The Most IMPORTANT Advice You NEED to Hear in 2025

Estimated read time: 1:20

Summary

This insightful video from The Diary Of A CEO Clips explores the common traits among successful leaders and provides valuable insights into communication, particularly in difficult conversations. The discussion emphasizes the importance of direct communication without lengthy formalities, understanding the person behind the words, and the art of having effective and meaningful conversations. By focusing on connection rather than confrontation, the speaker advises on how to approach discussions with curiosity, patience, and empathy to foster better relationships and avoid "winning" at the cost of losing personal connections.

Highlights

Successful people, like CEOs, communicate directly and avoid lengthy emails or messages to maintain clarity. 👨‍💼
In difficult conversations, begin by framing the discussion: topics, outcomes, and seeking agreement on process. 🤝
Avoid triggering others by delaying responses and framing future conversations for better outcomes. ⌛
Deeply rooted beliefs and experiences influence reactions; approach with empathy and curiosity. 🧠
Instead of "winning" conversations, aim to understand and unravel issues for genuine resolutions. 🧶

Key Takeaways

Effective leaders express ideas concisely, which reflects their direct and confident nature. 📧
Winning an argument shouldn't mean losing a relationship—prioritize connections over correctness. 🤝
Understand the person, not just their words. Communication is about addressing deeply rooted feelings. 🌱
In conversations, aim to unravel issues together rather than pushing to "win." 🧶
Set clear goals for difficult conversations and seek genuine understanding to improve outcomes. 🧠

Overview

The Diary Of A CEO Clips brings a thought-provoking discussion on communication styles that successful leaders like prime ministers, CEOs, and presidents often possess. The focus is on how these individuals tend to communicate directly and succinctly, avoiding long-winded emails and messages. This approach not only saves time but also enhances clarity and effectiveness in leadership roles.

The video dives deep into how people can conduct difficult conversations without giving in to the anxiety of confrontation. Through strategies like setting clear conversation goals and remaining curious about others' perspectives, the speaker emphasizes connecting with empathy rather than aiming to win arguments, which often leads to discord.

Illustrative anecdotes highlight how personal histories influence current interactions, suggesting the importance of recognizing and addressing these "invisible" conversations. The guidance provided inspires viewers to approach all interactions thoughtfully, ultimately fostering stronger personal and professional relationships by seeking understanding over agreement.

Chapters

00:00 - 01:30: Importance of Concise Communication for Successful Leaders The chapter discusses the common trait among successful leaders such as prime ministers, presidents, and CEOs, which is their ability to communicate concisely. It emphasizes that despite their diverse personalities, effective leaders have a shared capacity to condense information and communicate assertively. This skill is highlighted as crucial across different leadership roles.
01:30 - 03:30: Three Keys to Effective Communication The chapter titled 'Three Keys to Effective Communication' emphasizes the importance of concise communication. It illustrates how influential people, particularly successful leaders, communicate effectively by avoiding lengthy emails and texts. The focus is on brevity and clarity, as wealthier individuals often disregard unnecessary formalities like email signatures and greetings. The communication is likened to sending quick text messages, highlighting the value of being direct and to the point.
03:30 - 07:00: Handling Difficult Conversations This chapter discusses the nature of direct communication and the perceptions around it. It explains that some people may appear not to have time but, in reality, prefer being direct as their mode of communication. These individuals see directness not as offensive or insulting but as an effective operational style. They typically avoid long, overly polite emails and prefer getting straight to the point. The conversation also hints at a list or points being discussed, as the speaker asks for the third item, indicating that there are structured guidelines or tips being shared.
07:00 - 13:00: Avoiding the Need to Win Arguments The chapter discusses effective strategies for engaging in difficult conversations without the anxiety of needing to win the argument. It emphasizes the importance of communication techniques such as speaking with control, confidence, and connection. To connect during these conversations, one should cultivate curiosity about the other person, which helps in navigating these interactions more constructively.
13:00 - 19:00: Understanding the Roots of Triggers The chapter 'Understanding the Roots of Triggers' discusses the concept of conversational frames as a means to connect with others. The author suggests that connection doesn't imply happiness or agreement, but rather mutual understanding and acknowledgment. The framework, which can be considered a 'fancy' term, emphasizes the importance of being understood and acknowledged in a conversation, even if emotions like anger are present.
19:00 - 24:00: Strategies for Handling Easily Triggered Individuals The chapter discusses strategies for interacting with individuals who are easily triggered or sensitive to disagreements. One key technique highlighted is expressing disagreement in a way that does not provoke defensiveness. The author recalls a personal experience where a mentor would handle disagreements by stating, 'You don't have to like it. You just need to understand it.' This provided space for open dialogue without the need to change the other person's mind immediately. Another suggestion is prefacing statements with, 'I'm not asking to change your mind,' to ease tension and prevent a defensive reaction. These strategies aim to facilitate better communication and understanding in contentious situations.
24:00 - 25:00: Closing Remarks and Call to Action The chapter 'Closing Remarks and Call to Action' discusses the concept of connection in conversations to achieve desired outcomes. It introduces a structured approach using a conversational frame for difficult discussions. The suggested method consists of three steps: Firstly, by clearly stating the topic of conversation; secondly, by defining the desired conclusion of the conversation, which is highlighted as the most crucial element; and thirdly, by securing agreement from the other party on this framework. This structure is presented as a key tool for effective communication.

The Most IMPORTANT Advice You NEED to Hear in 2025 Transcription

00:00 - 00:30 What do the most successful people in the world, the leaders, the prime ministers, the presidents, the CEOs have in common as it relates to the stuff we're talking about right now? So, you know what I'm saying? So, like are they are they assertive? Are they people pleasers? Like, what do they have in common here? What I find that people are people, so it's gonna most often it's just going to come down to to their personality. But overall, your most effective leaders find ways of taking a
00:30 - 01:00 lot of ideas and words and saying them very concisely. The bigger leaders, they don't write long emails. Yeah, that's so true. They don't write long texts. Rich people don't even say hello and kind regards on emails. They just they literally they they send emails like text messages. Yeah. I have I have found in my own life that the richer somebody is, they could care less about an email signature. they're not if they even have one and they might give you two sentences maybe. I mean it's very very quick and to the point um because
01:00 - 01:30 it's either they really don't have the time. It's not really that it's they want to have the appearance of being very they're direct and they don't see that as a an offense. They don't see that as an insult. They see that as that is the way that I'm going to operate. They don't write long emails. They don't write them in a way that's going, "Hey, uh, just want to put this on your plate and if if I'm wrong about this, you can totally let me know and I have a question about this." What's number three then? So, you've given me two.
01:30 - 02:00 Yeah, we say say it with say it with control, say it with confidence, and three is say it to connect. These are how do you have how do you have these difficult conversations with somebody? How do you find ways to say what you need to say in one of the most difficult times? That gives a lot of people anxiety if they know they have to have a difficult conversation even in weeks ahead, especially the day ahead. They're just dreading it. So, how do I say something to connect? Yeah. What you want to do is get really curious about the other person, but not
02:00 - 02:30 just so much that there is a framework that I'm I can even give you. So, we can go a step further. There is a frame and I call them conversational frames. When to connect with somebody, it is a fancy word. I think connection can be overused at times. Just means I say something that you can understand and you acknowledge me. That's all we're looking for. Doesn't mean that everything's happy. Doesn't mean that's a hallmark card. Like I can connect with you and still be upset at you. My dad would used
02:30 - 03:00 to tell me if I came if I disagree with something, he'd say he would go, "You don't have to like it. You just need to understand it." I mean, that that right there was a great example of allowing me to connect with him and give me the the space to disagree. If you were to begin your sentence with, "I'm not asking to change your mind," or, "I don't need to change your mind." It's almost like a relief before you say the rest of what you need to say, now you're not in that combative fight or flight of do I have to defend myself at any time. So,
03:00 - 03:30 connection is this way of setting up conversations that is going to get you more of what you want. We talked about the frame. Here's how to do it. And this is the most effective tool that you can use for a difficult conversation. Number one, you're going to begin with telling them what you want to talk about. Number two, you tell them, and this is the most important, how you want to end the conversation, what you want to walk away from. And three, you get their buy in into that conversational frame. This is what it sounds like. Let's say this is I
03:30 - 04:00 need to come to you and talk about something serious. So, first I'm going to say what we need to talk about. Stephen, I'd like to talk with you about some comments you made at last Thursday's meeting. Two, I'm going to tell them how I want to walk away. It sounds like and I want to walk away from that conversation with the understanding that's not going to happen again. Three, I'm going to get their buy in. I'm going to say, "That sound good." You're going to say, "Yeah, now you know exactly where we're going. You know exactly what we're going to talk about. You know when that conversation's going to end and how it's going to end." And now I have your
04:00 - 04:30 buy in. And it's like almost an invisible contract when somebody goes, "Yeah, that's good. We can talk about that. They don't want to leave it. They don't want to break their words. So they they know that they're going to be stuck in it. And then is there anything I need to be aware of when I have that difficult conversation with them so that I don't so that I'm successful in getting to that outcome? Number one would be set the goal of knowing where it's going to end. That that is the hardest probably the biggest downfall of the difficult conversation. People expect them to go how they had it in their head. They want
04:30 - 05:00 the conversation to happen just like they had it while they were brushing their teeth that morning or driving on the way in to work. They're like, "Okay, I'm going to say this." And then they're going to say this. And you expect everything to go just how you had it in your head. But as soon as they say that one thing you weren't expecting, all of a sudden they disagree with you and you go, "Wait, that's not how it's supposed to be. They were they were supposed to say this. They were supposed to say I'm right. They're supposed to say they're wrong." I mean, uh, how's this going to go? And then it begins to falter like that. Because when we go into those sort of difficult conversations, whether it's with a colleague or our spouse or whoever it
05:00 - 05:30 might be, much of the objective, I think for some of us is to is to win the conversation. Yeah. In whatever definition of winning one might have is endeavoring to win a conversation a good idea. I teach that you never want to win an argument. And this is why when you look to win an argument, you will often lose the relationship. Like if you set out to only prove people wrong, you might win the point, but you will lose the person,
05:30 - 06:00 you know, being right doesn't keep you company. Let's put it that way. When I look at his arguments, there's only something to win. All I've won is really the first step to to apologize typically when you set out to win it because most arguments aren't really won. It's just they're won by forfeit. somebody goes, "I I'm over this." Or you said it something that was really hurtful that makes them say, "I I don't want to uh we're done. I don't want to talk about this." An argument eventually burns out. That's what
06:00 - 06:30 happens. But when you set out to win, you will lose the relationship. Like if you you and I are in an argument and I say something that's really hurtful and then you leave, you hang up the phone. What have I won? Yeah. I mean, what I I've I've won awkward silence now when we pass each other in the hall. I've I've won that awkward feeling. Now I have to pick up the phone and apologize. I still have to find a way to probably work with you or live with you. What have you proven? When is ever
06:30 - 07:00 you go on a social media and disparage somebody's political belief ever changed their mind? Ever? There's been so many arguments I've had with like my girlfriend where I have quote unquote won and I felt like Yeah, you will. Cuz I cuz she like she might come to me and say, "Do you know what? I understand your point and I'm I'm sorry. And there's part of me that just feels like And I it's it's because I thought that's the outcome I was looking for, but actually the outcome I was look looking for was resolution. And I
07:00 - 07:30 actually love this person so much that a concession was not like was actually not I it's not what I wanted. I actually wanted to be happy with them. Yeah. It's hard to, you know, I was thinking of so many some recent examples where my girlfriend came to me and apologized for something where we were like disagreeing about it and I just felt like that she apologized. It's hard to explain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, that's not an uncommon experience. Whenever you felt like you had to always be right. That's what we really want. We
07:30 - 08:00 want the last word. When you have the last word, you are typically first up to apologize. That's all you've that's all you've bought yourself. That's the That's your prize. Congrats. And when that happens, you find a way of going, "That's not really what I I wanted. Why did I say that? That was just that was just hubris. That was just me. I just had a feeling of being right." And sometimes we have that feeling of when especially in terms of people that are in charge of other people. Um we expect others to do what
08:00 - 08:30 we say. When you're in work mode and you say, "I need this done," people get it done. You set the tone. This is how we want to do it. And sometimes we translate that into our own romantic relationships. Oh no, I said it needs to be this way. So you know what you to do? You need to do it this way. And it's a different shift when you're doing something that's romantic versus something that is you have to be captain of the the ship. And so whenever you're in those difficult conversations, you only seem something to win. You're going
08:30 - 09:00 to have a hard pro problem. What I teach is instead of seeing arguments as something to win, you see them as something to unravel. Meaning what we want to do is pull my way and then you pull it your way and it just makes it worse. Makes it worse. We have to give up. And it's not until that next conversation that we actually try and care of what happened. I will often tell someone, "Help me find the knot. Help me find the knot." And what I'm doing is encouraging them to say, I'm not saying, "What's wrong with you?" I'm not saying, "Can can you be any more
09:00 - 09:30 stupid?" I'm saying, "Help me find the knot." It's a way of detaching the issue, detaching the problem, saying this is something for us both to look at, help unravel, where's the what am I missing? That phrase right there is very, very effective. If you can just ask them the question, what am I missing? They will always tell you because most likely it's not something that you're focused on. You're only focused on what you're saying. You're not focused on what they're hearing. Big big difference. I have um two glasses on the floor here. Yeah.
09:30 - 10:00 Um, try not to spill it. Nice. Time since I've been a waiter. Um, so I have these two glasses of water in front of me. What is I know there's an analogy you have for having a good effective conversation that can be demonstrated with these two glasses of water. Yeah. So let's say that this glass right here is all of my thoughts and knowledge and your glass is all of your thoughts and knowledge and not just
10:00 - 10:30 what you think now. These are things that you've known throughout your entire life. So if I were to tell you something about I want to get your thoughts maybe a political opinion or something that's a religious belief. I'm talking like deeply held beliefs that you grew up with. That's what's in that cup right there. When we go into a conversation with someone, often what we find is, especially if it's like a stranger, that what I say in our first conversation should convince you automatically that
10:30 - 11:00 if I were to take all of my knowledge right here and I pour it in, there should be no problem. But what but what happens when I start to pour into here? It overflows. Meaning, you have no room. you have no room for what I want to share whatsoever. It's going to just it's overflow. Instead, what you have to find are ways to ask questions and get really curious. Meaning, instead of me pushing my point, instead of saying why
11:00 - 11:30 do you believe that, beginning your question with why, I start to get really curious about how did you come to believe that? Where did you learn that? When did this happen? ways that I get to ask questions every day like I do as a trial attorney to find ways of getting to the issue of what's that deeply held belief, where does it come from? Because only then, let's go ahead and pour yours into mine. There you go. Perfect. And so it's only then until you have space that I'm
11:30 - 12:00 asking questions whenever I ask questions and you start to answer just a little bit more and then you answer just a little bit more to where you actually have space to care at all to what I'm going to tell you. Like you can't fill I can't fill a glass that's already full with new thoughts. It's not going to happen. It's not until I can get you to pour it all out till you'll ever be receptive and have room for what I want to share with you. So, that's the key in difficult conversations that you have to
12:00 - 12:30 find ways to get really curious about who's the person behind the words because the person you see isn't the person you're talking to. I might be talking to Stephen right now, but there are things that happen in your life that you believe that happened long before I ever talked to you. And we have this hubris about us that we think that just because I told you you should believe something right at this moment you're going to automatically change your mind. Minds don't get changed in one conversation. They happen over a year of
12:30 - 13:00 a hundred conversations a thousand conversations before anybody will ever be receptive to what you have to say. So what's like a real world example of this idea that you might not be talking to Stephen, you might be talking to something he's dealing with. Yeah. So, let's put it in terms of I've had a a client before uh it doesn't let me rephrase that. I had a deposition before where I was talking to a witness and he was a huge mountain of a man. His name is Bobby L Prey. I'm talking Steph. He
13:00 - 13:30 was huge. His hands I mean he just looked I looked like I was physically deficient in every way next to this guy. And it didn't matter what I asked him, Stephen, he got mad at me. I mean, I was asking him basic things like, "Where were you where were you born?" Okay. And where'd you where'd you go next? And what happened next? And every time he would just get angrier and angrier and eventually I had to ask him. I said, "Do you need a break?" And he said, "No, but I got something to say." And I thought I
13:30 - 14:00 thought he was about to just flip the the table on me. He was just so furious. And I asked him, well, once he even told me, he said, "You you can cut all this buddy buddy stuff." except he didn't say stuff. And he said, "You, you lawyers, you attorneys, you're the worst thing to happen in this government. You're the worst thing to happen. So, you can go on and ask your stupid questions, but I don't trust you as far as I can throw you." Well, instead of taking that bait, which most people wanted to do, I asked them a question. I
14:00 - 14:30 said, "What am I missing? What's what are you struggling with right now in your in your life? What's been your biggest struggle?" And they have to ask my they have to answer questions in a deposition. And what I learned was that he big old Bobby L Prey, this huge guy had just put his mother in a nursing home and he was the only one to take care of her. His dad had died. His brother was off. And he had been getting letters for months about his mom and her home from
14:30 - 15:00 lawyers about foreclosing, making demands, debt collection, all these things that he just didn't understand. And so right then in that moment, I represented everything he knew about the law and lawyers and everything else. And so the person I saw was an aggressive mad witness. The person I was talking to was a worried son and and we got to talk that out and I helped him and it was a it ended it ended wonderful. We ended actually hugging. But every day you have
15:00 - 15:30 these micro moments of the person you see is not the person you're talking to. The the waitress that looks like she's being rude and dismissive is actually worried because she should have gotten off two hours ago and her mom is still keeping her kids. or you have somebody who even in the workplace who seem like they're a little bit short on their their phone call with you. Somebody who looks like they're aggravated actually their day began because you know he and his wife are going through a divorce and they stayed up all night arguing. Everybody has a
15:30 - 16:00 struggle that you can't see. They're having a conversation in their head that you were not invited to. And so when you have the patience to try and understand the person behind the words, it's going to go a whole lot better for you and they'll feel that. When you just want to accept them for what they look like, it's it's always different. Like when I if I were to tell you you were wrong about something for me to change your mind like right now, I most likely am not saying that Steven's wrong. I'm saying
16:00 - 16:30 your parents are wrong. I'm saying a grandparents wrong. something you grew up your whole life was wrong. That camp you went to growing up was all wrong. There's pieces and identities that have all combined into what you believe now. And we have this horrible habit of thinking for some reason that if I say it to you right in this moment, it's all going to change and you're going to just immediately conform to what I want you to be. Being triggered is a hallmark of
16:30 - 17:00 that, isn't it? like being when we say, "Oh dear God, they're like easily triggered." It's really you're scratching at an open wound that might have been there many years ago. I I was reflecting as you were speaking about a particular friend that I have who I remember a conversation with him in the middle of the pandemic where he like turned to me and said, um, it's people that are young and healthy that are ending up in the hospital beds. And I remember saying to him, I was like, I was living at his house. I was like, "No, I don't think that I think the NHS website says it's
17:00 - 17:30 people that are like out of shape and slightly older that are ending up in hospital beds." And he like was like really really triggered by that. And I remember he's like a good friend of mine. So we had a conversation about it and we dug and dug and dug cuz we like really good friends like why why is it that all of us as like boys we know in like the group chat when we're bantering all we've got to do is say like now you're wrong. Wait one one thing and it's like red missed. Yeah. and we had like a really open conversation about it over really over the last like year and a half and he said
17:30 - 18:00 um when I was younger all of the teachers thought I was stupid and also I then got bullied on the playground because people thought I was stupid and then I found text messages from my grandmother to my mom where they said I was stupid and then I found on my report card they'd basically written me off. So 30 years later when we're having a conversation just a trivial conversation about the pandemic when I go no I don't think that's right and I like pull up the website and stuff and he gets like sees the red mist as me and him call it
18:00 - 18:30 now. It all stems back 30 years to this experience of on the playground. So like you said it could be proving proving someone wrong but in that case it's actually like proving the bullies right. It's proving all the people that hurt him right and it's showing up 30 years later as this red mist. The story ends with him going to a therapist and speaking about it and he's resolved it now to the extent to which he can where now when he feels that feeling he's able to point it he knows what it is and so it doesn't make the decision right knowing your trigger is one of the
18:30 - 19:00 biggest ways to defend against that to know your trigger and it's funny how just like your friend is telling you so many things in everybody's life goes back to the playground like we can remember that thing that that one kid said like right now you probably remember it. Somebody said in high school came straight to mind and and it's it's been years years but you remember it and it lives with you for that long um of just simply what they had said in that moment that you've created that identity that's that's a
19:00 - 19:30 trigger and if you tend to hit somebody with a trigger it's different like you can always it's very telling in the courtroom when somebody takes a level one conversation and they ratchet it up to a level in it's very disportion disproportionate and it tells you that there's a conversation happening in their head that you weren't invited to. It tells you that something else is is going on and when you have the patience and the discipline to find that person
19:30 - 20:00 rather than just fighting the surface it you will always have a deeper connection with that other person. If you're dealing with someone in your romantic relationship, at work, whatever that is easily triggered in that regard, what advice would you give to the person dealing with that person who is like continually easily triggered? They see the red mist all the time. It's almost impossible to talk to them because they immediately just flip to 10. Yeah. They avoid the difficult
20:00 - 20:30 conversation. you feel now that you can't even have that conversation with them because they're immediately going to gaslight you or they're just going to go straight to 10 and they're going to be flooded, right? You know that phrase that I've heard before about like when the brain gets flooded like they just get overwhelmed and they're Yes. What do you do with that kind of person? You just curious or Well, it's I don't want to just say curious because I don't I think that doesn't do it justice. One would be you have to delay what you what they said from when you respond. You
20:30 - 21:00 have to add a lot of distance there because if you continue to engage and go why why can't you talk about this? What's wrong with you? That will only spiral it more. What they're going to hear is something is wrong with me. Something I am feeling is bad. When in that moment their body is fighting. Their body is going I feel threatened. I feel anxious. I got to get out of here. and it's happening in micro minutes that you there's nothing you're going to be able to say that's going to help that
21:00 - 21:30 trigger aside from you allowing them the space to have it. So that means you're going to find ways to approach conversations with that in mind. So one would be adding distance and not addressing it in that current conversation because they're triggered. You don't want to do that. You want to find it in the second conversation. So in the first one, you can easily end it with, "Hey, we can drop it. Not a problem. We can talk about it later." Because problems happen, Stephen, when
21:30 - 22:00 you try and push people into having conversations on your timeline. In other words, when they're not ready. Ever had somebody come up to you and go, "Hey, I need to talk to you right now." And and you're like, "You want to talk?" Like, that's the last thing you're you're trying to control my time. This is not what I want to talk about right now, and I'm not ready for this conversation. And that that causes a big problem when somebody's trying to push their timeline on you. You um we can talk about ways to to deal with that, but it is that's what happens. And when you do it with
22:00 - 22:30 somebody going, "What's wrong with you? Let's talk about why can't you talk about this right now?" You're just pushing them into a corner and you're making them harder. I mean, you just they become hardened. They'll totally shut off from you. Then they're gone. Then they won't come back for several days most likely. So when you start to push on them, things are go wrong. So that's when somebody's feeling triggered. That second conversation, that next conversation is the I like let's put a frame on it. I like to talk about what we began talking on on last
22:30 - 23:00 Monday and I I'm not trying to solve anything. I just want to understand where you're coming from so that I can do better. Can we do that? like right there. That's gonna be a much better way to set up and frame that difficult conversation rather than going, "Hey, so um I question for you. Uh what's up with you?" Because something's something's off. All right? Like that's a way that it's going to you're going to like trigger them again. If you love the Driver CEO brand and you watch this
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