Why Self-Care is Important for Loving Others

Summary

In this enlightening talk, Father Mike Schmitz from Ascension Presents addresses the crucial balance between loving others and self-care. As he navigates the Christian call to love sacrificially, he emphasizes that self-care is not selfish but necessary. Highlighting the teachings of both worldly wisdom and Jesus Christ, he suggests that seeing oneself as worthy of care is essential. Father Mike encourages setting boundaries, asking for help, and understanding one's limitations while also maintaining the ability to love others as one loves oneself. By nurturing oneself first, individuals are better equipped to overflow their care and love to others.

Highlights

• Father Mike Schmitz discusses the balance between self-care and loving others. ⚖️
• The concept of loving others while maintaining self-care is rooted in both worldly wisdom and biblical teachings. 📖
• Michael Hyatt points out the importance of taking care of oneself first to be able to help others. ✈️
• Loving oneself means willing one's own good and making healthy decisions for oneself. 🍎
• Establishing boundaries and asking for help is crucial, not a sign of failure. 🚫
• The analogy of being an overflowing bowl, filled with God's love, is better than being a mere pipe. 🏺

Key Takeaways

• Balancing self-care with the need to love others is crucial for maintaining one's wellbeing. 🧘‍♀️
• Self-care isn't selfish; it is essential to be able to genuinely love and care for others. 💖
• Seeing oneself as worthy of love and care is foundational for effectively loving others. 🌟
• It's important to set personal boundaries and recognize when to ask for help. 🚧
• Self-love involves making choices that are truly good for oneself, not just indulging desires. 🍏

Overview

In a thought-provoking discussion, Father Mike Schmitz explains the delicate balance Christians must find between loving others and taking care of themselves. He acknowledges that love demands sacrifice, but warns against neglecting self-care. Drawing parallels from everyday life, he compares the necessity of putting on your oxygen mask first to ensure you can help others effectively.

Understanding self-care through the lens of Christian teachings, Father Mike dives into the wisdom shared by Jesus and worldly figures like Michael Hyatt. He emphasizes that self-care is not only about feeling good but about ensuring one's well-being to serve others better. By loving oneself and acknowledging personal worth, individuals are empowered to extend genuine love to others.

Father Mike concludes with the powerful metaphor of an overflowing bowl, highlighting that it is better to be filled with God’s love, allowing it to naturally overflow to others, rather than just being a conduit. He encourages setting boundaries, asking for help, and recognizing personal worth as crucial steps in loving oneself well, which in turn enhances one's capacity to love others.

Chapters

• 00:00 - 01:00: Introduction to Self-Care and Love The chapter begins with a humorous acknowledgment of the dark setting, emphasizing a theme of self-care with the repeated phrase 'Hey, treat yourself.' Father Mike Schmitz introduces himself as the presenter and discusses a common question in Christian life: the balance between loving others and self-care.
• 01:00 - 04:00: Worldly Wisdom on Self-Care The chapter 'Worldly Wisdom on Self-Care' discusses the balance between love and self-care. It begins by acknowledging a fundamental truth that love always involves sacrifice and often comes at a personal cost. It is primarily aimed at those who recognize this and have chosen to embrace the sacrificial nature of love. However, the chapter also addresses the importance of not neglecting self-care amidst this sacrifice. It raises an important consideration: while love requires giving of oneself, it should not reach a point where self-care is neglected to the extent of being completely depleted or 'extinguished'.
• 04:00 - 06:00: Wisdom from Jesus and Loving Yourself This chapter explores the balance between self-care and living for others, drawing on wisdom from Jesus. The speaker acknowledges the challenges of being neither a doormat nor selfish, emphasizing the importance of serving Christ and others. The 'line' of self-care versus caring for others shifts depending on one’s life stage, such as being an infant's parent or an empty nester.
• 06:00 - 11:00: Applications of Self-Care in Daily Life The chapter titled 'Applications of Self-Care in Daily Life' explores the varying degrees of personal time available to individuals, depending on their relationship status, such as being married or single. It emphasizes the universal need for self-care, encouraging individuals to 'treat yourself.' The discussion draws insights from both worldly wisdom and the teachings of Jesus Christ, highlighting the significance of self-care. The chapter begins with a reference to Michael Hyatt, an author and speaker, suggesting that his ideas may further illuminate the subject of integrating self-care into everyday life.
• 11:00 - 12:00: Conclusion: Being an Overflowing Bowl In the conclusion titled 'Being an Overflowing Bowl,' the emphasis is placed on the importance of self-care even when one is committed to serving others. Using the analogy of pre-flight safety instructions, it's highlighted that one must put on their oxygen mask first before helping others. This underscores the idea that to effectively assist and care for others, one must first ensure their own well-being.

Why Self-Care is Important for Loving Others Transcription

• 00:00 - 00:30 okay i know it's dark i have no idea what to do about it but hey treat yourself here we go [Music] wow it's so dark hey treat yourself oh gosh gosh so dark hey treat yourself oh gosh hi my name is father mike schmitz and this is ascension presents so one of the questions that comes up again and again in the christian life is this i know that i'm called to love others but at what point what where's the line between loving others and taking care of myself you know we've talked about this
• 00:30 - 01:00 so many times that ever since the fall we know that love always involves sacrifice right so love always is going to cost us something so for those of you who have embraced that for those of us who have said okay i know that i know that love involves sacrifice but i know that at the same time there must be some kind of like place where i take care of myself as well but i here's the thing i don't want to love to the point of being extinguished right to the love of the point to the point where i'm uh you
• 01:00 - 01:30 know a doormat also at the same time i don't want to just live for myself i know that i'm called to live for others i'm called to live for christ so what's the line spoiler i'm not gonna at the end of this video say here is the line right here because we realize that that line shifts with different uh vocations with different seasons in a person's life if you have an infant on the line of self-care is gonna be kind of low and the live other care is gonna be very very high versus maybe you're an empty nester and you can actually pick and choose where you get to serve if you're
• 01:30 - 02:00 you're married okay that's the line of where you get to have time for yourself is low and if you're single maybe that time where you get for yourself is high okay so it's all over the board at the same time we know that there must be some kind of what people call self-care happening where people say hey treat yourself you know what kind of thing there is some kind of self-care why we know this from two sources one is worldly wisdom and the other is the wisdom of jesus christ so where do we start well i would start like this there's a author and a speaker named michael hyatt michael hyatt will
• 02:00 - 02:30 often point out he says okay if you want to give your life for others you want to live your life for others you have to take care of yourself at some point and he highlights the fact that you know if you're on an airplane and the airplane's about to take off one of the things that the pre-flight instructions is if the cabin loses pressure there's going to be these oxygen masks that drop from the ceiling if you're traveling with an infant or a young person put your own mask on first then you'll be able to help the person next to you now if i don't put on the
• 02:30 - 03:00 mask for myself and take care of someone else then there will be no one to take care of me and you're the one you're the one who has to take care of the others so at some point at some point in cases of emergency in cases of of like just bare necessity one must take care of themselves in order to take care of others but that's not what we do typically in fact i read another author this author came out with a number of kind of like guidelines for living or rules for life and one of the things he noted he said that
• 03:00 - 03:30 in his studies he's come across this incredible and remarkable statistic it's that those people who have medicine to take on their own will do it very infrequently you actually in some ways you can't trust people i mean we're responsible for our taking our own medication but we don't do it very well on the other hand people who have pets are incredibly faithful in getting the medication to their pets why is it
• 03:30 - 04:00 that we're willing to and ain't not just willing to we're able to consistently and faithfully give medication to our pets but we're not able to or willing to faithfully and consistently give ourselves medication he says maybe it's because we see those pets as beings that are worth taking care of conversely we don't necessarily always see ourselves as people who are worth taking care of so is one of his invitations in my invitation to us right now is
• 04:00 - 04:30 treat yourself as someone who's worth taking care of see yourself as someone who's worth taking care of i mean this must this has to be our baseline again this is the worldly wisdom that you put your own oxygen mask up on before you can help someone else if you don't take care of yourself you will not have the ability or the strength to take care of people around you and not only that do you see yourself as someone who's worth taking care of and that this is a question i think to bring to your examination of conscience because i don't know about you
• 04:30 - 05:00 but i know for myself and for the people i talk to the way we speak to ourselves if someone else talked to us that way and you and someone else heard it i mean there'd be fights people throwing hands i mean it would be a serious thing but the way sometimes we talk to ourselves is so violent is so um destructive it's so condescending it's so insulting and demeaning that's us talking to ourselves what if what if we stopped and we actually treated ourselves as someone who was worth taking care of now
• 05:00 - 05:30 that's some worldly wisdom and it's good i think i think it's valid against wise but what did jesus say what did jesus say about taking care of yourself what did he say about loving other people well the first great commandment is to love the lord your god with all you have basically all your heart mind soul and strength the second great commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself presupposes that you actually love yourself stop for a second go back
• 05:30 - 06:00 do i see myself as someone who's worth taking care of do i treat myself as someone worth taking care of if i'm called to love my neighbor yes absolutely you give and you've given you giving you give sacrificially you love at great cost that's incredible that's amazing that's heroic but to love your neighbor as you love yourself means that you must first love yourself now when i say love yourself i i'm referring back to what you know thomas aquinas and the church kind of has embraced as the definition of love
• 06:00 - 06:30 which is to will the good of the other now when it comes to loving others it's obviously willing the good third part of the other in this case loving oneself is willing one's own good i've seen the signs i've seen the the you know the whatever the saying says you know eat the cookie uh take the nap you know treat yourself that whole kind of thing sometimes maybe it means that but willing you're good means choosing what's good for you which might mean put the phone down it might mean go out for a walk it might mean
• 06:30 - 07:00 okay you've had your rest now it's time to get up and go to work we have to understand that love isn't just having good feelings about oneself or anyone else and love is also not just about giving another person or even ourselves what we desire at that moment but the heart of love is willing choosing the good what actually is best for the other in this case taking care of yourself
• 07:00 - 07:30 is choosing what's best for yourself now what could that mean well it could mean asking for help when you need it i know so many people who they see asking for help as failure but really think about this i mean let's go into let's go to parents for just one second moms dads do you realize that the job you're doing as a mom or a dad is not meant to be done in isolation you know you know in no time in human
• 07:30 - 08:00 history have mothers and fathers have parents just done it on their own just two of them or even even more even infrequently just one of them usually it's been a whole network of people surrounding the raising of a child so if you're exhausted if you're like i'm at the end of my rope i can't give any more will realize that you might need to ask for help because historically how moms and dads would raise kids is with grandparents help both sets of grandparents oftentimes with aunts and uncles help with cousin self well they have big families so be
• 08:00 - 08:30 like the older kids would be helping it'd be a whole as i said network of people who are deeply connected you don't have to convince them to help because they're part of the family here you are doing it on your own so maybe maybe taking care of yourself maybe loving yourself means asking for help and not seeing that as failure maybe um maybe loving yourself means establishing boundaries and recognizing that no is a complete sentence recognizing that i can't do it all you don't have to do it all in seminary
• 08:30 - 09:00 they've told us so many times we're ordaining you to be priests of jesus christ but listen you are not jesus christ there was one savior of the world and he came died rose from the dead he lives forever in heaven he's working in this world but you're not him and they beat that into us so fully in order to try to say guys there will be so many times when you just want to give and give and give thinking that if you don't no one else will but you're not the savior and if you're listening to this
• 09:00 - 09:30 mom and dad single person grandparents aunts and uncles whoever you are you're not the savior so you get to have you get to establish boundaries you get to actually say no and the third thing you know i've realized okay that needing help need to ask for help is not failure to be able to say no and establish boundaries is so important and also to realize you're limited yes love involves sacrifice absolutely yes love always costs something
• 09:30 - 10:00 yes and yes there are times in a person's life maybe a time in a person's life when that heroic martyrdom like the heroic it costs everything in this moment there might be a time when you're called to that most likely it's not today most likely you're called to simply love but to love is someone who's been loved to love us someone who is loved as priests we got together we have a priest fraternity a little frat we get together and one of the guys he pointed this out he said we could be a
• 10:00 - 10:30 conduit of god's love god's grace god's mercy there's two images of that conduit of god's love and god's grace and god's mercy one is a a pipe as god pours into us and just we run the god's grace just runs right through us and out into the world the other is of an overflowing bowl and one is better than the other they're both good but one is better than the other
• 10:30 - 11:00 it is better to be an overflowing bowl that yes god continues to pour into you and you keep receiving his love and by receiving his love then it's able to go to people around you rather than a pipe which is simply i'm simply a tool i'm an instrument i'm simple the funk simply the functionary to get god's grace from where where he is to where they are realize you are someone worth loving you are the kind of person who's worth taking care of and what god wants to do he wants to pour his love into you first
• 11:00 - 11:30 so that it can overflow to the people around you not simply through you but into you to be able to know that you are worth loving you are worth taking care of and as someone who's been loved now you can go love as someone who's been taken care of you can now care for others as someone who's been loved by jesus you can love them like jesus so that's the last image a pipe
• 11:30 - 12:00 of grace just flowing through love just flowing through or an overflowing bowl filled with god's love never flowing to the people around you i am praying for you because it's it's easier to be the pipe than it is to be the bowl to be the bowl means i have to acknowledge this powerful truth i'm called to love others as i love myself which means i need to let myself be beloved anyways that's what i got today from all of us citrus center presents my name's father mike god bless