so this is something we have to be wary of that's why I said if the preoccupation becomes Dee rooted then it probably needs more than family
• 57:30 - 58:00 intervention but reassurance from the family still is absolutely mandatory so to say okay so uh Dr BD if I could ask U your final kind of you know because we are ending you know one message to the teenagers and one message to the parents perhaps actually I'm I'm a young person of course that's why I said Teenager and and I've only just crawled into my second childhood of course so uh I think cherish your childhood cherish your younger days that there are going to be memories you that
• 58:00 - 58:30 will stand you in good state in the long run don't be scared of going off the beaten rack uh they talk about The Road Less Traveled but there are many roads less traveled and choose choose yours uh not necessarily with great caution to start with but eventually yes great caution so I'd uh I I go go back to John Denver's song about uh uh it's about uh do you remember days not so very long ago when the world was ruled by people twice your size and the stars were there for wishing and the wind was there for Kites and when you grew tired you could
• 58:30 - 59:00 close your eyes the song ends with these lines which say now I see my son he's playing with his toys he's happy and I give him all I can but I can't help feeling just a little tingly inside when I hear him say he wants to be a man um you know once again first of all a big round of applause for Dr B for wearing his expertise with such uh informality and joining the young people at um by in his second childhood as he said um and really really uh big gratitude to you
• 59:00 - 59:30 sir and can we really hear it for our young people who uh they really really brought it um it's so difficult in a world where uh there's so much pressure to uh to be this authentic and uh open thank you so much he