Resentment Revenge

Summary

In the video, the hosts discuss how individuals handle betrayal and resentment in relationships. They address a viewer's question about overcoming resentments due to a partner's past mistakes, emphasizing the importance of working through issues rather than seeking revenge. The discussion highlights the necessity of both partners taking responsibility, validating emotions, and committing to healing if they desire a lasting relationship. The hosts also stress that understanding and forgiveness are essential, but if resentment persists without change, it may be necessary to end the relationship to avoid further harm.

Highlights

• The hosts talk about the difficulty of letting go of resentment after betrayal, emphasizing that healing requires effort from both partners. 🤗
• They stress that without forgiveness, holding onto past hurts is detrimental to both people and the relationship's future. 💪
• Individuals need to set clear expectations for recovery and openly communicate them to their partner. Clarity is crucial! 📢
• Forgiveness is necessary, but if issues persist without progress, it might be healthier to part ways. 🚪
• Both partners need to validate each other's feelings and acknowledge any changes made for real healing to happen. ❤

Key Takeaways

• Resentment & Betrayal: You can't move forward by holding onto past hurts. Let go or be dragged! 💔
• Communication is Key: Share your feelings and set expectations for healing. Talk it out or walk it out! 🗣️
• The Art of Forgiveness: A sincere apology opens doors to healing. Recognize efforts and choose love! 🌻
• Time to Let Go: If resentment lingers for years, it might be time to say goodbye. Free yourself! 🌈
• Both Sides Matter: Healing takes two. Acknowledge each other's efforts in mending the relationship. 🤝

Overview

In this insightful video by '2 Be Better,' the hosts engage in an intimate discussion about the challenges of overcoming resentment within relationships due to betrayal. Opening with a jovial take on misnaming their podcast, they dive into the meat of a listener's query on betrayal trauma and the toll it takes on love.

The hosts emphasize that while seeking revenge may feel gratifying momentarily, it ultimately hinders relationship growth. Healing requires both partners to meet halfway. They highlight the importance of validation and accountability, insisting that forgiveness and change must be a mutual effort.

This candid chat is a reminder that emotional baggage can only be released if both parties commit to the hard work of healing. However, they also suggest that if forgiveness and progress aren't attainable, it might be best to consider exiting the relationship for both partners’ peace of mind.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 00:30: Introduction The introduction begins with a warm welcome to viewers and listeners to the 'To Be Better' platform. The speaker expresses a bit of confusion and humor about the branding, mistaking the overall content as the 'To Be Better Podcast,' though clarified it is not a podcast at the moment. Despite the humorously ingrained habit of referring to it as a podcast, the host reiterates the correct brand name. The tone is casual and friendly, setting the stage for more short-form content.
• 00:30 - 01:00: Fielding Questions from Audience In this chapter titled 'Fielding Questions from Audience,' the hosts Chris and Chris discuss answering questions from their audience on platforms like TikTok and YouTube. They mention their long duration Sunday podcast and the abundance of questions they receive, indicating they have two pages and fifteen screenshots worth of inquiries. They aim to manage their podcast duration and acknowledge their recognition as 'the Chris's,' a moniker gaining popularity on TikTok.
• 01:00 - 06:30: Resentment and Revenge Discussion The chapter titled 'Resentment and Revenge Discussion' captures a casual conversation that emphasizes personal reactions and emotions. The speaker expresses an indescribable feeling when people recognize their knowledge or importance, suggesting a boost in ego or self-worth. They also humorously acknowledge their own foolishness but imply that this may be part of their charm or identity.
• 06:30 - 13:00: Moving Forward and Healing In the chapter titled 'Moving Forward and Healing', the conversation revolves around the complexities of dealing with resentment and betrayal trauma in relationships. One individual expresses a deep desire to love their partner again despite feeling hurt due to past actions. The discussion touches on the inner conflict of wanting the other party to experience the same pain as a form of payback, yet resisting that urge because it contradicts the intention to heal and rekindle love. The emotional struggle is prominent, highlighting the need for advice and techniques to navigate through such feelings while maintaining compassion and care towards the partner.
• 13:00 - 15:00: Final Thoughts The chapter discusses the futility of retaliating with intent to hurt, likening it to an 'eye for an eye' approach that leaves everyone blind. It reflects on lessons learned from past relationships and the significant efforts ('Dirty Work') that have led to the present relationship. The speaker expresses a desire to break the cycle of hurt and retaliation, emphasizing emotional growth and a shift from past behaviors.

Resentment Revenge Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 what's up guys welcome back to to be better um we are doing some more short short videos um I I want to call this the to be better podcast but Chris politely informed me a minute ago that it's not that we are just to be better and that we have a podcast and now that it's ingrained in my brain that it is to be better podcast to just say welcome back to to be better is really hard for me it doesn't even sound the same so welcome back to to be better the podcast [Laughter] we are not doing the podcast currently
• 00:30 - 01:00 we are answering questions that we have fielded from Tick Tock and YouTube and um we are still doing a long duration podcast on Sundays yes but we have a lot I have two pages of questions and probably 15 screenshots and she does as well so we're trying to not do it to our podcast on Sunday so uh welcome I'm Chris and this is Chris we are in fact the Chris's which has become the thing now and I've seen on Tick Tock per the Chris's which needs to be a hashtag per the Chris's that
• 01:00 - 01:30 does it for me I don't know what it does in my brain but like oh and I I said this the other day but I want to say it again just because it makes me feel important people say the Chris's and other people know exactly what they're talking about tell me that doesn't do it for you it makes my tits feel a certain way probably oh so the question that we had we are so dumb we really are but I think that's why we
• 01:30 - 02:00 mesh so well yeah would you like me to get you another one no do you want some of mine no I just want to take care of you I appreciate that so this person said I hold resentments because of things he's done to me I want him to feel as bad as I do and I hate that I just want to love him again like I did when we first met but I'm dealing with betrayal trauma do you guys have any tips that hurts my heart I I can't imagine ever wanting to do Payback right you know in a world of an
• 02:00 - 02:30 eye for an eye everyone is blind right why would you want to okay so look I understand hurt I I do I mean obviously this is not either one of our first marriages and we have learned a lot from past relationships and past past marriages to get us to where we are we have done a lot of Dirty Work right but the idea of you saying something to hurt my feelings and me lashing out to make you feel the same way doesn't do it for me right I don't want
• 02:30 - 03:00 that like you're supposed to love each other I said like you are supposed to love each other that's the point if you if you want to be happy like she said right and she wants to get past the past betrayal or hurt do the dirty work why would you want to intentionally make things worse by making him feel like you made he made you feel I don't know the situation he could have cheated it could have been could have slept with his her sister I don't know what happened there because she didn't say exactly what it was right
• 03:00 - 03:30 but when it comes down to it trying to make someone else feel horrible because you feel horrible as three-year-old stuff right like Middle School [ __ ] you don't do that and that's the second time I've liked in this podcast this video I I'm really trying not to do that get it together and get it together Crouch um I I don't think that that's ever going to be the answer no it's not I think that you need to express that you are hurt he needs to validate that hurt he also
• 03:30 - 04:00 needs to acknowledge the fact that he caused that hurt right and then you need to start working on a plan to get you past whatever it is that you went through so that you guys can have that happiness that you say you want because if you really truly want it you're going to let that pass go you're going to have to otherwise you're going to have to let him go because you are going to continue to poison this entire situation because you want revenge right on someone you love I feel like there's two points two parts
• 04:00 - 04:30 in that you know he did what he did this is all hypothetical we don't know the scenario say he apologized he has made amends for what he did he has changed behaviors he is going above and beyond to show that he's not only remorseful what for what he did but he wants to do what he can to make that relationship better you holding on to that is invalidating everything that man is trying to do to move on with you it's actually a really good point right and now it's to her end of things
• 04:30 - 05:00 in my mind the worst case scenario in a relationship is a portrayal of trust I feel like everything falls down to trust there's a loyalty loyalty goes into trust if I'm invited somewhere you're not allowed to go I'm not I'm not going right I almost set the f word who really want to be with somebody like this is your person you have to understand in relationship you're gonna have to forgive things nobody is perfect right the person who caused that trauma is not
• 05:00 - 05:30 perfect and the person who has now worked past that trauma is not perfect there has to be understanding between the two of them she has to understand that to move forward you're gonna have to forgive you're gonna have to let go in 10 years you can't bring up the fact that he cheated or that he lied you or he spent right whatever money I don't think a lot of people understand the amount of work it takes to make something work especially if there's been trauma caused if you cannot accept the fact that that
• 05:30 - 06:00 person did that to you and that they're now remorseful you need to leave you you can't hold that person as a hostage in a relationship because your feelings are hurt right does that make sense it does so the the thing that I think people are going to get caught up on and this is two things one I think they're gonna be like I can't believe you're telling people to just leave which I want to make clear that that's not what we're doing we're telling you to work through your [ __ ] and then if you can't work through your [ __ ] you have to let that person go because you were not able to forgive right at what point and this is me asking you this not
• 06:00 - 06:30 hypotheticals at what point if you slighted someone how far would you go to make amends if you were not having any progress in the amends being had so I guess do you mean like my action dummy down dummy down if I if I lied to you or if I did something to you that you didn't like and we talked about it and you were not able to
• 06:30 - 07:00 forgive me right away and I I was empathetic I was very validated your emotions and I'm really trying to move forward and over the next couple weeks I'm doing everything I can to show you that I'm actively working on change I'm you're seeing it right how far does that have to go before you give and validate that I'm actually trying and we start working through [ __ ] because eventually I'm gonna go okay this has been months now that I've been atoning for my sins and you are not allowing me to move forward I'm going to quit trying right and at that point there's it's not going to matter if
• 07:00 - 07:30 you're still hurt or not because I've tried to make amends and you've [ __ ] on that there's no reason for us to to even bother anymore so my question to you is how long is that what do you feel is an acceptable time frame like oh I hate when I say that like you're right um if you're able to see that change is taking place and you are not able to get over it does that mean that you're not doing the dirty work on your part does that mean you're not communicating to them why you're hurt and why you're still hurt and that it's going to take time like
• 07:30 - 08:00 there has to be some sort of of Way Forward and it needs to be done in a somewhat timely fashion because eventually people will quit um I think it depends on the scenario you know if you lie to me about spending six thousand dollars on a computer that's different than you cheating on me right you know if you lied to me about money that's going to be a much shorter time span of me being able to get over that if you're showing to me like you're sending me receipts right you text me and say hey I'm going to go to Target
• 08:00 - 08:30 and spending 300. that is a more easier thing to gain trust back on if you cheated on me that would have to be like I don't know I could say it could be six months it could be a year it could be five years before like I'm completely over that and able to trust you the way that I did but it also has to be you showing me that you're trying to gain my trust back but it's also me showing you that I'm trying to trust you that's what I was getting at
• 08:30 - 09:00 right that's the part that I'm getting at so it say say it took five years say I cheated on you it took five years for you to get over there that's that's your longest time frame that you just laid out yeah if we're six months in and you've been checking my Facebook and checking my text messages and we I've been completely transparent doing everything I can trying to regain intimacy and lust and trying to do everything that I can think to do to make our relationship better and you are not showing any sort of reciprocation to that right I'm done I'm not going to continue trying I'm going to take the L I'm going to be like yeah I [ __ ] up in this
• 09:00 - 09:30 scenario and I lost my woman and I'm I'm done like I'm not going to live five years of Shame and unhappiness exactly while you were shunning me while I'm trying to make things right there has to be an abrievement period and that might be the wrong word and I want to Google it so bad right now because it's going to eat at me but there needs to be a time frame where both parties acknowledge the issue at hand and then start actively working to make things better and if in six months things are not changing in any
• 09:30 - 10:00 way shape or form you know I could be like hey maybe we need to see therapy like things are not changing I'm realizing they're not changing and and if I ever say that to you personally you know that we're that's the last straw like I have nothing else to offer at that point and this is literally my lastage effort because I would rather take an ass beating than go to therapy again um personal reasons not because of therapists but I guess the whole point of me asking all of that is because if she is holding on to something that happened three years ago that's a problem and she's still
• 10:00 - 10:30 trying to make him feel like [ __ ] it's time to move on right if and can you even say that you love somebody at that point right truly like if that person is going above and beyond so this is a different scenario from someone who's not even trying to make amends for what they did right we're not even speaking about people who aren't trying to be like I'm sorry I hurt you let me do everything I can to fix this let me change my behaviors and show you that I'm sorry that's the difference in our not speaking on that so I don't want to hear in the comments yeah well my man's not
• 10:30 - 11:00 even he hasn't even apologized about it that's yeah it's not the discussion being had that's not the discussion this is about somebody who is going out of their way to go above and beyond prove a point that they are fixing things to better the future with their partner I don't even remember where I was going with that I got sidetracked with everything I said it's okay it happens what was I saying uh you were talking about well I mean you were saying that in the event that you you went on your tangent because of the men who are not trying to make things better
• 11:00 - 11:30 okay right so if it's been three years okay I'm back on it now okay a man's going above and beyond or a woman did something wrong they're going above and beyond to prove their actions because they want to spend the rest of their life with somebody the only thing I can think of is if you are not able to look and within yourself and say this person hurt me they're going through the course or whatever whatever they need to do if you've laid out things for this person to meet like quotas of for me to
• 11:30 - 12:00 trust you I need passwords to everything they give you all those passwords you need to acknowledge that right if you can't acknowledge the fact that they just gave you everything and say I appreciate you doing this like you are allowing me to heal it's validation it is validation right and that and and in that scenario two things are happening they are getting the recognition of of hey you hurt me right so I need these passwords and then they give it that's them validating that hurt right and then it's on you to
• 12:00 - 12:30 validate hey I recognize that you're trying to make a difference yeah this is the steps that we need to take to start healing if you can't validate their effort on trying to heal you like if your hurt is much greater than their attempts to try and fix that hurt I like you said I don't want to be the reason people leave or people right and whatever relationship they're in you need to accept that there's nothing that they can do to help heal you right you also in that
• 12:30 - 13:00 scenario have to you have to understand that you're hurt right may never meet the expectations that they're they're they're putting in because you can't put your feeling your level of feeling on an effort that they're putting back it's not going to ever be the same sometimes hurt goes too deep for that I I don't know I I see what you're saying and I as much as I did say that earlier about us not wanting to break people up because that's not what we want we want to make people better that's the whole point of to be better um I also know that that we have both
• 13:00 - 13:30 wasted a lot of time in life yeah and knowing what I know now and doing the Dirty Work and realizing hindsight is 20 20. there are a lot of times in my life that I should have walked away from scenarios way way before I did so those things would have provided me a very different life than what I currently have this is going to sound super shitty and super selfish but I'm glad you did it because now you're mine I know I get that but the point of that is is there I have traumas
• 13:30 - 14:00 and I have I have resentment and I have things that I have to work through still yeah because I did not make a decision quick enough to look out for my my well-being yeah so any any final thoughts on this whole scenario uh final thoughts are layout expectations if somebody if your partner has hurt you and you have certain things that need to be met for you to be able to trust them again tell them that if they are not willing to receive that
• 14:00 - 14:30 it might not be worth it if they receive it and they work on it and they meet everything that you've laid out you need to accept that they're trying to help that they're trying to help heal you that they're trying to make amends for what they did you need to be open to the Forgiveness you can't hold something like that over somebody's head especially if they're trying to make amends right my biggest point on this is if you are not it takes a lot to heal from
• 14:30 - 15:00 something somebody's done to you especially if it was traumatic if you cannot get through that like if you do not want to mentally accept that this person is trying to fix it and you just want to hate them and you want to be angry and you be like well you hurt me I'm allowed to feel this way you're allowed to feel hurt but you're not allowed to hold on to it for five or ten years you're also not taking accountability at that point you're throwing blame at the other person right and and before anybody says anything there's a difference between accountability and blame and everyone has something to do in part of their situation right I don't care what it is
• 15:00 - 15:30 and you can call it extreme if you want to call it extreme but there are things that you could have done differently in all of the scenario that would have given you a different outcome so my final saying is if somebody hurts you I want you to sit down and say in 10 years will I still be hurting from this and bring it up and throw it in their face and if the answer is yes in my opinion you need to let that person go yeah I agree with that all right done with this one done with this one gonna stop it go the next one
• 15:30 - 16:00 next one see you later guys